RCIA for Baptized Catholic - Getting Married

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faith1234

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Hello All. I am a first time poster, but have been reading for many months now.

I have a problem. I have been with a lovely Catholic girl for 2 years now, and we have decided to get married in the church. I am a baptized Catholic, however, I was never confirmed nor received first communion due to the fact that my mother changed to a Protestant church. I have been attending weekly masses alone for more years than I can remember (at least 10). I consider myself a dedicated Catholic, and I would say that I probably know more about my faith – and live that faith – than many of my confirmed friends, despite the fact that I do not receive the Eucharist.

Well, now we’ve set a wedding date for March next year, and I have been asked by our parish priest to provide a confirmation certificate. Is there an option for someone like myself who feels fully Catholic, participates in the Catholic faith, and understands that same faith – but was never able to complete first communion and confirmation? I need to be confirmed before my wedding, but I have already missed RCIA classes for this year. I know that RCIA classes take a very long time, so I was wondering if someone else had ever been in a similar position.

Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide. God bless.
 
At my parish, they have something called ASP - Adult Sacramental Preparation. It is designed for people like yourself that are baptized Catholic, but need to prepare for their sacraments.

I would see if your parish offers such a program, as it seems like it would be more suited for your situation.
 
Talk to the priest, ASAP. He will guide you on what options are available for you.

Priests do not have the faculties to confirm Catholics. That is reserved to the Bishop. The priest can ask for permission from the Bishop to confirm you, however.
 
faith1234 said:
Is there an option for someone like myself who feels fully Catholic, participates in the Catholic faith, and understands that same faith – but was never able to complete first communion and confirmation? I need to be confirmed before my wedding, but I have already missed RCIA classes for this year. I know that RCIA classes take a very long time, so I was wondering if someone else had ever been in a similar position.

Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide. God bless.
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yes, in it is not full blown RCIA, it is sacramental preparation for Catholic adults, and the preparation need not take that long, just what you need for immediate prep for the sacraments. However be advised that if the bishop reserves Confirmation of adults for himself, the date he sets may be after your wedding date. But that should not delay your wedding, but you are on your honor, as it were, to complete your initiation at the date set. You should if possible make first communion before your wedding so you can receive at that time, the two don’t have to be linked in time.

Adamant refusal to seek Confirmation at all can raise a legitimate doubt in the priest’s mind of one’s intention to take on all the responsibilities of the sacrament of marriage with the mind of the Church, and ordinarily one must be a fully initiated Catholic before marriage. And the priest is within his rights in asking the reasons why, if you have been attending Mass for 10 years and studying the faith, you never asked for the sacraments. He will be trying to weigh and assess your commitment to the Faith, which is his job.

Make sure the priest and the person directing your sacramental class, if it is someone else, communicate, so paperwork gets to the right place.

In case someone in a similar situation has a similar question, if OP came to me and related the fact that he had actually been raised in another faith as a child, I would try to assess his current knowledge and practice, because if he is an uncatechized (no background whatever) yet baptized adult, he would indeed go through RCIA.
 
Puzzleannie,

Thank you for your response which has been extremely helpful. Just to clarify a few points, are you a priest or a lay person involved in RCIA?

I am absolutely committed to the confirmation process, so I hope that wouldn’t raise any doubts in father’s eyes.

As far as whether I’m uncatechized or not, I’m not sure what really draws that line. I would say that I have a more accurate knowlege of the faith than most if not all of my confirmed friends. For example, I was just discussing the Eucharist this morning with a confirmed friend who insisted that the Eucharist was merely “symbolic” rather than the true body and blood of our Lord.

Was wondering if you’d mind clarifying what you mean when you say that ASP need not “take that long.” I’m certainly not looking for a quick process, but I’d rather not start at the beginning given that I do consider myself a dedicated and informed Catholic. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!
 
faith1234 said:
Puzzleannie,

Thank you for your response which has been extremely helpful. Just to clarify a few points, are you a priest or a lay person involved in RCIA?

I am absolutely committed to the confirmation process, so I hope that wouldn’t raise any doubts in father’s eyes.

As far as whether I’m uncatechized or not, I’m not sure what really draws that line. I would say that I have a more accurate knowlege of the faith than most if not all of my confirmed friends. For example, I was just discussing the Eucharist this morning with a confirmed friend who insisted that the Eucharist was merely “symbolic” rather than the true body and blood of our Lord.

