Realizations about life

[sanctamaria17]

Going to college, I felt I was prepared. Academically, I was (and still am) a strong student, highly motivated, only too happy to work on my own, and intellectually curious. Socially, I haven’t had problems making friends (I was a misfit when I was younger but grew out of it) and while I’m still somewhat shy around men, I always did fine. I also never had a problem with homesickness (and I’ve traveled for prolonged periods of time throughout high school). I came into college knowing how to do laundry, balance a checkbook, cook (though I don’t get to do that often), and other skills.

What I underestimated was my own innocence. I lived in cities when I was younger, even went to an inner city elementary school but that changed when I moved to a small town at the age of ten. I didn’t have a boyfriend till age 17 and even then, that was a very innocent relationship. I never went to dances with boys (except when my ex and I went to prom), never understood how to deal with someone who liked me while I just wanted to be friends. I never had the experience of being hit on or flirted with and yet I wondered why the friends I made here worried about me so much. Then, last weekend, I realized, I could ignore any unwanted comments and playing a contact sport where I have to practice tackling my good friends made me realize that I can be assertive about my comfort level with romance. Hey, if I have to beat up my friends on occasion, I can certainly make my objections known.

I realized also, I was never forced to make it on my own. I was always independent but I never experienced this phase of independence. When I was sick, my mom took care of me. Well, I was recently sick, ripped off by my school’s health center, took midterms while experiencing dizziness, had one of my friends terribly worried about me, only to realize that it was a virus. I also never had to deal with money as much. I was doing all right but I never realized how expensive something as simple as conditioner costs because my parents took care of that for me. Now, I’m applying for a job and, while my parents are helping me for now, I’m working on ways to make sure I can take care of things little by little. Living in an expensive city has forced me to think, how many times should I go out into the city (metro costs), where can I go for dinner with friends, how much can I spend on a fall jacket, etc.

I’m learning every day to be stronger and to go after what I want. My family is hours away from me but I know they support me and what I want to do, while my friends give me the support, prayers, and love that I need as I’m growing. People are constantly pointing the way for me and I realized, it’s all right to ask for help. It took leaving everything behind at home to realize that I don’t have to know everything. I can ask where the best jobs are, what classes should I take next semester, can you help me with this issue that I’m dealing with right now, where’s a really cheap place to go out?

I’ve also taken time to experiment with my passions. I’ve always loved singing, especially in church, so I joined a Catholic choir on campus and have gotten so many opportunities to cantor at Mass. I tried something new, rugby, which was extremely shocking to my friends and family but I ended up really liking it and I intend to play next semester. I got involved with prolife ministry for the first time and want to take that further by volunteering at a pregnancy center and becoming a sidewalk counselor. I’ve learned how to find job openings and just go after them (I’m forced to right now). I’m also learning so much more about my faith and how to express it. It’s incredible.

I’ve had so many new experiences in the past couple of months. Each one has made me smarter, tougher, stronger, and a little wiser. I’m thankful to God for bringing me here and pray for guidance as I’m taking my steps into this new world.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**I only have one word for you:

WOW

malia
**

 

[jrabs]

Good for you! Most folks don’t hit this type of emotional maturity till their 30’s kick in.

You’ll do well in life.

 

[holly_potter]

You and me both, sanctamaria.

As I was reading your post, I saw bit of myself. I actually admire you. I have yet to be forced to make it on my own, but I can do such things you mentioned, even though I live at home (which cuts college costs in half…though I’m considering dorm living pretty soon). Which brings me to one question…where’s a good place to go for student loans (outside of Stafford, etc) ?

And you and me both. People have actually called me nieve (I was optimistic about student government, and some guy said I was nieve, and I told him, well, that’s better than being some hard-hearted politicalized senator.) I actually know a lot of things (far too much about sex imo) , but not enough of other things (like what exactly does hooking up connote?) Innocence isn’t too bad, as long as you can assert your innocence and make boundaries.

And hey, thanks for writing. It’s nice to hear from other college students with similar points of views.

 

[chevalier]

Ha! What about a fresh graduate? Some while ago, I felt my life was coming to an end because a girlfriend left (and I began to use the word “to feel” a bit often for a guy, too ). Well, that’s an exaggeration, but exaggeration is also the correct way to describe how I reacted. I made several topics here. It was painful. Well, now, from the perspective of time, it feels better and I feel better about it. What’s more, the more it looks like potential “candidates” are out, the better I feel. This is some kind of paradox because it’s not like I would mind finally meeting the woman who will stay. However, it’s obvious to me now that I have a lot to learn yet and I won’t stay at this point for the rest of my life. So maybe, predicting that I will learn and grow, it’s better to find a lady after that transition than before. Well, always suspected that, didn’t I…

Now it’s dark when I leave for work. Well, not before dawn dark, but still dark, and completely dark when I leave work for home. I also have the PhD course going on, several hours on every second Saturday, plus a seminar a month and currently a presentation to do. And I might even start teaching in addition. So all in all, I don’t even have the time for chasing girls now. Hah, for whatever reason, I actually seem to make a better impression than I did before, as well as gain a lot more notice… It’s probably not for my enjoyment and self-appreciation, so I guess it would be a good idea to make use of it before it runs out. However, at the moment I’m focused on work and such, which doesn’t mean I’m giving up (if you think I didn’t check out fellow doctoral students, you’re hopelessly mistaken ), but I just have things to do with my time. Err… Right. And I need to regenerate spiritually. It hurts, so it’s growing.