Realizing I'm a Childless Parent, and What to do

[Mr_Friscus]

Long story short:

In 2011, I wasn’t Catholic yet. I was living with a girlfriend, and she became pregnant. She wanted to abort it, and while I disputed her out of habit, as I was raised in a religious, protestant home, I eventually accepted and gradually enjoyed the convenience. Sickening.

So, the procedure was performed, the small deceased body eventually came out, and it was buried beneath a tree down in North Carolina, where I lived at the time. While I’ve wanted to visit, I never have.

Becoming Catholic truly drives home the not just acknowledging, but believing when a human life begins. In my daily life, I don’t think of myself as a parent. Yet, I was one. I just acted against the innocent life. Do I still consider myself a parent?

My brother and his wife just lost their baby 4 months into the pregnancy. They are devout Catholics, and people I am inspired by spiritually. They named their child, I guess they were able to tell what the sex was, as they named it Samuel.

As for me, I have no idea what the sex of my child was. Is it appropriate to name my child?

I ,at times, even rarely, become very sad and hurting because of my weakness then. Because of the loss of life, and my actions, or lack thereof. A day like today would be one of those. I work at an elementary school, and I’ve been crying most of the day, wiping away tears to throw on a smile and cover up my issue.

I still very rarely am in contact with my ex-girlfriend. We’ve spoken about it once or twice. We both cried about it. She went into counseling for it, she told me. She’s moved on, I’m pretty sure she’s in another long-term relationship.

I don’t seek to return to her romantically. However, even though this is such a difficult issue to even bring up, as it arises feelings of pain and remorse, if I do name it, should I consult her? What do we do if we don’t know the sex of the baby?

I know these aren’t absolute questions, but I feel the need to act if I’m going to.

 

[juno24]

Welcome, Mr. Friscus. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Yes, by all means, name your child. It will go a long way in helping you to heal. There are groups out there that help both men and women to heal from the trauma of abortion. Rachel’s Vineyard is one, but there are others. Please contact them. If you are Catholic, please also consider going to confession if you have not done so already. If you have confessed, please allow yourself to accept the forgiveness that is there for you.

 

[Tommy999]

I can tell this hurts you deeply, Mr Friscus. It must be tough to live with, but I admire your courage and honesty for bringing it up.

Have you discussed this with your priest yet? That’s where I would start if I were in your position and go from there. Maybe he will suggest you see a spiritual counselor. I’m sure others will add even better advice than that, as I see juno24 did before I submitted my reply.

On a side note, people who suggest that there are no side effects (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) should read your post before considering abortion. Then they might think twice.

Prayers go out for you and the mother, as well as the baby, who you can be comforted in knowing is now with the Lord.

May the Lord envelop you in His presence as you deal with this tough issue. I pray that God’s mercy and healing will come to you in abundance.

 

[zjman]

Praying for you , your child and her mother.

Holy God, for the sake of His sorrowful passion have mercy on us and on the whole world.

 

[pianistclare]

I can tell this hurts you deeply, Mr Friscus. It must be tough to live with, but I admire your courage and honesty for bringing it up.

Have you discussed this with your priest yet? That’s where I would start if I were in your position and go from there. Maybe he will suggest you see a spiritual counselor. I’m sure others will add even better advice than that, as I see juno24 did before I submitted my reply.

On a side note, people who suggest that there are no side effects (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) should read your post before considering abortion. Then they might think twice.

Prayers go out for you and the mother, as well as the baby, who you can be comforted in knowing is now with the Lord.

May the Lord envelop you in His presence as you deal with this tough issue. I pray that God’s mercy and healing will come to you in abundance.

Amen. Be assured of our prayers.

 

[Catholic1954]

Long story short:

In 2011, I wasn’t Catholic yet. I was living with a girlfriend, and she became pregnant. She wanted to abort it, and while I disputed her out of habit, as I was raised in a religious, protestant home, I eventually accepted and gradually enjoyed the convenience. Sickening.

So, the procedure was performed, the small deceased body eventually came out, and it was buried beneath a tree down in North Carolina, where I lived at the time. While I’ve wanted to visit, I never have.

Becoming Catholic truly drives home the not just acknowledging, but believing when a human life begins. In my daily life, I don’t think of myself as a parent. Yet, I was one. I just acted against the innocent life. Do I still consider myself a parent?

My brother and his wife just lost their baby 4 months into the pregnancy. They are devout Catholics, and people I am inspired by spiritually. They named their child, I guess they were able to tell what the sex was, as they named it Samuel.

As for me, I have no idea what the sex of my child was. Is it appropriate to name my child?

I ,at times, even rarely, become very sad and hurting because of my weakness then. Because of the loss of life, and my actions, or lack thereof. A day like today would be one of those. I work at an elementary school, and I’ve been crying most of the day, wiping away tears to throw on a smile and cover up my issue.

I still very rarely am in contact with my ex-girlfriend. We’ve spoken about it once or twice. We both cried about it. She went into counseling for it, she told me. She’s moved on, I’m pretty sure she’s in another long-term relationship.

I don’t seek to return to her romantically. However, even though this is such a difficult issue to even bring up, as it arises feelings of pain and remorse, if I do name it, should I consult her? What do we do if we don’t know the sex of the baby?

I know these aren’t absolute questions, but I feel the need to act if I’m going to.

Please contact Rachael’s Vineyard. Most of them will have a healing weekend for fathers of aborted children and they can help you start the healing process. You deserve to forgive yourself and move on to the life God always intended you to live. :angel1:

 

[tawny]

I can tell this hurts you deeply, Mr Friscus. It must be tough to live with, but I admire your courage and honesty for bringing it up.

Have you discussed this with your priest yet? That’s where I would start if I were in your position and go from there. Maybe he will suggest you see a spiritual counselor. I’m sure others will add even better advice than that, as I see juno24 did before I submitted my reply.

On a side note, people who suggest that there are no side effects (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) should read your post before considering abortion. Then they might think twice.

Prayers go out for you and the mother, as well as the baby, who you can be comforted in knowing is now with the Lord.

May the Lord envelop you in His presence as you deal with this tough issue. I pray that God’s mercy and healing will come to you in abundance.

Amen. Praying for you, your baby & the Mother.

 

[AdamP88]

“There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

You must remember that God’s mercy and love is far far greater than any sin you could commit.

Name the baby if you like. It certainly won’t do any harm. And as someone said, it might help you heal.