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ResoluteSheep
Guest
How do you rebuke others when it conflicts with Christ’s teaching without sounding like a self-righteous pharisee? How do you make it sound with love without being too soft or lukewarm in your statement?
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Rosebud77
Guest
You don’t unless they ask you. You live your faith in a shining way and when they ask?
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ConfusedLucy
Guest
I think you need to really scrutinize your intentions as I have seen a lot of people doing this sort of thing as an ego trip. Make sure you are rebuking for the right reasons.
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ResoluteSheep
Guest
Don’t rebuke until they ask? What about if somebody is mistreating someone with injustice and I should stand up for the other person? By rebuking I don’t always mean scolding but just correction (unless I got the meaning wrong)
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ResoluteSheep
Guest
I don’t intend to fuel my ego though at times I fall into the trap of saying in my mind ‘‘woah I’m so righteous’’ but my main intention is just to obey God. Like, when somebody seems to be slothful and does nothing all day I would rebuke them of this sin but I’m a person that’s not really good with words and so I make it sound as if I’m harshly scolding them whereas I just want to strictly but kindly correct them.
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Rosebud77
Guest
Ah that is not what you said in your first post. By all means support and stop actual wrong but keep focussed on doing that,
I think you need to write an actual example?
eg from me … I saw an old drunk on the pavement here, head bleeding. Everyone was walking past. That day I was dependent on a lift and the driver was impatient and refused to wait, A Garda passed and he too just walked past, … I insisted the driver wait, but then a man did stop to help the man.
Nowhere in that would I "rebuke"anyone. What mattered was that the man got help and yes the ones who walked past were wrong but not my place to accuse.
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Rosebud77
Guest
Is that really your place to do that though? Accusing others of sin? How is that obeying God?
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ResoluteSheep
Guest
Is that really your place to do that though? Accusing others of sin? How is that obeying God?
I mean if somebody was slothful and neglecting their duties, it may be a mortal sin. So I’m trying to get my neighbour out of their sin and to repent, but I don’t think I’m doing it the right way.
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Gilly_flower
Guest
I think you should concentrate your efforts on setting a good example by your own behaviour - anything else is simply being an annoying busybody and is likely to be counter productive.
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josh987654321
Guest
It depends what kind of scenario you are talking about I believe, and what you mean by ‘rebuke’ so it’s very hard I believe to answer this question without a scenario.
I hope this has helped
God Bless You
Thank you for reading
Josh
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Regina7
Guest
True love for others means we want them to get to heaven. Merely “setting an example” is not always effective as some people (myself included) need directness- I don’t understand subtlies. I appreciate when my family and close friends call me out as I want to get to heaven too!
So, a few practicalities: you can’t rebuke someone you don’t know really well. For example a neighbor may think I’m lazy but I could be sick and since we aren’t close, that person wouldn’t know I was sick. So a “Regina, you’ve been lazy this week- I see you sitting on your porch way too much!” Wouldn’t go over well. So before you say a word, make sure you know what’s going on.
Second, there’s a way to rebuke nicely. Let’s look at laziness. Here’s a way to do this.
“You seem more tired and sluggish lately. Are you feeling ok?”
If you start the discussion with concern (and your concern for the state of their soul should be the reason you’d ever say a word!), then you open the door to honest communication.
I will say that I have given my husband and few close friends permission to bluntly call me out when they see I’m going off track. We help each other that way, but we talked about this. So that’s another thing you can do. Ask that person to be accountability partners- but be prepared to hear their thoughts on you.
While we should always be good examples, I think sometimes we just keep our mouths shut because it’s easier and more comfortable for us. I recently heard a priest say, “I’m not going to hell for you.” So if he sees someone on the wrong path, he’s going to lovingly say something. What if that person doesn’t know the truth? But we are too afraid to open our mouths? Example: Let’s say my sister doesnt know why living with boyfriend is wrong. So I tell her. Now she knows and it’s up to her to decide what to do. This actually happened. I did call my sister out. And she’s called me out on stuff too. That’s what we do when we love someone.
So, a few practicalities: you can’t rebuke someone you don’t know really well. For example a neighbor may think I’m lazy but I could be sick and since we aren’t close, that person wouldn’t know I was sick. So a “Regina, you’ve been lazy this week- I see you sitting on your porch way too much!” Wouldn’t go over well. So before you say a word, make sure you know what’s going on.
