RCIA-Confirmation Sponsor...

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forever_always

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My fiance has been attending RCIA classes for the past year, and will be confirmed at the Easter Vigil Mass. He and I attend mass every sunday and on most fridays. every week i attend his RCIA classes with him, and help him understand the faith. Up until now, I was his sponsor for his confirmation… but last night during class, the instructor said that the priest didn’t want girlfriends/boyfriend or fiances to be sponsors (husbands and wives are okay). So a couple of people confirmation are left trying to find a sponsor really quick.
My question is… why can’t the finance/girlfriend be the sponsor? I am the one supporting him through all of this, I have been to everything and help him understand things… I have been a practicing catholic my whole life and in full communion with the church… any insight on why I can’t would be appreciated. we asked the instructor why i couldn’t (because i have never heard of my not being able to) and she said she didn’t know…
 
forever_always said:
My fiance has been attending RCIA classes for the past year, and will be confirmed at the Easter Vigil Mass. He and I attend mass every sunday and on most fridays. every week i attend his RCIA classes with him, and help him understand the faith. Up until now, I was his sponsor for his confirmation… but last night during class, the instructor said that the priest didn’t want girlfriends/boyfriend or fiances to be sponsors (husbands and wives are okay). So a couple of people confirmation are left trying to find a sponsor really quick.
My question is… why can’t the finance/girlfriend be the sponsor? I am the one supporting him through all of this, I have been to everything and help him understand things… I have been a practicing catholic my whole life and in full communion with the church… any insight on why I can’t would be appreciated. we asked the instructor why i couldn’t (because i have never heard of my not being able to) and she said she didn’t know…
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The strange thing for me is that husbands or wives are ok.

Isnt it a requirement that a sponsor should be of the same sex as the candidate?
 
Well, there’s certainly no canonical barrier on the matter of girlfriends, boyfriends, and fiancees as Confirmation sponsors and I couldn’t find anything in Canon Law which allows the priest to impose a restriction like that, either.

Rather than speculating as to what’s going on or why he won’t allow it, why don’t you confront him on the matter?
anjoh66 said:
Isnt it a requirement that a sponsor should be of the same sex as the candidate?
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No, definitely not.
 
yes i thought it was strange that husbands and wives were okay, but not fiances…

i mean, friends are alright… my sponsor was a family friend… so really, since we aren’t married, i’m his best friend? haha…

And I’m not sure it has to be the same sex. Me and two of my siblings have been confirmed (i am the eldest of five) and my brother had a family friend (woman) be his sponsor… and when I was confirmed it was like that too (my sponsor was a woman though)… my family does attend mass on base though, so that might have something to do with that. while we are more traditional catholic (while still under the Pope) the military base seems to be more modern. the church my fiance and i go to (the one he is getting confirmed in) is more traditional i think.
 
passus said:
Well, there’s certainly no canonical barrier on the matter of girlfriends, boyfriends, and fiancees as Confirmation sponsors and I couldn’t find anything in Canon Law which allows the priest to impose a restriction like that, either.

Rather than speculating as to what’s going on or why he won’t allow it, why don’t you confront him on the matter?

No, definitely not.
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That’s what i thought… i havent ever heard of restrictions on it… it caught me by surprise.

we plan to talk to him next sunday at mass. i was just hoping to get a quicker answer… i thought maybe there was something that i hadn’t heard of before.
 
forever_always said:
My fiance has been attending RCIA classes for the past year, and will be confirmed at the Easter Vigil Mass. He and I attend mass every sunday and on most fridays. every week i attend his RCIA classes with him, and help him understand the faith. Up until now, I was his sponsor for his confirmation… but last night during class, the instructor said that the priest didn’t want girlfriends/boyfriend or fiances to be sponsors (husbands and wives are okay). So a couple of people confirmation are left trying to find a sponsor really quick.
My question is… why can’t the finance/girlfriend be the sponsor? I am the one supporting him through all of this, I have been to everything and help him understand things… I have been a practicing catholic my whole life and in full communion with the church… any insight on why I can’t would be appreciated. we asked the instructor why i couldn’t (because i have never heard of my not being able to) and she said she didn’t know…
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It’s because you have a different, equally important role to play in his spiritual life. You are his future wife, and as such, you need to support him emotionally and cheer him on.

