Reasons for Catholics to have big families

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estesbob said:
At precisely the momet God says no more.

I am a CPA and can tell you that on paper none of us can cost justify a child. You can NEVER afford them. But if you put your Trust in the Lord you will receive as many children and as many blessings as you can handle.
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Good points, yet how does one know?

My wife is 40, I am 49, we have six kids and brutally little financial room to speak of and literally no room left in the house for another child. Plus, we cannot afford to move to a larger home, or even to expand the home we are in. So, I am conflicted over this issue.
 
Tom317 said:
Good points, yet how does one know?

My wife is 40, I am 49, we have six kids and brutally little financial room to speak of and literally no room left in the house for another child. Plus, we cannot afford to move to a larger home, or even to expand the home we are in. So, I am conflicted over this issue.
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**1 Peter 5:7 **

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
 
lifeisbeautiful said:
How about this… Catholics do not need reasons **to have **a big family, but they do need to have reasons **to not have ** one.
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Every child you have is a soul that will ETERNALLY worship God. Why would you deny God more worship? Why would you take away from the great Father who has given you everything you have, even your own life? A financial burden is an awfully shortsighted and selfish way to look at a SOUL, eternally made to be with and serve the Lord.
 
Tom317 said:
teakafrog,

Parenting is supposed to be done responsibly.
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Tom, you sound like you have good reasons to postpone a pregnancy. But, I can tell that if you had more money, you would be open to another child. That is the attitude to have!!!

That is why we discern month to month. Hopefully, something will change in the next year or two. If not, then soon enough time and biology will make the choice for you. Be at peace. I think it helps that our discernment is month to month. We don’t have to look far into the future. We look at this month.

God gives us the tools to discern–well formed consciences, intellect and prayer. We cannot discern for another. Even if we can look at the externals, there’s no way to know the psychological situation of the parents. Some kids are needier than others. Some parents need more financial security than others to avoid anxiety. Some kids have more health needs. Some women have easier pregnancies than others. Some families anticipate financial needs of aging parents.
 
tjm8 said:
When you and your wife say it is enough!!!
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Close, the better answer is: when God decides-- and you & your spouse consent.

How do we know what God wants? We have tools for discernment, including a well formed conscience, our intellect to measure our ability to handle more children, and prayer.
 
leonie said:
Tom, you sound like you have good reasons to postpone a pregnancy. But, I can tell that if you had more money, you would be open to another child. That is the attitude to have!!!

That is why we discern month to month. Hopefully, something will change in the next year or two. If not, then soon enough time and biology will make the choice for you. Be at peace. I think it helps that our discernment is month to month. We don’t have to look far into the future. We look at this month.

God gives us the tools to discern–well formed consciences, intellect and prayer. We cannot discern for another. Even if we can look at the externals, there’s no way to know the psychological situation of the parents. Some kids are needier than others. Some parents need more financial security than others to avoid anxiety. Some kids have more health needs. Some women have easier pregnancies than others. Some families anticipate financial needs of aging parents.
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Alll good points. I do not hold a great deal of anxiety, more of a feeling of not knowing which way to go with this. On one hand we want are fully open to more children and will gladly accept them if God chooses to give us more, on the other hand it would be incredibly overwhelming in our situation to have more…does that make sense?
 
Tom317 said:
teakafrog,
Parenting is supposed to be done responsibly.
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True. But it is also to be done unselfishly, in the spirit of giving, both to the children and to God. That is why ABC is a sin, it is saying, “I refuse to serve”, just like lucifer said to God. Choosing to postpone pregnancy for a legitimate, serious reason is not sin. But without *serious *reason, such as medical problems, why err on the side of selfishness? So the kids have to share a room, or wear hand-me-downs. Nothing wrong with that, except it may hurt the parents’ pride. Again, the giving of self, to the betterment of the world. That one child you ‘decide’ to not have, may be a saint that helps thousands. You never know. That’s why the Church teaches us to be open to life. That is what is wrong with society at large today, they are all self-centered. Thus, the moral decay that is rampant. When people put their own needs above the good of others, and most importantly above God’s will, nothing good can come of it. Responsibility is doing what is right, not what is convenient.
 
Teakafrog said:
True. But it is also to be done unselfishly, in the spirit of giving, both to the children and to God. That is why ABC is a sin, it is saying, “I refuse to serve”, just like lucifer said to God. Choosing to postpone pregnancy for a legitimate, serious reason is not sin. But without *serious *reason, such as medical problems, why err on the side of selfishness? So the kids have to share a room, or wear hand-me-downs. Nothing wrong with that, except it may hurt the parents’ pride. Again, the giving of self, to the betterment of the world. That one child you ‘decide’ to not have, may be a saint that helps thousands. You never know. That’s why the Church teaches us to be open to life. That is what is wrong with society at large today, they are all self-centered. Thus, the moral decay that is rampant. When people put their own needs above the good of others, and most importantly above God’s will, nothing good can come of it. Responsibility is doing what is right, not what is convenient.
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I know all of this.

