Receiving Eucharist without being married Catholic?

[journey00]

A lady (in her 40’s) in our Church, married to her husband for many years (NOT MARRIED IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH) is now receiving the Eucharist with the permission of the Archbishop. Our priest happily announced in front of the congregation.

Yes, I know it is none of our business but he kind of made it our business when he announced it so publicly in front of everyone. I wish he would of kept it to himself. Maybe announcing it is part of his culture, he’s from Uganda. She told me herself that the Priest said since she’s been a long-time parishioner they will give her the Communion.

Yes, I know that if it is decided then we just have to accept it and go on and trust the Archbishop.

My dilemma is my teenage daughter is now asking me how this can be? How can this woman be taking Communion and NOT be married in the Catholic Church, isn’t she an adulterer?

Yes, I can say to her that we don’t know all the facts and we have to trust that Archbishop & the Priest in their decision…but that sounds very watered down & wishie-washie…that doesn’t make sense to her. :shrug

Thanks

 

[Catholic90]

Perhaps they were convalidated.

My understanding is if she confessed and then they were convalidated, there is not a problem anymore. Someone will correct me if I wrong on my terms! (I have a horrible head cold and laryngitis, and my thoughts are not exactly flowing clearly right now.)

Jesus forgives our errors if we ask! (Now if He would please help me be rid of this cold, I would be most appreciative!)

 

[Havard]

A lady (in her 40’s) in our Church, married to her husband for many years (NOT MARRIED IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH) is now receiving the Eucharist with the permission of the Archbishop. Our priest happily announced in front of the congregation.

Yes, I know it is none of our business but he kind of made it our business when he announced it so publicly in front of everyone. I wish he would of kept it to himself. Maybe announcing it is part of his culture, he’s from Uganda. She told me herself that the Priest said since she’s been a long-time parishioner they will give her the Communion.

Yes, I know that if it is decided then we just have to accept it and go on and trust the Archbishop.

My dilemma is my teenage daughter is now asking me how this can be? How can this woman be taking Communion and NOT be married in the Catholic Church, isn’t she an adulterer?

Yes, I can say to her that we don’t know all the facts and we have to trust that Archbishop & the Priest in their decision…but that sounds very watered down & wishie-washie…that doesn’t make sense to her. :shrug

Thanks

I’m confused, where does the adultery come into play? Who was married before, and what happened with his or her marriage?

 

[Luvtosew]

A lady (in her 40’s) in our Church, married to her husband for many years (NOT MARRIED IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH) is now receiving the Eucharist with the permission of the Archbishop. Our priest happily announced in front of the congregation.

Yes, I know it is none of our business but he kind of made it our business when he announced it so publicly in front of everyone. I wish he would of kept it to himself. Maybe announcing it is part of his culture, he’s from Uganda. She told me herself that the Priest said since she’s been a long-time parishioner they will give her the Communion.

Yes, I know that if it is decided then we just have to accept it and go on and trust the Archbishop.

My dilemma is my teenage daughter is now asking me how this can be? How can this woman be taking Communion and NOT be married in the Catholic Church, isn’t she an adulterer?

Yes, I can say to her that we don’t know all the facts and we have to trust that Archbishop & the Priest in their decision…but that sounds very watered down & wishie-washie…that doesn’t make sense to her. :shrug

Thanks

I think you told her the right thing, that the Archbishop made the decison so there must be a legitimate reason she can receive.

 

[journey00]

I’m confused, where does the adultery come into play? Who was married before, and what happened with his or her marriage?

Sorry, I have bronchitis and my thoughts are not flowing well.

The lady from the church is married to her husband but they were not married through the Catholic Church. Our Priest has asked the husband repeteadly to please marry his wife in the Catholic Church so she can take Communion, the husband has repeteadly refused.

This past Sunday, the Priest called her to the front, and announced to congregation that with the permission of the Archbishop she will now be able to take Communion in the Church.

