Really confused....

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chartie57

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I really don’t know where to begin, but I have a question.

My husband keeps pushing me into have an affair, mainly so he can watch. I’m a real problem with it. It is a violation of one of the Ten Commandments, and our marriage vows.

He’s a believer, but not Catholic. What do I do? Leave, stay, talk to my priest?

I know it would be a grave mortal sin, which is why I’ve not done anything about it.
 
chartie57 said:
I really don’t know where to begin, but I have a question.

My husband keeps pushing me into have an affair, mainly so he can watch. I’m a real problem with it. It is a violation of one of the Ten Commandments, and our marriage vows.

He’s a believer, but not Catholic. What do I do? Leave, stay, talk to my priest?

I know it would be a grave mortal sin, which is why I’ve not done anything about it.
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Does your husband acknowledge that it’s a violation of the commandments and his marriage vows and insist on it anyway?

If so there’s really nothing helpful a priest could say to him. And possibly not a lot he could say to you either. I’d rather seek out a reputable marriage counsellor.
 
Is this a troll post?

If it’s not-- please go talk to your priest.
 
1ke said:
Is this a troll post?

If it’s not-- please go talk to your priest.
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It’s incredibly rude to assume in the absence of any evidence to the contrary that posters are trolls (trolls are those who are out to cause a reaction by posting something ‘out-there’ or provocative).

You didn’t answer my question by the way.
 
Your husband sounds messed up; you should see some kind of counselor.
 
LilyM said:
It’s incredibly rude to assume in the absence of any evidence to the contrary that posters are trolls (trolls are those who are out to cause a reaction by posting something ‘out-there’ or provocative).

You didn’t answer my question by the way.
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No. I’m serious!!:eek:
 
Redirect…now I sound like a lawyer.

If I leave and file for a divorce, would I be able to get an annullment?
 
chartie57 said:
Redirect…now I sound like a lawyer.

If I leave and file for a divorce, would I be able to get an annullment?
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Impossible to say without a WHOLE lot more information and expert advice. Contact your diocesan Marriage Tribunal for advice.
 
LilyM said:
It’s incredibly rude to assume in the absence of any evidence to the contrary that posters are trolls (trolls are those who are out to cause a reaction by posting something ‘out-there’ or provocative).

You didn’t answer my question by the way.
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(1) When someone comes on to a religious website, and with less than 10 posts puts up something that pushes the limits of provocative and far-fetched, yes I assume it is someone trying to get a rise out of Catholics.

(2) In my opinion, a person who *really *had a husband who wanted to watch her have sexual relations with another person would not need anonymous advice from a website on “what to do”.

But, knowing that this could *possibly *be real I said, “if not, then talk to your priest”.
 
1ke said:
(1) When someone comes on to a religious website, and with less than 10 posts puts up something that pushes the limits of provocative and far-fetched, yes I assume it is someone trying to get a rise out of Catholics.

(2) In my opinion, a person who *really *had a husband who wanted to watch her have sexual relations with another person would not need anonymous advice from a website on “what to do”.

But, knowing that this could *possibly *be real I said, “if not, then talk to your priest”.
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Guilty until proven innocent, eh? Shoot first, ask questions later, is it? 🤷

Note she never said she *needed *advice. And yes, anonymous forums CAN sometimes be pretty much the only place it’s POSSIBLE to discuss such things - ever think that maybe everyone else she knows also knows her husband?
 
LilyM said:
Shoot first, ask questions later, eh? 🤷
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I posed it as a questions… IS it a troll post? She said no, and I’ll take her at her word.
LilyM said:
Note she never said she *needed *advice.
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“What do I do?”

That sounds like asking for advice to me.

So, my advice is talk to the priest or a professional counselor, because no one here can know the whole situation, no one here can tell her whether there are grounds for a decree of nullity (actions subsequent to the marriage are not in themselves grounds). Her priest can advise her.
 
Pray, pray, and pray. St Michael the Archangel

Firmly say to him: “That is a disgusting desire, and I will not entertain the idea for a second. Please do not suggest it ever again.”

If he continues to pressure, I would guess it is time to start asking him questions like: Do you understand what marriage is? Do you realize that you are asking me to commit adultery? Do you realize that you are commiting adultery yourself by desiring that I have sexual relations outside of our marriage?

If you decide to file for divorce and seek an annulment, I don’t see how this is mortal sin. I am seeking an annulment currently, and I was told that the process cannot begin until a civil divorce is final. It makes no sense to me that divorce is mortal sin if I have to obtain a divorce in order to even have the Tribunal review my marriage. The mortal sin is if you (a) divorce, (b) the Tribunal reviews and upholds the validity of your marriage, and (c) you ignore the Tribunal’s ruling by marrying another man or seeking a relationship with another man for anything beyond a friendship.

May God bless you. I will remember you in prayer.
 
thank you for your response. I have already tried to talk to him about the committing adultery. Sometimes he really gets pushy about it.

Charlotte
briang72 said:
Pray, pray, and pray. St Michael the Archangel

Firmly say to him: “That is a disgusting desire, and I will not entertain the idea for a second. Please do not suggest it ever again.”

If he continues to pressure, I would guess it is time to start asking him questions like: Do you understand what marriage is? Do you realize that you are asking me to commit adultery? Do you realize that you are commiting adultery yourself by desiring that I have sexual relations outside of our marriage?

If you decide to file for divorce and seek an annulment, I don’t see how this is mortal sin. I am seeking an annulment currently, and I was told that the process cannot begin until a civil divorce is final. It makes no sense to me that divorce is mortal sin if I have to obtain a divorce in order to even have the Tribunal review my marriage. The mortal sin is if you (a) divorce, (b) the Tribunal reviews and upholds the validity of your marriage, and (c) you ignore the Tribunal’s ruling by marrying another man or seeking a relationship with another man for anything beyond a friendship.

May God bless you. I will remember you in prayer.
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I am really sorry to hear that.It is a really strange and I’m sure hurtful place for you to be in.
 
This sort of thing really does happen … My ex-husband was the same way. It’s a horrible place to be and it isn’t all that easy to know what to do when you are a Catholic and take your faith seriously. We also had three children to think about.
I thought if I divorced him I would surely go to hell. I did not think I could get an annulment because we had been married quite a long time. In the end we had a year of marriage counseling and not a thing changed so I did end it.
I did seek annulment and was granted one. I did remarry also and brought a wonderful man into the church with me. In Feb. we will be married 20 years!!!
Pray about it and do what you feel is best. I honestly feel you need to seek counseling and if that doesn’t work then perhaps divorce and annulment are the answer. It is surely better than the mortal sin he wants to put you in.
:blessyou:
 
Thank you so much for your response. Chances are that probably what I’ll end up doing.
Winger said:
This sort of thing really does happen … My ex-husband was the same way. It’s a horrible place to be and it isn’t all that easy to know what to do when you are a Catholic and take your faith seriously. We also had three children to think about.
I thought if I divorced him I would surely go to hell. I did not think I could get an annulment because we had been married quite a long time. In the end we had a year of marriage counseling and not a thing changed so I did end it.
I did seek annulment and was granted one. I did remarry also and brought a wonderful man into the church with me. In Feb. we will be married 20 years!!!
Pray about it and do what you feel is best. I honestly feel you need to seek counseling and if that doesn’t work then perhaps divorce and annulment are the answer. It is surely better than the mortal sin he wants to put you in.
:blessyou:
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