Ready to quit RCIA

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shutterbugmom27

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I have been in RCIA since August. I have been going to Mass. I was baptised Catholic but never finished the other sacraments due to family issues when I was a child. It has taken me alot of years to get over my fears and anxiety to do this. I have no doubt in my mind at all that I want to complete my sacraments and be a part of the Catholic Church. No doubts at all. I am however having an issue with this parish. I have posted before about being underwhelmed. I still am.
I do not feel a connection at all to this parish in any way. Nor to anyone in my RCIA group. I see all of the others in the group chit chatting and sitting with each at Mass and so on. I just don’t feel like a part of the group. The RCIA leader goes on and on in class about how joining the church is not a personal private thing, it has a community thing. We are not doing this for ourselves but to be a part of the community. We are doing this to be accepted by the parish members. This parish is very community oriented, with a ton of groups for people to join and so on. Every class starts with a reading from the bible and then the leader asks what we “heard” in that passage. How did we feel about it? And people are giving these profound answers and everything is so deep. And how they hear God speaking to them and so on. I don’t hear any of that. I hear the words that are being read. And I understand the words and I know what they mean. But I am not hearing the deeper things everyone else seems to. I don’t hear God talking to me.
I understand that joining the Catholic church is about being part of a community. I get that. And I think it is wonderful. But I am doing this for me. Not to be accepted by anyone. I have always been a very independent person. I have never in my life been a person who felt they had to be accepted by others. I, frankly, don’t care what others think of me. And I think that is a great thing. I am me. I am not here to worry about who will accept me. I am not wanting to complete the sacraments to be accepted by the people in the parish. I am doing it for me. Because it is right for me. It is my life and after life that I am concerned with. I have no problem being a part of the community. I think it is great. But that is not my reason for doing this.
So I feel like I am the one who is wrong. Because I don’t hear God. Because I don’t care about being accepted. So then I feel like if I am not doing it for their reasons, then I shouldn’t be doing RCIA. I don’t feel that I put off a leave me alone vibe. I join in conversations. I just feel like I am the only idiot who hasn’t read the entire bible and can quote it. Or I am the only one not hearing God talking to me.
I can’t even say what brought me back to the church. I don’t have solid answers. It just feels right. I am a go with your gut kind of person. I always follow my gut or follow my instincts and I have always been right. I don’t have a sign from Jesus story that lead me back to the Catholic Church.
I am rambling. It all made sense when I was talking to my husband the other night 🙂
So I feel like this parish is not the right one for me. So do I continue on with RCIA to get it done? Even though I have no connection to anyone or to the parish.

Sorry for the babbling. I know what I am trying to say it is just not coming out well.

Heather
 
Heather, I would urge you to continue RCIA. Please don’t let your experience in this particular group deter you from your desire and effort to receive the sacraments. Most people don’t have a “sign from Jesus” story, nor do most RCIA folks (or even long-time Catholics, unfortunately) have a deep knowledge of Scripture or Church doctrine. It makes me suspect that the other folks in your group are trying to one-up each other.

The fact that “it just feels right” to you to become fully initiated into the Church tells me that God is drawing you in and you are responding. Keep your eye on the big picture, which is Christ in the Eucharist.

May God’s blessings be upon you.
 
My husband and I completed RCIA last year. We didn’t become especially close to anyone except the leaders and our sponsors. We have four children and we are so busy that it’s difficult to fit much else in our life. But we learned a lot at RCIA and enjoyed hearing the discussions. Even though arranging child care each week was quite an ordeal. We joined the church at Easter Vigil and it was a fabulous experience. We were then relocated to a new area and our new parish is so phenomenonally suited for busy parents like us. I would encourage you to stick with it. Practice loving people even if they don’t make you feel as welcome as you would like. There is so much richness to this experience. Don’t be discouraged. It is worth it in the end.
 
Hi Heather, First let me say that you aren’t alone when you say you don’t feel you’re a part of the parish. Sometimes I feel that way too because I’m not part of the “click” or group that dominates things in the parish. But you know what? That’s okay because when you get right down to it, it’s all about your relationship with God. He called you to come back to the church. You just need to stick with it and you will see beautiful things start to happen. I came back to the church after almost 40 years and it’s been the greatest thing that’s happened to me in a very long time. My wife and I (married 34 years next month) are closer than we’ve ever been. She became a Catholic two years ago and I feel so blessed. As far as quoting or reading the Bible…I can’t do it either and I doubt many can, heck our priest scolds us (humorously) that we can’t quote the Bible like the Protestants can :). I do know that I read the Bible much more these days and in fact have subscribed to “Magnificat” so I can be sure to get my daily dose of scripture. It is great to be back and I assure you that good things will happen it you stick with it. Wanna know a secret? God talks to us all the time. Look at the next sunrise or sunset or look at your children’s faces. Find some silent time and I promise you will start to hear him. God Bless You and Good Luck with RCIA.
 
