what is wrong with a poster who, when posting something several responders cannot understand, and they ask for clarification, immediately assumes he is under attack?
why not simply explain what you mean, and where you are going with this question, and what you would like to discuss, we are probably stupid but it is not immediately apparent from your OP.
someone from RCTV has answered your question about that program very completely and charitably. Neither she, nor any other poster here, is responsible for your bad experiences with the Church earlier in your life. We will be praying for you.
no job, no human person can do that for you, allow Jesus to enter whatever area of hurt is still barred to him, he heals all things, makes all things new