RCIA - again!

[LSK]

Ryniev:

Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh! I don’t know what to do. I am joining a smaller parish than many of the other ones around here. My husband is not formally joining at this point because he can’t do RCIA on the night it is scheduled. They are going to be setting up an RCIC group for my boys after Christmas but they don’t know when, where or how yet and I sort of need to know because of other commitments. Also, the mass we are required to to attend doesn’t have any sort of child care for my toddler so either she stays home with my husband or he takes her and sits in the cry room by himself which he doesn’t want to do. So Sunday he stayed home with the little one and I took the boys with me. However, I am required to leave half way through the Mass and I didn’t want to leave a 7 and 9 year old sitting alone in an unfamiliar church by themselves. Not because I’m afraid they will be harmed but because they wrestle like puppies sometimes. So I took them to breaking open the word with me, which confused the heck out of them (they were very well behaved btw). I want them to come to church as they will be joining as well but I’m starting to find it impossible.

I’ve noticed that some of the other Catholic Churches in the area have toddler nursery so my husband could come with us and watch the boys and well go to Church. However, I love the Parish I’m joining and I love my RCIA group but between having to scramble for a sitter every week and paying them $12 a week so I can go to RCIA and trying to figure this whole Mass mess out, I’m starting to think I might need to go to another parish. However, my dh really likes this parish and this is where the kids play sports and will probably go to school in the next year or so. Tthey are making it so difficult for us that my dh is starting to think the whole thing is nuts. Like I said before, our Lutheran church would have a nursery, classes for the kids at the same time and bend over backwards to be accomadating.

I hate being such a whiner but boy this is hard with 3 kids and a husband with a crazy work schedule. I really hope it’s worth it. Please keep me in your prayers because I’m about ready to bail. I’ve tried to talk with the RCIA people but I’ve got the idea that they think if I really want to be there, I will make it happen and God knows I’m trying. I should mention that my mom has a terminal illness and I’m already over-extended and stressed out. I feel like if I don’t have RCIA I will just lose it.

How many priests do you have available at your parish?
At our 10:30 Mass, before we dismiss the Candidates and the Catechumens, we call the children forward and dismiss them for the Children’s Liturgy. The priest who is not serving Mass takes them out to teach them. If he is not available our deacon does it.

Would this help your situation? Are you in a position to make this type of suggestion or do you feel it would be unwelcomed?

 

[Ryniev]

puzzleannie:

you should not be leaving after the Gospel unless you are unbaptized. The situations described where practicing, informed, bible literate Christians are treated the same as the unbaptized in the classes and the rites, illustrates how RCIA fails in implementation. If you are already baptized, feel free to stay for the whole Mass (without receiving communion of course) and rejoin the class afterwards. You are getting your instruction on the readings from the homily.

We are all baptized except one person in RCIA. We are all required to leave before Eucharist. Also there are 4 of us who are in the same boat. 3 of us have kids who are joining without our husbands and the other woman husband is already Catholic and travels extensively and so she has the same issue.

 

[Ryniev]

Lone Catholic:

As I said, I had EXTENSIVELY studied all of these matters, and had come to believe what the Church teaches, which is why I wanted to be Catholic. The first half of RCIA usually deals with Holy Scripture. The second half is more focused on the other things you mention. My argument is that no one was even willing to talk to me about and see where I was at. We were all treated as a herd–“Wanna be Catholic? Jump through the hoops.” It’s a turnoff.

You sound so much like me. I’ve read every apologetics book out there I think. Rome Sweet Home, Surpised by Truth 1,2,3, Catholicism and Fundamentalism, The Usual Suspects, Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic and about 20 others. I’ve been lurking on this message board for years and I know the basics. I just need someone to explain the Mass to me in depth and teach me how to participate. My heart is already Catholic, I have spent 3 years at the Catholic Book store buying book after book.

 

[Ryniev]

Okay here is the deal for me coming from a Protestant background. In every protestant Church they have full nursery’s at every service, sunday school teachers for every age group etc. So for you saying that out of 5000 parishioners you can’t get a few volunteers to pitch in doesn’t really fly with me. You can bet your last dollar that I will be more than willing to help out with the stuff once I join. I have been doing all this stuff for years as a Protestant. I’ve staffed nursery for choir practice, I’ve taught Sunday School etc.

I’m NOT trying to make the Catholic Church, protestant or anything like that. I just didn’t realize that there was so little volunteering going on and that it would be entirely up to me to coordinate my own Catholic education. However, for the time being, I can hardly babysit or teach RCIA when I’m in it. Again, I’m not trying to criticize ANYONE, I’m just frustrated and the reason my husband doesn’t come to Mass with us is because he’s not even Catholic and doesn’t get why he should have to bounce my toddler in the hall when they could just stay home and forget the chaos.

 

[Ryniev]

LSK:

How many priests do you have available at your parish?
At our 10:30 Mass, before we dismiss the Candidates and the Catechumens, we call the children forward and dismiss them for the Children’s Liturgy. The priest who is not serving Mass takes them out to teach them. If he is not available our deacon does it.

