Realistic Way to Forgive Others

[CRATUS]

Please do not quote scripture. No offense. I understand God forgives us our sins, so we should forgive others. It is not always that simple. I remember when I was a child, if someone hurt my feelings, I would cry, move on. Later on, we may or may not become friends again, if we were friends to be begin with. I understand God’s greatest commandment is love. He wants us to be childlike and not harbor resentment or wish ill will on others. As an adult, it seems more complicated. Your best friend has sex with your boyfriend. Somebody dislikes you for your ethnicity. Someone blames you for getting assaulted. I would love to believe, the next day I could completely be fine with them and forgive & forget like I did when I was five, but it is not that simple anymore. I do not think everyone is out to get me. Life is cruel, people are cruel. Sometimes I feel like the only way to survive to be paranoid. That is not of God.
As you get older, AT LEAST FOR ME, it becomes more and more difficult to truly trust in God or believe He cares. Innocent people. Your best friend is hit my a car walking home from school, meanwhile the jerk down the street throws parties endlessly that disrupt your night sleep. Things seem to go his way. You see rich people waste their money on cocaine, alcohol, sex, while people begging outside of Ralph’s for a dollar.

 

[PietroPaolo]

Focus on the fact that forgiveness has nothing to do with feelings, we can’t help the way we feel towards people. Rather it has everything to do with an act of the will. We can choose to forgive people, even when we might still harbor ill feelings because of the harm they have done us. The same is true of love. Love isn’t a feeling, it is an act of the will (specifically willing the good of the other, as other). We can choose to love anyone, even if we can’t choose to feel certain ways about them.

 

[fred_conty]

Sounds as tho you are going thru a great deal of stress, and I’m sorry to hear that.

I think what you have said is true as regards the facts. But it is the interpretation of what happens to us that is all important. If we understand these things without the light of Jesus, then it will turn a person bitter and resentful. Because then it isn’t very far from saying that God doesn’t care and that our faith is useless. At that point the softness and love dissapates and hate and hardness replace them.

I had a relative who was the nicest person to others until she went to some psychologist. She felt that people ran over her and she had no way to protect herself from that. Well the “professional” changed her thinking and it wasn’t for the better. She because mean and hostile and indifferent. The sweetness and kindness went out of her like a candle losing its flame. It was almost unbelievable the difference in her. This so called professional gave her the wrong interpretation of life.

I can only tell you that if you see what Jesus sees, then when you see people do wrong, say a prayer for them, and ask God to forgive them for they don’t know what they do. If you remain in you kindness with Jesus, then you will remember his words, “learn of me, for I am meek and humble of heart”. What Jesus did was to take a lot of guff and return blessings.

And as far as the rich, if they waste their money or do evil with it, then we should ask God to forgive them, for anyone involved in drugs, for whatever reason, is suffering.

In everything you see, may you see the suffering Christ.
May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[CRATUS]

Sounds as tho you are going thru a great deal of stress, and I’m sorry to hear that.

I think what you have said is true as regards the facts. But it is the interpretation of what happens to us that is all important. If we understand these things without the light of Jesus, then it will turn a person bitter and resentful. Because then it isn’t very far from saying that God doesn’t care and that our faith is useless. At that point the softness and love dissapates and hate and hardness replace them.

I had a relative who was the nicest person to others until she went to some psychologist. She felt that people ran over her and she had no way to protect herself from that. Well the “professional” changed her thinking and it wasn’t for the better. She because mean and hostile and indifferent. The sweetness and kindness went out of her like a candle losing its flame. It was almost unbelievable the difference in her. This so called professional gave her the wrong interpretation of life.

I can only tell you that if you see what Jesus sees, then when you see people do wrong, say a prayer for them, and ask God to forgive them for they don’t know what they do. If you remain in you kindness with Jesus, then you will remember his words, “learn of me, for I am meek and humble of heart”. What Jesus did was to take a lot of guff and return blessings.

