Reaping what I have sown: A mother's heartbreak

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Quick background: I grew up Catholic, fell away twice, and recently returned to the Faith (YAY!). When our sons were young, we began attending Mass and returned to the Faith; they were properly catechized, received the sacraments, and later when we moved, they attended Catholic grade school. They attended public high school, and now public university. During this time, we fell away from the Church again, as they finished grade school, and returned last winter.

My oldest son, a very smart and scientific young man, has turned away; not just fallen away, but actively becoming atheist. (I wish I could smash every youtube video on atheism that I could find!) I can see why this has happened, and I blame myself for much of it. I do understand why he has taken this position; however, he doesn’t want to talk to me about being Atheist. I know that often it’s someone who isn’t a parent or family member that helps lead the lost sheep back.

Today, I was again reminded: he lowered his head, but did not pray or do the sign of the cross at the end of Grace before meals. Oh, how that hurt…mostly because of my own responsibility in his beliefs, or lack thereof. I won’t push, but I can’t not live my Faith, even when he’s around. While I preferred K-Love or other Christian radio during lunch, I chose something that wouldn’t offend him. I don’t want to push him away from the family. Christmas will be strained on my heart for him this year, even as I rejoice in the celebration of the Savior’s birth.

I need to remember that it wasn’t my own mother’s fault, or my mother-in-law’s, that we fell away. Perhaps I shouldn’t blame myself so harshly. But it’s a heavy burden. I am so sorry for the hurt we caused our parents by being away not just from the Church, but from any religion. We didn’t disbelieve, but I didn’t act or live as a Christian. I pray the Divine Mercy for him and all those who have turned away from the Faith, especially Atheists.

Please keep him, and all our children and family members who are away from the Faith in any capacity, in your prayers during this Advent and Christmas. Please also pray to console the hearts of the parents and family members who are faithful, or learning to be.
 
Dear Christina, yes it’s heartbreaking, and it appears that your son is very sincere in his unbelief.

Christina, many parents who remain dedicated and faithful Catholics throughout their children’s infancy and youth also have the sorrow of seeing their child lose faith in God.

It’s natural to blame oneself, but it’s often their own thought processes and other influences that result in our children losing faith.

God bless and comfort you, and may God protect and lead your son.
 
Ask St. Monica to intercede for you. (We will too, but she’s got experience with this…)
 
How old is he?

Deconversion can often be a temporary part of growing up; to an extent, it was for me.

ICXC NIKA
 
Hi Christina, many of us are going through the same thing, I’ve got 4 children, and none of them go to church, I’ve come to believe all I can do is set the best example I can, and pray for them constantly and devoutly, which I do, and God’s will be done, all my trust is in Him.
I will say a prayer for you and your son.
May God give you a loving heart and a peaceful spirit.

Our Father who art in heaven
hallowed be Thy name
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
Amen
 
With respect, a small suggestion: Pray the Rosary every day with the intention of the conversion of your son. It won’t take that much time-15 or 20 minutes at most. It ma take a little time, but it will work.
I have similar problem, and that is what I do.
 
I pray the Rosary often as well.

Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions. I know I’m not alone, and I appreciate the support. St. Monica is also one of the saints I’ve turned to for this, (and her son as well, for other reasons!). He is only 22, so I’m hoping that this is one of those ‘phases’. I do know that it can be temporary, and I pray that it is. Even one of the seminarians I met this summer had been this route himself (as far as believing science over religion, anyway), and a good friend fell away from God as a young person, but is now converting to Catholicism in her early 50s.

God bless you all.
 
I sympathize as my children are similar. I raised my first two as a protestant, and they don’t practice any religion. My next two I raised as Catholics, but their father wasn’t on board much and left it to me, and that doesn’t work too well. It really takes two parents who live their faith, from what I’ve seen, and not always then.

I gave my life to Christ after eight years away from church, at the age of 27, and converted to Catholicism at 50. There is hope in Christ. He has not forgotten our children.
 
Hi Christina, just like georgette said, have faith. I have four children and only one is faithful the other three do not attend any church, although they are not atheists they still believe in God but want nothing to do with church. so don`t beat yourself up too much, just continue to pray for him. I pray to St. Monica and pray the rosary for them daily. I believe God will not abandon them, but it will be in His time and not mine that He will give them the graces they need to come back to the faith.

