Ready to kick out my Daughter! Her lies are causing trouble in my marriage!

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She is talking about turning a new mama and her newborn out on the street!!!

This is a complete statement that requires no defending.

because…her daughter did not want to confide in her the details of her child’s paternity.

I have a lot more empathy for the daughter who fell into the sin of pre-marital sex and neglected her faith than I do for a woman who professes her faith and then threatens to do something so very contradictory to Christianity because her feelings were hurt, and turns around and expects support from her religious community.

This is beyond appalling. It does not mean the OP is not in need of compassion for her… problems, but people are going to have to pass through their justifiable contempt for the suggestion of the act of putting a newborn baby on the street before they can feel it. This is a circumstance that is not served by an online community, where decent people would react in horror at what she is suggesting, and better served in a therapist office. Asking people online to behave like therapists is beyond the scope of this website.
 
Legend said:
His wife, not his daughter, is his marriage partner!
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His wife is in the wrong here. Must we defend and side with our spouses even when they are in the wrong and may potentially hurt someone (as this particular husband very likely knew his wife could potentially hurt her daughter and grandson if he told her the information he chose to withhold)?
 
Wow, you sure made a jump. I said that the father should not agree to perpetuate a lie against his spouse. Ideally, if the daughter asked for the father’s confidence, he should have said that he couldn’t break his marriage vows. You know, bout the two becoming one flesh. If the daughter sprung this information on him, he should have told her that he could not keep lying to his wife, and that she needed another confidant. Do you recall, this went so far as to have him introduced to the father…without his wife’s knowledge?

Really, all you who are ganging up on me…how would you feel about your spouses conspiring behind your back? And, I don’t see it being helpful to the OP, or to any of her family. Which is the purpose of these forums!

Also, I don’t recall being united in holy matrimony with any of you. So I couldn’t ‘betray’ you, even if I wanted to. My comments were about lying within the marriage contract.

This will be my last post on the subject. The one of it being OK to lie to your spouse, that is. I haven’t been blinded to the fact that the OP has a lot of problems to work thru. I just wish she could have at least partial assurance of her husband’s honesty.
 
Legend said:
I said that the father should not agree to perpetuate a lie against his spouse.
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Withholding information from someone who could potentially cause termoil with said information is not necessarily a lie. Based on the OP’s threads, it’s a real possibility that this is why the husband chose to withhold the information about the baby’s father from his wife.
Legend said:
he should have said that he couldn’t break his marriage vows. You know, bout the two becoming one flesh.
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Is this really what our marriage vows mean? That we must perpetuate each other’s wrongful attitudes and potentially cause more drama in the process? That’s very well what the husband may have been doing if he told his wife about the baby’s father. He very well may have known that and therefore withheld the information in order to not make the situation worse. In ordinary circumstances, yes, husbands and wives should share important information with each other and not keep secrets. But this particular wife has given reason to believe she cannot be trusted to react to certain information without causing more problems.
 
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I’ve also heard it as leaving his parent’s home and setting up a new family with his wife. I’m pretty sure that annulments have been granted, when this case can be proven.
 
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Legend said:
Wow, you sure made a jump. I said that the father should not agree to perpetuate a lie against his spouse. Ideally, if the daughter asked for the father’s confidence, he should have said that he couldn’t break his marriage vows. You know, bout the two becoming one flesh. If the daughter sprung this information on him, he should have told her that he could not keep lying to his wife, and that she needed another confidant. Do you recall, this went so far as to have him introduced to the father…without his wife’s knowledge?

Really, all you who are ganging up on me…how would you feel about your spouses conspiring behind your back? And, I don’t see it being helpful to the OP, or to any of her family. Which is the purpose of these forums!

Also, I don’t recall being united in holy matrimony with any of you. So I couldn’t ‘betray’ you, even if I wanted to. My comments were about lying within the marriage contract.

