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constantino
Guest
Using these books (no pictures) novels actually to enhance the sexual experience within my marriage Is this a sin? Is it different from pornography?
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Rand_Al_Thor
Guest
Are you talking about advice books or novels?
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constantino
Guest
I am talking about novels for me and my wife.
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LilyM
Guest
Regardless of whether or not it’s pornography, it’s definitely harmful to your marriage.
You two need to be able to relate to and appreciate each other as you are, real human beings. And not work yourself up with the unrealistic portrayals of sex you usually get in literature.
What’s going to happen when the novels become boring (and trust me, they inevitably will) - you going to move onto movies or something?
Remember what Jesus said - ‘whoever looks on a woman with lust has committed adultery with her in his heart’. That goes for fictional characters too, you know. The only object of your lust should be your wife.
You two need to be able to relate to and appreciate each other as you are, real human beings. And not work yourself up with the unrealistic portrayals of sex you usually get in literature.
What’s going to happen when the novels become boring (and trust me, they inevitably will) - you going to move onto movies or something?
Remember what Jesus said - ‘whoever looks on a woman with lust has committed adultery with her in his heart’. That goes for fictional characters too, you know. The only object of your lust should be your wife.
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Seatuck
Guest
It is definitely problematic. You are using the sexual exploits of others even if they are fictional and bringing them into your marriage. Not good at all.Nobody belongs in your marital sex life except you , your wife and God.
You probably want to study up on marriage and the meaning of the marital act and what it means and reflects.
Christopher Wests stuff is good, Theology of the Body, William May has some stuff. The Catechism has a section on this , Love and Responsibility by the previous Holy Father published under Karol Wojtyla is excellent. Several encyclicals are great for understanding this-*Deus Caritas Est, Humana Vitae. *Pope John Paul’s Apostolic Exortation - Familiaris Consortio is also good.Archbishop Fulton Sheen wrote a book called Three to Get Married that is also informative about the spousal relationship.
I disagree with the previous poster on your wife being the object of lust. That’s not in line with church teaching. Lust has no place in christian marriage. The beautiful expression of love in the marital act is not lust.It is so much more. When you make love in marriage it is the renewal of the marriage vows. Lust is when a person is objectified. That is not part of marital love.
You probably want to study up on marriage and the meaning of the marital act and what it means and reflects.
Christopher Wests stuff is good, Theology of the Body, William May has some stuff. The Catechism has a section on this , Love and Responsibility by the previous Holy Father published under Karol Wojtyla is excellent. Several encyclicals are great for understanding this-*Deus Caritas Est, Humana Vitae. *Pope John Paul’s Apostolic Exortation - Familiaris Consortio is also good.Archbishop Fulton Sheen wrote a book called Three to Get Married that is also informative about the spousal relationship.
I disagree with the previous poster on your wife being the object of lust. That’s not in line with church teaching. Lust has no place in christian marriage. The beautiful expression of love in the marital act is not lust.It is so much more. When you make love in marriage it is the renewal of the marriage vows. Lust is when a person is objectified. That is not part of marital love.
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StCsDavid
Guest
I suppose the first question is what do you perceive is lacking in your experience that you feel needs enhancing and how do you perceive that a work of fiction which you read as an individual will enhance the shared reality you and your wife experience? My point is, you can read about a great experience and think, “wow, wouldn’t it be great if my wife and I did that,” but when you get right down to it, recreating the fantasy might prove disappointing. Are you going to be disappointed in your wife because she didn’t live up to your expectations established by the fictional fantasy you read?
Second, nearly all of those kind of books are simply porn for the mind. What’s the difference between looking at a physical picture of a couple having sex and conjuring an image in your mind?
Third, reading such material is likely to get your engine revved up, get you in the mood so to speak, while wife might have not a clue and think husband is just being pushy about sex again, which leads to more disappointment, frustration and the like.
I’ve been married for 20 years and it took me far too many years to learn that the best way to enhance one’s intimate time is to learn to be a good listener and a good observer. No book is going to teach you what your wife enjoys, and discovery is way more interesting than painting by numbers.
Second, nearly all of those kind of books are simply porn for the mind. What’s the difference between looking at a physical picture of a couple having sex and conjuring an image in your mind?