Head down walk straight ahead into the wind, easter is coming. Complete the course then find a home parish more to your liking. But bailing out now and you’ll reset the clock at least a year.
 
Sounds like the RCIA teacher is expressing what Pope Benedict XVI wrote in his encyclical,
Spe Salvi, that salvation has always been considered social, not individual.

When we’re Baptized, our parents ask that their child be brought into the community of faithful.

Anyway, perhaps reading Spe Salvi will reveal something for you.

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20071130_spe-salvi_en.html

I would advise that you hang in there with your RCIA classes.

Remember, it’s Jesus we seek to be closer to, not religion itself. Religion is merely a means to growing in faith, but Jesus is the source of faith.

God Bless

Jim
 
I too came into the Church via an RCIA program that certainly didn’t answer my needs at the time. There were times I simply had to endure it, rather than enjoy it. It made for great penance. 😉 And although I joined the choir and attended Mass regularly, I was never part of the “in” groups, either. It was the sacraments that kept me interested–that and the authority of the Church. And I can’t stand going to Bible studies of the kind you describe. I never learn anything I didn’t already know and have to listen to others telling us about their “feelings”. Uck! A good Bible study is one in which we actually learn what the Church understands it to mean, its context, and how it applies to our lives, but I digress. My advice is to stick it out so you can be confirmed and receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. You may want to have a regular prayer routine, especially praying Morning and Evening Prayer and reading the daily Mass readings. That is the primary ways we, as individual Catholics can stay connected to God and other Catholics, plus daily Mass, if possible. All the best. Let us know how it goes. I’ll pray for you today.
 
Am I to understand that you don’t feel part of the parish while everyone else in the RCIA does? :confused: And so you are thinking you need to try another parish? You know, I had those feelings last year when I was in the RCIA and I still get those feelings.

This Fall I went through a period of time when I just couldn’t connect with the parish. I couldn’t go to the women’s retreat because I was working. I had trouble signing to help at the parish festival. Things like that kept happening. So how was I suppose to connect with the parish.🤷 ?

Other people will tell you how if you are talented and outgoing this wouldn’t be a problem. I am the opposite of outgoing and I find that a lot of the things I can do aren’t wanted. One Sunday we had a ministry sign-up and none of the things open were things I felt qualified to do. But that is one way to get involved in the parish if you do find an appropriate opening. :yup:

But with me what happens is I pray :gopray2: and then something changes. I discover that some people do care if I show up or not at Mass. When I was in RCIA I felt estranged and prayed and then developed the attitude I was going to everything–all the various events because somehow I belonged there.

So my recommendation: You are subject to spiritual and social pressure now so why not pray the Rosary every day? Try going to all the parish events that you can. And above all remember it is God you need to impress not the RCIA team.:twocents:
 
Thank you all so much. I am going to print out your messages and read them whenever I start to get discouraged.
I am not a super social person. I am married and have 3 teenage daughters and an almost teenage son. We are busy enough in our own family so trying to get out to be social with others is not a priority. I am also not a touchy feely feelings type of person. I am very matter of fact and say it like it is. I don’t “hear” meanings in things or feel things when I read a bible passage. I read and understand what I read. I get it all. I just don’t “feel” like most in my RCIA group do. A few of them seem to cry whenever a bible passage is read because it touches them. And that is fine. That is who they are. They are all about being a part of the community. It seems like that is part of their stories. Being part of the community and the parish and being a part of as many groups in the parish as they can. Which is wonderful…for them. They constantly want us to share our thoughts and feelings in class. I am not that type of person. So I end up saying what sounds right, but may not necessarily be what is right in my heart. But I don’t want to share all of my feelings and reasons for coming back to the Catholic church. They are very personal to me.
I just need to focus on my own journey. Just because it is not the same as their’s doesn’t mean it is not right. It is mine. Mine just happens to be very personal. :o

Thank You all again.

Heather
 
Why for so many is RCIA a negative and cold experience?

I pray for you to find enjoyment and peace with Christ.
 