Was wondering if you’d mind clarifying what you mean when you say that ASP need not “take that long.” I’m certainly not looking for a quick process, but I’d rather not start at the beginning given that I do consider myself a dedicated and informed Catholic. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!
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If you believe in the Catholic church and the Eucharist, why haven’t you taken steps before now to receive it?
 
faith1234 said:
Was wondering if you’d mind clarifying what you mean when you say that ASP need not “take that long.” I’m certainly not looking for a quick process, but I’d rather not start at the beginning given that I do consider myself a dedicated and informed Catholic. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!
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What you need to do is talk with your pastor or RCIA/religious education director. How long things take depends on the parish. My parish offers an adult confirmation program that is separate from RCIA and is designed to prepare practicing Catholic adults for the sacrament. However, I know that in the next parish down the street they put everyone through RCIA. So depending which parish you belong to the process would be quite different and could take either six weeks or a year.
 
To answer agapewolf’s question, there are many personal issues that prevented me from making any long-term commitment to a program – mainly that I was away from my home on business travel for nearly 50 full weeks each year for the last three years. Having recently lost my job – and having time now to plan for a marriage I would have undertaken much earlier – I find myself with the time to fully devote myself to this. And, further, when I was home for a sparse weekend, my priority was to participate in mass and worship the Lord – not to fret over the minutia of this issue.

Suscipe me Domine raises an interesting point, though, which seems to be that different parishes have different standards for confirmation of practicing, baptized, Catholic adults.
 
faith1234 said:
Suscipe me Domine raises an interesting point, though, which seems to be that different parishes have different standards for confirmation of practicing, baptized, Catholic adults.
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Not necessarily different standards, but different resources available in terms of people to lead and teach in the different programs. The reason we can have a separate confirmation program is because we have people who are willing to teach for both RCIA and confirmation, meaning that they’re willing to give up two nights out of their week. Not every parish is so blessed.
 
Agapewolf…

I think it would be clear from my previous posts the importance I place on the Eucharist as the true body and blood of our Lord. I was speaking about the minutia of the wedding process – regarding planning, etc. I realize that I didn’t clearly express myself.

Both of your posts have been accusatory and rude, and I would just assume go without your comments which have been neither helpful nor constructive. If you’re going to parse my words and question my motives, I would prefer to hear from others that have given very helpful information for my next steps.
 
faith1234 said:
Puzzleannie,

Thank you for your response which has been extremely helpful. Just to clarify a few points, are you a priest or a lay person involved in RCIA?
.
.
.
Was wondering if you’d mind clarifying what you mean when you say that ASP need not “take that long.” I’m certainly not looking for a quick process, but I’d rather not start at the beginning given that I do consider myself a dedicated and informed Catholic. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!
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I am not Puzzleannie but I can tell you that she is the DRE (Director of Religious Education) for her parish and so is fairly knowledgeable about the rules and regulations regarding becoming “fully initiated” as a Catholic.

As others have mentioned, the processes for becoming fully initiated vary from parish to parish based on resources. In theory, a catechized Catholic would undergo a much shorter process than someone who did not have much knowledge of Christianity/Catholicism. In reality, the amount of time is driven by policies of the local diocese, by the pastor of the parish, and/or to whomever the pastor gives the authority to make such decisions.

The policies of parishes regarding the administration of sacraments may seem like minutia to you but like many such rules and regulations their goal is to protect and promote the integrity of the sacraments. I can assure you that many people such as yourself, with irregular work schedules, find attending classes for the reception of sacraments to be difficult. Since the sacraments are more important than work, the requirements that they be properly received cannot be removed. But the means to assure the proper reception might be adjustable (according to the resources of the parish) for exceptional cases. If a parish doesn’t have the proper resources a candidate for sacrament reception might be able to work something out with another parish.

In any case, the sooner you explain the situation to your pastor (or if necessary to his “deputy”) the sooner you can find out what can be done in your particular case. Please understand that many parishes will be reluctant to tailor a program to your individual needs. Many of those who run such programs are volunteers and those who are paid are probably overworked. Your inability to attend what is already offered may be interpreted as a lack of sincerity on your part.

That means it is up to you to convince your pastor (your best bet is to speak to him directly; this is often difficult in practice) that you are ready to do what is necessary to be ready to receive the sacraments.
 
I have not accused you of anything, nor been rude. I was simply asking questions…

one of them very shocked at what was a very easily to be misunderstood statement, and rightly so.
 
faith1234 said:
Well, now we’ve set a wedding date for March next year, and I have been asked by our parish priest to provide a confirmation certificate. Is there an option for someone like myself who feels fully Catholic, participates in the Catholic faith, and understands that same faith – but was never able to complete first communion and confirmation? I need to be confirmed before my wedding, but I have already missed RCIA classes for this year. I know that RCIA classes take a very long time, so I was wondering if someone else had ever been in a similar position.

Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide. God bless.
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Talk to the priest about your options. Some priests are open to the idea of private instruction - raise the subject and see what his reaction is. This would most likely be the quickest route, since you can focus on your areas of weakness, without having to go over stuff that you already know.
 
Praise the Lord who does wonderful deeds:)

The simple answer to your inquiry, which by the way is a sign that the Holy Spirit is working with you, is Yes.

