Realistic expectations

[cmscms]

OK, this is going to sound like rambling but I just am not exactly sure how to express myself.

For some reason… (and probably the root cause would be too much to discuss here), whenever I feel a negative emotion, I feel scared, wrong, inferior and plain stupid. And I am wondering how much is my part to change and how much is reliance on God.

For example, I visited friends for Christmass and I actually (to my surprise) had a great time. I cam home late. My original plan was to wake up, go shopping, to the gym and then clean my extremely messy home.

Well… I woke up and went shopping. But I was really cranky so after I came home and slept the rest of the day. However, whenever I have days like that, at first when I am cranky, I think there is something shamefully wrong with me. I just can’t quit feeling bad about myself. I have been through this often enough to know intelliectually I am tired, but feeling wise, I just feel bad.

So I took a nap. But there all I could hear was the message that I was weak because I could not go on with my day. So now, I have to work tomorrow but can’t sleep because I slept all day.

I just wonder, at what point do I blame my fears and anxiety’s on lack of sleep and I what point do I blame it on not making an effort to follow God enough?

Or, for example, when I feel the hurt from past ‘injustices’, for lack of a better word, I get extremely scared I will never be able to be happy. Well, at what point is it a lack of mental training to let go and at what point is it a lack of asking God to help me forgive?

Does anyone understand what I am getting at?

CMS

 

[jeannetherese]

I wonder if you couldn’t break some of your big goals into small steps that you could check off so you could see your success and help to keep yourself on your path.It sounds as if some of your frustration is from not accomplishing all you set out to do, and then you dwell upon what you did not finish.
My mom is an deserves a gold star for her domestic engineering abilities, and she has a plan for what will be done each day and a plan for her weekly tasks, followed by the big projects that happen less regularly, cleaning the oven or fridge, scrubbing walls, cleaning a closet). Her secret is to not bite off too much at once, and to stick as closely as possible to her schedule.
Trying to make your schedule a bit more manageable could be helpful. maybe kitchen sink and counters and organizing the fridge, followed by shopping and putting groceries away. Then you celebrate your organization in the kitchen with that trip to the gym which helps you sleep better because you worked out and met your task goals.
Don’t forget to journal each day so you can celebrate your victories and look for patterns that help you come up with new strategies for overcoming your challenges.
Also, if there are underlying stressors that fuel your anxiety, you might start listing them as well. If you can figure out how to eliminate or minimize one, then you can go on to the next. Small steps, small victories , and small tasks with great love.
May God bless you. Amen.

 

[JRKH]

You ask this…
I am wondering how much is my part to change and how much is reliance on God.

The answer is 100% each.

Now I know that this sounds like a strange and illogical answer but it is really true.
There is an old saying that says something similar…It goes…
“Pray like everything depends on God, act like everything depends on you.”

What both of these things are speaking to is the synergistic action between Grace and response to grace.

However - critical to this is the recognition that we are on a journey to overcome imperfections and that takes time.
For me the best analogy is diet and exercise. These require commitment and consistent effort to be successful, but no one expects instant results. Improvements are gradual…Yes we can become frustrated that results aren’t coming faster…but the key to success is concentrating on the journey - intermediate goals - small successes etc that all bring us closer to our ultimate goal…
Also we need to recognize the need for an occasional rest so that we do not burn out.

So hang in there. Don’t beat yourself up. Keep relying wholly on God and keep giving it your best effort.

Peace
James

 

[Bob_Crowley]

OK, this is going to sound like rambling but I just am not exactly sure how to express myself.

For some reason… (and probably the root cause would be too much to discuss here), whenever I feel a negative emotion, I feel scared, wrong, inferior and plain stupid. And I am wondering how much is my part to change and how much is reliance on God.

For example, I visited friends for Christmass and I actually (to my surprise) had a great time. I cam home late. My original plan was to wake up, go shopping, to the gym and then clean my extremely messy home.

Well… I woke up and went shopping. But I was really cranky so after I came home and slept the rest of the day. However, whenever I have days like that, at first when I am cranky, I think there is something shamefully wrong with me. I just can’t quit feeling bad about myself. I have been through this often enough to know intelliectually I am tired, but feeling wise, I just feel bad.

So I took a nap. But there all I could hear was the message that I was weak because I could not go on with my day. So now, I have to work tomorrow but can’t sleep because I slept all day.

I just wonder, at what point do I blame my fears and anxiety’s on lack of sleep and I what point do I blame it on not making an effort to follow God enough?

Or, for example, when I feel the hurt from past ‘injustices’, for lack of a better word, I get extremely scared I will never be able to be happy. Well, at what point is it a lack of mental training to let go and at what point is it a lack of asking God to help me forgive?

Does anyone understand what I am getting at?

CMS

I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist, but reading betweent the lines, I’d say someone in your past has damaged your self esteem and / or self confidence to the point where you tend to accept all the blame for anything that doesn’t go according to plan, whereas other people would just shrug and think, “Oh, well, there’s always tomorrow.”

I think you might need to find a good Catholic psychologist or psychiatrist, if you haven’t already got one. I don’t think you’d need a lot time with them, but they might be able to p(name removed by moderator)oint the root cause of this problem, and suggest a workable solution.

I think the problem is a bit deep rooted for us to tell you what to do.