RCIA conflict

  • Thread starter Thread starter lizferg
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

lizferg

Guest
Hey, I don’t post much, but I read here a lot. Thought I’d share and get someone’s opinion. My husband and I just started RCIA. We had been trying to decide between 3 parishes in our area and chose this one because the schedule/childcare issues were the easiest. We like the church fine, but we are having a hard time with the RCIA classes. My husband expecially…we have no Catholic background and it seems the leaders talk over our heads a lot assuming that we know what they are talking about. Infallibility, eucharist, history of the church,councils, etc…
It was to my understanding that RCIA explains these things in detail. We just get a new flyer every week and are expected to read it and that’s that. My husband is not the best reader, and is saying it’s all so over his head. He’s getting pretty discouraged. I on the other hand have been reading everything I can get my hands on to learn more. I try to explain it to him, but I was hoping the RCIA would be more helpful.
Sorry such a long post, but my question is, what if we stepped back and explored the possibility of going to one of the other parishes. I don’t know if that would solve the problem, but maybe another RCIA would be more understandable/helpful? Would we be looked down on for doing so?? I know the saying “the grass isn’t always greener…”
Liz
 
lizferg said:
Hey, I don’t post much, but I read here a lot. Thought I’d share and get someone’s opinion. My husband and I just started RCIA. We had been trying to decide between 3 parishes in our area and chose this one because the schedule/childcare issues were the easiest. We like the church fine, but we are having a hard time with the RCIA classes. My husband expecially…we have no Catholic background and it seems the leaders talk over our heads a lot assuming that we know what they are talking about. Infallibility, eucharist, history of the church,councils, etc…
It was to my understanding that RCIA explains these things in detail. We just get a new flyer every week and are expected to read it and that’s that. My husband is not the best reader, and is saying it’s all so over his head. He’s getting pretty discouraged. I on the other hand have been reading everything I can get my hands on to learn more. I try to explain it to him, but I was hoping the RCIA would be more helpful.
Sorry such a long post, but my question is, what if we stepped back and explored the possibility of going to one of the other parishes. I don’t know if that would solve the problem, but maybe another RCIA would be more understandable/helpful? Would we be looked down on for doing so?? I know the saying “the grass isn’t always greener…”
Liz
Click to expand...
I would come prepared and armed with questions and keep asking questions until they are answered to your satisfaction. You should not be shy to speak up.

You should also get some books. There are some really nice books by Patrick Madrid:
  • Where is that in the bible
  • Where is that in Tradition
  • Answer me this.
You might visit www.ewtn.com and click on catalogue and you will find lots of wonderful books.

You might even go to RCIA at another parish and see how it is conducted there and if you like it better attend their classes and then later you can go back to the Parish that suits your needs.

Cheers
Cinette
🙂
 
You might talk with your teachers privately about the sessions being over your head. One thing that can be tricky about RCIA is that people come with very different backgrounds. Some know quite a lot before they start while others know much less and the teachers have to find a middle ground that works for both. But they want you to understand what they’re talking about.

If they’re using words that you don’t understand, ask! That will also clue them in that they’re leaving you behind.

I wonder if it might help your husband if you read the material together. You could make notes as you go of any questions you have and be ready for the next class.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
You might talk with your teachers privately about the sessions being over your head. One thing that can be tricky about RCIA is that people come with very different backgrounds. Some know quite a lot before they start while others know much less and the teachers have to find a middle ground that works for both. But they want you to understand what they’re talking about.

If they’re using words that you don’t understand, ask! That will also clue them in that they’re leaving you behind.

I wonder if it might help your husband if you read the material together. You could make notes as you go of any questions you have and be ready for the next class.
Click to expand...
Sound advice!:love:
 
I’ll just add to the advice that you have already gotten. Sometimes it is easy for people who have been Catholics awhile to just use all those words, forgetting that others may not know what they mean. They are just so much a part of the vocabulary that they just come out. So yes, please raise your hand and ask. That will help your teachers to be more aware of all the “church” words they are using and remind them to stop and explain them. 😃
 
Wow, thanks for your responses. A part of me regrets not going to one of the other parishes to begin with. It would have been closer to us, but we had friends at the one we are at now also, aside from the childcare arrangements. My husband fusses at me for being so indecisive:rolleyes:
 
This is the first book I’d suggest you buy (honestly, it is by good solid Catholic authors):

Catholicism for Dummies by John Trigilio and Kenneth Brighenti

You and your husband can read this at your own pace, you can read aloud to him 🙂
 
lizferg said:
Hey, I don’t post much, but I read here a lot. Thought I’d share and get someone’s opinion. My husband and I just started RCIA. We had been trying to decide between 3 parishes in our area and chose this one because the schedule/childcare issues were the easiest. We like the church fine, but we are having a hard time with the RCIA classes. My husband expecially…we have no Catholic background and it seems the leaders talk over our heads a lot assuming that we know what they are talking about. Infallibility, eucharist, history of the church,councils, etc…
It was to my understanding that RCIA explains these things in detail. We just get a new flyer every week and are expected to read it and that’s that. My husband is not the best reader, and is saying it’s all so over his head. He’s getting pretty discouraged. I on the other hand have been reading everything I can get my hands on to learn more. I try to explain it to him, but I was hoping the RCIA would be more helpful.
Sorry such a long post, but my question is, what if we stepped back and explored the possibility of going to one of the other parishes. I don’t know if that would solve the problem, but maybe another RCIA would be more understandable/helpful? Would we be looked down on for doing so?? I know the saying “the grass isn’t always greener…”
Liz
Click to expand...
“It was to my understanding that RCIA explains these things in detail.” No, in reality RCIA session should begin the the topic discussion between you and your Sponsor. RCIA sessions cannot possibly cover each topic in detail. Are you meeting, or at least talking by phone with your sponsor at least one during the time between RCIA sessions? Face to face meeting with the reference material is better. If your Sponsor is not completely answering your questions the RCIA team is there to help them, help you. As we who “live” here are always willing to answer questions too. It also does take some self-study with the Catechism and the Bible along with your RCIA handout.
 
