RCIA - again!

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Ryniev

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Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh! I don’t know what to do. I am joining a smaller parish than many of the other ones around here. My husband is not formally joining at this point because he can’t do RCIA on the night it is scheduled. They are going to be setting up an RCIC group for my boys after Christmas but they don’t know when, where or how yet and I sort of need to know because of other commitments. Also, the mass we are required to to attend doesn’t have any sort of child care for my toddler so either she stays home with my husband or he takes her and sits in the cry room by himself which he doesn’t want to do. So Sunday he stayed home with the little one and I took the boys with me. However, I am required to leave half way through the Mass and I didn’t want to leave a 7 and 9 year old sitting alone in an unfamiliar church by themselves. Not because I’m afraid they will be harmed but because they wrestle like puppies sometimes. So I took them to breaking open the word with me, which confused the heck out of them (they were very well behaved btw). I want them to come to church as they will be joining as well but I’m starting to find it impossible.

I’ve noticed that some of the other Catholic Churches in the area have toddler nursery so my husband could come with us and watch the boys and well go to Church. However, I love the Parish I’m joining and I love my RCIA group but between having to scramble for a sitter every week and paying them $12 a week so I can go to RCIA and trying to figure this whole Mass mess out, I’m starting to think I might need to go to another parish. However, my dh really likes this parish and this is where the kids play sports and will probably go to school in the next year or so. Tthey are making it so difficult for us that my dh is starting to think the whole thing is nuts. Like I said before, our Lutheran church would have a nursery, classes for the kids at the same time and bend over backwards to be accomadating.

I hate being such a whiner but boy this is hard with 3 kids and a husband with a crazy work schedule. I really hope it’s worth it. Please keep me in your prayers because I’m about ready to bail. I’ve tried to talk with the RCIA people but I’ve got the idea that they think if I really want to be there, I will make it happen and God knows I’m trying. I should mention that my mom has a terminal illness and I’m already over-extended and stressed out. I feel like if I don’t have RCIA I will just lose it.
 
the RCIA people are mostly volunteers, with families, jobs and hectic schedules just like yourself, and the director is trying to balance the needs of everyone in the program. Other than meeting several times a week, which is beyond the capabilities and resources of most parishes, they are doing the best they can by scheduling on Sunday morning, when presumably most people are already coming to Church anyhow. A small parish naturally has fewer resources both financially and in terms of volunteers.

We would love to offer child care for our programs but we meet in the school and their insurance will not allow it, and the church building is much too small. We meet the difficulty by hosting a family program on Sunday especially for families like yours where one or more adults and children are preparing for baptism or other sacraments. This year for the first time I have been able to find volunteer catechists for the children, and for Spanish. We do not dismiss catechumens early, because we only have one or two, they want to stay with their families and kids, and the volunteers would miss Mass.

We still begin every session with breaking open the Word, then have a break, and go on to the doctrinal lesson. Suggest this to your RCIA director.
 
No! I would love it if we met on Sundays but we meet on Thursday nights and Sundays. But they are going to have the kids do RCIC at an entirely different time. This is why I’m getting stressed out.

I don’t understand why I’m supposed to leave my kids in church alone and go to Bible study half way through. Shouldn’t there be a program for them too?

Oh and it’s not THAT small of a parish. They have over 2000 families registered. It’s just that the other parishes around here have between 3000 and 6000 families which is why they call this a small parish.
 
I don’t know if this will help but, You don’t automatically join the Parish that you take RCIA. You can take RCIA anywhere and then join the parish of your choice.
 
Let me explain a little clearer. On Thursday night we have RCIA so I get a babysitter. One Sunday morning we all go to 10:30 Mass and the Canditates all sit by each other. After the homily we are dismissed and go to “breaking open the word” where we discuss the homily and the bible reading. I enjoy it, I just don’t know what to do with my kids. I certainly can’t leave a under 3 year old unattended so she is staying home with my husband. The RCIA people think it is okay for my older kids to stay in church but they are still rather young and don’t want to stay in a church that they are unfamiliar with by themselves nor should they have to.

It just doesn’t make sense.
 
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Ryniev:
I don’t understand why I’m supposed to leave my kids in church alone and go to Bible study half way through. Shouldn’t there be a program for them too?QUOTE]

We have around 2,000 in our parish, which is a small parish compared to all the others in our area. I am on the RCIA team. We are volunteers. Our only priest is at 90% of all the RCIA meetings. I’m sure our night is not the most convenient for the attendees, but heck, we’re volunteers. And no one else is volunteering. We can’t possibly please everyone and who could we possibly get to watch their kids? If they can’t come with you to the scriptural part, can’t you leave them home? Is it possible for your husband to take them to a different Mass when you are home with the younger children? Or maybe he can jsut sit in that cry room until your RCIA process is over?