Would this help your situation? Are you in a position to make this type of suggestion or do you feel it would be unwelcomed?

We only have one full time priest unfortunately. I talked to another Candidate this morning and she said that she and another candidate had already talked to the Priest about the same issue and he is just as frustrated as us.

Let me try this analogy and see if you can understand:

I’m a guest in YOUR house. I want to be gracious and unintrusive as possible. I want to follow your rules and respect YOUR home. However, when you make it so difficult for me to be there, it makes me wonder if you really want me there or if I should leave because I have become a nuisance or a bother.

 

[LSK]

Ryniev:

We only have one full time priest unfortunately. I talked to another Candidate this morning and she said that she and another candidate had already talked to the Priest about the same issue and he is just as frustrated as us.

Let me try this analogy and see if you can understand:

I’m a guest in YOUR house. I want to be gracious and unintrusive as possible. I want to follow your rules and respect YOUR home. However, when you make it so difficult for me to be there, it makes me wonder if you really want me there or if I should leave because I have become a nuisance or a bother.

I do understand, and I feel your frustration. It must be terribly difficult for you and for your pastor. My heart goes out to you. To have a parish that size, and not have more people stepping forward to offer their time and talents to help him is just too, too bad.

My only advice is to pray. Pray that someone in that parish recognizes the need that you and your fellow Candidates and Catechumens have for help in this area. Perhaps a novena to St. Therese, The Little Flower would help. Specifially ask her to kindle the heart of one or two special people in your parish to step forward and put their time and talent at the disposal of Jesus to help you all during this Mass time. She cares so much for converts and those returning to the Church. She is a powerful intercessor with Our Lord.

 

[Ryniev]

MooCowSteph:

I am a little confused as to why your husband stays home, though. You said he’s not in RCIA because of the scheduled night, so why can’t he go to Mass with you and sit with all 3 children? Is it because you don’t want a toddler outside the cry room?

He isn’t Catholic. He would like to join eventually but because of prior committments (Boy Scout leader and basketball practice) he cannot make Thursdays. Since he is not becoming Catholic this year and we are unable to worship as a family at this time he doesn’t feel a pressing need to entertain our little one at church. That also rules him out watching the kids on Thursday night when I’m in RCIA. The reason this stresses me out so bad is that I have to hope and pray every week that I can find a sitter for the kids because I don’t want to miss RCIA and I may have to on occasion (so far I’ve only had to miss one but that was to take my mom home from the hospital).

 

[Lone_Catholic]

Ryniev:

We only have one full time priest unfortunately. I talked to another Candidate this morning and she said that she and another candidate had already talked to the Priest about the same issue and he is just as frustrated as us.

Let me try this analogy and see if you can understand:

I’m a guest in YOUR house. I want to be gracious and unintrusive as possible. I want to follow your rules and respect YOUR home. However, when you make it so difficult for me to be there, it makes me wonder if you really want me there or if I should leave because I have become a nuisance or a bother.

Great analogy. I felt the same way. Let me say that you have inspired me to call my local parish and let them know that I would like to volunteer for nursery duty specifically for RCIA, in case anyone there needs it. I have already been through the parish childcare screening, so maybe there will be a need there I can fill.

Can you look around and see if there are other parishes with childcare, at least on Sunday mornings? I have noticed more and more parishes doing this, and I think it is great. I know alot of Catholics are against the idea of splitting up the family during Mass, and I can see that side too, but for many people, when you see Protestant churches doing so much to help young families, it makes one feel pretty out there on their own. I see so many people leaving the Church for this reason, sad as it may be. My husband is still Protestant, and one of his reasons, outside of theological reasons, is that the evangelical church we attend as a family shows so much love and care for our kids. They all love their classes and teachers there, and that is a hard thing to give up (for him).

I really hope you can find a solution. Maybe they can make an announcement at Mass or in the bulletin that childcare is desperately needed. I know I would respond in a minute to that. I do think that one of the main reasons for the lack of volunteering on the part of the parishioners is that they are not encouraged to volunteer.

 

[kage_ar]

My DH and I went through RCIA in different Parishes, different parts of the state, and years apart.

My class was a combined RCIA with the local and University Parish (very big and well organized program) – so, we met on Thursday evenings and had both the BOTW and weekly study in the same Thursday evening session.

DH went through after we had moved, much smaller Parish. They meet on Wed evenings only (no BOTW dismissal on Sunday) – sometimes parents would not have a sitter and would bring the kids along. The kids were always well behaved, would sit at a table and read, do homework, color… were polite occasional guests. One couple would sometimes bring a toddler and newborn. This year, they have begun asking in the bulliten for RCIA child care volunteers.

The DRE had video tapes of Father teaching each “lesson”. Should someone miss a Wed class, they could make up the class by watching the video (they were shown every Sunday afternoon or you could make an appointment with the DRE for another time).

There have been some come through in our Parish via private instruction.

Sit down with your Priest and your DRE to discuss alternatives for your situation, make an appointment or ask them to dinner at your home.

Praying for you!

