RCIA question.. Receiving eucharist while in mortal sin

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prthmntrvn

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Hey all, really hoping for some insight.

I am just now completing RCIA due to COVID but I have a question for you all…

I realized how terrible of a person I was during last winter and had the realization that I needed Christ. I was always a leukwarm protestant of low faith but through Gods grace, he allowed me to see the error in my ways. Ive always been ‘Christian’ and would pray but did not take my faith seriously, at all. Until about a year ago Christ called me home.

I then began meeting with my protestant pastor from childhood, am 21 now, and talking to a Catholic deacon. The deacon slowly won my heart and I agreed the Catholic church was right, although I did not accept all the teachings at the time. Something simply spoke to me that it was the true church.

I couldnt comprehend at first that the eucharist could only be for confirmed catholics in a state of grace, though I desired to be that. My catholic faith was growing and my old leukwarm protestant mind was shrinking although I still had their thought process embedded in my mind.

During the beginning of RCIA while I was still coming to terms with the church, I felt very strongly about desiring communion. I was still meeting and talking Christ with my old pastor from my protestant past. He offered me communion at his home and I took it.

Now being a much more faithful (near) catholic a year almost later, I am horrified by my actions. I feel terrible. I have an overwhelming sense of dread and sadness. I want to be right with Jesus and take back any transgressions I ever did against him and God. I am terrible sinner. I am losing it in anxiety over this.

I knew it was wrong at the time even though I was only learning about the catholic church for about a month or two at that point and knew deep down the catholic church was true but i didnt convert entirely digesting all the teachings yet. I felt confused and upset the church wouldnt let me receive and went back to my old protestant roots.

I took it unworthy and I hate myself for it. I knew it was wrong but decided anyway to take it. I had no idea it was such a big deal but i knew it was wrong and taught against from the media I would take in about the church, namely from Father Casey on YT, Breaking in the Habit.

Please pray for my soul. I am sorry for my sins and what I did. Please tell me I can be forgiven for this. I am losing it.

I had no idea I did this until now when I saw a video on YT about Eucharistic abuse and wondered, what’s that? Then I googled it around noon today and realized what I have done. I guess I knew when I did it but i had no clue that Jesus hated this so much and what sacrilege is/the intensity of this. I don’t know. I don’t even know what was going through my head when I did. I’m so sorry. I mean, I want to apologize to you all that I did this to our Lord. Please forgive me.
 
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You didn’t do anything wrong at all. You were inquiring into the Catholic Faith, you were and are not yet a Catholic.

The fact that you are using language like “terrible sinner” and that you “hate yourself” signals something wrong in your spiritual life. Get some counseling from the deacon you’ve worked with in the past. You should not have be having anxiety and bad thoughts over this. Get some spiritual help.
 
Thank you. I want to be worthy of the promise of Christ. That’s all I want. I can’t bear to think I lost it by doing that. I am tearing up as I type this. Thank you for your reply.
 
You didn’t “abuse” the Eucharist. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your soul isn’t in jeopardy over this.

I can’t see it more plainly, contact your deacon or pastor if you are having such extreme levels of anxiety over this.
 
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prthmntrvn said:
Thank you. I want to be worthy of the promise of Christ. That’s all I want. I can’t bear to think I lost it by doing that. I am tearing up as I type this. Thank you for your reply.
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As @1ke said, you didn’t do anything wrong. The fact that you’re freaking out this much suggests there is something else going on. You may want to seek spiritual counseling because this level of anxiety is not normal.
 
Thank you. Both your reassurances are very comforting with this. I hope and pray I did not. I am beginning to believe I didn’t. Again, thank you.
 
NOTE: I’m going to assume that you are not scrupulous when answering this.

Doesn’t sound like you committed a Mortal sin (maybe venial depending on what was going on in your head)

HOWEVER, if you have already had your first Confession, feel free to go to confession and confess this to make you feel better.

If you haven’t had your First Confession yet, simply speak with your Deacon or Priest until you feel better. And if you don’t feel better, bring this to your First Confession so you do feel better.
 
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Scrupulosity is a word that I can recite its definition, but I am not yet familiar with in how it pertains to our faith, exactly. After doing some research, I am beginning to suspect I fall into this trap more often than not.

I plan on confessing this regardless, even if it was apart of my prior faith and part of conversion like my priest, who I just called, suggested. I believe it will still make me feel good to confess…

I asked the Lord to tell me I did not lose him like this or irreparably hurt our friendship earlier after posting this. I then drove with my girlfriend downtown and saw a priest at the UPS, oddly enough. I said hi, have a nice day, father. He was very pleasant asking how I am doing in return and smiled big. I did not know this priest, haha, just a random priest I met and wanted to be friendly to.

I see this as possibly a sign from Christ that He is still with me and we are still friends.
 
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prthmntrvn said:
I was still meeting and talking Christ with my old pastor from my protestant past. He offered me communion at his home and I took it.
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You did NOT take the Eucharist, you took what Protestant call communion. The Eucharist is the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ. No Protestant church has it. Be at peace.
 
Hey it’s okay. don’t worry about it you weren’t catholic number one and I know you said you believed ,but you were not initiated into the church. Also you had no idea the extent of the sin.
Also you said it was a protestant pastor that gave it to you?
Yea that’s definitely not a sin because protestants don’t hold the same belief as catholics do therefore its not the same thing. Even if you did receive from a catholic deacon it isn’t a sin trust me.

I’ve been through something like this its called scrupulosity. Where you start to feel guilty for the wrong things or that you can’t go to heaven because you feel your terrible person. Those feelings are from Satan believe me. They often come to people that are trying to be closer to the faith. Being catholic I did something like what you did and I almost cried in the confessional, and the priest told me that God can forgive anything. Remember a Saint is a sinner who never gave up. There is nothing for us to forgive because you have not done anything to me. God has already forgiven you for anything bad you have done in your life because that’s just who he is. Let me know if you need anything or any other questions. Dominus Vobiscum
 
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prthmntrvn said:
I was still meeting and talking Christ with my old pastor from my protestant past. He offered me communion at his home and I took it.
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This communion would not have been the Eucharist - blood and body of Christ. It is considered in memory in protestant churches.
 
prthmntrvn said:
I was still meeting and talking Christ with my old pastor from my protestant past. He offered me communion at his home and I took it.
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I’m a prospective revert to Catholicism, but a Reformed minister as well. While I’m waiting for the time I can be confirmed, I don’t just commune in a Reformed church, I celebrate the Eucharist in a community which believes in the Real Presence, because that’s what I do for a living for now. And I’m a lady.

Be at peace. You’ve done nothing wrong.
 
Dlee said:
It is considered in memory in protestant churches.
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That should read “in some Protestant churches”.

Which doesn’t change the fact that, from a Catholic point of view, what Protestants who believe in Real Presence perform is both invalid and illicit.
 
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