Receive Communion after Non-Catholic Wife's Tubal Ligation?

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domer2x

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My wife and I just celebrated the birth of our second child. Our new daughter was born by C-section a few weeks early and is doing fine. Just before my wife was wheeled into the OR however - I discovered she had arranged to have have a tubal ligation after the C-section. I am a cradle-Catholic. We were married in a Catholic church but she is not Catholic. She was raised Lutheran but does not practice any faith today. I had asked her multiple times not to do this. I was not aware she had arranged for this. She indicated quite clearly that she did not need my permission (which was true on the hospital paperwork - the father is barely even acknowledged.) She is 42 and I am 47. We were married (first time for each of us) seven years ago.

Will I ever be able to receive communion again?! Do we need to live as brother-and-sister? Lots of “Heroic Virtue?”

Please keep us and our children in your prayers. Thanks and God Bless!
 
You should speak to your priest. This was not your decision and you tried to convince your wife against it. I do not think this is your sin, but your priest should be able to guide you.
 
domer2x said:
My wife and I just celebrated the birth of our second child. Our new daughter was born by C-section a few weeks early and is doing fine. Just before my wife was wheeled into the OR however - I discovered she had arranged to have have a tubal ligation after the C-section. I am a cradle-Catholic. We were married in a Catholic church but she is not Catholic. She was raised Lutheran but does not practice any faith today. I had asked her multiple times not to do this. I was not aware she had arranged for this. She indicated quite clearly that she did not need my permission (which was true on the hospital paperwork - the father is barely even acknowledged.) She is 42 and I am 47. We were married (first time for each of us) seven years ago.

Will I ever be able to receive communion again?! Do we need to live as brother-and-sister? Lots of “Heroic Virtue?”

Please keep us and our children in your prayers. Thanks and God Bless!
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Yes, you can receive communion and no, you don’t need to live as brother and sister, but as a married couple. Also, forgive your wife, she knew not what she was doing.

God Bless
Jim
 
For your part, you have done no wrong. You did what you could to try to convince her to not have this operation, so it seems to me you can receive Communion with a clear conscience. And pray for her while you’re at it!

As for the living-as-brother-and-sister issue, maybe ask in the “Ask an Apologist” forum.
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Yes, you can receive communion and no, you don’t need to live as brother and sister, but as a married couple. Also, forgive your wife, she knew not what she was doing.
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here here! absolutely correct.
 
My wife and I just celebrated the birth of our second child.
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Congratulations! Domer2x

[sign]I had asked her multiple times not to do this. I was not aware she had arranged for this[/sign]

It would seem you did all you could do.
Will I ever be able to receive communion again?!
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You did not consent to the sterilization of your wife so you have no culpability. If one did not give consent to sin one has not sinned. It’s that simple. Be at peace. Pray that one day she may understand what she has done. Until then, abstaining from intimate relations with your wife may only serve to hurt your marriage. She may interpret abstinence as a form of punishment.

Heroic virtue would better be practiced with other forms of private penance which do not involve your wife. Biting one’s tongue rather than haranguing your spouse would be a good place to start.

What’s done is done. Be the best husband and the best father you can be. In other words, leave her to heaven.
 
domer2x said:
My wife and I just celebrated the birth of our second child. Our new daughter was born by C-section a few weeks early and is doing fine. Just before my wife was wheeled into the OR however - I discovered she had arranged to have have a tubal ligation after the C-section. I am a cradle-Catholic. We were married in a Catholic church but she is not Catholic. She was raised Lutheran but does not practice any faith today. I had asked her multiple times not to do this. I was not aware she had arranged for this. She indicated quite clearly that she did not need my permission (which was true on the hospital paperwork - the father is barely even acknowledged.) She is 42 and I am 47. We were married (first time for each of us) seven years ago.

Will I ever be able to receive communion again?! Do we need to live as brother-and-sister? Lots of “Heroic Virtue?”

Please keep us and our children in your prayers. Thanks and God Bless!
Click to expand...
Now you could try this. Tell her now that she has done this, that you will never be able to have sexual relations with her again, you will have to live as “brother and sister.” Just to see how wide her eyes get? You of course are not obligated to do so in any way. You have no direct material cooperation in her action. You have done nothing wrong and no sin is involved for you.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
Now you could try this. Tell her now that she has done this, that you will never be able to have sexual relations with her again, you will have to live as “brother and sister.” Just to see how wide her eyes get? You of course are not obligated to do so in any way. You have no direct material cooperation in her action. You have done nothing wrong and no sin is involved for you.
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Cute. Unless she decides to take him up on it.

As the old saying goes, “be careful what you ask for; you just might get it.”
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
Now you could try this. Tell her now that she has done this, that you will never be able to have sexual relations with her again, you will have to live as “brother and sister.” Just to see how wide her eyes get? You of course are not obligated to do so in any way. You have no direct material cooperation in her action. You have done nothing wrong and no sin is involved for you.
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I actually used this argument with my husband. He tried to tell me that he could get a vasctomy if he wanted to, that I had no part in the decision. He even told me that it was his body and he could do what he wanted. I told him that if he did, that was it for sex. He changed his mind very quickly!
 
icequeen said:
I actually used this argument with my husband. He tried to tell me that he could get a vasctomy if he wanted to, that I had no part in the decision. He even told me that it was his body and he could do what he wanted. I told him that if he did, that was it for sex. He changed his mind very quickly!
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😃

Yeah, that “it’s my body and I’ll do what I want with it” argument cuts both ways!
 
To the OP
You did nothing wrong, but I would speak to my priest anyway and ask if there is something you could do to offer up to the Lord, maybe a few prayers or some such.
I’m sorry your wife made this decision without consulting you.
 
I’d suggest you make sure that she is still going to respect your faith enough to let you raise your Children Catholic. You might also research the failure rate of tubals - they DO grow back sometimes - and go over these stats with your wife. Make sure that she understands there is still a chance of more children, and make sure she would not consider aborting any “mistakes”.

So sorry that you are facing this, prayers for both of you.
 
domer2x said:
My wife and I just celebrated the birth of our second child. Our new daughter was born by C-section a few weeks early and is doing fine. Just before my wife was wheeled into the OR however - I discovered she had arranged to have have a tubal ligation after the C-section. I am a cradle-Catholic. We were married in a Catholic church but she is not Catholic. She was raised Lutheran but does not practice any faith today. I had asked her multiple times not to do this. I was not aware she had arranged for this. She indicated quite clearly that she did not need my permission (which was true on the hospital paperwork - the father is barely even acknowledged.) She is 42 and I am 47. We were married (first time for each of us) seven years ago.

Will I ever be able to receive communion again?! Do we need to live as brother-and-sister? Lots of “Heroic Virtue?”

Please keep us and our children in your prayers. Thanks and God Bless!
Click to expand...
From what you have described, there is no sin on your part, and you may continue having relations with your wife.
 
wow! Since opinions vary so widely here (as anywhere) I was worried as I read through the posts. So glad to see everyone on the same page. 👍
 
it may not be much comfort to you, but in a way your wife has done you a favor by not demanding your consent. she does have every right as pertains to her body (which is a good thing, i think you’ll agree, as it also prevents husbands from requiring their wives to be sterilized), and was determined to have the surgery. if she’d begged, cajoled, raged, threatened and made ultimatums until you weakened, then you would indeed share in her sin. as it stands, you are innocent.

i hope you’ll do whatever is necessary to forgive her and make peace in your marriage.

bless you,
emily
 
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