Really Struggling since RCIA

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nickybr38

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You guys are probably going to think I’m being odd here but I’ve been really struggling since I was brought into the Church in April. Our RCIA class is over and since then my roommate and I have stopped reading the Bible together (our schedules don’t work). I have been reading on my own still but it’s odd, like something is missing now.

My issues are as follows:

I CANNOT get to Confession. I’ve gone to the scheduled Confessions many times now and for some reason no one has been present both times. I know it sounds silly but this is really upsetting me. I will call the Priest on Monday to arrange for a non-scheduled appointment (meaning, not the set Confession time but a time that works with his schedule and mine).

I am so uncomfortable with the Eucharist. It’s causing me a great deal of anxiety. I cannot partake right now anyway (until Confession) so it shouldn’t bother me but now it bothers me MORE that I’m NOT taking it. It’s so hard to explain… but last week it felt like something inside me literally curled up and died when I couldn’t go up, which is probably why being unable to get to Confession is upsetting me so much.

People describe the Eucharist as joy and I just don’t experience that. I haven’t from the first time. It bothers me that there’s this expectation that it’s a wonderful thing and that’s not what I’m experiencing.

I believe. With the help of some friends I have managed to ascertain that I do indeed believe… it is that belief that’s causing some of my anxiety. If I’m being honest I am just NOT worthy to receive. Not in any way, shape or form. Even after Confession, even after Confirmation… even after it all I am NOT ready.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve been praying (I’m struggling there too… seems like it’s sooo hard to pray these days) as much as I can but this unease isn’t going away.

Is this normal? Have other new converts struggled like this? Am I a complete anamoly? Any advice to give a struggling new convert?
 
nickybr38 said:
Is this normal? Have other new converts struggled like this? Am I a complete anamoly? Any advice to give a struggling new convert?
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Our program is finishing up this coming week and I am a bit concerned myself. Our RCIA director has mentioned that these types of things can happen and that they are not uncommon. Her advice was to get involved in a ministry that speaks to you within your parish. Also, look for a Bible study within your parish as well that you can get involved in. That way, you can continue to learn and also start volunteering and do some good works.

I have been looking at things like Opus Dei and the Dominican Laity as they offer continued formation as part of their vocations. My wife and I are also involved in the local campus ministry, pray the liturgy of the hours once a week, and I am doing Bible study on my own. There are ways for you to continue your formation and activity, you just have to seek it out.

As for the Eucharist, I think it will take some time for you to come to terms with that. It has for me. I try to go to confession once a week and I find that helps a great deal. I have been stood up once for an outside of normal hours appointment but that was unavoidable on the part of the priest so that is just the way it goes.

My advice is to seek out involvement in your parish, to continue to study, go to regular confession, and to pray. You might even consider being a sponsor for the next RCIA group that comes along!

God Bless!

Jason
 
Hi nickybr38,

Cradle Catholic here so I may not be able to relate as well as some other CAF members,
but I did want to encourage you and say “Hang in there!”

:blessyou:
 
For the sake of your eternal soul, don’t get into ministry if you have doubts. The sentiments about community and fun are nice, but they don’t convince your soul. What you need to do is read the theologians, doctors, saints, and fathers of the Church. Listen to lectures by orthodox priests who fill you with joy. Find Fr. John Riccardo’s talks (for example: an RCIA class for Catholics, 11 weeks: frjohnriccardo.libsyn.com/category/RCIA%20for%20Catholics), listen to priests at Audio Sancto and Fr. Ripperger’s at Sensus Traditionis. These are all real priests in communion with Rome, and they speak truths. They quote the saints.

When I first received our Lord Jesus Christ in the Eucharist on the Easter Vigil, He tasted like a stale cracker. He seemed to have the form of a stale cracker. You cannot rely on your senses; after all, God Himself seemed to be a mere man, a stale human being, to the people of Judea. He was no shining king of lights, crowns, scepters, and majestic armies; that was within Him, and remains in His very Divinity. You do not see God, but you only see Jesus Christ, the man who is God.

