Really need some advice-brother

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ChurchSuffering

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Okay so I found out something bad that my brother is doing. I don’t want to be a snitch but then again I understand what he is going through (as most guys normally do), but we grow up in a very great catholic home and it pains me to know that he is doing this. l fear that if I tell my parents it will only drive me and my brother further apart then what we already are. So should I tell my parents? He knows that I know, so should I tell him that if I catch him again I’m going to tell? I really don’t know where to go with this. This act he is doing (I’m sure you can guess by now) can be very addicting, I know because I used to struggle with it thank God I don’t anymore, and one that can ruin you. Any advice, comments, or questions would be great.

God Bless,
ChurchSuffering
 
Think about this not as snitching but to help his soul. Since you have had issues with this, I suggest that you sit down and talk to him. Tell him why it’s a sin and about your experience battling it. If he dismisses you, tell your parents, as it’s now over your head and authority. If you catch him again (regardless of whether he said he would again or not) you need to tell your parents. It’s their responsibility to guide and direct your brother, and this is a serious sin that needs to be addessed. Good luck!
 
ChurchSuffering said:
Okay so I found out something bad that my brother is doing. I don’t want to be a snitch but then again I understand what he is going through (as most guys normally do), but we grow up in a very great catholic home and it pains me to know that he is doing this. l fear that if I tell my parents it will only drive me and my brother further apart then what we already are. So should I tell my parents? He knows that I know, so should I tell him that if I catch him again I’m going to tell? I really don’t know where to go with this. This act he is doing (I’m sure you can guess by now) can be very addicting, I know because I used to struggle with it thank God I don’t anymore, and one that can ruin you. Any advice, comments, or questions would be great.

God Bless,
ChurchSuffering
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That is tricky. I suspect this has to do with masturbation and/or porn. And the answer can be different for both. If it is masturbation I dont think you should tell good ole mom and dad about that. You may either speak to your brother or ignore it. You say you were raised in a Catholic home so I am sure your brother has knowledge that this is a sin. Perhaps encouraging frequent confession would be a good idea.

Now if porn is involved and your brother is a minor then the parents need to be notified not only so they can help him before he is addicted or consumed by it but also to protect him from harm and to protect your parents from legal liabilities.
 
Do not tell, your brother is his own person, what he does in the privacy of his room is no ones concern but his own, he needs his own space, his own privacy, to grow up without the shackles of being so self conscious about his own conduct that it drives him to distraction.
Leave him alone,
 
phil_at_dayboro said:
Do not tell, your brother is his own person, what he does in the privacy of his room is no ones concern but his own, he needs his own space, his own privacy, to grow up without the shackles of being so self conscious about his own conduct that it drives him to distraction.
Leave him alone,
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Thanks for your reply but are you sure about this? I mean looking at bad content can ruin his life and any possible marriage. How could I just let him do that to himself?
 
ChurchSuffering said:
Thanks for your reply but are you sure about this? I mean looking at bad content can ruin his life and any possible marriage. How could I just let him do that to himself?
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You seem quite mature. Turn it around. If you were doing something that was actually damaging your soul, would you want your family to ignore it? Or would you want help?

If your brother was cutting himself or abusing drugs, would you tell? These are physical dangers, while sexual sins are spiritual dangers. Really, what’s the difference?
 
Regina7 said:
You seem quite mature. Turn it around. If you were doing something that was actually damaging your soul, would you want your family to ignore it? Or would you want help?

If your brother was cutting himself or abusing drugs, would you tell? These are physical dangers, while sexual sins are spiritual dangers. Really, what’s the difference?
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Good point, I will try and work it out with him just myself as to save him from any embarrassment.

But if he doesn’t stop I will have no other choice but to inform my parents, I could not stand to see my brother destroy himself.
 
ChurchSuffering said:
Thanks for your reply but are you sure about this? I mean looking at bad content can ruin his life and any possible marriage. How could I just let him do that to himself?
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When I was a teen I bought magazines just like most other people,
I have 3. Heathy sons, now grown men, and we all turned out fine,
If he were into criminal activity that would be different , but a bit of self pleasure won’t send you to prison ,
 
phil_at_dayboro said:
When I was a teen I bought magazines just like most other people,
I have 3. Heathy sons, now grown men, and we all turned out fine,
If he were into criminal activity that would be different , but a bit of self pleasure won’t send you to prison ,
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I’m sorry but I disagree 100%, the act of lust is a sin. A sin that can literally destroy your foundations of faith. Just because you turned out fine doesn’t mean that there aren’t lasting affects you haven’t noticed.
 
send him to yourbrainonporn.com
It’s a secular site and it isn’t against sex outside of marriage so warning definitely not Catholic approved, but there is a lot of excellent reading material there that talks about how harmful porn viewing is and how to deal with the addiction. No need to buy the book being flogged at the top of the page, just move on to the articles.