Afterwards, I went to congratulate her because I thought they had their marriage convalidated and she said that they did not. I said, Oh I’m sorry you separated? She replied No, we are still married and living together. She also said that since she’s been a long time parishioner of the Church that the Priest decided it was ok for her to take Communion. By then I was confused & I didn’t want to discuss it anymore.

Again I wish the Priest had not made the rest of us part of it by announcing it in Church. On the way home, my almost- teenage daughter (12yr old) was with me and she asked “I thought you had to be married in the Catholic Church to receive Communion if you are married. If she is living with her husband as a married couple and they’re not married in the Catholic Church, wouldn’t that be wrong to take Communion?”

I said, well we don’t know all the facts. Maybe, they’re not living together as husband and wife and maybe they are.

That sounds very watered down even to a 12 yr old.

So, can exceptions be made to this rule??

 

[LaSainte]

Maybe since the husband is the one refusing to convalidate, assuming that the wife wanted to do it, the archbishop decided that she should not be refused the Eucharist based on this fact?

 

[Peggy_in_Burien]

I would assume, that she is living as brother and sister with her spouse. Then, she could receive Communion. Maybe the priest announced it, so that everyone would know that she was allowed to receive, so the busy-bodies of the parish would cease their gossip!

That also includes your confused 12 year old. You simply tell her that probably she is living as sister and brother. It is done frequently under such circumstances. I did it for years, until my marriage could be convalidated. I was allowed to receive Communion during that time. Later, my marriage was convalidated, and my husband later entered the Church.

If you feel your 12 year old is not old enough to be told about the difference of living as man and wife and living as brother and sister in the same house, then I suggest you just tell her that the priest and the Archbishop understand the circumstances better than the rest of the parishioners, and not to worry about it.

 

[karbear]

I would assume, that she is living as brother and sister with her spouse. Then, she could receive Communion. Maybe the priest announced it, so that everyone would know that she was allowed to receive, so the busy-bodies of the parish would cease their gossip!

That also includes your confused 12 year old. You simply tell her that probably she is living as sister and brother. It is done frequently under such circumstances. I did it for years, until my marriage could be convalidated. I was allowed to receive Communion during that time. Later, my marriage was convalidated, and my husband later entered the Church.

If you feel your 12 year old is not old enough to be told about the difference of living as man and wife and living as brother and sister in the same house, then I suggest you just tell her that the priest and the Archbishop understand the circumstances better than the rest of the parishioners, and not to worry about it.

This is a good assumption to start off with, and it is especially important to not be quick to judge. But if your teenage daughter is at the stage where she is asking those types of questions, I’d say that it is high time to have the difficult discussions. This situation could be a great opportunity to explain about authority and the keys of the kingdom, to talk about the fact that there have been many heretical priests and bishops in church history, to help her come to the understanding that church teaching never contradicts itself, even though some imperfect people in the church do. Do the research with her. Show her the difference between teachings that are a matter of discipline (married priests), and moral teachings (contraception, etc.). The catholic church is amazing in that, even though so many who wrong her have been in positions of power, her teachings remain consistent and her life-giving sacraments remain valid.

 

[thequeen]

I would assume, that she is living as brother and sister with her spouse. Then, she could receive Communion. Maybe the priest announced it, so that everyone would know that she was allowed to receive, so the busy-bodies of the parish would cease their gossip!

That also includes your confused 12 year old. You simply tell her that probably she is living as sister and brother. It is done frequently under such circumstances. I did it for years, until my marriage could be convalidated. I was allowed to receive Communion during that time. Later, my marriage was convalidated, and my husband later entered the Church.

If you feel your 12 year old is not old enough to be told about the difference of living as man and wife and living as brother and sister in the same house, then I suggest you just tell her that the priest and the Archbishop understand the circumstances better than the rest of the parishioners, and not to worry about it.

Good advice.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

The lady from the church is married to her husband but they were not married through the Catholic Church. Our Priest has asked the husband repeteadly to please marry his wife in the Catholic Church so she can take Communion, the husband has repeteadly refused.