Second, there’s a way to rebuke nicely. Let’s look at laziness. Here’s a way to do this.
“You seem more tired and sluggish lately. Are you feeling ok?”
If you start the discussion with concern (and your concern for the state of their soul should be the reason you’d ever say a word!), then you open the door to honest communication.
I will say that I have given my husband and few close friends permission to bluntly call me out when they see I’m going off track. We help each other that way, but we talked about this. So that’s another thing you can do. Ask that person to be accountability partners- but be prepared to hear their thoughts on you.
While we should always be good examples, I think sometimes we just keep our mouths shut because it’s easier and more comfortable for us. I recently heard a priest say, “I’m not going to hell for you.” So if he sees someone on the wrong path, he’s going to lovingly say something. What if that person doesn’t know the truth? But we are too afraid to open our mouths? Example: Let’s say my sister doesnt know why living with boyfriend is wrong. So I tell her. Now she knows and it’s up to her to decide what to do. This actually happened. I did call my sister out. And she’s called me out on stuff too. That’s what we do when we love someone.
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FollowChrist34
Guest
I personally have benefited from insights gained from rebukes given to me in love, hate, or indifference. Sometimes your enemies light the way. Assuming the rebuke is justified, i.e., there is something there to correct. These days it is nice to find someone who is willing to actually tell you what they honestly think about anything, yourself or otherwise. We have controlled speech and conduct and then exploding, angry outbursts, no healthy medium, discourse. There is a lot of anger in society - people get critical or judgmental on social and cultural issues for the wrong reasons. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Pick your time and method though very carefully on enlightening others about their failures and be sure your motives are good for that person. I usually avoid doing it unless I really care about the person and think it is a matter of conscience, that it is necessary, a help, a moral obligation - in other words, very rarely. And I am glad I rarely endure it from others.
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MaryT777
Guest
Rosebud,
You are spot on with your posts on this issue.
Matthew 7:3 NAB
Judging Others.
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- a “Stop judging,* that you may not be judged.
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For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you.
3
Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?
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How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove that splinter from your eye,’ while the wooden beam is in your eye?
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You hypocrite,* remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye.
Mary.
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MaryT777
Guest
I think you’d have to know somebody really well to call them out on the sin of slot. Many people with mental illness have issues with keeping up on housework, activities of daily living etc. Perhaps a spouse would be another matter where a discussion would be in order or a child being neglected by such sin. Again it’s the matter of the circumstance.
Mary.
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Katherine438
Guest
If someone saw how I lived they could say that I am guilty of the sin of sloth … meanwhile I have about half a dozen diseases, one of which has made me disabled from working … think people need to be careful who they call out.
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PelagiathePenit
Guest
True. I think most things people say have some truth in it honestly. It can be refreshing hearing someone speak honestly. At times I am not prepared to hear someone’s honest opinion.
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Louman127
Guest
I would not rebuke someone, especially if I am trying to fix an error. Rebuking is extreme and done to illustrate something is severe (like ex-communication). Trouble is most people nowadays are very ignorant so their penalty needs to be reduced in order for you to help their salvation.
Just simply state the truth objectively and eat all negative emotions or responses they give back. I do it all the time. Just be patient with them like God is and overlook the small things until they can become more spiritually developed.
What I do is I gain rapport with people and immediately work the conversations and casually mention something about how I teach at church and what not. That way they know my stance on issues on a basic level so when they present something to me that is contrary to our faith it is easier to set them straight nicely versus if I pretend to be “worldly” and then try and correct them one day out of the blue. Because that makes it awkward for them and me. But if I present myself as Holy immediately then it makes any truth I speak easier for them to believe and easier for me to say. Because I’ll be looked at as 1.) A man of God or 2.) Just another far out there Christian. Either way my integrity stays intact. Because if someone is in sin, they can degrade me all they want but that doesn’t change the truth that they are wrong and they know they are wrong at a deep down subconscious level even if they insist on embracing a lie.
Just keep your ground either way because one day, because of you eating their hurtful emotions they are imparting to you, something may Pierce their heart and they’ll know they need to come to you for help.
Basically just be Holy all the time. Then if someone says something I casually correct it. I don’t bug them about it I just state things and then that’s it back to normal and my obligation is fulfilled. If they don’t heed my words its on them, not me. For instance yesterday I had guy casually bring up pornography like its normal. Well I explained why its bad and the effects it has on marriage and gave a brief history how before the 1920’s/30’s marriages were more fruitful. They didn’t have a 50% divorce rate etc. Now I’m sure he felt awkward because not many say those things anymore but, he listened and agreed. My job is done.