This will be my last post on the subject. The one of it being OK to lie to your spouse, that is. I haven’t been blinded to the fact that the OP has a lot of problems to work thru. I just wish she could have at least partial assurance of her husband’s honesty.
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The husband did not lie to the wife. He simply did not betry his child’s trust.

The situation would be different if the daughter lied to her mother. She didn’t!! She looked down and tearfully stopped talking. The mother jumped to conclusions. It was then that the daughter confided in her father. While the mother was busy with idle, cruel gossip the father was listening to her daughter to try to make things better.

The REALLY important part in this matter is that the well being of a young, pregnant woman and the LIFE of her unborn child were at stake. Given the OP’s willingess to chuck a mother and her BRAND NEW baby out on the street, I’m thinking the husband was right to not give information his wife was readily and willingly assuming (with no facts) that no one had.
 
Legend said:
I’ve also heard it as leaving his parent’s home and setting up a new family with his wife. I’m pretty sure that annulments have been granted, when this case can be proven.
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Please don’t start talking about annulments. It will only derail the thread and open the door for people to start making statements about things they have no authority to make.
 
Legend said:
I’ve also heard it as leaving his parent’s home and setting up a new family with his wife. I’m pretty sure that annulments have been granted, when this case can be proven.
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That’s a leap. Willingness to “leave and cleave” is totally different than protecting the life of your unborn grandchild. Paternity is not a life-or-death matter. The daughter was not obligated to tell either of her parents. What she did not diserve at all is to have her mother make an assumption based on an emotional moment and spred vicious and slanderous gossip.
 
Sorry. I said I was through with the subject, but, some people are truly ‘presuming facts not in evidence’.

First, this whole situation is a mess. But, let’s start with chronology:

The daughter has always seemed like a rebel. To her mom, the OP, at least.

When she turns 18, she feels that, because she’s an adult, she can stop attending mass. According to the OP, she is given an ultimatum by BOTH parents…obey, or move out.

She moves out.

After about a year, she turns up at the door, pregnant. The parents, worried for the grandchild, allow her to stay. With rules:no men, curfew, pays rent, she follows every rule, but will not attend mass.

She chooses ‘Messiah’, a name of which
the OP disapproves, as the child’s name

A family member plans a baby shower;the OP, seemingly embarrassed about he baby, is unsure whether to attend.

Baby is born…Named ‘Judas Messiah’ OP disapproves.

OP posts a very angry post, saying that her daughter and husband Have lied to her…while she thought the father of the baby was not known to the mother, he is known; husband has met him. It is revealed that ‘Judas’ is his middle name:he wanted OP’s daughter to abort the baby, but now, thinks better of it.

I agree, that behavior was questionable;but, I don’t agree that the husband was right in keeping his wife in the dark about something that would have ultimately brought her relief! And, if his daughter had told him in confidence, he should have asked, even begged, for permission to tell his wife, or, for his daughter to tell his wife, the identity of the father of the baby.

Some people here think that telling the OP about the father would have caused her to kick her daughter and baby out of the house, but, I never saw that. She was just angry that they had kept the identity of the father a secret from her for too long! Yes, she was angry! but, she had allowed her daughter to move back in… and, forgive me if I’m wrong…but I never saw anything about throwing the ‘poor, defenseless baby’ out into the streets!

And, doesn’t this OP have a husband? The father of her daughter, and the grandfather of this baby? Would he allow them to be thrown out in the cold? Highly unlikely!

So, am I still the monster who wants the ‘horrible, hard-hearted OP’ to kick her daughter and grandchild out of the house? Close readers of these threads would know that I’m the one who posted the largely ignored post that stated that, if he OP hadn’t kicked her daughter out of the house, (for the first time…for not going to mass) that she might not have gotten pregnant, in the first place? And, several times, encouraged her to attend the baby showe

But, I guess it’s just more productive to ignore what’s there in black and white, and read te words put into my mouth?
 
Legend said:
but, she had allowed her daughter to move back in… and, forgive me if I’m wrong…but I never saw anything about throwing the ‘poor, defenseless baby’ out into the streets!