I will keep your son in my daily prayers as well.
:hug1::byzsoc:
 
I’m really sorry to hear about this, since I’ve seen people in my own family go through this (albeit in a milder form).

Take heart, thought, from the fact that 22 is still quite young from a spiritual point of view. At 22, I was a “liberal Catholic” (pro-contraception, for one.) At 26, I was a convinced indifferentist, and was going to write a book about why I adopted that point of view (fortunately, I never did.) I eventually “came home” a few years later. Keep praying; I shall pray for you all. 👍
 
I recently heard someone (I think it was Steve Ray) say something to the effect of 'Pray for someone to enter their life" to influence them and bring them to the fullness of the Church and the Faith.
Sorry I don’t have all the details, I just remember that I had to make a mental note to pray for someone to enter each of my kids life to help support them and make the Faith real to them beyond ‘just their family’…

Remember to pray for healing for yourself. I know your heartbreak, but only praying for your son will not heal your obvious wounds…😉
 
Dear Christina, It is truly wonderful that you have returned to the faith. Now please learn all that you can about our Catholic faith and never leave it again. While you do own some blame for not setting the best example for your children your son is an adult now and it is up to him to make his own decisions. As many have pointed out, this could have happened even if you had never left the church. Many young men with science educations wind up embracing atheism. All you can do now is to be the best Catholic that you can be and to share your love for Jesus with the whole family including him. While it may not inspire him just yet he will notice your devotion and it will make an impression. Say rosaries for him and novenas too. Offer up any suffering that might experience for his conversion. Attend Eucharistic adoration and pray for him. As with St. Monica it may take many years and you may shed many tears but God will hear your prayers. Ultimately your son has free will to love Jesus or not but Jesus is always there waiting for him to come back.
 
Dear Christina, I share your pain. My oldest came back to the Church after ending a 2 year unchaste relationship. He went to Confession then Communion for the first time in 8 years. Within a week from this blessed event, he met a girl (supposedly a devout practicing Eastern Orthodox) He ends up allowing her to move in to his apartment and begins fornicating with her.
They are in the midst of a very traumatic relationship complete with physical violence. He put her out of his apartment but is still seeing her.

I beg him to practice chastity, go the Mass, Confession and Holy Communion. I give him books on Chastity. I have even offered to pay for relationship counseling.

My other son was an agnostic for 10 years now he is leaning heavily toward Protestantism.
He criticizes the Church and has some ideas that are so ridiculous, I can hardly speak to him about faith matters. He lives a life of chastity and is a very altruistic person for this I am very grateful but I think everyday about how great of a person he is and what he could do with his gifts if he would only mature and come back to his Catholic faith.

I know I was not a perfect catholic mother but that is in the past. Now I pray for my children. I do penances( I give up sweets for them 6 days a week) I offer my Sunday Mass for them. And I offer my suffering for them. I pray to St Monica, St Francis and of course our Blessed Mother for their intercession. I do whatever I can to offer sacrifice for their souls

Believe it or not without these practices and devotions I think would fall into deep despair for my sons. I plan on storming heaven with my petitions for as long as it takes.

God bless you and your children. I’ll say a prayer for them tonight too.
 
Sometimes it is a phase and a long one!

I was raised Lutheran and fell away from Christianity in my teens. I was Pagan, Atheist, and then Agnostic. I returned to Christianity and decided to convert to Catholicism this past June. I was away from Christianity for over 20 years!

My husband was raised in a devout Catholic family. He also fell away in his teens and became Pagan and then Atheist and then Agnostic. He returned to his faith this year, as well. It was also about 20 years for him.

Pray for your son, love him, and have faith. He may decide to come back someday.
 
ccmcmg said:
Quick background: I grew up Catholic, fell away twice, and recently returned to the Faith (YAY!). When our sons were young, we began attending Mass and returned to the Faith; they were properly catechized, received the sacraments, and later when we moved, they attended Catholic grade school. They attended public high school, and now public university. During this time, we fell away from the Church again, as they finished grade school, and returned last winter.

