RCIA candidate getting confirmed tonight... am i doing the right thing?

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(i understand fully how people get cold feet at the altar;) )

in 5 hours i will be Catholic. this has just hit me. i am terrified. i have no support from my family. this hasnt mattered up until now. in mayn ways i am ‘leaving’ everything i’ve known. all the faith that has built up in the past year, today, has vanished. i cant feel anything except dread. WHAT HAVE I DONE? i know logically i am doing the right thing, but this morning i woke up and just realised the enormity of it. i am terrfied. i want to cry i want to run away i feel so … lost!!! i have gone through everything, confession, mass, everything in this process but now i feel like… well… what have i done??:confused: i feel so depressed, so alone, so trapped. i’d like to attribute this to satan but thats too simple an explanantion. i tried to talk to my sponsor but i couldnt quite convey my terror. i dont know where else to turn to.
why arent i feeling excited?? why am i feeling so much dread and fear?
 
I dunno Bells, I’m not a expert, just a regular guy.

Focus on what brought you here in the first place. IMHO you’re spending way too much time thinking about it. “What is my family gonna say.” “I don’t have this or that.” “What am I doin here.” etc You are not the first convert to feel this.

I wouldn’t worry about any of that, the thinking about it is much more then the “actual doin.” At least it always has been for me. You are not alone, you have an entire celestial court praying for you, and many here. You’re gonna be be just fine. 👍
 
You’re doing what Christ asks you to do…to follow him. He asked his 12 diciples to do it, and now He’s asking you.

Welcome home! 🙂
 
(i understand fully how people get cold feet at the altar;) )

in 5 hours i will be Catholic. this has just hit me. i am terrified. i have no support from my family. this hasnt mattered up until now. in mayn ways i am ‘leaving’ everything i’ve known. all the faith that has built up in the past year, today, has vanished. i cant feel anything except dread. WHAT HAVE I DONE? i know logically i am doing the right thing, but this morning i woke up and just realised the enormity of it. i am terrfied. i want to cry i want to run away i feel so … lost!!! i have gone through everything, confession, mass, everything in this process but now i feel like… well… what have i done??:confused: i feel so depressed, so alone, so trapped. i’d like to attribute this to satan but thats too simple an explanantion. i tried to talk to my sponsor but i couldnt quite convey my terror. i dont know where else to turn to.
why arent i feeling excited?? why am i feeling so much dread and fear?
Because satan has pulled out all the stops, he does not want you to do this and will use your fears and emotional uncertainty against you if you let him. On Holy Saturday morning you should be gathering with your Sponsor and the rest of the RCIA group for the Retreat, and a few of the minor Rites, for support in preparation for the Easter Vigil, just like the early Christians did.

When I was last involved in RCIA I gave a talk at the Holy Saturday Retreat on the “Apostles and Holy Saturday”. They felt the same they felt lost, abandoned, they didn’t know what to do. So they gathered together in the place that was familiar to them in prayer.

If I can find my notes I’ll post them here.
 
If I can find my notes I’ll post them here.
The Entombing of our Lord

Filled with grief, Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemas took the lifeless body of Jesus from the arms of His mother to prepare it for burial. The Body was given to Joseph because of the Jewish Law. (Deut. 21:22-23) The new, never before used tomb was opened and the body reverently placed in it. As Christ said “the Son of Man has no place to lay His head“, this applies even in his death, for the tomb was not His, for the tomb belonged to Joseph’s family. The entrance was closed with a large stone being rolled in front of it. All that now remains now is the empty Cross and the closed tomb!

What is the significance of the burial? It is somber proof that Christ has really died. His human soul has separated from His human body, but yet His Divinity remained united to both His Body and His soul, known as the “Hypostatic Union“ of His human and divine natures. We know where His Body was laid. This was to fulfill the Prophet Jonah, and what Christ Himself said in Matthew 12:40. “The Son of Man” refers to His human nature, The Son of God refers to His Divine nature.

I now ask where was His soul?
The soul of Christ went down into Limbo, “The Limbo of the Fathers” St. Luke referred to it as “Abraham’s Bosom”. It is Catholic doctrine that only those who receive the Grace of Baptism can enter Heaven. So those who died before the Redemption went to this place to await entrance into Heaven.
“He went and preached unto the spirits in prison” (1 Peter 3:19) We hear in the creed the words “Christ descended into Hell” This was not “Gehenna” the Hell of the lost, but “Hades”. While His body lay in the grave He passed into this unseen world. He gathered around Him the souls of the righteous ones, from Able onwards, those who had held the Faith from the beginning of the world. Let’s look at the description of this in Luke 16:19-31. He took these souls to rest in paradise along with the “Good Thief” until the Resurrection and the Ascension when He would open the gates of Heaven for them.

