Really need some advice-brother

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phil_at_dayboro said:
Cutting oneself or drug taking is worlds away more serious than a little self pleasure in the privacy of one’s own bedroom, , sorry if I get a bit touchy on this subject, but I’m a bit more open minded on this subject, if it’s a sin then so be it , but it shouldn’t be in the same sentence as a criminal offence
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We can’t base morality on whether something is a criminal offense. Abortion isn’t a criminal offense, yet nobody here (I hope) would advocate that it’s ok.

All mortal sins are equal. While I personally find this difficult sometimes, the Church teaches that ALL mortal sins ( self-pleasure falls under mortal not venial sin) are equally severe. My personal feelings on the subject don’t alter this truth.
 
Let us then agree to disagree, you are 16 and I am 60 , perhaps it’s because I’v seen a few more sunsets that have made me more open minded to humanity
 
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phil_at_dayboro said:
Let us then agree to disagree, you are 16 and I am 60 , perhaps it’s because I’v seen a few more sunsets that have made me more open minded to humanity
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If being more open-minded of humanity means being more acceptable of sin…well, I’m not quite sure what to say. I pray that this teen filled with religious faith and conviction doesn’t grow up to lose it and become more tolerant and accepting of sin. How sad.
 
phil_at_dayboro said:
I’m interested in your interpretation of just what porn is ?
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Porn is impure media. It causes the selfish desire for a woman or man because of their body, the very body that God made to praise Him. Porn is one of the worst factors in the uprooting of today’s society. It also can be such an addiction that it causes one to not be able to love their spouse 100%. Porn also causes the act of lust, which in turn is a sin.
 
ChurchSuffering said:
then again I understand what he is going through (as most guys normally do),ChurchSuffering
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Most guys don’t normally go through this. There is a world of difference between reading Playboy, as the older generation used to do, and seeing porn online. It does stuff to your brain, and as you suggested, can destroy his chances for a healthy marriage. This is the first generation to deal with it on a widespread basis.

I wouldn’t worry about “catching” him doing it again. His computer needs to have restrictions on it set by parents. Is he younger than 16? In that case I suggest letting your mom know, NOT at the dinner table – unless you want the evening ruined – suggest she check his history.
Or you could tell him that you’re really concerned because you went through it yourself, and you know it could damage him, and you’re going to let parents know unless he totally stops. I don’t know how you could make sure he did, though, But telling him you really are concerned for his soul would be better than making it into a “shape up or I’ll tell on you” scenario.
God bless.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
That is tricky. I suspect this has to do with masturbation and/or porn. And the answer can be different for both. If it is masturbation I dont think you should tell good ole mom and dad about that. You may either speak to your brother or ignore it. You say you were raised in a Catholic home so I am sure your brother has knowledge that this is a sin. Perhaps encouraging frequent confession would be a good idea.

Now if porn is involved and your brother is a minor then the parents need to be notified not only so they can help him before he is addicted or consumed by it but also to protect him from harm and to protect your parents from legal liabilities.
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I agree with this approach.
Mary.
 
ChurchSuffering said:
Okay so I found out something bad that my brother is doing. I don’t want to be a snitch but then again I understand what he is going through (as most guys normally do), but we grow up in a very great catholic home and it pains me to know that he is doing this. l fear that if I tell my parents it will only drive me and my brother further apart then what we already are. So should I tell my parents? He knows that I know, so should I tell him that if I catch him again I’m going to tell? I really don’t know where to go with this. This act he is doing (I’m sure you can guess by now) can be very addicting, I know because I used to struggle with it thank God I don’t anymore, and one that can ruin you. Any advice, comments, or questions would be great.

God Bless,
ChurchSuffering
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Firstly it is great that you are trying to help your brother. If you haven’t made the decision already then please do read on.

My first thought is to try to get him into confession if this is at all possible. However this may be difficult if he does not practice the Catholic faith or attend church. In which case you might consider confidentially talking with a priest. You could go with him if he is feeling nervous as you know about this already. He might feel more comfortable talking to a priest than to his parents.

Depending on his age, the act he is doing, though sinful, may not be considered mortal sin. However any external influences he may be encouraging (or watching) can be much more severe. My advice is to try to get him off these as soon as you can and to focus on the other thing once this is under control.

You should also try to analyse and identify the fundamental causes of the problem as this is the only thing that will prevent it in the long term. Doing a quick internet search might help you with this or you may already know the reasons. In which case you could maybe get your parents to remedy these without directly speaking of the problem.

Healthy companionship and friendships particularly with members of the opposite sex can also be important. Does he have an active social life and if not could you help in any way.

Unfortunately I cannot advise as to whether or not to tell your parents as this would depend on the particular family situation. Would your parents understand this type of situation and take positive steps to help him? However if he completely rejects your help and the advice of the priest, I don’t think you have much of a choice.
 
CatholicGuy31 said:
Firstly it is great that you are trying to help your brother. If you haven’t made the decision already then please do read on.

My first thought is to try to get him into confession if this is at all possible. However this may be difficult if he does not practice the Catholic faith or attend church. In which case you might consider confidentially talking with a priest. You could go with him if he is feeling nervous as you know about this already. He might feel more comfortable talking to a priest than to his parents.