Also, we choose evenings for RCIA based on our priest’s availability and our volunteers’ availability…it may not be until after Christmas that we would be able to pin down nights all three of us are for the most part available for an upcoming year.

RCIA just may be a sacrifice and a test to see how badly you want it. I know I jumped through hoops to be able to once again receive the Eucharist in the Catholic Church. It was not easy and it sure could’ve been a heck of a lot more convenient, but it was worth every second of sweating and every pin I had to juggle…but as a volunteer, I’m seeing a completely different side of the RCIA process and I really start to question sometimes why bother when I see so many complaints about it.

Penitent
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I’m suggesting that you find a parish that has an RCIA class that fits your needs. Then join the parish that you are involved with afterwards.🙂
 
I think the suggestion that you look to take RCIA elsewhere is a good one, but still join the parish you like. I know you would really get a lot out of the process if you and your husband were in on it together. My husband went through RCIA several years ago, and I was confirmed the same Easter. I wasn’t required to take RCIA but did anyway, and it was great for us. It really helped to blossom religious discussions between us.

I am a little confused as to why your husband stays home, though. You said he’s not in RCIA because of the scheduled night, so why can’t he go to Mass with you and sit with all 3 children? Is it because you don’t want a toddler outside the cry room?
 
if you wanted to do something else badly, such as go back to college to finish your degree, go to badly needed physical therapy, or some other place where you could not take your kids, would you not consider getting a babysitter, because of the relative value and need of this project? What could be more important than RCIA.

Our local Curves does not provide child care, although a session is only a half hour, not half the morning like RCIA, but the managers reason that you are giving yourself a treat and caring for yourself by getting someone else to watch the kids during that time. Doesn’t work for some, but many women find it worthwhile enough to pay that babysitter.

Personally, I have been driven to distraction, even to the point of quitting my job, by trying to meet everyone’s needs for RCIA, parent meetings et. al. It simply is not possible given our resources (as a parish of about 2000 families, one priest, one DRE, 1 deacon) and a parish school, to provide classes convenient for everyone’s schedule, in English and Spanish. So we do the best we can to combine programs, to eliminate multiple required sessions in one week, to recruit more volunteers. but some people always leave or go elsewhere.

this year I am consolidating many programs, and eliminating some sessions so we can make best use of our volunteers and resources. Frankly I am tired of coming in the evening, after a full day’s work, to teach an RCIA session requested by someone with a difficult work schedule, to find they don’t show up. This defeats one essential purpose of RCIA, to become part of a community. That requires some give and take, and possible looking around at different parishes to find a good fit for your family.

this seems a good place to make a general observation: RCIA is an intense commitment, not just another class or program we cram into an already full schedule. It is at least comparable to going back to school. If you are not prepared to make this commitment number one after God, Family and Work, you may not yet be ready. (I mean “you” in the general, not personal sense).

If they have not already told you, your RCIA team should remind you that the period of Lent is an especially intense time of prayer and preparation. You should allow nothing outside work and family interfere with your spiritual growth during this time. Eliminate travel, shopping, entertainment, and other commitments as far as possible in the Lent before the Easter you will join the Church. You will be going through an intense experience spiritually, emotionally and psychologically, and you owe it to yourself to reduce outside stresses during this time.

Also, plan to continue attending RCIA, at least during the Easter season, and preferably at least once a month for a year after Baptism or Confirmation for the spiritual and community support you will need as a new Christian. Those who skip this step are far more likely to leave the church or stop practicing the faith within 5 years.
 
OOOH I sympathize with you so much! RCIA is such a sore subject for me, although my experience was not nearly as crazy as yours. I came into the Church Easter of 2004. At the time I had 2 small children and I was pregnant with #3. My husband also worked alot and was not crazy about me joining the Catholic Church anyway, so it was difficult at times. We didn’t have much extra money and it was really draining us to pay for a babysitter every Thursday night. On top of it all, I had already educated myself so much on Catholic teaching, I truly was not learning that much at classes anyway. I was already a baptized Christian and was raised learning the Bible front and back, and also went to a Christian college where I got a minor in Bible. My frustration was that it seemed that there were no exceptions made for people like me and I still had to attend RCIA anyway. Basically, I still stuck with it, because it was worth it to me to do whatever to receive the Eucharist finally. But I do think that the people in charge of RCIA should see it as a ministry and do all they can to HELP those who are attending, and it doesn’t seem that you are getting that help you need. I am with Bauerice–see if you can find another parish to take classes in and you can still join the parish you like. Alot of parishes now do have a nursery available, so check around. Also, when our RCIA class sat together (which was not every Sunday), most people had their families sit with them. Are you saying that your boys can’t go along with you to the breaking of the Word or whatever? Sorry, I haven’t heard of that–we just stayed through communion at our parish. Maybe the boys could go out with you and just find a room close by to read or play games or something while you do your thing. I can definitely sympathize with you. Just check out all your options, and do what you have to do to be received into the Church. It is definitely worth it in the long run, although it is hard to see sometimes. Where are you located by the way?
 