My oldest son, a very smart and scientific young man, has turned away; not just fallen away, but actively becoming atheist. (I wish I could smash every youtube video on atheism that I could find!) I can see why this has happened, and I blame myself for much of it. I do understand why he has taken this position; however, he doesn’t want to talk to me about being Atheist. I know that often it’s someone who isn’t a parent or family member that helps lead the lost sheep back.

Today, I was again reminded: he lowered his head, but did not pray or do the sign of the cross at the end of Grace before meals. Oh, how that hurt…mostly because of my own responsibility in his beliefs, or lack thereof. I won’t push, but I can’t not live my Faith, even when he’s around. While I preferred K-Love or other Christian radio during lunch, I chose something that wouldn’t offend him. I don’t want to push him away from the family. Christmas will be strained on my heart for him this year, even as I rejoice in the celebration of the Savior’s birth.

I need to remember that it wasn’t my own mother’s fault, or my mother-in-law’s, that we fell away. Perhaps I shouldn’t blame myself so harshly. But it’s a heavy burden. I am so sorry for the hurt we caused our parents by being away not just from the Church, but from any religion. We didn’t disbelieve, but I didn’t act or live as a Christian. I pray the Divine Mercy for him and all those who have turned away from the Faith, especially Atheists.

Please keep him, and all our children and family members who are away from the Faith in any capacity, in your prayers during this Advent and Christmas. Please also pray to console the hearts of the parents and family members who are faithful, or learning to be.
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Hi Christina,

I am in a very similar situation as you are. Fell away twice, came back, brought my son in when he was 13. I raised him protestant for 13 years. Got him into the Catholic Church as quick as I could as soon as I returned but now he is struggling but I believe that God is bringing him around. I find much comfort in God’s Word and His saints. One thing I know is that my parents were praying for me, the rosary, and that brought me home. This brought Mary’s great love in on the scene and so I know now it is my turn to pray for my family and lean on Her great love. To pick up the baton, so to speak, and run with it.

Also, I took this situation to a priest not too long ago and He said something I always remembered and that is to have patience with our children. God will bring them around and the priest himself walked away from the faith for a couple of years before he became a priest

God brought you home, God brought me home and there are many, many reverts and converts and I am sure with prayer and living the faith God will bring your children home also.

One thing I think also, is our children and others who are outside the faith are watching us, to see if it is real. They are watching to see if prayers get answered and if we will give up. We need to live the faith in front of them and show no matter what we are here, in the faith to stay.

God bless and I will pray for you.
 
Prayer and sacrifice offered for the light of Christ to shine on and in all those lost in darkness is our work as parents of all those drifting into agnosticism or atheism. I have thoughts about my own life of immorality and turning away from God in order to follow my own selfish desires and how that has had a ripple effect on so many others. But, I was called out of darkness and back into the Church, so I do know that prayers and sacrifices work. My parents and grandparents were storming heaven for years with prayers and offering up many forms of penances. Therefore I am living in hope that Christ can restore the faith of my children and my siblings just as He did for me. So it is with you, also. Give thanks to God each day for the restoration of your own faith. There is no match for the Goodness and Marcy of God!
 
I, also would like to add William Lane Craig has a website called Reasonable Faith with many many free podcasts to listen to that can help provide answers to atheism. He is a great Catholic apologist who, I have heard, is extremely good and some atheists have refused to debate him because of his knowledge and ability. Some of the science goes over my head but I do appreciate the podcasts and have gleaned quite a bit from them.

Also, I believe St. Thomas the Apostle would be a great prayer partner, as he too was a doubter. Plus I heard that in Eastern Catholic tradition, he is considered an affirmer, not a doubter. He needed to know and experience Christ himself and thus affirms Christ’s divinity and that is what our children need also.

I like to think of how God is going to work this out with the youth of today as He brings them through their time of searching and what great witnesses they will someday be.

God bless.
 
Thank you.

It’s in God’s time, not mine; I’ll keep those rosaries, prayers and everything going.

I know that my son is watching to see if this is a ‘fad’ for me. I’m aware of that, and thanks for reminding me. I just have to try not to drive him farther away in the meantime.
 
I was a complete trainwreck of a human-being when I fell away from the faith and left home. No matter how much of a mess a person is they can always come back. God works in funny ways sometimes, but nothing is impossible with Him in the driver’s seat.

Joshua C.
 
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