My short answer: one must master himself. Either he controls the urge or it will control him. That is a choice, by the way. Being Christian was never meant to be easy, just remember that too.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
send him to yourbrainonporn.com
It’s a secular site and it isn’t against sex outside of marriage so warning definitely not Catholic approved, but there is a lot of excellent reading material there that talks about how harmful porn viewing is and how to deal with the addiction. No need to buy the book being flogged at the top of the page, just move on to the articles.

My short answer: one must master himself. Either he controls the urge or it will control him. That is a choice, by the way. Being Christian was never meant to be easy, just remember that too.
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One cannot control the urge for very long by shear willpower, he needs the help of God. And the fact of the matter is that he isn’t going to do or realize that unless someone comes and smacks him upside the head with a frying pan (metaphorically speaking;)). Nor do I really even know if he wants to quit. 😦
 
The best thing is to talk with him. Be honest and open and non-judgmental. Be his support and most of all pray. Pray, pray, pray. I will pray for you and him as well.
 
ChurchSuffering said:
I’m sorry but I disagree 100%, the act of lust is a sin. A sin that can literally destroy your foundations of faith. Just because you turned out fine doesn’t mean that there aren’t lasting affects you haven’t noticed.
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It sounds like you already know the answer to your dilemma.
 
GlenParkSF said:
The best thing is to talk with him. Be honest and open and non-judgmental. Be his support and most of all pray. Pray, pray, pray. I will pray for you and him as well.
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Welcome to CAF!!! And thank you! I will be praying for you also.
 
ChurchSuffering said:
I’m sorry but I disagree 100%, the act of lust is a sin. A sin that can literally destroy your foundations of faith. Just because you turned out fine doesn’t mean that there aren’t lasting affects you haven’t noticed.
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Ok,if you feel this way so strongly , tell your parents at the dinner table, and watch an explosion in slow motion , your brother will turn against you forever , your parents might not tell you family secrets, or chatter because they will think you will only tell,
Maybe your life is the complete opposite to mine, but we all must find our own way,
Best of luck to you,
 
phil_at_dayboro said:
Ok,if you feel this way so strongly , tell your parents at the dinner table, and watch an explosion in slow motion , your brother will turn against you forever , your parents might not tell you family secrets, or chatter because they will think you will only tell,
Maybe your life is the complete opposite to mine, but we all must find our own way,
Best of luck to you,
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Once again I disagree, why would my parents lose trust in me because an act of love I am doing for my brother? Sure my brother might be mad, but that is just because he is being strangled by the powerful grip of porn. Later if and when he is no longer burdened by this lustful way of life he might come to know that it was an act of love, not hate.
 
phil_at_dayboro said:
Ok,if you feel this way so strongly , tell your parents at the dinner table, and watch an explosion in slow motion , your brother will turn against you forever , your parents might not tell you family secrets, or chatter because they will think you will only tell,
Maybe your life is the complete opposite to mine, but we all must find our own way,
Best of luck to you,
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Using my previous example, what if op discovered his brother cutting himself? Discussing this at the dinner table, as you say, might produce the same consequences (explosion, brother turning against him, etc)…but isn’t it the right thing to do? Doesn’t he have an obligation to help his brother?
 
Regina7 said:
Using my previous example, what if op discovered his brother cutting himself? Discussing this at the dinner table, as you say, might produce the same consequences (explosion, brother turning against him, etc)…but isn’t it the right thing to do? Doesn’t he have an obligation to help his brother?
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Cutting oneself or drug taking is worlds away more serious than a little self pleasure in the privacy of one’s own bedroom, , sorry if I get a bit touchy on this subject, but I’m a bit more open minded on this subject, if it’s a sin then so be it , but it shouldn’t be in the same sentence as a criminal offence
 
phil_at_dayboro said:
Cutting oneself or drug taking is worlds away more serious than a little self pleasure in the privacy of one’s own bedroom, , sorry if I get a bit touchy on this subject, but I’m a bit more open minded on this subject, if it’s a sin then so be it , but it shouldn’t be in the same sentence as a criminal offence
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If it’s a sin then so be it? Really?

Sin destroys our relationship with God, and I don’t know about you but I would rather go to jail for a lifetime then lose the merest speck of relationship with God. So the way I view it, mortal sin if far worse then any criminal offense that isn’t a sin.
 
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