you should not be leaving after the Gospel unless you are unbaptized. The situations described where practicing, informed, bible literate Christians are treated the same as the unbaptized in the classes and the rites, illustrates how RCIA fails in implementation. If you are already baptized, feel free to stay for the whole Mass (without receiving communion of course) and rejoin the class afterwards. You are getting your instruction on the readings from the homily.
 
Lone Catholic:
OOOH I sympathize with you so much! RCIA is such a sore subject for me, although my experience was not nearly as crazy as yours. I came into the Church Easter of 2004. At the time I had 2 small children and I was pregnant with #3. My husband also worked alot and was not crazy about me joining the Catholic Church anyway, so it was difficult at times. We didn’t have much extra money and it was really draining us to pay for a babysitter every Thursday night. On top of it all, I had already educated myself so much on Catholic teaching, I truly was not learning that much at classes anyway. I was already a baptized Christian and was raised learning the Bible front and back, and also went to a Christian college where I got a minor in Bible. My frustration was that it seemed that there were no exceptions made for people like me and I still had to attend RCIA anyway. Basically, I still stuck with it, because it was worth it to me to do whatever to receive the Eucharist finally. But I do think that the people in charge of RCIA should see it as a ministry and do all they can to HELP those who are attending, and it doesn’t seem that you are getting that help you need. I am with Bauerice–see if you can find another parish to take classes in and you can still join the parish you like. Alot of parishes now do have a nursery available, so check around. Also, when our RCIA class sat together (which was not every Sunday), most people had their families sit with them. Are you saying that your boys can’t go along with you to the breaking of the Word or whatever? Sorry, I haven’t heard of that–we just stayed through communion at our parish. Maybe the boys could go out with you and just find a room close by to read or play games or something while you do your thing. I can definitely sympathize with you. Just check out all your options, and do what you have to do to be received into the Church. It is definitely worth it in the long run, although it is hard to see sometimes. Where are you located by the way?
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In all fairness, your Christian education did not likely prepare you to lead a fully Catholic life. Your minor in Bible may have led you to believe many things contrary to the faith, such as the issues of papal infallibility, the Marian doctrines, etc. And while many parishes don’t really get into apologetics type stuff, you would still need to learn about the Mass, about confession, mortal and venial sins, the Most Holy Eucharist, and other such essential elements of the faith.
 
As Father Corapi would say, we have to exercise our virtues,and to do that, God will give us as much exercise as we need, sometimes more than we want, but in the end it only strengthens the virtues that we are weakest in. I know this does’nt solve your problems but hopefully it puts them in a more managable light. God Bless you and your family on your journey. 🙂
 
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MooCowSteph:
In all fairness, your Christian education did not likely prepare you to lead a fully Catholic life. Your minor in Bible may have led you to believe many things contrary to the faith, such as the issues of papal infallibility, the Marian doctrines, etc. And while many parishes don’t really get into apologetics type stuff, you would still need to learn about the Mass, about confession, mortal and venial sins, the Most Holy Eucharist, and other such essential elements of the faith.
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As I said, I had EXTENSIVELY studied all of these matters, and had come to believe what the Church teaches, which is why I wanted to be Catholic. The first half of RCIA usually deals with Holy Scripture. The second half is more focused on the other things you mention. My argument is that no one was even willing to talk to me about and see where I was at. We were all treated as a herd–“Wanna be Catholic? Jump through the hoops.” It’s a turnoff.
 
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puzzleannie:
you should not be leaving after the Gospel unless you are unbaptized. The situations described where practicing, informed, bible literate Christians are treated the same as the unbaptized in the classes and the rites, illustrates how RCIA fails in implementation. If you are already baptized, feel free to stay for the whole Mass (without receiving communion of course) and rejoin the class afterwards. You are getting your instruction on the readings from the homily.
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VERY TRUE puzzleannie! I do not want to slight all the wonderful people who are trying to help out with RCIA but this is so true. RCIA is not what it should be the majority of the time! Here is an article from our own Catholic Answers about becoming Catholic and how it should happen. I read this article when I was going through RCIA and it was really frustrating to me that what I was reading about (not just on this matter by the way) and what I was seeing on a local parish level was so different. It should not be this way.
catholic.com/library/How_to_Become_a_Catholic.asp

Rieniev–I think you should look around for another RCIA program, or go straight to the priest at the parish where you are. Explain your problem and that you love the parish and would like to stay there. You never know it might help. After I became Catholic, I talked to my priest about my husband who has not converted yet, and he told me to have him come straight to him if he decided to convert, because otherwise he would get stuck in RCIA, where he didn’t need to be.
 