And as far as the rich, if they waste their money or do evil with it, then we should ask God to forgive them, for anyone involved in drugs, for whatever reason, is suffering.

In everything you see, may you see the suffering Christ.
May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

God bless your soul.

 

[josh987654321]

Focus on the fact that forgiveness has nothing to do with feelings, we can’t help the way we feel towards people. Rather it has everything to do with an act of the will. We can choose to forgive people, even when we might still harbor ill feelings because of the harm they have done us. The same is true of love. Love isn’t a feeling, it is an act of the will (specifically willing the good of the other, as other). We can choose to love anyone, even if we can’t choose to feel certain ways about them.

Hi PietroPaolo, I respectfully disagree with what you have said.

I believe If I say “I love you” but don’t feel it in my heart, than I believe it’s a lie. If I say “I forgive you” but it doesn’t come from the heart, than I believe it’s a lie.

These I believe are not acts of the ‘will’ but of the heart, if they do not come from the heart than I believe they are neither love nor forgiveness.

I was reading a story on forgiveness a while ago where Jesus said "Forgive, not from the lips but from the heart and then I can work."

I wrote a post in CRATUS’ other thread that I believe may help if your interested - forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=924744

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[CRATUS]

Hi PietroPaolo, I respectfully disagree with what you have said.

I believe If I say “I love you” but don’t feel it in my heart, than I believe it’s a lie. If I say “I forgive you” but it doesn’t come from the heart, than I believe it’s a lie.

These I believe are not acts of the ‘will’ but of the heart, if they do not come from the heart than I believe they are neither love nor forgiveness.

I was reading a story on forgiveness a while ago where Jesus said "Forgive, not from the lips but from the heart and then I can work."

I wrote a post in CRATUS’ other thread that I believe may help if your interested - forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=924744

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

Is it wrong to force yourself to do the correct thing, even if you truly do not want to? I usually try to avoid certain sins because I know they are wrong, if they feel GOOD.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Hi PietroPaolo, I respectfully disagree with what you have said.

I believe If I say “I love you” but don’t feel it in my heart, than I believe it’s a lie. If I say “I forgive you” but it doesn’t come from the heart, than I believe it’s a lie.

These I believe are not acts of the ‘will’ but of the heart, if they do not come from the heart than I believe they are neither love nor forgiveness.

Sometimes it takes your heart a while to catch up with your will. If someone wrongs me and I hold the resentment, I am only hurting myself. Choosing to forgive, may not feel good but it is the first step for my heart to eventually come around. And yes, it is a lie to TELL someone you forgave them if you didn’t but… doesn’t the option to choose to forgive without actually telling the person exist?

If I did not FEEL like forgiving someone, I would be honest and say 'I can eventually forgive you but don’t expect me to ever trust you again

 

[josh987654321]

Is it wrong to force yourself to do the correct thing, even if you truly do not want to?

I don’t know, I believe you cannot continuously ‘force’ yourself to do the right things, I believe a change of heart needs to take place. Otherwise I believe it will be like in Isaiah “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.”

“Seek thy pleasure in the Lord and He will give thee thy heart’s desires.” - Imitation of Christ by Thomas A Kempis

Sometimes it takes your heart a while to catch up with your will. If someone wrongs me and I hold the resentment, I am only hurting myself. Choosing to forgive, may not feel good but it is the first step for my heart to eventually come around. And yes, it is a lie to TELL someone you forgave them if you didn’t but… doesn’t the option to choose to forgive without actually telling the person exist?

If I did not FEEL like forgiving someone, I would be honest and say 'I can eventually forgive you but don’t expect me to ever trust you again

*(Note: Sorry, when I mentioned saying “I forgive you” In my previous post, I mean in your heart unless the situation may call for it to be said or you believe it could be of benefit to them letting them know you have forgiven them). *

I think I created a bit of confusion with my previous post here, I believe the following post will help -

Part 1
Part 2

I hope this has helped, please feel free to reply/refute anything I’ve said.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh