Readings at non-Catholic weddings

[JCPhoenix]

A couple years ago I was asked by some friends of mine to read at their wedding, and did so. It was a second marriage for both, and I believe the Officiator was a Methodist minister (female). One of them was Catholic, but I believe only marginally. The service did not take place in a church but outside a historic building inside of which they later had the reception.

I did the reading, and they are a wonderful couple. I realize that their wedding is no considered valid by the Church.

Should I have NOT done the reading? Or was it perfectly moral and within the Church to agree to assist at the service?

Incidentally, M’s daughter (the husband) and I sang a song at the reception that we practiced immediately before the service. She died in a car accident this past April. She also assisted at her fathe’rs remarriage to her step-mother, and was Catholic.

I learned at her funeral that she was a member of Job’s daughters, which I understand is masonic? The daughter’s funeral was a Catholic funeral and she was very much loved–the church was full.

So I guess I’m just very concerned for my friends in general, as well as for my own role in the wedding. This is a wonderful and very close family, including the children who are grown and moved away…it seems rare to see such closeness in a world that seems to encourage animosity after divorce.

Sorry this was so rambling, but these things are weighing on my mind and I’m not sure how to sort them out in light of Catholic teaching.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

JCPhoenix:

A couple years ago I was asked by some friends of mine to read at their wedding, and did so. It was a second marriage for both, and I believe the Officiator was a Methodist minister (female). One of them was Catholic, but I believe only marginally. The service did not take place in a church but outside a historic building inside of which they later had the reception.

I did the reading, and they are a wonderful couple. I realize that their wedding is no considered valid by the Church.

Should I have NOT done the reading? Or was it perfectly moral and within the Church to agree to assist at the service?

Incidentally, M’s daughter (the husband) and I sang a song at the reception that we practiced immediately before the service. She died in a car accident this past April. She also assisted at her fathe’rs remarriage to her step-mother, and was Catholic.

I learned at her funeral that she was a member of Job’s daughters, which I understand is masonic? The daughter’s funeral was a Catholic funeral and she was very much loved–the church was full.

So I guess I’m just very concerned for my friends in general, as well as for my own role in the wedding. This is a wonderful and very close family, including the children who are grown and moved away…it seems rare to see such closeness in a world that seems to encourage animosity after divorce.

Sorry this was so rambling, but these things are weighing on my mind and I’m not sure how to sort them out in light of Catholic teaching.

I would have declined. I could not have participated in a service that makes a mockery of a Sacrament.

 

[stbruno]

This is a matter of prudence, but I agree with the good Brother. I would not have read at the non-Catholic wedding. I will say that even though you did, apparently you did it out of ignorance of the fact, so there was no sin on your part. However, for the future, respectfully decline especially since it seems you were uncomfortable enough to question your choice.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

Br. Rich SFO:

I would have declined. I could not have participated in a service that makes a mockery of a Sacrament.

I don’t understand. What mockery? I think the Catholic Church recognizes a marriage between two Protestants in a Protestant church to be a Sacramental Marriage. I don’t see how it is a mockery.

Re doing the reading - Many years ago, when I had occasion to be involved in Protestant Weddings, I was told that one does not take an active part in any non-Catholic religious ceremony. That is, one might be an Usher or Bridesmaid, but not Maid of Honor or Best Man. It seemed to be a reasonable place to draw the line.

On the other hand, a man who worked with some Catholics on various charitable projects died a couple of years ago. He had no religion. Some of us were asked to conduct a private prayer service for his family and friends. I supplied a reading, from Matthew. Figured it would do everyone good to hear some Scripture.

 

[JCPhoenix]

stbruno:

This is a matter of prudence, but I agree with the good Brother. I would not have read at the non-Catholic wedding. I will say that even though you did, apparently you did it out of ignorance of the fact, so there was no sin on your part. However, for the future, respectfully decline especially since it seems you were uncomfortable enough to question your choice.

I was not uncomfortable with my choice and I’m not necessarily so now. As I learn more and more about my faith, however, I am questioning not only choices I make now, but ones I made in the past as I would not want to repeat any mistakes.

I supported and do support their marriage, although I wish they were Catholic! But the reading I did for them has significance for me also and I took a lesson from it. And I was happy they were being married before God, as opposed to a Justice of the peace.

My question isn’t so much regarding my support of their marriage or the validity of it (it is valid at least in the Protestant arena). God loves them just as much as he loves us…but they do not have the fullness of the faith as we do.

I do want to know, however, if in the future Protestant friends ask me to participate in that manner at their wedding, if it is OK to do so. I would not if it were a non-Christian religion. I am limiting my question only to non-Catholic Christian services.

Hope that helps anyone who answers!

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Joe Kelley:

I don’t understand. What mockery? I think the Catholic Church recognizes a marriage between two Protestants in a Protestant church to be a Sacramental Marriage. I don’t see how it is a mockery.

Re doing the reading - Many years ago, when I had occasion to be involved in Protestant Weddings, I was told that one does not take an active part in any non-Catholic religious ceremony. That is, one might be an Usher or Bridesmaid, but not Maid of Honor or Best Man. It seemed to be a reasonable place to draw the line.

On the other hand, a man who worked with some Catholics on various charitable projects died a couple of years ago. He had no religion. Some of us were asked to conduct a private prayer service for his family and friends. I supplied a reading, from Matthew. Figured it would do everyone good to hear some Scripture.

“It was a second marriage for both, and I believe the Officiator was a Methodist minister (female). One of them was Catholic”

The Catholic Church considers “second” marriages invalid and an offense against the Sacrament of Marriage. Unless of course both had obtained Annulments, which seems unlikely in this case. Since they didn’t bother to Marry with a Catholic Priest in the Catholic Church. Which all Catholics are required to do unless a dispensation is obtained from the Bishop.

Now participating in a Marriage between two Methodists who are free to Marry each other, is a bit different.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

“It was a second marriage for both, and I believe the Officiator was a Methodist minister (female). One of them was Catholic”

The Catholic Church considers “second” marriages invalid and an offense against the Sacrament of Marriage. Unless of course both had obtained Annulments, which seems unlikely in this case. Since they didn’t bother to Marry with a Catholic Priest in the Catholic Church. Which all Catholics are required to do unless a dispensation is obtained from the Bishop.

Now participating in a Marriage between two Methodists who are free to Marry each other, is a bit different.

Thanks. Sorry I missed that it was a second marriage.
I agree with your assessment.

 

[JCPhoenix]

Um…we may not have enough information to declare either marriage “invalid”.

Of the male friend, I believe his ex-wift is Catholic and so he have have obtained an annulment for her. From what I understand they are still friends so any animosity would not have prevented him from going through the process for her.

As for the female friend, there would (I think) be no annullment but I know the marriage was very short and from what I know of it had serious cultural issues. She had met her first husband in the Peace Corps in Africa…he is a native African. When they moved over here to the US his culture because his guiding principles and she became not much more than a prisoner in her home. He actually attended a wedding in which she and I both were bridesmades, although I don’t remember if she spoke with him much there.

Anyway, I realize second marriages are technically invalid but I know that through canon law there are options. Unfortunately I don’t know enough about the specifics of their prior relationships and frankly it would be crossing a boundary even to ask at this point.

IN any case, I would support their second marriage to each other before I would support their living in sin.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

JCPhoenix:

IN any case, I would support their second marriage to each other before I would support their living in sin…

You would be supporting their “living in sin” either way. What is the difference between living together outside of Marriage while being Married to other people or living together in a pseudo marriage while married to other people.