Receiving the Eucharist when Cohabitating?

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dizzy485

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I am annulled and attend mass regularly. I have been struggling with this for some time. My ex attends my Church and he and his live in girlfriend (the reason for the divorce) receive Communion. Should I talk to the pastor of the Church? It bothers me, because my adult children see this and I don’t think it sets a good example. Isn’t this creating public scandal? I don’t know if my priest knows they are living together or not, but we did attend the Church while we were married, and he knows both of us.

ETA My “Adult” children are 18 and 21.
 
No. I wouldn’t say anything to the pastor. Your husband is a big boy and he has got to know that what he is doing is not right. If the subject came up though in a conversation with your children, I would tell them in no uncertain terms that your husband is doing wrong and they should not be looking up to him as regards faith matters.
 
Adonia said:
No. I wouldn’t say anything to the pastor. Your husband is a big boy and he has got to know that what he is doing is not right. If the subject came up though in a conversation with your children, I would tell them in no uncertain terms that your husband is doing wrong and they should not be looking up to him as regards faith matters.
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Thing is, though, in many cases, people DON’T know that what they’re doing is wrong, due to horrid catechesis that is so common nowadays.
 
Both kids brought it up to me. I told them they should talk to their dad about it, they did. I have told both of them (the kids) that it is not appropriate for him to receive communion when he is not in a state of grace.
 
Such might be something to consider speaking with the Pastor about.

Call the Apologist line tomorrow (number is on the site…not for the live show but the Ap. Line) and speak with the Priest at Catholic Answers* first* to get his advice…
 
DaddyGirl said:
Well.
I guess it’s possible they are not having sex…
And if that is the case, they are doing nothing wrong sin-wise, right? No rule against just living together. And perhaps they are planning to marry?
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Yes actually there is they should not be living together even if they live in separate rooms and are not having sexual relations. They are not married they should not be living together. There are various problems …including the real potential for scandal. Planing to get married is not an exception to this. Those planning to marry need to not live together…but prepare correctly for marriage. They are not yet married.
 
Bookcat said:
Yes actually there is they should not be living together even if they live in separate rooms and are not having sexual relations. They are not married they should not be living together. There are various problems …including the real potential for scandal. Planing to get married is not an exception to this. Those planning to marry need to not live together…but prepare correctly for marriage. They are not yet married.
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So are you telling me that if a man and a woman choose to share a house, have seperate bedrooms, are not sexually involved, but only live together to share expenses and friendship, they are “creating scandal”?

This is news to me, can you please cite where this Chruch teaching came from?
 
Oneofthewomen said:
So are you telling me that if a man and a woman choose to share a house, have seperate bedrooms, are not sexually involved, but only live together to share expenses and friendship, they are “creating scandal”?

This is news to me, can you please cite where this Chruch teaching came from?
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The notion comes from St. Thomas. The idea is that if someone has all the outward appearances of sinning, they can create scandal because the people who are witnessing this do not know any better. The simple appearance of sin can lead others to imitate. Bookcat cites a great example.

You can read more here.
 
fermat said:
The notion comes from St. Thomas. The idea is that if someone has all the outward appearances of sinning, they can create scandal because the people who are witnessing this do not know any better. The simple appearance of sin can lead others to imitate. Bookcat cites a great example.

You can read more here.
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So, it is an opinion of St. Thomas.
With all due respect to him, not everything he has said is doctrine.
While I agree that in the OP’s situation, she is not talking about the same thing I am, so therefore, I think one could say it could cause scandal, but Bookcats assumption that any 2 people who live together, without being sexually involved, and having seperate rooms, who are just sharing friendship & expenses is 'creating scandal" is in itself scandalous.
The situation which I am talking about, one which is being lived by many of my friends at the moment due to our unstable economy, is, IMHO, a sign of true Christian love of neighbor.
 
Oneofthewomen said:
So are you telling me that if a man and a woman choose to share a house, have seperate bedrooms, are not sexually involved, but only live together to share expenses and friendship, they are “creating scandal”?
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Such is simply not something Christians should be doing.

They are neither family nor married.
 
Oneofthewomen said:
So are you telling me that if a man and a woman choose to share a house, have seperate bedrooms, are not sexually involved, but only live together to share expenses and friendship, they are “creating scandal”?
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The odds of this being accurate, are EXTREMELY SLIM.