This past Sunday, the Priest called her to the front, and announced to congregation that with the permission of the Archbishop she will now be able to take Communion in the Church.

Afterwards, I went to congratulate her because I thought they had their marriage convalidated and she said that they did not. I said, Oh I’m sorry you separated? She replied No, we are still married and living together. She also said that since she’s been a long time parishioner of the Church that the Priest decided it was ok for her to take Communion. By then I was confused & I didn’t want to discuss it anymore.

Again I wish the Priest had not made the rest of us part of it by announcing it in Church. On the way home, my almost- teenage daughter (12yr old) was with me and she asked “I thought you had to be married in the Catholic Church to receive Communion if you are married. If she is living with her husband as a married couple and they’re not married in the Catholic Church, wouldn’t that be wrong to take Communion?”

I said, well we don’t know all the facts. Maybe, they’re not living together as husband and wife and maybe they are.

That sounds very watered down even to a 12 yr old.

So, can exceptions be made to this rule??

They may have been granted what is called a “radical sanation”.
You can read more about it here.

 

[journey00]

I didn’t really think that anybody noticed who takes Communion and who doesn’t…I certainly do not. That’s why I thought it was strange that he made that announcement in front of the congregation…I’m not looking to see who does and who doesn’t. But, he made the announcement and invited everyone to congratulate her, so I did.

I believe my 12 yr old is too young to know about marital relations. We are very careful about monitoring media that sends mixed messages. I know that today’s culture thinks it is okay for tweens to know about advance subjects such as sex and such but as a parent, it is my call to make that judgement about when she needs to know and she’s not ready yet.

Thank you to everyone that answered, you all have really helped me. God bless you all!

 

[joanofarc2008]

Maybe she applied for and was granted Radical Sanitation which would have been granted at the level of the Archbishop. Either way it probably should have stayed a private matter or been explained much better as I can only guess at this. I am just trying to offer a moral solution to this dilemma where the Archbishop would have been able to grant a dispensation.

Here is a good link that explains a bit about this.

 

[journey00]

Maybe she applied for and was granted Radical Sanitation which would have been granted at the level of the Archbishop. Either way it probably should have stayed a private matter or been explained much better as I can only guess at this. I am just trying to offer a moral solution to this dilemma where the Archbishop would have been able to grant a dispensation.

Here is a good link that explains a bit about this.

Yes, this would make sense.

I believe our Archbishop is very true and faithful to the rules of the Church and I will trust him.

I so very much wished he wouldn’t have announced it because nobody probably even realized that she wasn’t taking Communion but now they will begin asking her questions like I did and really put her in a tough spot. And if the busy bodies weren’t talking about it, they will now.

Oh well

Thank you everyone.

 

[journey00]

This is a good assumption to start off with, and it is especially important to not be quick to judge. But if your teenage daughter is at the stage where she is asking those types of questions, I’d say that it is high time to have the difficult discussions. This situation could be a great opportunity to explain about authority and the keys of the kingdom, to talk about the fact that there have been many heretical priests and bishops in church history, to help her come to the understanding that church teaching never contradicts itself, even though some imperfect people in the church do. Do the research with her. Show her the difference between teachings that are a matter of discipline (married priests), and moral teachings (contraception, etc.). The catholic church is amazing in that, even though so many who wrong her have been in positions of power, her teachings remain consistent and her life-giving sacraments remain valid.

She’s not a teen yet and not ready for that type of talk but I really like everything else you said and we will talk about those things. Thanks.

 

[journey00]

I would assume, that she is living as brother and sister with her spouse. Then, she could receive Communion. Maybe the priest announced it, so that everyone would know that she was allowed to receive, so the busy-bodies of the parish would cease their gossip!

That also includes your confused 12 year old. You simply tell her that probably she is living as sister and brother. It is done frequently under such circumstances. I did it for years, until my marriage could be convalidated. I was allowed to receive Communion during that time. Later, my marriage was convalidated, and my husband later entered the Church.