And, doesn’t this OP have a husband? The father of her daughter, and the grandfather of this baby? Would he allow them to be thrown out in the cold? Highly unlikely!
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C’mon Legend you can do better.

the TITLE of this thread is “Ready to kick out my Daughter! Her lies are causing trouble in my marriage!”

Kick out the mother of a 1 week old baby.

Also, it is later disclosed that the daughter never lied. She started crying and could not speak when talking with her mother and her mother jumped to a VERY bad conclusion.
 
It’s also revealed that the husband stood up to OP. So, It’s true that they were causing trouble in the OP’s marriage. But, even if she would kick them out, the girl’s father would not allow it. Mind you, I’m agreeing with OP’s assesmemt…Not her solution!

I never denied that OP had serious issues. I didn’t ‘join’ her…the rest of you caught up to me.So much, I felt a little sorry for her.
 
Legend said:
It’s also revealed that the husband stood up to OP. So, It’s true that they were causing trouble in the OP’s marriage. But, even if she would kick them out, the girl’s father would not allow it. Mind you, I’m agreeing with OP’s assesmemt…Not her solution!

I never denied that OP had serious issues. I didn’t ‘join’ her…the rest of you caught up to me.So much, I felt a little sorry for her.
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The husband stood up to the OP after she had slandered her daughter.

The daughter didn’t cook up some huge conspiracy against her mother and use her father. She spoke and trusted him over a mother who was telling people she didn’t know who the father was and was ashamed and embarassed.
 
Baby’s only a week old? One would think a mom would try to provide a calm place for a newborn grandchild and postpartum daughter.

Not self involved drama.
 
F_Marturana said:
Baby’s only a week old? One would think a mom would try to provide a calm place for a newborn grandchild and postpartum daughter.

Not self involved drama.
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Actually, scratch that, I looked at the post. The baby is 4 days old. Born on the 7th of April based on the OP’s other post.
 
Legend said:
But, I guess it’s just more productive to ignore what’s there in black and white, and read te words put into my mouth?
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The thing I don’t agree with you on is your opinion that the husband lied to the OP by not telling her that he knew who the baby’s father was. As I said before, withholding information from someone who may cause turmoil with said information does not necessarily constitute a lie. Also, I do not think he broke his marriage vows by withholding this information. Based on what we know, he probably was trying to protect his daughter and grandchild, and he probably really did what he thought was best. It was certainly not ideal to have to keep such a secret from his wife, but it very well may have been the best way to handle things, given what we know.
 
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I can understand why people aren’t telling the OP things, since she seems to be an awful gossip. I wouldn’t tell her anything either. However, the daughter did not lie to her.
 
The circumstances of your daughter’s pregnancy and resulting birth of your grandson are nobody else’s business. Be grateful that mother and son are healthy and that the father wants to be in their son’s life.

Perhaps your daughter confided in her stepfather because she knew how you would react. This should be the happiest time in your family’s life. But instead, you’re turning it into what people will think about you. You are the one who is embarrassed. You are the one who is ashamed. You are the one who is having the pity party. I’m sorry, but the world doesn’t revolve around you.

The person who is causing the discord in your marriage isn’t your daughter, it’s YOU. You want to throw your daughter and her newborn son out? Do it and you will find out that the sympathy and compassion will be with your daughter and her son. And the truth will be hard for you to swallow when for the sake of appearances, what the people you told about your daughter’s situation really think about YOU is.revealed.
 
Anyone notice
That the OP, except for her first post, just leaves them. No follow up, nothing! Well, OP, you probably don’t know what I’ve been thru, trying to stand up for you on a very small point. This is the last time I’ll ever do anything for you, if this is your m.o.

My first posts on any thread have always been about how you’re lucky for your grandson, being glad that he’s healthy, loved, and all. but what do you want…someone who’ll condemn your daughter with you? No, I won’t be a part of that. Although I still wish the best for him, you, I’m not so sure of!
 
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