My point is as I stated before. I am 49, my wife is 40, we have two little ones at home, along with four other children, six in total. We are financially strapped to the point of being in the red most of the time and we literally have no room left in our 3 bedroom home (we already have 3 children in each of the secondary bedrooms–very small rooms too). Couple that with our age, and the fact that my wife has very hard deliveries, and I am just not sure what to do from here out. Of course if God chose to give us more kids, we would accept them with complete love, yet the question is: should we be pursuing additional children?

I know Catholic teaching very well–we would never use birth control.
 
Teakafrog said:
True. But it is also to be done unselfishly, in the spirit of giving, both to the children and to God. That is why ABC is a sin, it is saying, “I refuse to serve”, just like lucifer said to God. Choosing to postpone pregnancy for a legitimate, serious reason is not sin. But without *serious *reason, such as medical problems, why err on the side of selfishness? So the kids have to share a room, or wear hand-me-downs. Nothing wrong with that, except it may hurt the parents’ pride. Again, the giving of self, to the betterment of the world. That one child you ‘decide’ to not have, may be a saint that helps thousands. You never know. That’s why the Church teaches us to be open to life. That is what is wrong with society at large today, they are all self-centered. Thus, the moral decay that is rampant. When people put their own needs above the good of others, and most importantly above God’s will, nothing good can come of it. Responsibility is doing what is right, not what is convenient.
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Oh great. More guilt. 😛 😃

I think sometimes making the decision to postpone having a baby is as painful as saying “yes.” Our hearts say yes, but our intellect says, “not now.”

The circumstances that Tom is stating sound like legitimate reasons to me. But, the point is well taken that there are a lot of people who are in a good position to welcome life who choose not due to a desire to avoid suffering.
 
Tom317 said:
I know all of this.

My point is as I stated before. I am 49, my wife is 40, we have two little ones at home, along with four other children, six in total. We are financially strapped to the point of being in the red most of the time and we literally have no room left in our 3 bedroom home (we already have 3 children in each of the secondary bedrooms–very small rooms too). Couple that with our age, and the fact that my wife has very hard deliveries, and I am just not sure what to do from here out. Of course if God chose to give us more kids, we would accept them with complete love, yet the question is: should we be pursuing additional children?

I know Catholic teaching very well–we would never use birth control.
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It sounds to me like you have valid reasons for trying to avoid pregnancy at this time. Nothing wrong with that as long as you do it naturally, which it sounds like you are doing. If you are practicing NFP faithfully and correctly, then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. If your wife gets pregnant, then you know that it is definitely God’s will.

We are pregnant with #6 and were trying to avoid pregnancy. As far as I can tell, we were using NFP correctly, and so this was a complete surprise. I just looked at DH and said, “Obviously, God wants this child to exist, because we were doing everything allowable by His church to avoid it.”

The way I see it, if God, through the Church, says that something is a mortal sin, then who are we to question it? If you find yourself picking and choosing which of the Church teachings you want to accept, and which you want to ignore, then I would say you are a Protestant.
 
susie_g said:
The way I see it, if God, through the Church, says that something is a mortal sin, then who are we to question it? If you find yourself picking and choosing which of the Church teachings you want to accept, and which you want to ignore, then I would say you are a Protestant.
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I nevers said we pick and choose and we most definitely are not Protestants.
 
Tom317 said:
I nevers said we pick and choose and we most definitely are not Protestants.
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I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that part for you, but for others on this thread who are bringing up condoms and other ABC. It sounds to me like you and your wife are trying very hard to be in line with the Church, just struggling with what that may mean for you.
 
Tom317 said:
Good points, yet how does one know?

My wife is 40, I am 49, we have six kids and brutally little financial room to speak of and literally no room left in the house for another child. Plus, we cannot afford to move to a larger home, or even to expand the home we are in. So, I am conflicted over this issue.
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My wife came from 13 and 2 parents. One bathroom and 3 bedrooms. Every few days one of them slept on the floor. They made it work, are all happy and reflect positively on their childhood. Not to worry.
 
Tom317 said:
Good points, yet how does one know?

My wife is 40, I am 49, we have six kids and brutally little financial room to speak of and literally no room left in the house for another child. Plus, we cannot afford to move to a larger home, or even to expand the home we are in. So, I am conflicted over this issue.
Click to expand...
My wife came from 13 and 2 parents. One bathroom and 3 bedrooms. Every few days one of them slept on the floor. They made it work, are all happy and reflect positively on their childhood. Not to worry.
 
buffalo said:
My wife came from 13 and 2 parents. One bathroom and 3 bedrooms. Every few days one of them slept on the floor. They made it work, are all happy and reflect positively on their childhood. Not to worry.
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I come from a family with 10 kids, two bedrooms…
 
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