St. Cyril of Jerusalem says “”He (Christ) was laid truly as man in a tomb of rock… He descended to the regions beneath the earth, that from thence also He might redeem the Just… and that those who from Adam had been imprisoned a long while should now obtain deliverance.” This was the reason the Gospel “was preached even to the dead,…” (1 Peter 4:6) Can you picture the joy of those souls, their hour of deliverance is at hand. Can we picture ourselves being buried in our grave and Possibly waiting in Purgatory and then experiencing our deliverance from waiting into the glory of Heaven. Our bodies will also be placed in the grave separated from our souls from the moment of death until the General Resurrection. When Body and soul will be reunited in Eternal Life. At death when God judges us, His judgments ARE irrevocable and we will know that immediately after death your souls and mine will be judged and their destiny will be sealed, irrevocably, for all Eternity. We will either be on our way to Heaven, with a likely stop in purgatory, or on our way to Hell. The absoluteness of this being symbolized by the empty Cross and closed tomb. It is recorded in the books of the Maccabees that many were willing to face tortures and death rather than apostatize, because of their belief in an Eternal blessedness. It is a “godly and righteous thing to pray for the dead, and to offer sacrifices for their pardon and peace.” (2 Macc. 12:41-45) Those who are in a state of imperfect blessedness can be helped by the prayers of those still here earth that loved them.

Holy Saturday Individual Reflections

After spending a few minutes reflecting on the presentation meet with your sponsor as you did with the other reflections.

Read Matthew 27:57-66 (Mark 15:42-47, Luke 23:50-56, John 19:38-42)

Try to understand the emptiness, the sense of loss of direction and fear that the Apostles had from the arrest in the garden to the closing of the tomb.

Reflect on the empty Cross and the closed tomb. What do they mean to you?

Are you next will they come to find you and accuse you of being with Him, and do the same to you?

Are you willing to take up your Cross and follow in the footsteps of Christ?

To die the same death He did to “drink of the same cup”?

What did the Apostles and disciples do?

What do you do in times of crises?
 
Try not to think of your family or even yourself, focus on the Eucharist and how wonderful it will be to receive the Lord; Body, Soul, and Divinity! 🙂

I was there 2 years ago, I know exactly how you feel… you’ll be so relieved and so joyful by the end of Easter Vigil!
 
Thank you Bro Rich for posting that!

bells, I understand. I don’t have any words of comfort, except, I could have written your post.

This morning, I can’t think. I’m feeling strange. Maybe I’ll go blog about it later. On top of all of this, my DH has invited his whole family over here for Easter Sunday dinner. So I’ve got to get that all together…offer it up!
 
(i understand fully how people get cold feet at the altar;) )

in 5 hours i will be Catholic. this has just hit me. i am terrified. i have no support from my family. this hasnt mattered up until now. in mayn ways i am ‘leaving’ everything i’ve known. all the faith that has built up in the past year, today, has vanished. i cant feel anything except dread. WHAT HAVE I DONE? i know logically i am doing the right thing, but this morning i woke up and just realised the enormity of it. i am terrfied. i want to cry i want to run away i feel so … lost!!! i have gone through everything, confession, mass, everything in this process but now i feel like… well… what have i done??:confused: i feel so depressed, so alone, so trapped. i’d like to attribute this to satan but thats too simple an explanantion. i tried to talk to my sponsor but i couldnt quite convey my terror. i dont know where else to turn to.
why arent i feeling excited?? why am i feeling so much dread and fear?
What you are feeling is in my opinion Satan trying to pull you away from the faith. It is not as simple an explanation as you seem to think. Many of those I taught in RCIA felt the exact same way. In fact the closer they got to the actual ceremony the worse they felt.

Kind of Like Jesus felt on the cross. Alone and abandoned.

You’ll be fine.
 
You are dreading it because of the devil, and because it will mean a permanent commitment to a new way of life.

Do it anyway.

Let’s do a little wager, ala (but not quite like) Pascal-

If you are wrong, nobody is holding you in the Church. You went through a pretty little ceremony that really means nothing to you, and you can go on from there. This is the United States (or Australia, or the UK, or any place else with relative freedom of religion), and you do not have to stay in the Church if you choose not do so. Your family will chalk it up.

BUT IF YOU ARE RIGHT AND YOU DON’T DO IT- What then?

Congratulations. Welcome home. You are not alone. God the Father is there, Jesus is there, the Holy Spirit is there, all the saints in Heaven are there, WE the Church Militant are there (some in person, all in spirit).
 
Thank you Bro Rich for posting that!

bells, I understand. I don’t have any words of comfort, except, I could have written your post.