 

[Ryniev]

Lone Catholic:

Can you look around and see if there are other parishes with childcare, at least on Sunday mornings? I have noticed more and more parishes doing this, and I think it is great.

The problem is that we are expected to be at 10:30 Mass and BOTW with the group every week so I could go to a Mass elsewhere with my family but I would still be expected to be at 10:30 with the group.

I just want to thank everyone for their prayers and advice. I actually really feel warmly towards all the RCIA volunteers and the other Canditates/Cathecumen and I love the retired priest that helps out. I get a lot out of RCIA so please don’t think I hate it or dread it. . If I can’t find a sitter for Thursday night, I would just bring the kids so it’s not that big of a deal I suppose. Hopefully with prayer and talking to the priest, I can find a positive solution to the Sunday morning fiasco.

 

[MooCowSteph]

Ryniev:

The problem is that we are expected to be at 10:30 Mass and BOTW with the group every week so I could go to a Mass elsewhere with my family but I would still be expected to be at 10:30 with the group.

I just want to thank everyone for their prayers and advice. I actually really feel warmly towards all the RCIA volunteers and the other Canditates/Cathecumen and I love the retired priest that helps out. I get a lot out of RCIA so please don’t think I hate it or dread it. . If I can’t find a sitter for Thursday night, I would just bring the kids so it’s not that big of a deal I suppose. Hopefully with prayer and talking to the priest, I can find a positive solution to the Sunday morning fiasco.

It seems to me, now that you’ve further clarified the situation, that the best solution would be to get a sitter on Thursdays and go to the 10:30 Mass as a family on Sundays. You said you husband doesn’t see the point, since he’s not yet going to become Catholic, but that should really matter very little. If he desires to be Catholic and has a love for the Lord, he should desire to go to Mass as well. What a wonderful way to say to the Lord, “I am committed to you”, to go to his Mass every Sunday even though he isn’t obligated.

 

[Ryniev]

MooCowSteph:

It seems to me, now that you’ve further clarified the situation, that the best solution would be to get a sitter on Thursdays and go to the 10:30 Mass as a family on Sundays. You said you husband doesn’t see the point, since he’s not yet going to become Catholic, but that should really matter very little. If he desires to be Catholic and has a love for the Lord, he should desire to go to Mass as well. What a wonderful way to say to the Lord, “I am committed to you”, to go to his Mass every Sunday even though he isn’t obligated.

Because he doesn’t want to be left trying to deal with 3 kids in a strange place by himself. Remember I have to leave half-way through to do the breaking open of the word. Honestly, I really don’t blame him. Although he said he’s open to becoming Catholic, he’s honestly not there quite yet and said he wants to wait until next year. I don’t want him to get comletely frustrated and totally turned off and I feel like I’m walking a fine line. He already has a sour taste in his mouth that someone hit our car in the church parking lot and didn’t come forward.

 

[Lone_Catholic]

Yeah, I think when it comes to your husband, you need to keep walking the fine line! Can you ask if you can just attend another Mass so you can worship with your family, instead of going to the 10:30 with everyone else? Or maybe all go together to an earlier Mass, and let the rest of the family go home and you stay for the 10:30. I do think it is important for you all to go to Mass together if possible.

I guess I would just ask around and see what you can find out. Talk to the people in charge and see if they will work with you. Have you done that, or do you not feel comfortable doing that?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

LSK:

How many priests do you have available at your parish?
At our 10:30 Mass, before we dismiss the Candidates and the Catechumens, we call the children forward and dismiss them for the Children’s Liturgy. The priest who is not serving Mass takes them out to teach them. If he is not available our deacon does it.

Would this help your situation? Are you in a position to make this type of suggestion or do you feel it would be unwelcomed?

This is not a bad idea.

BUT…They shouldn’t be dismissing candidates, just catechumens. I know WHY they do it, and I know the need to have the material covered, and I know that nobody volunteers and it falls on a couple people’s shoulders…but the candidates are already members of the Body of Christ. If she could stay put, if she’s been baptized, then she wouldn’t have wrestling boys and dejected husbands with small toddler girls in the cry room.

And please, don’t worry about speaking up!!! How can you know if you don’t ask, and you have the right to put in your two cents. You should not be a “guest”. If nobody’s said it, WELCOME HOME. As you’re part of the family, SAY SOMETHING. Say it politely (I have the feeling you are the politest), but something concrete like this is necessary to be said, and soon!!!

We DO do a bad job when it comes to nurseries, because we take our kids with us to Mass. Some parishes don’t care about babies and toddlers, some do and have nurseries but they are few and far between.

Religious Ed. (Sunday School) isn’t during the Mass the way it is during a Protestant service because kids are under an obligation to be at Mass on Sunday.

 

[Ryniev]

for understanding

OutinChgoburbs:

This is not a bad idea.

BUT…They shouldn’t be dismissing candidates, just catechumens. I know WHY they do it, and I know the need to have the material covered, and I know that nobody volunteers and it falls on a couple people’s shoulders…but the candidates are already members of the Body of Christ. If she could stay put, if she’s been baptized, then she wouldn’t have wrestling boys and dejected husbands with small toddler girls in the cry room.