RCIA with Spouse

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Thank you for the thoughts and suggestions. I know I can be confrontational and I have trouble understanding sometimes. That is why I have tried to step back and allow her to go on the journey without my (name removed by moderator)ut and questions. But she hasn’t sought conversation with any of the RCIA leaders or the priest.

I understand that talking to a priest can be a struggle but it shouldn’t be something that you avoid all-together if you are considering conversion.

The words of one our priests “if you aren’t sure there is no need to rush to a decision, the Church has enough bad Catholics.” Not to say I’m going to be good, I know I fall short on a daily basis, but I’m at least excited about the journey.
 
sfleet said:
The words of one our priests “if you aren’t sure there is no need to rush to a decision, the Church has enough bad Catholics.” Not to say I’m going to be good, I know I fall short on a daily basis, but I’m at least excited about the journey.
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I think this was the statement that struck my before about your posts. Just because she isn’t reacting as you are doesn’t mean she is or will be a “bad” Catholic, and by even suggesting she is rushing, you are essentially implying that she is not going to be a good Catholic - or at least not as good as you.

I think you need to leave it in God’s hands and stop trying to decide how your wife follows her faith journey. God will take care of that.
 
You say your wife is shy. She may be having trouble not just talking about contraception ( or other things),but also putting her thoughts together to ask questions or even find out more about the subject. I suggest finding a good book on the subject and letting her read it at her own pace. It will give her an understanding of what the Church teaches and why…and most likely answer her doubts. Off hand, I don’t have any book recommendations, but I’m sure other more knowledgeable posters do. How about " Humanae Vitae"…It is available online and have heard that it is not terribly long and quite understandable.
God Bless you both on your journey home!
 
Honestly, if RCIA is causing this much trouble in your marriage, you might consider waiting this “season” out and restarting (with a LOT less pressure and a different approach) next time.

I don’t know if your church teaches similarly to mine, but I know my priest would’ve told me long ago to step back and lay off! Have you told your priest what’s going on? It sounds like you are waiting for her to do something about it. But your references to her anger are a huge red flag. At this point, she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. (She said before she had real issues with the Catholic teachings and couldn’t get past stuff. But now she thinks it’s a matter of keeping up with you?) If you wind up going through with this, as things are now, you risk all kinds of anger and resentment for pushing her into something she really doesn’t seem ready to do. I dunno. As excited as you are, I think the obligation is to the marital bond…and you two need to resolve this, at the least by agreeing to disagree and be comfortable on different paths. shrug Maybe RCC teaches differently. But in our parish, the priest (who handles it, not a “team”) has delayed reception for one spouse (in multiple cases) because of the turmoil it was causing in the household. Then again, we also don’t have the rigid reception schedule that it sounds like yours has. Tough call…best wishes on your journey!
 
She completely “understands” the Church’s teaching on contraception. She says that I’m too much of an idealist and she doesn’t think that the stats on NFP are accurate. She is very skeptical about the success rates and doesn’t think it is very practical. Wants to put all the burden of contraception on me through withdrawal method. Which I’m no longer willing to do since I’ve read Humanae Vitae and I beleive it is bad. She is basically asking me to sin and I’ve made it clear how I feel about it. I will no longer use withdraw as a form of birth control. I’m not asking her to be on birth control. I want to learn NFP, but that takes two and it primarily takes the woman to be willing.

I realize some of my posts may make it seem as though I’m being judgemental or it seems as though I think I’ll be a better Catholic. However that isn’t how I feel at all. but I do have guilt about her converting since joining the RCIA class was my idea. I don’t want her to convert and regret it and blame me for it so to speak. I want her to come to it on her own and be happy about the decision. her own words were that she doesn’t like the thought of being Catholic and she isn’t happy
So I’m not projecting those feelings those are her words.

Thank you for thoughts and (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
sfleet said:
She completely “understands” the Church’s teaching on contraception. She says that I’m too much of an idealist and she doesn’t think that the stats on NFP are accurate. She is very skeptical about the success rates and doesn’t think it is very practical. Wants to put all the burden of contraception on me through withdrawal method. Which I’m no longer willing to do since I’ve read Humanae Vitae and I beleive it is bad. She is basically asking me to sin and I’ve made it clear how I feel about it. I will no longer use withdraw as a form of birth control. I’m not asking her to be on birth control. I want to learn NFP, but that takes two and it primarily takes the woman to be willing.

I realize some of my posts may make it seem as though I’m being judgemental or it seems as though I think I’ll be a better Catholic. However that isn’t how I feel at all. but I do have guilt about her converting since joining the RCIA class was my idea. I don’t want her to convert and regret it and blame me for it so to speak. I want her to come to it on her own and be happy about the decision. her own words were that she doesn’t like the thought of being Catholic and she isn’t happy
So I’m not projecting those feelings those are her words.

Thank you for thoughts and (name removed by moderator)ut.
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I became a Catholic 35 years ago. My husband was supportive but he never discussed religion. He would occasionally sing with our choir for Mass. I never even prayed that he would become a Catholic. I was happy that he supported my decision and let it go at that. One day six years ago - at choir practice - he announced that he was going to become a Catholic. My first reaction was joyful, my second reaction was irritation that I did not have a clue that this was happening. One of the choir members had tears in her eyes and I was just stunned.

To make a long story short. With the exception of our children, this turned out to be the greatest blessing in our lives. He still does not talk about his faith much but over the last couple of years he is opening up more. But, this I know. He loves being a Catholic. He loves the people. He was always a good kind (howbeit the strong silent type) but we have become closer and happier with each other. We are going to renew our vows in the Church this year for our fiftieth anniversary.

My advice. Let your wife take her time. Tell her that you will support her decision and that you understand. Don’t worry about it. Let the Holy Spirit take over this job. You may be truly surprised some day.
 
Have you talked to a priest about this? He can give you good advice on how to approach the situation. I’m sure they have had many people who went to RCIA to please their spouse and weren’t sure about converting. Perhaps you could go to a different parish where the priests don’t know you and your wife, and in that way you are not discussing another RCIA candidate - your wife, but your situation. I know this would make a difference for me.

I agree with others that she must make the decision on what to do. Even if she converts out of wrong reasons, God can still work with that and she can grow spiritually regardless. Maybe it will take her longer to really get it. Maybe you will have to do the hard work. Don’t be afraid of that responsibility if she decided to do it. God will help you and lead you.
 
Remember right now she is being asked to do a LOT, and she does not yet have access to the sacraments. Things start to look a whole lot more doable once regular reception of the sacraments is happening. For NFP concerns, I encourage you and her to join NFP Catholic Style on Facebook. It is a closed group, so you send a request to join and then you and she can get all the info and support you need. God bless!
 
sfleet said:
Update: my wife has opened up a bit to me. She is really hung up on the church’s beliefs on contraception. She basically said she has struggled with that so much that she hasn’t even considered other typical sticking points for Protestants. Hasn’t developed opinion on Mary, real-presence, authority etc. she is too hung up on contraception.
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It might help to look at where these beliefs come from.
Matthew 19:4-6:
He said in reply, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”
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Not “the two shall remain two fleshes, not becoming closer to each other than 0.05mm” – i.e. nothing there about a physical (i.e. condom, diaphragm, etc.) or chemical (i.e. “Pill”) barrier interfering.
 
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