RCIA Question

[Drachmann]

Hi Everyone

This is my first post, so bare with me. I am Christian raised Lutheran, baptized and Confirmed, my wife is Raised Methodist. I have just started the Process to convert, Starting to go to Mass had a meeting with the Pastors associate.
Doing that meeting something came up I would have never thought of, I lived with a women for 3 years before marrying my wife, Civil not in a church. My wife was married before and got divorced and is not on good terms with her x.
Now I understand that since my Wife’s Marriage with her x is not annulet. Does that mean our relationship, in the eye’s of the Church is illegitimate or invalided ?
The Church want’s to start the process for Annulment of My wife and her x Marriage, he will not help. My wife supports me converting, but is not sure that she wants to apply for annulment.

Now were does that leave me ? and what influence does it have on this weather my wife and her x is Water baptized or not ?

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Welcome to CAF and welcome to the Church!

I’m confused about your previous relationship. You said you lived with a woman before you married your wife. But am I understanding correctly that you and this woman never married? Not in church, not in court, not with anyone who could receive your vows? If that is correct, then that relationship is over and done with.

But now you’re married to a woman who was married before. And that will have to be dealt with. Basically, the Church assumes that her first marriage was valid and that she was not free to marry you. A Tribunal can look into the situation to determine if, perhaps, her first marriage was not valid for some reason. If her first marriage wasn’t valid, then she was free to marry you.

I understand that she’s not on good terms with her ex-husband. The Tribunal can work with that. She won’t ever have to see him or talk with him, but in fairness he has to be given an opportunity to participate in things. He may choose not to participate and that’s OK.

I hope 1KE will be along – she’s very familiar with this and among other things, can explain the Pauline and Petrine privileges. It’s in those instances that the question of whether the parties were baptized makes a difference.

You are undoubtedly going to get lots of different answers here. You’ll have to sort through who actually knows about these issues and who thinks they know because their aunt’s next-door-neighbor’s cousin heard something. The best person to help you through it all will be your pastor or the person in your parish who assists with declarations of nullity.

 

[Catholic1954]

You and your wife need to make an appointment with the priest ASAP to discuss your marriage situation and get annulment paperwork started, if needed. He will be in the best place to advise you on the next step. The lack of co-operation from your wife’s ex-husband will not effect the outcome of an annulment for your wife’s 1st marriage.

 

[ChelleyD]

Hi Everyone

This is my first post, so bare with me. I am Christian raised Lutheran, baptized and Confirmed, my wife is Raised Methodist. I have just started the Process to convert, Starting to go to Mass had a meeting with the Pastors associate.
Doing that meeting something came up I would have never thought of, I lived with a women for 3 years before marrying my wife, Civil not in a church. My wife was married before and got divorced and is not on good terms with her x.
Now I understand that since my Wife’s Marriage with her x is not annulet. Does that mean our relationship, in the eye’s of the Church is illegitimate or invalided ?
The Church want’s to start the process for Annulment of My wife and her x Marriage, he will not help. My wife supports me converting, but is not sure that she wants to apply for annulment.

Now were does that leave me ? and what influence does it have on this weather my wife and her x is Water baptized or not ?

Wow. Your story pretty much mirrors mine, except I was not raised Methodist, and my husband was raised Catholic, he didn’t need to convert.

So, my husband lived with someone without benefit of marriage before we met. Didn’t make it right, but also meant he did not need to go through the annulment process. I was married previously (both my ex and I were baptized Christians at the time) and therefore needed to go through the process.

My ex was of absolutely NO HELP in the process. After several attempts (over the course of a year) to contact him and have him fill out the paperwork, the Diocese finally determined that they would move forward with only my information.

On the face of it, it does seem that your current marriage would be considered invalid in the eyes of the Church. However, only your priest can answer that. As you noted above, this can possibly be corrected through the annulment process. Please work with your priest.

As for your wife not being sure she wants to apply…here’s what I would say. First, she ought to do it as a support to you if for no other reason. Second, I found the process very cathartic. It really helped to look at my former marriage and see where I was at fault and what I could learn about how to do it better in future.

 

[His_helpmeet]

You and your wife need to make an appointment with the priest ASAP to discuss your marriage situation and get annulment paperwork started, if needed. He will be in the best place to advise you on the next step. The lack of co-operation from your wife’s ex-husband will not effect the outcome of an annulment for your wife’s 1st marriage.

Indeed. This is actually a fairly common scenario. I strongly encourage that you see your priest ASAP because usually you cannot be received into the Church if you are in an invalid marriage.

If her ex does not want to be a part of it that’s okay. He has the right to be notified that she is pursuing a declaration of nullity, he has a right to be involved or not if he so chooses, and he has a right to see the evidence (though some may be redacted; sometimes this is done for things like the safety of the petitioner if it was an abusive situation). My DH had to petition for a declaration of nullity before we could be married in the Church. His ex refused to have anything to do with it. All she had to do was indicate that she did not wish to be involved. She told this to our pastor, who was charged by the tribunal with doing in the interviews. The case proceeded without her and he received a declaration of nullity.

 

[Drachmann]

Thank you everyone, your advice is noted. I do have a meeting with the church next week about this. My wife does not want to come between me and my walk with God, so that is good. I feel like I have finally found my home when it comes to faith and I am nervous.

Thank you everyone for answering
Drachmann