I look at it this way… If they have the nerve to speak to me like sin is ok and normal than I will have the nerve to state their error. So in the end he said I’m right and we ended it like a normal conversation. Just simply remember that you’re right. There is no chance that you are not right. We’re Catholic so we have the fullness of Christianity and therefore the full capabilities to gain wisdom. Have courage because you are right. So evict any negative feelings they impart to you.
There’s always a way to deliver a message to virtually anyone. Just tell the Holy Spirit to take over control of you. With the right timing, rapport, and delivery you can correct error to pretty much anybody you want. Just make sure it’ll benefit them at the time you correct them because you may have to be patient for the right timing. But the Holy Spirit will advise you.
Just simply state the truth objectively and eat all negative emotions or responses they give back. I do it all the time. Just be patient with them like God is and overlook the small things until they can become more spiritually developed.
What I do is I gain rapport with people and immediately work the conversations and casually mention something about how I teach at church and what not. That way they know my stance on issues on a basic level so when they present something to me that is contrary to our faith it is easier to set them straight nicely versus if I pretend to be “worldly” and then try and correct them one day out of the blue. Because that makes it awkward for them and me. But if I present myself as Holy immediately then it makes any truth I speak easier for them to believe and easier for me to say. Because I’ll be looked at as 1.) A man of God or 2.) Just another far out there Christian. Either way my integrity stays intact. Because if someone is in sin, they can degrade me all they want but that doesn’t change the truth that they are wrong and they know they are wrong at a deep down subconscious level even if they insist on embracing a lie.
Just keep your ground either way because one day, because of you eating their hurtful emotions they are imparting to you, something may Pierce their heart and they’ll know they need to come to you for help.
Basically just be Holy all the time. Then if someone says something I casually correct it. I don’t bug them about it I just state things and then that’s it back to normal and my obligation is fulfilled. If they don’t heed my words its on them, not me. For instance yesterday I had guy casually bring up pornography like its normal. Well I explained why its bad and the effects it has on marriage and gave a brief history how before the 1920’s/30’s marriages were more fruitful. They didn’t have a 50% divorce rate etc. Now I’m sure he felt awkward because not many say those things anymore but, he listened and agreed. My job is done.
I look at it this way… If they have the nerve to speak to me like sin is ok and normal than I will have the nerve to state their error. So in the end he said I’m right and we ended it like a normal conversation. Just simply remember that you’re right. There is no chance that you are not right. We’re Catholic so we have the fullness of Christianity and therefore the full capabilities to gain wisdom. Have courage because you are right. So evict any negative feelings they impart to you.
There’s always a way to deliver a message to virtually anyone. Just tell the Holy Spirit to take over control of you. With the right timing, rapport, and delivery you can correct error to pretty much anybody you want. Just make sure it’ll benefit them at the time you correct them because you may have to be patient for the right timing. But the Holy Spirit will advise you.
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MaryT777
Guest
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Josie33
Guest
Yes, Regina!
I would also like to point out what the Catechism teaches about sin:
"Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:
- by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
- by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
- by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
- by protecting evil-doers." (para. 1868)
We also must remember that admonishing the sinner is a Spiritual Work of Mercy. To reiterate Regina, to love someone is to will what’s best for them and what is best for everyone is their salvation. We are not to be stumbling blocks in our neighbor’s walk towards salvation, and one way in which we can act as a stumbling block is by remaining silent, that is through our sins of omission. If you or I can lovingly guide someone on the right path towards salvation, why wouldn’t we?
I have personally suffered the not to nice consequences of admonishing someone else’s sin. I had an obligation to do so because this person lives with me and informed me of a sinful action they planned to undertake. Although the conversation was far from pleasant, I spoke the truth in love. I informed them of the Church’s teaching and I told them that if I didn’t say anything, then I would have to answer for their sin on my day of judgment. The individual was upset but later informed me that they actually went to Confession and reconsidered their position. Thanks be to God.
Pray for fortitude.
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ResoluteSheep
Guest
Could you please tell me more about this? Like, I’m friends with unbelievers and despite our differences, I still hang out with them and they don’t mind me being Catholic. However, I rarely talk about religion with them, but my friends seem rather interested regardless. I just don’t know when to bring it up. Also, we play video games together as well, would doing this be promoting sin?
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