Beg Christ on your knees, as St. Paul says: “In everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ”. He will KEEP YOU in safety if you just have trust. God is God. He does it to me: He keeps me safe, though He does let me fall into dryness so I never forget what it is like to feel totally alone. My atheism does creep up now and again… and I was only baptised a month and a half ago! Your doubts will always remain. My best friend is a Franciscan friar who is a lifelong Catholic and VERY HOLY, beyond imagination, and he still has to tell himself: “that bread is Jesus Christ who died and rose for us”, every single time. 😃

Read things the holy saints wrote. They yearn for more and more companions in Heaven to share the pure, ECSTATIC JOY of true, abundant, full life with the Immortal. Read John 14:1 - “Do not be afraid; you believe in God…”! You BELIEVE in GOD! That’s amazing for this day and age! The Eucharist, Confession, and a million other things are not important at this very second. Rejoice over the fact that you have the special privilege and happiness in this ignorant, degenerate time, to know God. You went through RCIA for Christ’s sake, not for the sake of anything or anyone else. Talk to our Lord Jesus Christ, and use him as your avenue to peace through the Father. Envision the Bl. Trinity forever dwelling in you, around you, and through you in this world.

Please don’t despair! The day is fine on yonder heights! The sky is blue! The summer blooms a million bright colours and the breeze is endless warmth. God cannot give us up, because He is eternally-creating us every second. Every last millisecond is an explosion of LOVE from our maker and judge. Be aware at all times. 🙂
 
Hello, nickybr38.

First and foremost, I (and surely a lot of other folks here at CAF) am praying for you. You are at a very vulnerable time in your faith journey, and the devil knows that and will try to take advantage of it by trying to lead you into doubt. Jennifer Fulwiler wrote a great blog post about these ‘spiritual attacks’ earlier this year, which I shared with my Parish’s RCIA director at the time (you can read it here).

I’m sorry you have had a hard time getting to Confession. You might want to contact your Parish office and see what’s going on. Maybe they changed the schedule but still have the old times listed, or maybe you went to the wrong place…I don’t know the situation, but that does seem out-of-the-ordinary. Chances are it’s just an honest mistake or mis-communication, but it ought to get resolved. There’s a good chance you’re not the only one running into this, so you bringing it up to the office could help some of your brothers and sisters in faith too.

Worst case, if there are other Parishes nearby you can Confess there. It doesn’t have to be at your home Parish (in fact, some people even prefer to Confess with a Priest that they don’t know personally; I don’t think this is necessary myself, but it’s a matter of individual comfort levels).

As to the Holy Eucharist, as GloriousOrder pointed out, your senses will deceive you! Likewise, if you feel unworthy or undeserving that can also distract you from the wondrous spiritual graces of the Sacrament. In one sense, it’s actually a good thing that you feel unworthy…none of us is worthy of such an amazing gift! But you must remember that God has chosen to give us that gift anyway! As we pray before receiving, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.”

You asked if you were a complete anomaly. You aren’t! Most converts suffer spiritual attacks and doubts soon after entering the Church. Even the ones that don’t will suffer them sooner or later. Even the saints have suffered times of doubts and ‘spiritual dryness’ (St. Therese comes to mind, who speaks of her periods of spiritual dryness in her ‘Story of a Soul’ book). You are not alone. In fact, it is often the most holy and faithful who suffer doubts the worst, since they are often the main targets of the devil’s efforts.
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle;
be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
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God bless you!
 
achmafooma said:
Hello, nickybr38.

First and foremost, I (and surely a lot of other folks here at CAF) am praying for you. You are at a very vulnerable time in your faith journey, and the devil knows that and will try to take advantage of it by trying to lead you into doubt. Jennifer Fulwiler wrote a great blog post about these ‘spiritual attacks’ earlier this year, which I shared with my Parish’s RCIA director at the time (you can read it here).

I’m sorry you have had a hard time getting to Confession. You might want to contact your Parish office and see what’s going on. Maybe they changed the schedule but still have the old times listed, or maybe you went to the wrong place…I don’t know the situation, but that does seem out-of-the-ordinary. Chances are it’s just an honest mistake or mis-communication, but it ought to get resolved. There’s a good chance you’re not the only one running into this, so you bringing it up to the office could help some of your brothers and sisters in faith too.

Worst case, if there are other Parishes nearby you can Confess there. It doesn’t have to be at your home Parish (in fact, some people even prefer to Confess with a Priest that they don’t know personally; I don’t think this is necessary myself, but it’s a matter of individual comfort levels).

As to the Holy Eucharist, as GloriousOrder pointed out, your senses will deceive you! Likewise, if you feel unworthy or undeserving that can also distract you from the wondrous spiritual graces of the Sacrament. In one sense, it’s actually a good thing that you feel unworthy…none of us is worthy of such an amazing gift! But you must remember that God has chosen to give us that gift anyway! As we pray before receiving, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.”

