RC Daughter dating GO, Our relationship strained

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coachkfan1 said:
Yeah I get this too because they are in schism with the Church, but you would not support your “offspring” if they converted to Eastern Orthodox? They are not converting to Islam, or to Southern Baptist, both of which are far removed from the Catbolic Church. They are not having a “same sex marraige,” or so many far worse things in life such as atheism or hedonism. This is probably a good and decent youg person trying to walk their own spiritual journey , and come to know Christ in their own personal way, GETTING SAVED throughout this journey called life. For me to read your words regarding your support of your “offspring” just makes me sad.
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The point of this thread is how the OP is going to address this concern with her daughter. It isn’t so moral relativity can be spouted.

It is a valid concern, as the EO is in schism with the Roman Church. That is indeed a huge deal.
 
Hi coachkfan1. Certainly, we as Catholics naturally have very high regard for the Orthodox. At the same time, though, it is difficult to see someone switching from Catholicism to Orthodoxy … just as it is difficult for the Orthodox whenever see someone switching from Orthodoxy to Catholicism.
 
coachkfan1 said:
Yeah I get this too because they are in schism with the Church, but you would not support your “offspring” if they converted to Eastern Orthodox? They are not converting to Islam, or to Southern Baptist, both of which are far removed from the Catbolic Church. They are not having a “same sex marraige,” or so many far worse things in life such as atheism or hedonism. This is probably a good and decent youg person trying to walk their own spiritual journey , and come to know Christ in their own personal way, GETTING SAVED throughout this journey called life. For me to read your words regarding your support of your “offspring” just makes me sad.
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You sound like one of my boys. He is one of those people whom everyone loves. He thinks quite highly of himself. He can see that he is not on drugs, he drinks but not to excess etc. etc. He sees so many other people who are worse than he is and concludes that there is nothing wrong when he leads this secular life he has cut out for himself.
 
Hobbes42 said:
The point of this thread is how the OP is going to address this concern with her daughter. It isn’t so moral relativity can be spouted.

It is a valid concern, as the EO is in schism with the Roman Church. That is indeed a huge deal.
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I am not trying to minamize this situation at all. I firmly believe staying in the Church is always the right thing to do and that marrying within your faith is the right thing to do. Yes there is grave cause for concern. But in life we have to deal with situations as they exist, not as how we wish they were or how they even should be. What I am saying is that we can disagree vehemently, but our children must always know that they belong to us and that we will never forsake them. Something Jesus talked about.
 
Annie39 said:
You sound like one of my boys. He is one of those people whom everyone loves. He thinks quite highly of himself. He can see that he is not on drugs, he drinks but not to excess etc. etc. He sees so many other people who are worse than he is and concludes that there is nothing wrong when he leads this secular life he has cut out for himself.
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And you sound like my mother. Bitter and angry because they can’t control everyone else’s lives. Never had one of their own and so they want to dictate others.
 
Annie39 said:
You sound like one of my boys. He is one of those people whom everyone loves. He thinks quite highly of himself. He can see that he is not on drugs, he drinks but not to excess etc. etc. He sees so many other people who are worse than he is and concludes that there is nothing wrong when he leads this secular life he has cut out for himself.
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coachkfan1 said:
And you sound like my mother. Bitter and angry because they can’t control everyone else’s lives. Never had one of their own and so they want to dictate others.
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As someone on Law & Order said “Alright, save it for family court you two” (or something like that).

😉
 
Hi again dianeusa,

Thank you for coming back and responding and for giving us more information.

I will definitely keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Peter_J said:
As someone on Law & Order said “Alright, save it for family court you two” (or something like that).

😉
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Apologies Peter, and to anyone I’ve offended. And by the way I am not spewing moral relativism. If any of you have read any of my other posts you would know that I am a traditional Catholic loyal to Christ and the Church. God bless
 
So, you married a Lutheran, but she is not supposed to date someone of a different faith? You have a small family, and a warm, large family is surrounding your daughter with welcoming love, and that makes them conniving to draw your adult daughter into their faith through marriage?

They probably like your daughter and are hopeful for a marriage, and also hope she joins their church.

If you want get a lot of time with your future grandkids, I’d advise assuming a very friendly, warm attitude to this young, not very macho man. Also, there’s a chance that you’ll drive her into his arms if you continue to be negative.
 
Country_Gal said:
They probably like your daughter and are hopeful for a marriage, and also hope she joins their church.
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Possibly. An Orthodox poster might be in a better position to comment on that. I can’t really relate to that, not only because I’m Catholic not Orthodox, but also because I don’t encourage Orthodox Christians to convert to Catholicism.
 
I would be concerned too. One puts one’s soul at risk by leaving the Roman Catholic Church for another.
 
coachkfan1 said:
I am not trying to minamize this situation at all. I firmly believe staying in the Church is always the right thing to do and that marrying within your faith is the right thing to do. Yes there is grave cause for concern. But in life we have to deal with situations as they exist, not as how we wish they were or how they even should be. What I am saying is that we can disagree vehemently, but our children must always know that they belong to us and that we will never forsake them. Something Jesus talked about.
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“For I came to SET A MAN AGAINST HIS FATHER, AND A DAUGHTER AGAINST HER MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST HER MOTHER-IN-LAW;” (Matthew 10:350
 
