Re: confession Did a search, but I can't find an answer

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Lucy_1

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As far as I know I’m not scrupulous, but I am a convert (about ten years ago) from the reformed tradition of protestantism, which basically teaches that everything you do-- even good works-- are polluted by sin, and I think that mindset still sometimes sneaks in.

Anyway, lately I have had quite a few sins come to mind from several years ago. I’m really starting to get anxious about them (ergo, I’m posting at two in the morning, lol). They fall into a couple of different categories and I wonder if anyone can advise.
  • A couple of them were serious sins, but I’m pretty sure I confessed them already, but I’m not 100% positive.
  • A couple of them I realize now were probably sinful, but I think they were venial because as far as I can tell they didn’t really harm anyone, and I certainly didn’t do them with the intent to harm. So obviously they don’t fit the three criteria for mortal sin, but sometimes I’m not sure where a sin sits on the continuum, so they might have been serious?
OK, I’m sure by now you’re thinking, just mention them the next time you go to confession. But here’s the thing, although I go to confession once a month (and sooner if I commit mortal sin) I absolutely dread it. I never feel better afterwards, and I pretty much hate every aspect of it. So if you could just tell me what I’m obligated to do I’d appreciate it, because I really don’t want confess these sins if I don’t have to.
 
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I have a scrupulous nature, but over the decades I have improved a lot, in any case I know that kind of problem well.

From what you write, I would tend to suggest that you do absolutely nothing, except ask God for a delicate but not scrupulous conscience.
 
According to what you wrote, there is no need to confess those previous sins. If you are in doubt you might consider at the end of you next confession, “I am sorry for these sins and the other sins of my life, especially those regarding _________ (insert chastity, sloth, pride, or whatever’s appropriate).”
 
Regarding the old serious (possibly mortal) sins: If you are reasonably sure you confessed them in the past, there’s no need to mention them again.

Regarding old venial sins: You are not required to mention venial sins in confession, so there is no need to mention those either.

Regarding you not liking to go to confession: As someone who spent decades, including when I was a child/ teen and not committing serious-possibly-mortal sins, hating and fearing going to Confession due to a couple of negative interactions with the priest and a general anxiety about going that just got worse over time, this concerns me a little bit. Definitely make yourself keep going at least once a month and hopefully the frequency will eventually turn it into a normal, possibly slightly bothersome task rather than something you dread. I don’t think I’ll ever be in the “Yay, I’m so happy when I go to confession” group, but at least I don’t get a mega anxiety attack at the thought of going anymore.
 
MtnDwellar said:
“I am sorry for these sins and the other sins of my life, especially those regarding _________ (insert chastity, sloth, pride, or whatever’s appropriate).”
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Oh wow, I never thought of doing that. Thanks!
Tis_Bearself said:
Regarding old venial sins: You are not required to mention venial sins in confession, so there is no need to mention those either.
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But what if they were more serious that venial? And how do you tell when the needle on the gauge moves over to serious? I’ve read many instructions on examination of conscience, and harm to others seems to be one of the few commonalities I distinguish. BTW, thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut @Tis_Bearself, I respect your opinion.
 
I deal with this issue a lot as well. As I examine my life I see more and more serious sins, and some of my more egregious sins weigh on me. Just remember, you already confessed them, so you’re good. Trust in God’s mercy.

If you’re unsure, or if you’re really wanting to do a good solid confession to make sure you’ve taken care of every sin in your life this far, schedule a general confession with your priest. In a general confession you confess every sin you can remember in your entire life, even ones you’ve already confessed. Many holy teachers suggest doing one of these every so often (like, every decade, or something like that. Or when you’re first truly renewing your efforts to live according to God’s law) This is not because your sins haven’t been forgiven, it’s more of a way of going back over you life and seeing how greatly you’ve sinned and rejoicing in the glory of God who sacrificed His son for you, who forgives you despite your sins, and who desires your salvation more than you ever could!
 
ProdglArchitect said:
If you’re unsure, or if you’re really wanting to do a good solid confession to make sure you’ve taken care of every sin in your life this far, schedule a general confession with your priest.
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Thanks for the suggestion, I will think about this.
 