Third, reading such material is likely to get your engine revved up, get you in the mood so to speak, while wife might have not a clue and think husband is just being pushy about sex again, which leads to more disappointment, frustration and the like.
I’ve been married for 20 years and it took me far too many years to learn that the best way to enhance one’s intimate time is to learn to be a good listener and a good observer. No book is going to teach you what your wife enjoys, and discovery is way more interesting than painting by numbers.
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Pat_the_Cat
Guest
The only thing that you should allow to cause you to become aroused, is your wife. If you consent to allow anything else to cause you arousal, you will become attached to it, in a way that should be reserved solely for your spouse. "Arousal is spousal", as they say.
Just because the books don’t have pictures/photos, doesn’t mean that they are not pornographic.
Don’t be scared to get help from someone trustworthy if you need to.
God bless you, you are in my prayers.
Just because the books don’t have pictures/photos, doesn’t mean that they are not pornographic.
If you find that it’s difficult to let go of these books, it may be a strong indication that you are already unhealthily attached.
Don’t be scared to get help from someone trustworthy if you need to.
God bless you, you are in my prayers.
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Joan_M
Guest
Yes, it is a sin. No, it is no different from pornography. They are both wrong. Pornography is a type of visual masturbation. Reading explicit sexual writing is a type of mental masturbation.
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Newbie2
Guest
Agreed.
This may be off the topic a bit, I apoligize, but I recall reading C.S. Forrester’s Horation Hornblower as a kid, and enjoying the adventure. I re-read one of the novels recently, and was a bit put off by the hero’s infidelity. It wasn’t something I remembered from youth, but I had second thoughts about recommending it for my sons to read.
Anyway, sorry to digress. Perhaps a love-story or a “chick-flick” might be an acceptable substitute? Guys hate chick-flicks for the most part, but sometimes it does the trick.
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Ender
Guest
That’s an intriguing question. For older men isn’t that what Viagra is for? Is this a form of mental Viagra? Is a chemical stimulus objectively different than a mental one?
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StCsDavid
Guest
Viagra is intended to correct a physiological/mechanical problem versus stimulating the sex drive. Porn is intended pervert the natural sex drive regardless of one’s physical ability.
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Mirror_Mirror
Guest
Yes it is wrong and it (for me) throws up a big red flag that there are other issues (secually) that need to be communicated about between the two of you. You should not “need a book” to “get you in the mood” to be intimate with each other. If so, you sexual relations have not completely lost their meaning and it is about lust, not about love.
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rwoehmke
Guest
Novels with chapter after chapter of explicit sexual activity are definitely pornography. Pornography can include pictures, written words, or audio and visual tapes. Some novels may have one or two semi-explicit bits, but it should essential to the story and not just stuck there to sell the book.
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Delphinus85
Guest
that’s a good tip!Agreed.
Anyway, sorry to digress. Perhaps a love-story or a “chick-flick” might be an acceptable substitute? Guys hate chick-flicks for the most part, but sometimes it does the trick.
Although, in the back of my mind, following the logic that sex is about only you two and God, and that no one else is invited, wouldn’t even this be wrong since you are using stimulation that isn’t based in your spouse?
Basically…I think there is a limit. I think explicit books using profane language is like watching porn. All out, hardcore porn. Obviously wrong.
However, I think reading, what most would call a “smutty” book is question worthy. Is it wrong to read a steamy (but not explicit) book with your husband to kind of get in the mood a little? I don’t know. It’s like the difference between something in a back-alley adult video store, and the scene in City of Angels there in the cabin. They dont’ show a flipping thing, but it’s suggestive (and romantic) and can kind of heat things up. It’s not that either of you are lusting after Nicholas Cage or Meg Ryan, but it’s like sexy music, it sets the mood a little… Artful expressions can set the mood for anything, Including good old-fashioned marriage romance
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Safe_Eagle
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DON’T DO IT!
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Chancellare
Guest
Only if absolutely needed for scientific studies and if you’re a psychologist, gynaecologist or urologist.
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Mayo
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I suggest you read JIm C. Cunningham’s Book Nudity & Christianity. It is a well written Book and you dont have to worry if it is a sin to read it.
He is a devout practicing Catholic…
Mayo
He is a devout practicing Catholic…
Mayo
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