21 century.
 
dizzy485 said:
I Should I talk to the pastor of the Church? It bothers me, because my adult children see this and I don’t think it sets a good example. .
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no of course not, any more than you would tell the pastor about any “suspicious” activity you note about any other parishioner. Simply remind your children of the Church teaching on the topic, and also remind them we are obligated in Christian charity to assign the kindest possible interpretation to anything we observe in the actions of someone else.
 
lisahiku said:
The odds of this being accurate, are EXTREMELY SLIM.

21 century.
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Obviously the odds of a man and his girlfriend sharing a house and not sharing anything else are slim in this day and age but where I live, where rental units are at a premium, it’s not unusual to see adults who aren’t in a relationship, often co-workers, sharing an apartment.
 
Phemie said:
Obviously the odds of a man and his girlfriend sharing a house and not sharing anything else are slim in this day and age but where I live, where rental units are at a premium, it’s not unusual to see adults who aren’t in a relationship, often co-workers, sharing an apartment.
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I agree - in my city as well, where the cost of living is very high, it is extremely common for young men and women who are NOT and never would be romantically involved to share a house or apartment (with separate rooms). I’ve spoken with priests who agree that this is not necessarily sinful…so I will take the dogmatic pronouncements of the laity on this board with a grain of salt. It is frankly very insulting to assume that it is always a near occasion of sin for a man and woman to be in the same house…are we monkeys or something? It is no more an occasion of sin than for friends of the opposite sex to visit one another in the evening…is that also sinful? In some cases, between certain individuals, yes there will be temptations - but not every female/male coupling automatically equates to sexual temptation. In terms of scandal, if male and female roommates who are not sexually involved is one of the norms of the society in which you live (as it is in my case), where is the scandal? If you tell people that you are roommates with separate rooms and not a couple, they aren’t going to question you - why would you lie? Scandal is culturally informed, and St. Thomas Aquinas was writing within the context of a very different culture than 21st century North America.
 
The couple may be creating scandal in the eyes of some who know their situation. However, to make a big deal of this is also creating scandal. Let it go. God knows their hearts. Your children know how you feel and the Catholic teaching. In my opinion,that’s doing the best you can. Divorces and annulments creat multiple problems,especially when children are involved.
 
twf said:
I agree - in my city as well, where the cost of living is very high, it is extremely common for young men and women who are NOT and never would be romantically involved to share a house or apartment (with separate rooms). I’ve spoken with priests who agree that this is not necessarily sinful…so I will take the dogmatic pronouncements of the laity on this board with a grain of salt. It is frankly very insulting to assume that it is always a near occasion of sin for a man and woman to be in the same house…are we monkeys or something? It is no more an occasion of sin than for friends of the opposite sex to visit one another in the evening…is that also sinful? In some cases, between certain individuals, yes there will be temptations - but not every female/male coupling automatically equates to sexual temptation. In terms of scandal, if male and female roommates who are not sexually involved is one of the norms of the society in which you live (as it is in my case), where is the scandal? If you tell people that you are roommates with separate rooms and not a couple, they aren’t going to question you - why would you lie? Scandal is culturally informed, and St. Thomas Aquinas was writing within the context of a very different culture than 21st century North America.
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You’re missing the point. Everyone knows that opposite sex people do room together in a platonic manner, especially in the big cities. Whether they should or not is a topic for another thread.

The chances of two people who are exclusively dating living together and not having sex are slim. And that’s the reality, which is why it is not recommended.

Having said that, I would caution the OP to search her heart and make sure that her desire to report her ex is not based on vestiges of hurt from the breakup.
 
TrueLight said:
You’re missing the point. Everyone knows that opposite sex people do room together in a platonic manner, especially in the big cities. Whether they should or not is a topic for another thread.

The chances of two people who are exclusively dating living together and not having sex are slim. And that’s the reality, which is why it is not recommended.

Having said that, I would caution the OP to search her heart and make sure that her desire to report her ex is not based on vestiges of hurt from the breakup.
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I agree - in the example given by the OP it certainly sounds like scandal and it is probably safe to assume that the couple are sleeping together…I realize that I should have addressed the OP, but I was responding to the comments of a few posters on this thread that it is always sinful for people of the opposite sex to live under the same roof (if not married/family).
 
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