You asked if you were a complete anomaly. You aren’t! Most converts suffer spiritual attacks and doubts soon after entering the Church. Even the ones that don’t will suffer them sooner or later. Even the saints have suffered times of doubts and ‘spiritual dryness’ (St. Therese comes to mind, who speaks of her periods of spiritual dryness in her ‘Story of a Soul’ book). You are not alone. In fact, it is often the most holy and faithful who suffer doubts the worst, since they are often the main targets of the devil’s efforts.

God bless you!
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Well said!
 
Like any major event in your life (e.g. a new marriage, having a child, etc…) there will be and adjustment period and some turbulence. As far as I can see, this is a relatively normal settling in period, disconcerting as it may be for you. You’ve received some good advice so just ride out the agitation and things will eventually fall into place.
 
Conversion is a lifelong process and probably an eternal one. You have just begun the joourney. I have been a lifelong Catholic and I don`t consider myself anywhere the end. As for feelings and the Eucharist I really believe that the changes that Eucharist bring to us come over time. God works on us in His time, not ours and yes, sometimes it is very frustrating. Just be patient and faithful. Keep up praying, and receiving the sacraments.
 
Don’t over worry.

You may or may not be given great feelings of joy…in terms of the senses.

But you can experience great joy in your mind and in your heart, if not your body. Use your mind, your will, your imagination to draw close to God in the Eucharist. Talk with Him…rest in Him, listen to Him.

Don’t wait for feelings…don’t be led around by feelings. Use your mind, your memory, your imagination. Put each in union with Jesus. Ask God to give you this union.

Pray every day…conversationally, 10-15 minutes. Talking to God like a child, telling Him your thoughts, feelings, worries, joys, ideas, plans.

Keep developing the interior life…fuel it with your difficulties. Pray/converse more with God.
 
Thanks guys. I really appreciate all the advice and I hope (I really do!) that if others are struggling too reading this thread will help them along as well.

Man, when our Lord said the road is narrow He wasn’t kidding.
 
Hi, and congratulations,

It is a good idea to go to confession weekly for a while. Some priests hear confession either before or after their daily mass. Ask you neighboring parishes when they have it, so you have options.

Since we are human we do have our emotional highs and lows. Sometimes they are short in duration and at other times they are longer. Emotion tho is never necessary in the practise of our faith. It is love, which shows itself in obedience and faithfullness to what Jesus wants of us. Love sometimes is equated with feeling good emotionally, but then that is a mistake. It may be nice, but it is not necessary at all for showing our love to Jesus, because he looks at our commitment to his words. Mother Theresa of Calcutta mentioned that for about 5 years she was devoid of feeling toward the blessed Sacrament. In other words, dry with no emotion or feeling. Sometimes emotion is considered a consolation of the Holy Spirit. He does give his consolations at times to encourage us or to console us. But then He will suddenly withdraw them to test our love, in that we continue to live the life of faith thru obedience to His wishes. It is to burn our own self love out of the equation and perform our actions in a more pure way without any emotional reward but only for Him. So He helps us to grow stronger in faith, hope and love. If you do not experience this, it may be that He is not working in you. He will only try those whom He loves and wants to bring closer to Himself.

If a new Catholic is married to a Catholic spouse, it is much easier to stay attached after baptism because they have someone to go to church with and to share the faith. If a new Catholic has a family that is Catholic, it is easier. However if a new Catholic has noone in the immediate family to share the faith with, it is more difficult and the solution is to stay in contact with other good Catholics in some way. Social, prayer, bible, discussion groups in the parish are ways to do this. It is important to have some contact and usually a parish will have these and other groups which will help. Even the dioceese sometimes have groups. Always check neighboring parishes as well. Catholic websites also help.

Some parishes have adoration of the blessed Sacrament 24/7. If you find one, by all means volunteer to go 1 hour a week. If you are fortunate enough to be able to do this,
so many things that seem important just wither and die a natural death. Many answers
to everything seem come during this hour. And the beauty of it is, it is almost automatic.

Our faith is something like a fish. We either swim upstream or we float downstream.
“I believe because you say it Lord.”
 
The journey in and toward holiness can be rough indeed - there are many obstacles and dangers in our path. Continue to seek oneness with our Lord by reconciling with Him in the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist.

These dry periods, which you are experiencing, are times of opportunity to grow in faith. Our faith is tested. Prayer can seem more mental than emotional and spiritual, but pray anyway. Blessed Mother Theresa experienced this “dark night of the soul” throughout a significant part of her ministry, but with eyes and a heart of faith, she prayed fervently and persistently anyway. Whether or not you “sense” our Lord’s presence, know that He IS with you. By your trust, patience, and fidelity to the faith, you WILL be rewarded by His Holy Spirit.