This morning, I can’t think. I’m feeling strange. Maybe I’ll go blog about it later. On top of all of this, my DH has invited his whole family over here for Easter Sunday dinner. So I’ve got to get that all together…offer it up!
We always told our Elect and Candidates that they were not to be involved in ANYTHING other than Spiritually preparing for the Easter Vigil and the Sacraments. Picking people up at the airport, arranging sleeping places, dinners, etc. was to be someone elses responsibility. This is why we required (asked) them to be at the RCIA retreat from Holy Thursday at 5 pm until 11pm, Good Friday from 8am until 9pm, and 8am until 2 pm Holy Saturday. Another parish was Holy Saturday only from 8am to 2pm, returning to the church at 6pm. DH needs to be handling Easter dinner and any other arangements.
 
Bells,

I went through a stage where when I looked at the Catholic Church all I saw was rules and regulations. This was many months after I made my decision to join the Church. I had done so much reading on apologetics and Church history that I felt confined. I felt inadequet. I felt like I would not be good enough. I felt like I could not make the cut. someone reminded me that we are not entering a museum of Saints but a hospital for sinners. They also remined me that we are walking in Faith and not going by our feelings.

God Bless you.

PS-Pray the Rosary as much a possible.
 
You are underestimating your “simple” assumption it is Satan.

Demons are screaming right now. Your coming home terrorizes the evil one. His hatred for you is Much worse than you can imagine. HE HATES YOU and wants to destroy you. If allowed he will go to full extremes to prevent your coming home.

God will provide. Tonight when the Cantor/priest Chants CHRIST BE OUR LIGHT. You will respond THanks be to GOD! Each time this chant is done you will lose dread.

What you are experiencing is VERY COMMON! You will be victorious in CHRST!

You SHOULD PRAY THIS PRAYER.
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.
 
bells,

The wonderful Catholic writer G.K. Chesterton has some words for you:

That intensity which seems almost narrow because it comes to the point, like a mediaeval window, is very representative of that last concentration that comes just before conversion. At the last moment of all, the convert often feels as if he were looking through a leper’s window. He is looking through a little crack or crooked hole that seems to grow smaller as he stares at it; but it is an opening that looks towards the Altar. Only, when he has entered the Church, he finds that the Church is much larger inside than it is outside. He has left behind him the lop-sidedness of lepers’ windows and even in a sense the narrowness of Gothic doors; and he is under vast domes as open as the Renaissance and as universal as the Republic of the world. He can say in a sense unknown to all modern men certain ancient and serene words: Romanus civis sum; I am not a slave.

The point for the moment, however, is that there is generally an interval of intense nervousness, to say the least of it, before this normal heritage is reached. To a certain extent it is a fear which attaches to all sharp and irrevocable decisions; it is suggested in all the old jokes about the shakiness of the bridegroom at the wedding or the recruit who takes the shilling and gets drunk partly to celebrate, but partly also to forget it. But it is the fear of a fuller sacrament and a mightier army.

From smart.net/~tak/Chesterton/convertoc.html

The whole thing is very much worth the read.
 
Maybe you won’t have time to read this (if you’re in a different time zone), but please know that you are not alone. My husband and I are also being confirmed tonight (PDST) and I have been nervous, excited, happy, and scared I’ll do the wrong thing all afternoon. I agree with someone here who said this is satan. He’s trying some last ditch tactics to keep us away. Perhaps yours, like mine, has been a rocky spiritual journey, but I am always comforted by the prayer of Saint Michael and know that all will be well in the presence of Our Lord.

With all that said, now I’m fretting about whether or not we’re supposed to say “Amen” after receiving??? Oh shucks.

🤷
 
The Entombing of our Lord

Filled with grief, Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemas took the lifeless body of Jesus from the arms of His mother to prepare it for burial. The Body was given to Joseph because of the Jewish Law. (Deut. 21:22-23) The new, never before used tomb was opened and the body reverently placed in it. As Christ said “the Son of Man has no place to lay His head“, this applies even in his death, for the tomb was not His, for the tomb belonged to Joseph’s family. The entrance was closed with a large stone being rolled in front of it. All that now remains now is the empty Cross and the closed tomb!

What is the significance of the burial? It is somber proof that Christ has really died. His human soul has separated from His human body, but yet His Divinity remained united to both His Body and His soul, known as the “Hypostatic Union“ of His human and divine natures. We know where His Body was laid. This was to fulfill the Prophet Jonah, and what Christ Himself said in Matthew 12:40. “The Son of Man” refers to His human nature, The Son of God refers to His Divine nature.