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puzzleannie:
you should not be leaving after the Gospel unless you are unbaptized. The situations described where practicing, informed, bible literate Christians are treated the same as the unbaptized in the classes and the rites, illustrates how RCIA fails in implementation.
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Yep, and as long as no one volunteers to assist with the RCIA program and it falls on the back of, let’s say 3 people, it’s going to continue to “fail” (if that is in fact what’s happening because I don’t think God lets anything fail and everything happens for His reasons and maybe that reason is a lesson in obedience), so I certainly hope that those disillusioned so much with RCIA who knew so much that it wasn’t necessary and there was no "learning in it, or those who found it incredibly inconvenient, are now volunteering in their parish’s RCIA program.

Penitent
 
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Penitent:
I certainly hope that those disillusioned so much with RCIA who knew so much that it wasn’t necessary and there was no "learning in it, or those who found it incredibly inconvenient, are now volunteering in their parish’s RCIA program.

Penitent
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I wasn’t saying that I knew SOOOO much that it wasn’t necessary for me. I was trying to say that each individual case should be considered. Everyone should not be lumped together because each person’s situation is different. I happened to have studied for a couple of years because I wanted to understand and believe what the Church teaches before I made the decision to become Catholic. I was an exception to the rule. By the way, that does not make me some super person, that is just how things were for me. Most of the people in my RCIA class had a spouse that was Catholic and were becoming Catholic for their spouse, not for doctrinal reasons. Those people needed to be in there to learn about the Church they had already decided to join. EACH CASE IS DIFFERENT.
 
So, are you volunteering then? I mean what the heck are we supposed to do? We love the Catholic faith and Christ. We want to bring it to everyone. We work all day, have families as well as, at least for myself, an evening out for learning more about my faith and how to grow even more in it. I own a business which adds on hours. My other teammate owns a business which adds on hours. Our priest is one overworked, tired, God-loving human who has obligations 7 days a week and still heads most of our RCIA meetings.

What is it you expect of us simple humans? I don’t see how it would’ve been possible in our parish to accommodate even one person with different needs. That’s why I think there was another lesson in it that God intended for you. So that option of finding another parish for the OP would be heaven-sent if it were to occur in our parish.

Seriously, I have to resign from this Board. I read this stuff and vow that I will not let it bother me and not respond and here I’m doing it again. But before I go, are you volunteering to make things better for the next to-be-Catholic?

Penitent
 
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Penitent:
So, are you volunteering then? I mean what the heck are we supposed to do? We love the Catholic faith and Christ. We want to bring it to everyone. We work all day, have families as well as, at least for myself, an evening out for learning more about my faith and how to grow even more in it. I own a business which adds on hours. My other teammate owns a business which adds on hours. Our priest is one overworked, tired, God-loving human who has obligations 7 days a week and still heads most of our RCIA meetings.

What is it you expect of us simple humans? I don’t see how it would’ve been possible in our parish to accommodate even one person with different needs. That’s why I think there was another lesson in it that God intended for you. So that option of finding another parish for the OP would be heaven-sent if it were to occur in our parish.

Seriously, I have to resign from this Board. I read this stuff and vow that I will not let it bother me and not respond and here I’m doing it again. But before I go, are you volunteering to make things better for the next to-be-Catholic?

Penitent
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Penitent–I am really sorry that you took my posts personally. I started out by saying I did not want to slight all the great people who are helping with RCIA. I don’t. I appreciate so much the people who are trying to help.

I don’t have the answers. I have only been Catholic for a year and a half! I was just trying to sympathize with the OP with her situation, which sounds horrendous by the way, and she is obviously not getting the help she needs!! Is that YOUR fault? No! But if anything, my story, her story, should show that there is a problem there. Should we just shut up about it and not ever say anything so we don’t hurt someone’s feelings? I don’t go around complaining about this. I never even said anything to the people in charge of RCIA at my parish. I made the decision to offer it up and go with it. But reading her post reminded me of what I went through, and my main purpose here was to empathize with her, offer some practical solutions, and most of all, tell her that it is worth it in the long run.

I’m not sure why someone else telling their story of issues in their own parish affects you so much that you that you feel you must resign this board. I certainly never meant to say anything that would be hurtful to anyone.
 
Oh I didn’t answer your question, but my family has just moved to a new area and I have already put my name in at my new parish to volunteer with childcare and with meal making for shut-ins, and for whatever else I can help with.

Hope that satisfies you.
 
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