If you feel your 12 year old is not old enough to be told about the difference of living as man and wife and living as brother and sister in the same house, then I suggest you just tell her that the priest and the Archbishop understand the circumstances better than the rest of the parishioners, and not to worry about it.

I don’t think telling her “not to worry about it” would be helpful nor satisfying and she will be left with doubt. I do not want to simply dismiss her as if her question is silly or without warrant, she knows something isn’t quite right. I will re-phrase it a different way. Thanks.

 

[Catholic90]

She’s not a teen yet and not ready for that type of talk but I really like everything else you said and we will talk about those things. Thanks.

If she is 12, you should be having those discussions with her. I certainly hope you’ve had the body changing talk with her! If she is in public or private school, she probably already knows more than she may let on. Better she hears facts from you than half truths and myths from the bus and school!

 

[GraceDK]

I believe my 12 yr old is too young to know about marital relations. We are very careful about monitoring media that sends mixed messages. I know that today’s culture thinks it is okay for tweens to know about advance subjects such as sex and such but as a parent, it is my call to make that judgement about when she needs to know and she’s not ready yet.

Thank you to everyone that answered, you all have really helped me. God bless you all!

At 11-12 I and my friends were most curious and were looking for sexual content in books, and giggly about illustrations, if we saw something sexual in a movie while alone at home we watched it full of curiosity and sense of “the forbidden” etc… and by the way, we certainly knew that we should hide our curiosity from our parents. Now with internet and TV in most homes, I think you need to start even earlier. Of course with age-appropriate talks… but just not speaking to these things to a 12 year old… You sound like my parents, who by the way never got around to it, because they felt ackward about it. And at 12 I knew alot.

I think that Christian parents all over the world keep living in denial about the massive flux of information etc that their kids are exposed to. Unless your daughter is socially isolated and homeschooled at the same time, she probably knows a lot… but not in the right way.
So, I hope you soon start talking to her about these things.

 

[thequeen]

I didn’t really think that anybody noticed who takes Communion and who doesn’t…I certainly do not. That’s why I thought it was strange that he made that announcement in front of the congregation…I’m not looking to see who does and who doesn’t. But, he made the announcement and invited everyone to congratulate her, so I did.

I believe my 12 yr old is too young to know about marital relations. We are very careful about monitoring media that sends mixed messages. I know that today’s culture thinks it is okay for tweens to know about advance subjects such as sex and such but as a parent, it is my call to make that judgement about when she needs to know and she’s not ready yet.

Thank you to everyone that answered, you all have really helped me. God bless you all!

So just when do you think she will be old enough to know about marital relations and since she is 12 has she started her period are have you explained that to her? I remember my mother telling how she started when she was 12 and that she was a very frightened young girl because her mother had not explained anything to her so she made sure that I knew what to expect when it came I believe she explained it to me when I was about 9 because some girls start that young however i was a late bloomer and didn’t start until I was 15 and a half

 

[journey00]

WOW, many assumptions you guys are making and I’m sensing some hostility…LOL…all which do not really matter because I am still her Mom and you do not know our family situation and her menses is really nothing to be discussed about on here so shame on you. It is not very nice for you to turn this discussion around because of what you think I should talk to her about. That was not the original question.

Thank you to all those who responded to the original question, the radical sanation explanation is what I was looking for. She knows that you can’t take Communion without being married in the Catholic Church (if you are married) and I needed to answer why this may happen with the Archbishop’s approval. I did not know what exemptions like that could be made & now I can give her a good solid answer. That’s why I love CAF, there are many people who know their stuff and we can all learn from each other in a respectable manner.

God bless all of you. Peace be with you.

 

[LaSainte]

By 12 i was going to a Lutheran school and I knew a girl who knew a girl who gave a bj to one of the New Kids On The Block. So yeah, she probably knows about sex at this point. That said, you are the mom and when, if and how to talk about this is up to you