RCIA process - receiving communion

  • Thread starter Thread starter Sarad22
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

Sarad22

Guest
I’ve been attending a catholic parish for 10 years. I’m married, my husband is catholic and we have 2 kids who are catholic as going to catholic school.

I started the RCIA process in September with my parish. I’ve attended weekly mass and RCIA meetings weekly and an 8 hour retreat on sacraments. One week ago I asked if I would be received at the Easter vigil and they cannot tell me a straight answer. They also told me today that my marriage had to be convalidated since we were married at my christian church and not a Catholic Church before I can receive communion.

Does this sound typical?
 
Last edited:
I’m not sure what kind of answer they’re giving you on your reception into the Church.

But regarding your marriage, unless you received a dispensation for the wedding to be at your church, then yes, neither you nor your husband should be receiving Communion until your marriage is convalidated.
 
Thanks Julian.

I started this process in September with the expectation I would be able to receive communion by Easter so I could do it with my daughter for her first communion this May.

I don’t understand how the convalidation conversation did not occur before now. At this point I feel this has been very dishonest of my church and I’m just done with it. The funniest thing is that they sought me out to do this process this year!
 
Sarad22 said:
I don’t understand how the convalidation conversation did not occur before now.
Click to expand...
It should have! But it’s also a quick process, assuming neither of you had a previous marriage. It shouldn’t affect your ability to come into the Church by Easter.
 
What does the process usually entail? I read somewhere that there are interviews and a ceremony. My husband will not go for this. He’s not even supportive of RCIA process.
 
If your husband is Catholic and you are raising your kids as Catholic why would he object to RCIA? Seems odd.
 
Wait, your husband is Catholic and doesn’t support the RCIA process? 🤔

My suggestion is that you make an appointment with your priest and let him walk you through the convalidation process. It would be a great loss if you gave up now! Even if it takes longer than expected, it will be worth it when your whole family can attend mass and receive communion together!
 
I’m a little confused—isn’t he Catholic?

If he’s unwilling, talk to your pastor about radical sanation. That does not involve a ceremony, nor require your husband’s involvement.
 
Last edited:
I don’t understand. Your husband is Catholic. Your husband is raising your children to be Catholic, they attend a Catholic school, and one of them is soon going to have her First Holy Communion. But your husband doesn’t want his wife/the mother of his children to be Catholic. Why not?
 
He doesn’t think it is worth the time. I should phrase that he supports me to do it but is not something he endorses or has ever asked me to do. We attend mass together as a family already. Time spent in the class is time away from family. And when the response from the parish was that our marriage needed convalidation his thoughts were the church should spend its time resources regarding some of its major flaws.
 
I’m not sure I even agree with the convalidaton. Or the fact that the person running the RCIA programming could not tell me anything about it expect for the fact that I need to do it. I just have a hard time understanding why this should occur after 10 years of marriage. It’s like saying we didn’t believe marriage as sacred when we got married. (We did) I’m superstitious and most people who renew their vows get divorced!
 
Husband and I was not married in Catholic Church, we have been married 34 years and I Converted 2019. He is Baptist, and Myself and Son Catholic(Son converted when I did)
We did not have any trouble
 
Im really frustrated with this whole process and even considering changing parishes mid RCIA. I spoke with another parish on the phone and I’m meeting with them next week.

Anyone else I have spoken with about this process has said it’s always been straight forward. I just don’t understand why they aren’t being more transparent.

My husband is indifferent about the process since we attend mass almost weekly already. I’m pretty much s practicing non catholic if that makes any sense
 
So you did not have to do the convalidation thing?

Was your process pretty straight forward?

I just don’t understand why they are making things so difficult
 
Unfortunately it could just be something wrong with the process at your particular parish. It is odd that they did not ask questions before you began or are unable to answer your questions.

Glad you are not giving up! I hope the next parish is helpful.
 
Sarad22 said:
So you did not have to do the convalidation thing?

Was your process pretty straight forward?

I just don’t understand why they are making things so difficult
Click to expand...
You were married to a Catholic, but not in a Catholic Church. That is the difference between your situation and @IAmBlessed2. Catholics are held to canonical form. A marriage outside the church is grounds for nullity unless it was dispensed. Switching to a different parish is not going to change that.

Your focus should be on getting your marriage convalidated ASAP. Any church offering to bring you through RCIA without convalidating your marriage is leading you into sin and your husband into sin. This is serious business.
Sarad22 said:
I’m superstitious and most people who renew their vows get divorced!
Click to expand...
Superstition is a sin. Trust in God. He has brought you this far. He has lead you to his church.
 
Last edited:
Sarad22 said:
I just have a hard time understanding why this should occur after 10 years of marriage.
Click to expand...
Because your husband is Catholic and your children are Catholic everyone likely assumed that you were married in the church or otherwise received a dispensation to marry elsewhere. People did not have any reason to think otherwise, but they were wrong to assume. I Doubt that anyone was trying to deceive you.

As to transparency, the marriage issue is a complicated one. It is the job of the priest to guide you through it. It is not the job of the lay people involved in RCIA to give you all the ins and outs.

Additionally, they have given you the correct information. You need to meet with Father. Then the three of you will make a plan for how things should happen. There is no one convalidation process. How things will go for you is at the discretion of the priest. The lay RCIA team literally cannot answer your questions.
 
Sarad22 said:
Im really frustrated with this whole process and even considering changing parishes mid RCIA. I spoke with another parish on the phone and I’m meeting with them next week.

Anyone else I have spoken with about this process has said it’s always been straight forward. I just don’t understand why they aren’t being more transparent.
Click to expand...
I’m sorry this has been frustrating. They really should have discussed your marriage situation from the start – it’s a fairly common issue in an RCIA group. Switching parishes might be a better fit for you; however, the convalidation issue will be the same no matter where you go.

I would suggest you ask your pastor about a radical sanation – this is just a term that means “healing at the root” and can often be used to validate a marriage without the need for a convalidation ceremony.
 
Did you fill out an RCIA application? There are questions on there that address sacraments you may have received such as baptism and also questions regarding your marriage situation.

Needless to say this should have been explained to you earlier, but as someone pointed out, another parish will say the same thing. You need to have your irregular marriage convalidated. It is easy to do and can be done even in the priest’s office. There are questions that need to be answered, though. I had to do it as well. My wife sounds a lot like your husband, but I think he will be amenable to it.

I would say be thankful they aren’t just herding you and others through RCIA. Sounds like they have a discernment process in place. You might find that other parishes will require you to wait until the fall to start their classes so it might take even longer. Priests have the ability to bring people into the Church at different times, so if it isn’t at Easter, then maybe Pentecost.

Don’t give up! I went through the process 7 years ago and it was worth it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top