As we celebrate Pentecost this weekend, I suggest the following prayers:

ACT OF CONSECRATION TO THE HOLY SPIRIT

On my knees before the great multitude of heavenly witnesses I offer myself, soul and body to You, Eternal Spirit of God. I adore the brightness of Your purity, the unerring keenness of Your justice, and the might of Your love. You are the Strength and Light of my soul. In You I live and move and am. I desire never to grieve You by unfaithfulness to grace and I pray with all my heart to be kept from the smallest sin against You.
Mercifully guard my every thought and grant that I may always watch for Your light, and listen to Your voice, and follow Your gracious inspirations. I cling to You and give myself to You and ask You, by Your compassion to watch over me in my weakness. Holding the pierced Feet of Jesus and looking at His Five Wounds, and trusting in His Precious Blood and adoring His opened Side and stricken Heart, I implore You, Adorable Spirit, Helper of my infirmity, to keep me in Your grace that I may never sin against You. Give me grace O Holy Spirit, Spirit of the Father and the Son to say to You always and everywhere, “Speak Lord, for Your servant heareth.” Amen.

PRAYER FOR THE SEVEN GIFTS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

O Lord Jesus Christ Who, before ascending into heaven did promise to send the Holy Spirit to finish Your work in the souls of Your Apostles and Disciples, deign to grant the same Holy Spirit to me that He may perfect in my soul, the work of Your grace and Your love.
Grant me the Spirit of Wisdom that I may despise the perishable things of this world and aspire only after the things that are eternal, the Spirit of Understanding to enlighten my mind with the light of Your divine truth, the Spirit on Counsel that I may ever choose the surest way of pleasing God and gaining heaven, the Spirit of Fortitude that I may bear my cross with You and that I may overcome with courage all the obstacles that oppose my salvation, the Spirit of Knowledge that I may know God and know myself and grow perfect in the science of the Saints, the Spirit of Piety that I may find the service of God sweet and amiable, and the Spirit of Fear that I may be filled with a loving reverence towards God and may dread in any way to displease Him.
Mark me, dear Lord with the sign of Your true disciples, and animate me in all things with Your Spirit. Amen.
 
You know, outside of this forum I haven’t let on to anyone that I’m having a bit of a hard time. I’ve never been good at sharing my true feelings so it’s easier for me to come online where nobody knows who I am. Plus, I didn’t want to bother the father because he’s brand new (just landed in our country!! AND just arrived at our parish the same week).

Anyway, after Mass he grabbed my hand and insisted that we had to meet sometime this week. It was completely unexpected and exactly what I needed because I need to talk to him for sure. I gave him my number and you know he called me within an hour of me getting home to arrange for a day and time to meet.

I kind of took this as God doing His thing and stepping in when I wasn’t willing to make the move (because I didn’t want to bother the Father). I plan to talk to him about my desire to have confession every week and my struggles with the Eucharist.

Thank you guys for all your advice and more importantly your prayers. Unfortunately I think myself in circles but try as I might I cannot shut my brain off. It’s just part of who I am. One day all this thinking will do me good but for now it’s doing me in. 😉

Anyway, just thought I’d share.
 
nickybr38 said:
You know, outside of this forum I haven’t let on to anyone that I’m having a bit of a hard time. I’ve never been good at sharing my true feelings so it’s easier for me to come online where nobody knows who I am. Plus, I didn’t want to bother the father because he’s brand new (just landed in our country!! AND just arrived at our parish the same week).

Anyway, after Mass he grabbed my hand and insisted that we had to meet sometime this week. It was completely unexpected and exactly what I needed because I need to talk to him for sure. I gave him my number and you know he called me within an hour of me getting home to arrange for a day and time to meet.

I kind of took this as God doing His thing and stepping in when I wasn’t willing to make the move (because I didn’t want to bother the Father). I plan to talk to him about my desire to have confession every week and my struggles with the Eucharist.

Thank you guys for all your advice and more importantly your prayers. Unfortunately I think myself in circles but try as I might I cannot shut my brain off. It’s just part of who I am. One day all this thinking will do me good but for now it’s doing me in. 😉

Anyway, just thought I’d share.
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I’m glad to hear that you have a meeting with priest set up. I think you will find that you will feel better afterwards. You might also consider the reading of some additional materials on the sacraments which include the writings of the church fathers. I have found that since the Easter vigil, that has helped in my own understanding of the Eucharist and the other sacraments as well.