lizferg said:
… We just get a new flyer every week and are expected to read it and that’s that. …"
Click to expand...
Maybe suggest each week you have a review of last week’s hand out, tell them you are not sure you understand the flyer. Typically this occurs when the teacher is scared. If you can get a conversation started about last week’s flyer or any other subject people tend to learn more and clearly enjoy the class better.
 
lizferg said:
Hey, I don’t post much, but I read here a lot. Thought I’d share and get someone’s opinion. My husband and I just started RCIA. We had been trying to decide between 3 parishes in our area and chose this one because the schedule/childcare issues were the easiest. We like the church fine, but we are having a hard time with the RCIA classes. My husband expecially…we have no Catholic background and it seems the leaders talk over our heads a lot assuming that we know what they are talking about. Infallibility, eucharist, history of the church,councils, etc…
It was to my understanding that RCIA explains these things in detail. We just get a new flyer every week and are expected to read it and that’s that. My husband is not the best reader, and is saying it’s all so over his head. He’s getting pretty discouraged. I on the other hand have been reading everything I can get my hands on to learn more. I try to explain it to him, but I was hoping the RCIA would be more helpful.
Sorry such a long post, but my question is, what if we stepped back and explored the possibility of going to one of the other parishes. I don’t know if that would solve the problem, but maybe another RCIA would be more understandable/helpful? Would we be looked down on for doing so?? I know the saying “the grass isn’t always greener…”
Liz
Click to expand...
Just remind the leaders that not everyone speaks “Christianese” yet, and ask them to please try to use more plain language. 😉
 
jmcrae said:
Just remind the leaders that not everyone speaks “Christianese” yet, and ask them to please try to use more plain language. 😉
Click to expand...
Yup - raise your hand and say “at which class do we get the decoder ring?”

Agree with above, these are things to discuss with your sponsors.
 
sometimes people get steak when what they really need is milk
 
I teach RCIA and would want to know if I was going over someone’s head. When I prepare my lession I always try to do it with that thought in mind,. If I was not familiar with what I am teaching would I understand it?
I also put in definitions when there are words someone may not understand.
Also, we have sponsor meetings and help them to help those they are sponsoring. They are our eyes and ears for problems too.
Tell your teacher’s…
 
my guess is the RCIA program at OP’s parish is trying to balance and meet needs of several people with differing or even conflicting needs. Some are Catholics in need of minimal instruction for confirmation, some unbaptized persons who need complete catechesis and sacramental preparation, and a variety of people in between. Some people who have come expecting a college level course in the catechism, some who want some more depth on the bible, some who just want the basics and least they need for sacraments. Some who learn best from a book, some who prefer video or power point presentations, some who prefer informal sharing and discussion.

From my POV I pity the poor RCIA people and think OP would be well advised to simply sit down and talk to them, and explain why the program is so difficult for her family, and see what can be arranged. Here we will bend over backward for anyone’s needs re schedule, work hours, make up classes, we have adults who are ADD, hearing and/or sight imparied, physical limitations of all kinds, English and Spanish speakers (and lately at least 2 other languages) and manage somehow to at least get them the basics of what they need. But it is very exhausting to have to present the same material at least 3 times sometimes more a week and we are at the limits of people and resources to do it.

It is my duty to point out frequently to our candidates that 90% of what they learn not just facts but what they internalize and practice happens outside class, through their own prayerful reading, study, meditation, and most of all time at Mass.
 
lizferg said:
Wow, thanks for your responses. A part of me regrets not going to one of the other parishes to begin with. It would have been closer to us, but we had friends at the one we are at now also, aside from the childcare arrangements. My husband fusses at me for being so indecisive:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
Liz…
Do let us know how things are going with you… ask questions here even… as you can see there are many people here who will jump in.
As to going to a different parish??? I am not sure about switching parishes that would be my first inclination … I would go where you could get the most help, or, definately talk to your moderator… [but not teaching rcia as so many do… couldnt say for sure so dont let me mislead you on that count]]
As a convert [before the time of rcia]… I would say do ask questions… ask ,ask, ask… there are so many more resources these days many books out there also answer questions …

This forum is a good sounding board [not a substitute for your sponsor or class of course… but a good addition]
Blessings and Good Luck!*
 
I second the Catholicism for Dummies book… my dh got it when he was in RCIA and it was easy to read…

Also second asking questions here… and informing the RCIA staff that you don’t understand. I too teach RCIA and would want to know. Actually, I have a woman that asks alot of questions and I spend alot of time with her explaining things and it helps me become a better teacher…
 
I have that book. I really like it. I’m beginning to feel that this problem with the class is deeper than what I’ve explained. My husband is just not into it. He was only doing it for me. I think I’m going to let him step away and do it when he is ready. I also have a baby due on Good Friday, so the possibility of me being at the Easter Vigil is slim. So I guess I’m trying to think out if we need to both go another year and try again. I do have my kids in CCD and they will continue. I love the Catholic Church. I think I just dove in the deep end and signed us all up to convert right away.
 
Even if it’s the right time for you, it may not be the right time for your husband. Perhaps you could continue and he could try it at another time.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top