Lucy_1 said:
But what if they were more serious that venial? And how do you tell when the needle on the gauge moves over to serious?
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This is starting to sound a bit scrupulous. Remember that confession is primarily supposed to deal with the here and now, not with going back and dredging up sins we may have committed 6 months ago, 2 years ago, 10 years ago etc. I was away from confession for 18 years, and probably made a number of inadequate confessions prior to that, so I could do a lot of dredging but after making an effort to identify and confess mortal sins over my first few confessions returning to the Church, I don’t think I need to keep going back to 2014 or 2001 and worrying about it. If something from wayback really bothers me I mention it in 5 seconds, but that’s rare nowadays.

As long as you make a reasoable effort to identify and confess serious sins then you don’t need to worry “But what if a sin crossed the line somehow”. If you have to think that hard then it probably didn’t.
 
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Lucy_1 said:
But what if they were more serious that venial?
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When you’re absolved, you’re absolved from all your past sins, including those you had forgotten or didn’t recognize as sinful.

I verge on scrupulosity and I have thought processes not unlike yours (I’m not making a pronouncement on whether or not you’re scrupulous, though). My regular confessor discourages me from “confessing” that kind of sins (putting quotes around “confessing” because, as he says, “you are already forgiven”).
 
OddBird said:
When you’re absolved, you’re absolved from all your past sins, including those you had forgotten
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There’s a caveat here though. When you do remember a serious sin you’ve forgotten you’re required to confess it. That’s not scrupulosity, though I do agree it can lead to scrupulosity if you have a bad memory >_>
 
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If confession bothers you, perhaps scheduling a talk about confession and forgiveness of sin - not necessarily confession, though it may become that - with your priest. You can ask about it in terms of learning more about the faith and sacraments especially because you’re a convert.

An odd thing about scrupulosity is that it tends to afflict those who most want to love and live as God desires us to do. But keep in mind that God is a father - a good loving father, a daddy even. If a good human father knows how to love his child, think how much more our Heavenly Father does…lilies of the field, a light yoke and all that.

Christ became human so that we would know He knows our weaknesses and has walked in our shoes. He is one with us - Emmanuel.

Don’t presume, one thief was condemned.
Don’t despair, one thief was saved.
In all things , love God with all your heart, mind and might, and your neighbor as yourself, walking humbly with your God.

And if you fall, Daddy will be there to pick you up.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
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ProdglArchitect:
There’s a caveat here though. When you do remember what you’ve forgotten you’re required to confess it.
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Only if it’s a serious/ mortal sin.
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Very true, my mistake. I will correct my post.
 
johnnykins said:
If confession bothers you, perhaps scheduling a talk about confession and forgiveness of sin - not necessarily confession, though it may become that - with your priest. You can ask about it in terms of learning more about the faith and sacraments especially because you’re a convert.
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I think this would be helpful, but I really hate to bother my priest. I know he must be very busy. Would it be an imposition on him?
 
It’s kind of his job. 🙂 Just ask. Maybe take him to lunch? Drinks? Dinner? If he’s too busy he’ll let you know.

Honestly, I think most priests want to know their parishioners and explain the faith. I’m guessing he’l be happy to talk with you, and get to know you better.
 
Lucy_1 said:
I’ve read many instructions on examination of conscience, and harm to others seems to be one of the few commonalities I distinguish.
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If you’ve done this and still can’t tell then it’s probably not as serious as you may think. Of course, I have no idea what sin you’re talking about nor do I want to know.

I’ve never read anything about mortal sin that really even comes close to being clear. It’s best to just learn from members of the clergy in person. What I’ve gathered from doing that is that mortal sin pretty much requires intent, malice or spite of a serious nature. So if your unsure, it’s not a mortal sin.

The more scrupulous clergy I’ve heard wouldn’t say much more than “better safe than sorry”. If that advice works for you then use it. But it seems to muddy the waters for me. Although I don’t necessarily think it’s not useful advice.
 
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Lucy_1 said:
Thank you, very helpful info.
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Add @ProdglArchitect’s caveat to it, though 😉
ProdglArchitect said:
That’s not scrupulosity, though I do agree it can lead to scrupulosity if you have a bad memory >_>
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Yes.

Or, on the reverse, it can turn into an excellent “feeding ground” for scrupulosity – eagerly combing through your past and actively searching for hypothetical forgotten mortal sins, or hypothetical aggravating circumstances that would take venial ones to a more serious level.

Been there, done that, got a few earfuls from my confessor about trusting in God’s mercy and the efficency of the sacrament, and humbly accepting that I’m a sinner and will be a sinner until the day I die.
 
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