I now ask where was His soul?
The soul of Christ went down into Limbo, “The Limbo of the Fathers” St. Luke referred to it as “Abraham’s Bosom”. It is Catholic doctrine that only those who receive the Grace of Baptism can enter Heaven. So those who died before the Redemption went to this place to await entrance into Heaven.
“He went and preached unto the spirits in prison” (1 Peter 3:19) We hear in the creed the words “Christ descended into Hell” This was not “Gehenna” the Hell of the lost, but “Hades”. While His body lay in the grave He passed into this unseen world. He gathered around Him the souls of the righteous ones, from Able onwards, those who had held the Faith from the beginning of the world. Let’s look at the description of this in Luke 16:19-31. He took these souls to rest in paradise along with the “Good Thief” until the Resurrection and the Ascension when He would open the gates of Heaven for them.

St. Cyril of Jerusalem says “”He (Christ) was laid truly as man in a tomb of rock… He descended to the regions beneath the earth, that from thence also He might redeem the Just… and that those who from Adam had been imprisoned a long while should now obtain deliverance.” This was the reason the Gospel “was preached even to the dead,…” (1 Peter 4:6) Can you picture the joy of those souls, their hour of deliverance is at hand. Can we picture ourselves being buried in our grave and Possibly waiting in Purgatory and then experiencing our deliverance from waiting into the glory of Heaven. Our bodies will also be placed in the grave separated from our souls from the moment of death until the General Resurrection. When Body and soul will be reunited in Eternal Life. At death when God judges us, His judgments ARE irrevocable and we will know that immediately after death your souls and mine will be judged and their destiny will be sealed, irrevocably, for all Eternity. We will either be on our way to Heaven, with a likely stop in purgatory, or on our way to Hell. The absoluteness of this being symbolized by the empty Cross and closed tomb. It is recorded in the books of the Maccabees that many were willing to face tortures and death rather than apostatize, because of their belief in an Eternal blessedness. It is a “godly and righteous thing to pray for the dead, and to offer sacrifices for their pardon and peace.” (2 Macc. 12:41-45) Those who are in a state of imperfect blessedness can be helped by the prayers of those still here earth that loved them.

Holy Saturday Individual Reflections

After spending a few minutes reflecting on the presentation meet with your sponsor as you did with the other reflections.

Read Matthew 27:57-66 (Mark 15:42-47, Luke 23:50-56, John 19:38-42)

Try to understand the emptiness, the sense of loss of direction and fear that the Apostles had from the arrest in the garden to the closing of the tomb.

Reflect on the empty Cross and the closed tomb. What do they mean to you?

Are you next will they come to find you and accuse you of being with Him, and do the same to you?

Are you willing to take up your Cross and follow in the footsteps of Christ?

To die the same death He did to “drink of the same cup”?

What did the Apostles and disciples do?

What do you do in times of crises?
Yes we had reflection on fri and saturday morning preparation of Christs Descent to free the souls from BC.

The director told something interesting that I didn’t hear before. He had said when Christ entered into Sheol he first grabbed Adam’s hand deep down in Sheol. And all the other faithful grabbed and connected each others hands together while Jesus pulled Adam up.
 
(i understand fully how people get cold feet at the altar;) )

in 5 hours i will be Catholic. this has just hit me. i am terrified. i have no support from my family. this hasnt mattered up until now. in mayn ways i am ‘leaving’ everything i’ve known. all the faith that has built up in the past year, today, has vanished. i cant feel anything except dread. WHAT HAVE I DONE? i know logically i am doing the right thing, but this morning i woke up and just realised the enormity of it. i am terrfied. i want to cry i want to run away i feel so … lost!!! i have gone through everything, confession, mass, everything in this process but now i feel like… well… what have i done??:confused: i feel so depressed, so alone, so trapped. i’d like to attribute this to satan but thats too simple an explanantion. i tried to talk to my sponsor but i couldnt quite convey my terror. i dont know where else to turn to.
why arent i feeling excited?? why am i feeling so much dread and fear?
So…what eventually happened?
 
This is a beautiful thread – I am breathless after reading it, even if it’s been a few days since the Triduum. Thank you all who have posted on it. Bells, don’t allow yourself to be alone on your journey. Happy Easter!
 
it went well! well the actual service was a blur i literally i was panicking the entire time.
but magically it seems since saturday night things have been going… peacefully. i feel like i’ve come home
this sounds so strange haha! but seriously… thankyou for your support.
interestingly enough i had another post about bulimia, and since being confirmed i have really had a dramatic improvement. its just…faded, or fading rapidly. not a miracle lol but still amazing considering.
 
it went well! well the actual service was a blur i literally i was panicking the entire time.
but magically it seems since saturday night things have been going… peacefully. i feel like i’ve come home
this sounds so strange haha! but seriously… thankyou for your support.
interestingly enough i had another post about bulimia, and since being confirmed i have really had a dramatic improvement. its just…faded, or fading rapidly. not a miracle lol but still amazing considering.
Congratulations, and welcome to the family!
 
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