Depending on his age, the act he is doing, though sinful, may not be considered mortal sin. However any external influences he may be encouraging (or watching) can be much more severe. My advice is to try to get him off these as soon as you can and to focus on the other thing once this is under control.

You should also try to analyse and identify the fundamental causes of the problem as this is the only thing that will prevent it in the long term. Doing a quick internet search might help you with this or you may already know the reasons. In which case you could maybe get your parents to remedy these without directly speaking of the problem.

Healthy companionship and friendships particularly with members of the opposite sex can also be important. Does he have an active social life and if not could you help in any way.

Unfortunately I cannot advise as to whether or not to tell your parents as this would depend on the particular family situation. Would your parents understand this type of situation and take positive steps to help him? However if he completely rejects your help and the advice of the priest, I don’t think you have much of a choice.
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Yeah he does go to church he just really isn’t into it, from my perspective. He is 14, and I don’t really know what he is doing actually I just found a really bad picture on his computer. He also does have an active social life, in fact he has a girlfriend :eek: . If I told my parents I know that they would be understanding and they would help him, but I also know that they would lose all trust in him, and probably me for not telling them right away so I would like to avoid that if I could because it also would be embarrassing for him.
 
ChurchSuffering said:
Yeah he does go to church he just really isn’t into it, from my perspective. He is 14, and I don’t really know what he is doing actually I just found a really bad picture on his computer. He also does have an active social life, in fact he has a girlfriend :eek: . If I told my parents I know that they would be understanding and they would help him, but I also know that they would lose all trust in him, and probably me for not telling them right away so I would like to avoid that if I could because it also would be embarrassing for him.
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A couple things stand out to me here.
1)You either need to fish or cut bait. This has been a couple of days you are going back and forth on this decision. Either tell your parents or move on. And if you move on, move on completely, your brother either needs some guidance or not, but he does not need you holding this over him.
2) A 14 year old child should not have his own computer, and if he does, it had better be monitored by his parents. Chances are, mommy is going to stumble across evidence anyway. If she is doing her job.
3) A 14 year old looking at a picture, while grave matter, is not exactly a new discovery. But the old ways are obsolete. In the day and age of internet porn not only are there legal issues with knowing and allowing a 14 year old child to view porn (it is a crime) but there are also safety issues involved. Kids are often taken advantage of and even killed because of sexual secrets on the internet.

To me, this is is something your parents need to know about so they can ascertain if it is a curious 14 year old catching a peep, or something deeper. And your call, as his brother and a youth yourself might not be the best judgement. If it were my brother I would tell my parents but keep it from him that I told. The parents can just say that they found it.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
  1. A 14 year old child should not have his own computer, and if he does, it had better be monitored by his parents. Chances are, mommy is going to stumble across evidence anyway. If she is doing her job.
To me, this is is something your parents need to know about so they can ascertain if it is a curious 14 year old catching a peep, or something deeper. And your call, as his brother and a youth yourself might not be the best judgement. If it were my brother I would tell my parents but keep it from him that I told. The parents can just say that they found it.
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Regarding #2, mommies can be very head in the sand. My closest GF, who I would consider very involved, very secular and very…practical?, allows her kids their own computers. Her then 15 year old son had an easy chair that was deemed too ugly for the livingroom, a TV (with cable), a couple gaming systems, and a mini-fridge in his room. The boy only came out to eat, go to school, and bathe.

I asked her what she thought he was doing up there in his room for hours upon hours. She said he was mostly on his computer. I mentioned that it’s not uncommon for boys his age to be viewing porn and/or masturbating and that she might want to look into his history. She told me her boy wasn’t like that because he’s mature and intelligent and a bit of a nerd. I just gave her a look, because I know plenty of men who fit that description who masturbate and view porn.

Long story short, she got suspicious after I said something and found out that he was indeed viewing some seriously twisted porn and a lot of it.

So, mom in this situation might be doing her job and just not think her 14 year old is the kind of boy who’d view porn and/or masturbate. She’s probably not checking because she doesn’t think she’ll find anything. She might need a heads up here.
 
ChurchSuffering said:
Yeah he does go to church he just really isn’t into it, from my perspective. He is 14, and I don’t really know what he is doing actually I just found a really bad picture on his computer. He also does have an active social life, in fact he has a girlfriend :eek: . If I told my parents I know that they would be understanding and they would help him, but I also know that they would lose all trust in him, and probably me for not telling them right away so I would like to avoid that if I could because it also would be embarrassing for him.
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Unfortunately it is difficult to explain to a young man at this age why these things hurt chastity and are destructive to his future manhood, particularly if he is not that into being Catholic. For the same reason it seems like talking with a priest might not do much good.

My advice then would be to monitor his computer as closely as you can and if you find he is at it again you should at least let your mother know about this. You could do this discretely and ask for your name to be kept out of it. You probably also don’t need to mention exactly when you discovered it.
Embarrassments within family will always settle and are never as bad as you think at the time. In the same way trust can be restored with age. Worse case he will loose his private computer privileges for a while and has to recite one decade of rosary per day but this might be the best thing that ever happens to him.
 
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