God bless!

Jason
 
jwinch2 said:
I’m glad to hear that you have a meeting with priest set up. I think you will find that you will feel better afterwards. You might also consider the reading of some additional materials on the sacraments which include the writings of the church fathers. I have found that since the Easter vigil, that has helped in my own understanding of the Eucharist and the other sacraments as well.

God bless!

Jason
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Thank you Jason. 🙂 Intellectually my understanding of the Eucharist is in place (not that I don’t have more to learn!) - and I DO believe. I think the bulk of my issue lies in old baggage from Protestant churches and my heart not being properly aligned yet.

Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself? But I feel as if this old heart of mine needs so much more shaping before I am worthy to be in the presence of God.
 
nickybr38 said:
Thank you Jason. 🙂 Intellectually my understanding of the Eucharist is in place (not that I don’t have more to learn!) - and I DO believe. I think the bulk of my issue lies in old baggage from Protestant churches and my heart not being properly aligned yet.

Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself? But I feel as if this old heart of mine needs so much more shaping before I am worthy to be in the presence of God.
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We all do. I would suggest getting involved in some of the ministries in your parish. Something where you can participated in some charity work but that also has ongoing formation would be a good fit. St. Vincent de Paul society would be a good example and something that almost any parish has going on. You could also seek additional formation outside of your parish via something like Opus Dei, or Lay/Third Orders.

Cheers,

Jason
 
jwinch2 said:
We all do. I would suggest getting involved in some of the ministries in your parish. Something where you can participated in some charity work but that also has ongoing formation would be a good fit. St. Vincent de Paul society would be a good example and something that almost any parish has going on. You could also seek additional formation outside of your parish via something like Opus Dei, or Lay/Third Orders.

Cheers,

Jason
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Right now ministry isn’t really an option (I work 9-9 Mon-Sat - I’m at work now! On my break. :)). I have agreed to help out with music ministry when I can but that’s as much as I can do. :\ It’s really frustrating but I have another year before I can slow down my work hours and devote more time to the Church.

🤷 Such is life.
 
I too am a convert and have dealt with some of the same issues. In addition to the many good things people have said here, I would encourage you to get into a habit of daily prayer–even (and perhaps especially) if you don’t feel like it. Some of the most important prayer takes place when you don’t “feel” it. The regular rhythm of prayer will draw you through the rough times.

For me, the Magnificat booklet (sponsored, I think, but the Dominicans in DC) was wonderful as a starter. For each day it includes morning prayer, the daily Mass readings, and evening prayer: a great way to begin a life of regular conversation with God. Eventually I moved to the Liturgy of the Hours but that may be a bit much to start with.

God bless you, and realize that you are not alone!
 
AlwaysCurious said:
I too am a convert and have dealt with some of the same issues. In addition to the many good things people have said here, I would encourage you to get into a habit of daily prayer–even (and perhaps especially) if you don’t feel like it. Some of the most important prayer takes place when you don’t “feel” it. The regular rhythm of prayer will draw you through the rough times.
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This is excellent advice. The daily prayer habit can make or break your faith. This is, admittedly, one of the areas that I have fallen short from time-to-time, and I notice a huge difference in my overall attitude (toward faith and everything else) when I am in the habit of daily prayer and when I fall out of it. One of the nice things about the Catholic faith is we have those prepared, memorized (or written-down) prayers like the Hail Mary – even if nothing seems to flow naturally, we can still pray something, and something is better than nothing!
nickybr38 said:
Anyway, after Mass he grabbed my hand and insisted that we had to meet sometime this week. It was completely unexpected and exactly what I needed because I need to talk to him for sure. I gave him my number and you know he called me within an hour of me getting home to arrange for a day and time to meet.
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Isn’t it great when that kind of stuff happens? 🙂 I can’t tell you how many times things like that have happened to me and my wife since we became Catholic (and even beforehand, as we started easing into the Church). That’s the Holy Spirit at work!

God bless you.
 
I’m definitely struggling with the prayer aspect but I DO pray SOMETHING every day. Even if it’s just the Our Father. I haven’t gotten to the point where I can have a conversational prayer with our Lord. I also struggle with just having quiet time with Him.

In general I’m the type of person who never sits still. I don’t DO quiet time but I know I need to work on it.

The only time I can really pray is at Mass. It’s the only atmosphere that quiets me down enough to focus on our Lord properly. I think I need prayer suggestions for hyper people or something! 😊
 
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