The sponsor has to be a bit more objective, and can’t be someone who has a stake in whether or not the person becomes a Catholic, because there would be a temptation to “glide over” the signs that the person isn’t ready, yet.

Also, and I mean it could never happen to you of course, but it has been known to happen in the past that a couple would break up, and if the ex is also the candidate’s sponsor, usually what happens is that the candidate just quits RCIA, because they see RCIA as part of the courtship and dating relationship - it’s not a separate thing, in their mind.
 
forever_always said:
So a couple of people confirmation are left trying to find a sponsor really quick.
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If there are a couple of people who now need sponsors, why don’t you serve as sponsors for the other one’s boyfriend/girlfriend.
 
jmcrae said:
It’s because you have a different, equally important role to play in his spiritual life. You are his future wife, and as such, you need to support him emotionally and cheer him on.

The sponsor has to be a bit more objective, and can’t be someone who has a stake in whether or not the person becomes a Catholic, because there would be a temptation to “glide over” the signs that the person isn’t ready, yet.

Also, and I mean it could never happen to you of course, but it has been known to happen in the past that a couple would break up, and if the ex is also the candidate’s sponsor, usually what happens is that the candidate just quits RCIA, because they see RCIA as part of the courtship and dating relationship - it’s not a separate thing, in their mind.
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this makes alot of sense… and probably more what the priest was thinking.

that is true… however, it was his decision to join the church in the first place… i never mentioned it until he told me he wanted to look into it.

but i can see how other would perceive it… sigh
 
forever_always said:
My fiance has been attending RCIA classes for the past year, and will be confirmed at the Easter Vigil Mass. He and I attend mass every sunday and on most fridays. every week i attend his RCIA classes with him, and help him understand the faith. Up until now, I was his sponsor for his confirmation… but last night during class, the instructor said that the priest didn’t want girlfriends/boyfriend or fiances to be sponsors (husbands and wives are okay). So a couple of people confirmation are left trying to find a sponsor really quick.
My question is… why can’t the finance/girlfriend be the sponsor? I am the one supporting him through all of this, I have been to everything and help him understand things… I have been a practicing catholic my whole life and in full communion with the church… any insight on why I can’t would be appreciated. we asked the instructor why i couldn’t (because i have never heard of my not being able to) and she said she didn’t know…
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NOTHING prohibits girlfriends/boyfriend or fiances from being RCIA/ Baptism/Confirmation Sponsors. As long as they qualify in all other ways according to Canon Law. Many do believe that it may not be the best choice. I feel each situation must be looked at on it’s own. It is especially a bad move to do this after a person has been acting as a Sponsor and is otherwise qualified.
 
forever_always said:
That’s what i thought… i havent ever heard of restrictions on it… it caught me by surprise.

we plan to talk to him next sunday at mass. i was just hoping to get a quicker answer… i thought maybe there was something that i hadn’t heard of before.
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After Sunday Mass is not the best time to discuss this, make an appointment during office hours.
 
anjoh66 said:
I think there is but maybe it is for somebody who will be baptized and need a sponsor during his time in the catechumenate
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No, Brother Rich wasn’t lying. There really is no such requirement. 😛
 
forever_always said:
My question is… why can’t the finance/girlfriend be the sponsor? I am the one supporting him through all of this, I have been to everything and help him understand things… I have been a practicing catholic my whole life and in full communion with the church… any insight on why I can’t would be appreciated. we asked the instructor why i couldn’t (because i have never heard of my not being able to) and she said she didn’t know…
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in this diocese there is a specific rule about this. the reason as it was explained to us (RCIA and Confirmation directors) when enacted was two-fold. One, that if the relationship is broken off during the catechumenate or candidacy, it not only leaves the candidate w/o a sponsor, but could be detrimental to the conversion process itself. The second is the more delicate one, that as sadly so many such couples are already co-habiting, the sponsor may actually be participating with the candidate in a situation that is a barrier to true conversion and of course, to being properly disposed for the sacraments. Since the alternative is for us to be the life-style police, a pastoral function outside our realm, it is best to remove it as in issue by not allowing the bf/fiance to be a sponsor.

Obviously neither of those scenarios is true in your case, or even in most cases, but since it has come up often enough, hence the rule. In any case it is not absolute, and the pastor can allow it if he is confident the circumstances allow it.