As a lay person with a great deal of time invested in learning my faith, dispite my twelve years of Catholic school education, I find that what I don’t know is greater than what I do know, which is why I became a Marian Catecheist, Marian Catechist is a program started by the late Father John A Hardon, and is now under the International Direction of his Emmenince, Arch Bishop Raymond L Burke, who was recently assigned by Pope Benedict XVI, to head what might be compared to our Supreme Court.If intersted do a Google search on “Marian Catecheist.” You will easily find the Home Page.

I too am a member of our parish RCIA team. It’s a really good way to get up-dated.

We have “fallen away” Catholics in every class, every year it seems. God is Great!

RCIA is but one of the good steps. Others are to keep going to Mass as often as you are able, daily if possible and speak to your pastor, and try to meet with him on some sort of regular basis, as a spiritual director. Additionally, their are prayer and bible study groups that that will do much to satisfy your thirst for knowledge.

You are correct in knowing that you can’t do this “alone,” and that you may very well know more than “most Catholics.” Sadly, that does not seem to hard to do when some fifty percent of “Catholics” choose to vote for a Pro-Choice candidate, and perhaps up to seventy-five percent do not know, understand, or fully accept the Church’s doctrine on the Most Holy Eucharist.

I have read that as high as ninety percent of Catholics no longer utilize the Sacrament of Forgiveness, the Sacrament of Reconcillation. I expect a similar percentage no longer accept the Popes and the Church Magistrium’s mandate and authority to teach and to “bind” Matt. 16:18

So, no matter where we are in our walk with our Blessed Lord, their is more to learn, and always more that needs to be done.

Father hardon regullarly told us that “you can’t share what you don’t have.”

Look to our Blessed Mother Mary for an example and as the most perfect intecessor. Pray to her daily. She’s you “mom,” she will hear you and assist you.

May you find love, joy and peace on your jorney. Welcome home!

I’ll pray for you.
God bless,
Pat Miron
Marian Catecheist
 
faith1234 said:
Hello All. I am a first time poster, but have been reading for many months now.

I have a problem. I have been with a lovely Catholic girl for 2 years now, and we have decided to get married in the church. I am a baptized Catholic, however, I was never confirmed nor received first communion due to the fact that my mother changed to a Protestant church. I have been attending weekly masses alone for more years than I can remember (at least 10). I consider myself a dedicated Catholic, and I would say that I probably know more about my faith – and live that faith – than many of my confirmed friends, despite the fact that I do not receive the Eucharist.

Well, now we’ve set a wedding date for March next year, and I have been asked by our parish priest to provide a confirmation certificate. Is there an option for someone like myself who feels fully Catholic, participates in the Catholic faith, and understands that same faith – but was never able to complete first communion and confirmation? I need to be confirmed before my wedding, but I have already missed RCIA classes for this year. I know that RCIA classes take a very long time, so I was wondering if someone else had ever been in a similar position.

Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide. God bless.
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Years ago, I worked a block from a Catholic church and when they offered RCIA, I figured I might learn something.

About half of the attendees were already Catholic who just wanted to learn more.

Many were Catholics who for whatever reason had not gotten confirmed.

So at the conclusion of the RCIA classes, the whole class went into the church building and those who had been baptized were baptized (I was asked to be a sponsor) and for those who had not been confirmed, arrangements were made for a bishop to attend (sometimes a priest can be delegated to perform the Confirmation service). And the bishop performed the Confirmation.

No problem.

It was actually a joyous celebration. Not a “big deal”, but just the bunch of us. All different backgrounds. For me, it was very memorable … low key … and very meaningful.

Spouses attended. Whole families came. It was really cool.

And then the pastor arranged for coffee and cookies back at the meeting room.

I had been traveling on business on and off and missed some of the classes so I signed up to “repeat” the classes.

They used to kid me about it.

And I’m still friends with one of the priests. Everyone has moved on to other assignments. It’s been a very long time. But I still exchange Christmas cards with one of the priests and whenever I visit the area I stop by to see if my priest-friend is visiting [he’s assigned to a foreign mission].

[One time, I dropped in … it was on an off-hour and things were quiet. So I went in to see if a priest was available for Confession … and my friend just happened to be there. So he offered to hear my confession and then we sat and had coffee.]

A thousand apologies for rambling on.

It was a very meaningful spiritual experience.
 
faith1234 said:
Hello All. I am a first time poster, but have been reading for many months now.

I have a problem. I have been with a lovely Catholic girl for 2 years now, and we have decided to get married in the church. I am a baptized Catholic, however, I was never confirmed nor received first communion due to the fact that my mother changed to a Protestant church. I have been attending weekly masses alone for more years than I can remember (at least 10). I consider myself a dedicated Catholic, and I would say that I probably know more about my faith – and live that faith – than many of my confirmed friends, despite the fact that I do not receive the Eucharist.