Don’t quit. It is already All Saints and the time will fly. Does your husband go to RCIA with you? Set your sights on the Lord and Easter Vigil. (BTW it is early this year) It’s not that long. Turn away from thoughts about “the group”. and your personal feelings about them and listen to our Lord. I believe that He is talking to you, maybe just not the way you recognize or think that He should. Organize interesting adventures together with your husband. Visit a Cathedral, Sacred Concert, Shrine, Monestary, film. (The Way, For Greater Glory, and discuss it with your husband.) There is a WEALTH of info out there. Go online www.instituteofcatholicculture.org and listen to the free lectures or live lecture streaming to beef up your knowlege. The time will fly.

I came into the Church this year and have not regretted it one day. In my RCIA there was no discussion. We hardly spoke to one another for the whole time. Just our Pastor speaking for 2 hours. I never saw anyone at mass until Lent! :eek:

Many faithful cradle catholics who attend mass every week aren’t Bible wizzes either. I am sure many don’t even read the Bible in their spare time! That is something that we new catholics and old catholics have to work on. We are all wanting in that catagory! When you are at mass with your husband pray for our Lord to open your eyes, ears, and heart to what He is saying to you during each and every day. Ask Him if you can walk with him, help him and be a part of His day. Read! I recommend Conversations with God which are daily meditations. Sounds corny, but pray the Rosary. I started 1/12 years ago to pray the rosary everyday, not just recite it but give time after the Mysteries to listen for guidance before continuing. You will be surprized at the result! Have faith. This is the year of Faith! God bless you and your husband. Welcome Home!
:blessyou:
 
IronMIke said:
Why for so many is RCIA a negative and cold experience?

I pray for you to find enjoyment and peace with Christ.
Click to expand...
I’ve wondered the same thing. I sometimes think it’s a time of sorting and setting things straight in ones own heart and mind–a very trying thing to undertake. We have so much of ourselves wrapped up in our religious identity that it can be wrenching to shift gears, especially when there seems to be a lack of oil to make that shift easier. I was never so tempted to throw in the towel than when I went through RCIA. And it can be very hard when one gets a “one size fits all” kind of group/leader that isn’t a good fit. Then it is only the Holy Spirit that can sustain that person’s desire to go on in order to receive what God wants for him in the Church. It’s a kind of crucifixion.

shutterbugmom27, I’m a private person too who doesn’t easily cry or be “moved” by every little thing. I left a denomination in which everyone expected me to constantly share my spiritual life experiences and my feelings. They expected me to join lock step in everything they thought about everything, but I couldn’t do it. When I walked through the doors of a Catholic parish to go to my first Mass, no one grabbed me or hugged me or even shook my hand. And I was find with it because I was tired of being “love bombed” and wanted some sanity in my spiritual life. So, don’t feel like you don’t belong. Just go and be yourself and forget about trying to remake yourself to fit into anyone definition of what makes you the “right” kind of Catholic. Love God and your neighbor, be loyal to the Magisterium, participate as you are able, and leave the rest to God.
 
:hug1:You’re so close to being in full communion with the church. Don’t give up now! Remember why you’re here. Do you really wanna go back to where you were before RCIA? I highly doubt you do. Sounds like it’s Satan trying to get you to leave. That’s what people have told me when i told them about my doubts. The more i think about it, the more i believe it. As far as i’m concerned, Satan can just go pound sand.

I’ve thought about leaving more than once. I’d be lying if i said that i started farting fairy dust and riding unicorns since i started RCIA. Our director said that this wasn’t gonna be easy on our first day of class. Then again, who said anything worthwhile is easy? Intellectually, i know this is the end of my search for the truth. I’m gonna get through this, no matter what or who tries to convince me otherwise. I hope you’re gonna do the same. I hate to imagine all those efforts were all for naught. 🙂

Looks like we’re kind of in this together. PM me if ya wanna talk. The door’s open, and i’m happy to lend an ear.
 
IronMIke said:
Why for so many is RCIA a negative and cold experience?

I pray for you to find enjoyment and peace with Christ.
Click to expand...
What is the answer I wonder? I always thought that if I were to “get involved” in my parish beyond going to Mass, it might be to include myself in the RCIA process somehow. I feel in my mind I have some things to say but worry I would get stage fright when it came time to say it.

I think we have people of very good intentions that have certain talents.
Some of these talents to conduct a good RCIA program might include (and certainly not limited to) the following:
  • A deep knowledge base (very important)
  • The ability too convey this knowledge base to the students without overwhelming them or boring them.
  • The ability to do this in an attention getting manner
  • The ability meet the students individual needs and concerns
  • A good curriculum to follow
So many more. These people are volunteering for the most part I believe and may not have these talents. But we must keep in mind the church is growing smaller (imo) and the talent pool is shrinking.