But I can add that in the only two cases I heard of where exceptions were made based on the fact that the sponsors were very well known and were assured there was no problem–subsequent facts proved otherwise. It is rather embarassing for all involved when the sponsor, known to be the fiance, stands beside the candidate in an advanced state of pregnancy at the Vigil. so personally, I go by the rule book, and let the pastor be the one to make exceptions, so it might be worthwhile for you and your fiance to speak directly to the pastor about your situation.

there is no such requirement in the RCIA ritual book, but, as here, it may be a local rule for the parish or diocese. And if it is a rule, it should have been explained from the beginning, not so close to the sacraments, but in fairness, the catechist may have only been told about it.
 
puzzleannie said:
The second is the more delicate one, that as sadly so many such couples are already co-habiting, the sponsor may actually be participating with the candidate in a situation that is a barrier to true conversion and of course, to being properly disposed for the sacraments.

It is rather embarassing for all involved when the sponsor, known to be the fiance, stands beside the candidate in an advanced state of pregnancy at the Vigil. so personally, I go by the rule book, and let the pastor be the one to make exceptions, so it might be worthwhile for you and your fiance to speak directly to the pastor about your situation.
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Thank you for your help =] We are not living together, we both believe that we should wait until we’re married… but i do know other couples that live together that attend mass, so I can see why those “rules” could be made.

And yes, that would be pretty embarassing…
We plan on talking to him this weekend =]
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
After Sunday Mass is not the best time to discuss this, make an appointment during office hours.
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I didn’t even think about that! Thanks =] I’ll have Josh (my fiance) make an appointment this week. I am not going to talk to him to argue my case… I respect the priests decisions… I’m more just curious why all of a sudden it changed (me and another couple in the class filled out the sponsor paperwork about five months ago! and we were told sunday… “oh by the way…”) and I would like to know his reasons behind it.
 
forever_always said:
My fiance has been attending RCIA classes for the past year, and will be confirmed at the Easter Vigil Mass. He and I attend mass every sunday and on most fridays. every week i attend his RCIA classes with him, and help him understand the faith. Up until now, I was his sponsor for his confirmation… but last night during class, the instructor said that the priest didn’t want girlfriends/boyfriend or fiances to be sponsors (husbands and wives are okay). So a couple of people confirmation are left trying to find a sponsor really quick.
My question is… why can’t the finance/girlfriend be the sponsor? I am the one supporting him through all of this, I have been to everything and help him understand things… I have been a practicing catholic my whole life and in full communion with the church… any insight on why I can’t would be appreciated. we asked the instructor why i couldn’t (because i have never heard of my not being able to) and she said she didn’t know…
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There have been a few recent threads on this topic. A person who is a Godparent is considered related to the baptised-person by virtue of “affinity” and until reletively recently, to marry one’s Godparent was considered “incest”. Note the past-tense in that sentence.

Canon law itself no longer prohibits the practice of marrying one’s Godparent, but the pastor or the bishop might have a policy against it for the reasons that others have already stated here. I’m not sure what would happen if one tried to force the issue, but I very much do not recommend trying that. Instead look at the reasons why the pastor has this policy (above all, speak to him about it) and try to understand his reasoning. I’m sure that if you give him the chance to explain it, you’ll be better off for it.
 
FrDavid96 said:
Canon law itself no longer prohibits the practice of marrying one’s Godparent, but the pastor or the bishop might have a policy against it for the reasons that others have already stated here. I’m not sure what would happen if one tried to force the issue, but I very much do not recommend trying that. Instead look at the reasons why the pastor has this policy (above all, speak to him about it) and try to understand his reasoning. I’m sure that if you give him the chance to explain it, you’ll be better off for it.
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I wasn’t planning to force the issue. I just wanted to understand why.

Thank you for your insight. I didn’t know about that. =]
 
forever_always said:
I didn’t even think about that! Thanks =] I’ll have Josh (my fiance) make an appointment this week. I am not going to talk to him to argue my case… I respect the priests decisions… I’m more just curious why all of a sudden it changed (me and another couple in the class filled out the sponsor paperwork about five months ago! and we were told sunday… “oh by the way…”) and I would like to know his reasons behind it.
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You can always ask him to show you where in the Church documents it is prohibited.
 
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