Well, now we’ve set a wedding date for March next year, and I have been asked by our parish priest to provide a confirmation certificate. Is there an option for someone like myself who feels fully Catholic, participates in the Catholic faith, and understands that same faith – but was never able to complete first communion and confirmation? I need to be confirmed before my wedding, but I have already missed RCIA classes for this year. I know that RCIA classes take a very long time, so I was wondering if someone else had ever been in a similar position.

Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide. God bless.
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Well I will first say you should have never set a date for the wedding and should probably change it. Usually the Church requires at least 6 months to a year of Marriage preparation. I will however say the Marriage preparation aside, that you should be able to speak with the pastor or the Bishop about your specific situation being a regular Mass attending Catholic and possibly receive your First Reconciliation and Holy Communion by the end of the year and the Sacrament of Confirmation early next year. This of course would depend on your understanding of Catholic teaching and practice, as well as you ability to put it into practice.
 
All-

First, let me say that I am extremely moved by the responses and helpfulness of this group, offers of prayers, etc.

I wanted to respond to Al Masetti whose response was particularly uplifting. I have actually already taken steps to enroll in an RCIA class at my parish – although, I’m still waiting for a call back as to what nights they meet.

As an aside, I am also interested in looking into private instruction with my priest as I really sincerely feel that RCIA classes may not allow me to discuss with the priest areas that I really have concerns about.

I also wanted to respond briefly to PJM as he/she raised some really interesting points about Catholicism today. You know, I was speaking with another Catholic last night, and she made a statment to the effect of “well, the Lord says this in the scriptures.” When I asked her to show me where, she noted, “well, I don’t really read the Bible, but the church says…” I was shocked. Yes, the duty of any good Catholic is to learn what it means to be Catholic and accept the church’s authority, but how is that possible without reading the Holy Scriptures? It’s like building a house without a foundation. So, PJM, while it’s extremely important to, "accept the Popes and the Church Magistrium’s mandate and authority to teach and to “bind,” what’s the use of all of that if one doesn’t make an effort to actually understand where the Lord says that to S. Peter and the context? Thanks PJM for raising some great points, and, thanks also for not just spouting off theology but actually knowing the words of our Lord!
 
Oh, and I forgot to respond to Bro. Rich…

We actually didn’t set a date independently. We set it with the church and in conjunction with our pastor. That being said, are you saying that we should have never done this given my situation?
 
faith1234 said:
Puzzleannie,

Thank you for your response which has been extremely helpful. Just to clarify a few points, are you a priest or a lay person involved in RCIA?

I am absolutely committed to the confirmation process, so I hope that wouldn’t raise any doubts in father’s eyes.

As far as whether I’m uncatechized or not, I’m not sure what really draws that line. I would say that I have a more accurate knowlege of the faith than most if not all of my confirmed friends. For example, I was just discussing the Eucharist this morning with a confirmed friend who insisted that the Eucharist was merely “symbolic” rather than the true body and blood of our Lord.

Was wondering if you’d mind clarifying what you mean when you say that ASP need not “take that long.” I’m certainly not looking for a quick process, but I’d rather not start at the beginning given that I do consider myself a dedicated and informed Catholic. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!
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I have been involved in RCIA as catechist and sponsor for 20 yrs and as director for 8, no not a lot of priests are named annie. I am a layperson, and as many people here can attest, I do have problems with the role of laity in the process, but that is not your question.

as I said, If you are well–catechized and know the elements of the Creed and practice of the faith–and that would be determined through personal interviews and the same type of evaluation we give to all confirmation candidates–there is no need to go thru a full-blown RCIA program or doctrinal class. You would receive immediate prep for the sacrament–in this diocese, 11 lessons on the sacraments of initiation, the Holy Spirit, review of the creed, and a retreat. However you would still wait until the date set by the bishop for adult confirmations, I can’t do anything about that.

Most people want to participate in the full 9 month catechism class because they are hungry for a comprehensive presentation of the doctrine, and for the scripture portion of the session, which focuses on the Sunday readings. The class offered for newly confirmed is a 20 week Salvation History comprehensive bible study.

Neither I nor Bro nor anyone else is criticizing how you personally are dealing w/your own situation. You asked, and we answered, based on our experience in our own parishes and dioceses. Bro in addition is the resident expert w/best grounding in RCIA in general and most experience, so he is our best authority here. We both pointed out that RCIA is not primarily intended for baptized Catholics, but does make provision for those who are uncatechized to be included w/non-Catholic candidates. The RCIA process is rather flexible and over its 30 years existence has been adapted to meet needs of those in various parishes.

in over 20 yrs of parish work I can honestly say I can’t think of a priest who has the time, even if he has the inclination, to give private instruction. That would be ideal, but we have to be realistic.
 
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