Perhaps part of the answer is for a campaign to recruit in the individual parishes. I’ve never seen any evidence of this in my parish. So I, as perhaps many others, feel the program is going along just dandy.

I too see many posts here complaining about RCIA. I hope it gets addressed somehow.

My advice to the OP is too hang in there and try to remember the instructors are volunteers. Learn what you can on your own and take the RCIA program for whatever good you can draw from it.

As far as the “how does this passage make you feel” stuff, I agree, it’s just not for me. I enjoy the “Salvation History” type explorations of Holy Scripture much more then reading a verse and talking about what it means to me. Out of context itmeans very little. In context the question becomes irrevlevant in many cases.
 
Do not stop so close to the finish line. Will every day as a Catholic be “perfect”? Nope.
The difference is that you will be able to handle things, and you’ll be able to handle things that you might think that there is no way you’d be able to handle.

The joy that will hit you now and again (at Mass, even if not at every one; at confession, ditto, etc) will make it all worth it.🙂
 
Della said:
I’ve wondered the same thing. I sometimes think it’s a time of sorting and setting things straight in ones own heart and mind–a very trying thing to undertake. We have so much of ourselves wrapped up in our religious identity that it can be wrenching to shift gears, especially when there seems to be a lack of oil to make that shift easier. I was never so tempted to throw in the towel than when I went through RCIA. And it can be very hard when one gets a “one size fits all” kind of group/leader that isn’t a good fit. Then it is only the Holy Spirit that can sustain that person’s desire to go on in order to receive what God wants for him in the Church. It’s a kind of crucifixion.
Click to expand...
Yes this is an organic transformation. Growth in nature isn’t instant. It is gradual and comes in spurts. I would call it a discerning of the heart. It takes time. In our culture of instant gratification it is easy to lose patience. Some have a “religious identity” others have no contact at all, some have a different idea of what spiritual is, but all are being called. Many don’t understand why, but the call is there. I saw it as a realignment of the soul and Christ healing us and preparing us for the sacraments from the inside out. Closer toward vigil those of us completing our sacraments were all moving along the same way so that when we were integrated slowly through the rites and scrutinies, we arrived at the same point at vigil. Through the scrutinies we were brought forward as part of the mass, and during the rites with the help of the congregation we were spiritually embraced by the sponsors, congregation and over all of us our Lord. It was unforgetable. Don’t miss out!*
 
For the person who asked, my husband does not attend church with me. But my 13 year old daughter has joined the faith formation on her way to becoming catholic. My older two teenager daughters have no interest in becoming Catholic, but they do attend Mass with us so their little sister is not left by herself while I am dismissed for breaking open the word. I think that is what it is called 🙂
My husband supports me 150% though. He has been the one who keeps encouraging me to go when I am doubting the whole thing. If it wasn’t for him, I would have quit before I started. LOL. He is not a religious person but is open to it.

I plan on continuing on with RCIA. After reading all of the encouraging words here, I can see that it is the right thing to do. I am already two months in and only 5 months to go.

You are all correct. I don’t want to take so many steps back when I am so close. I also don’t want to discourage my 13 year old. She really loves her Faith Formation class. I am guessing she will be baptised this Easter. Nobody has said anything about it though.

I will just keep my eye on the prize, so to speak 😃

This board has been a great encouragement and I am very happy to be a part of it.

Thank You all

Heather
 
If it really gets hard just think of it as your penance, your offering of suffering to God 🙂

A big part of the concept of that guy hangin on that cross up front in the church is suffering, patiently and quietly and realizing life is about what you do for others not about ones self and ones own happiness.

When one finally grasps that it transforms everything. He uttered not a word.

Now if I could only follow that idea myself…🤷
 
Hi Heather,

I wasn’t going to post again but I really felt that I should. The greatest thing that you can do for your daughters and your husband is to be a good example and LIVE your faith. Make no mistake, your oldests are watching you. Don’t let the teasing get to you. Your actions, sincerity and love will speak louder than any words you can say to them. I think that it is amazing that they are going to mass every week with you! Brava! Hang in there! We all know that NOONE goes through life with out highs and unfortunately lows. Your faith will arm you with the strength to survive, hope, love and not succomb. This also goes for your husband and two eldest. The smartest thing that your youngest daughter can do is to complete her baptism/comfirmation. She will thank you for being there when she is older. Bless all of you.
PS If your husband would accompany you to Mass to spiritually support you and your children, it would be awesome!! (hint-hint) 😃

PPS: 5 months is nothing. I had to wait 1 1/2 years because I was late starting the first year. That’s why I had to find things to keep me motivated to continue even though there was no RCIA in the summer.
 
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