Honestly OP, I think you are overreacting. Unless there’s more going on that you are hiding from us you say that the reason you are worried your daughter will change faiths is because her boyfriends father converted from Catholicism to Orthodox. What he did is no indication of what your daughter will end up deciding to do. Also, the fact that you are worried her bf is gay just because he has some slight feminine mannerisms is clearly out there. Homosexuals can be very macho just like straight men can be feminine, there is no reason to go assuming such a thing about him based solely on the fact that he is not macho. I have a cousin who I can almost guarantee has is less macho/fits the ridiculous gay stereotype better than this man, but I can assure you he is certainly interested in women, not men. Unless there is more going on here that you haven’t told us I think that you are worrying needlessly. On top of that, there is the fact that your rejection of your daughters relationship, especially when compared with the love and acceptance she is being shown by her bf’s family will help lead her away from Catholicism and towards their faith. If you want her to stay Catholic then the absolute worst thing you could do right now is fight with her about her bf, especially if the concerns you bring up do not have a solid basis. Yes, you can still bring up concerns, but only in a loving and supportive way while still respecting the fact that ultimately, the decisions are up to her, whether she still lives in your house or not. Be loving and supporting, outdo the bf’s family in this, and you will have helped remove a possible obstacle to her remaining Catholic. However, if you continue to reject her bf and her relationship, and to argue about it with her or allow it to drive a wedge between you two you will be helping set up one more obstacle between her and the Catholic faith. If you are really worried about her converting, then start praying about how you can change to become more loving and supportive.
 
thewanderer said:
Also, the fact that you are worried her bf is gay just because he has some slight feminine mannerisms is clearly out there. Homosexuals can be very macho just like straight men can be feminine, there is no reason to go assuming such a thing about him based solely on the fact that he is not macho.
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Yeeeah. My husband is more femme than most males and I’ve always been tomboyish. We often joke that we fill in the other’s missing hormones.

We also have a mutual friend who is homosexual. You wouldn’t know it unless he told you as he’s very “average joe” and more “masculine” than my hubs. Though he’s never been in a relationship as long as I’ve known him (please pray for him…he really struggles with loneliness), I do know he also prefers looking at macho, muscular men more than effeminate ones.
 
thewanderer said:
Honestly OP, I think you are overreacting. Unless there’s more going on that you are hiding from us you say that the reason you are worried your daughter will change faiths is because her boyfriends father converted from Catholicism to Orthodox. What he did is no indication of what your daughter will end up deciding to do. Also, the fact that you are worried her bf is gay just because he has some slight feminine mannerisms is clearly out there. Homosexuals can be very macho just like straight men can be feminine, there is no reason to go assuming such a thing about him based solely on the fact that he is not macho. I have a cousin who I can almost guarantee has is less macho/fits the ridiculous gay stereotype better than this man, but I can assure you he is certainly interested in women, not men. Unless there is more going on here that you haven’t told us I think that you are worrying needlessly. On top of that, there is the fact that your rejection of your daughters relationship, especially when compared with the love and acceptance she is being shown by her bf’s family will help lead her away from Catholicism and towards their faith. If you want her to stay Catholic then the absolute worst thing you could do right now is fight with her about her bf, especially if the concerns you bring up do not have a solid basis. Yes, you can still bring up concerns, but only in a loving and supportive way while still respecting the fact that ultimately, the decisions are up to her, whether she still lives in your house or not. Be loving and supporting, outdo the bf’s family in this, and you will have helped remove a possible obstacle to her remaining Catholic. However, if you continue to reject her bf and her relationship, and to argue about it with her or allow it to drive a wedge between you two you will be helping set up one more obstacle between her and the Catholic faith. If you are really worried about her converting, then start praying about how you can change to become more loving and supportive.
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This is very good advice. OP, it sounds like you have having trouble letting go of her. You sound jealous that she is getting to know his family, and I can’t really figure out what is wrong with the gift her boyfriend’s sister gave them? Dance lessons sounds like a very thoughtful gift. And it was entirely inappropriate of you to read the card he gave her- I hope that she does not find out you did this, and I hope that in the future you will respect her privacy as an adult.

The best thing for you to do is accept that she is an adult, and is in a relationship. Be thankful that he seems to be a nice guy who cares for her, as do his family members. There is nothing wrong with talking to her calmly about your concerns about religion but your current approach is very likely to backfire and the damage may be irreparable if it continues. I’d suggest focusing on this part of the Catechism:
*2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family. *
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You asked whether you were “jumping the gun”, and I think you are. I am sure that it’s hard to let go of your adult children, but how you handle this can have a big impact on the way you and your daughter will relate to one another as adults. If you want to have a good relationship with her, learn to speak with her lovingly about her choices and try to separate out the “I’m sad to see her grow up” with any truly concerning issues.
 
coachkfan1 said:
And you sound like my mother. Bitter and angry because they can’t control everyone else’s lives. Never had one of their own and so they want to dictate others.
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wow that was harsh! I guess you don’t have kids?!
 
I get that my daughter is a young adult but as we all know wisdom comes with age. Of course she will do what she wants and if this is meant to be, it will.

I know that at that age, I was far from an “adult” and did not even get married until mid 20’s. What will be will be and I am putting it in God’s hands which is what my faith has taught me. Even though I am not infallible, I may falter but it is all because I love her so much. I almost lost her to anorexia at a young age of 12, so her wellbeing is more important to me. She has blossomed into to lovely young lady who helps young girls now with self esteem so they never suffer what she (and I) did those many years ago. God got me through that and he will get me through this as well. Now that is something I am certain.
 
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