Recently Came Back To the Church but feeling out of place

[felsguy]

I recently came back to the Church after a 25 year detour into Evangelicalism as a young person. I

I sometimes feel out of place going back to mass, a lot of the litergy has changed in the years I’ve been away…so I don’t always know the right thing to say…so I am quiet a lot. It makes me feel like a bad catholic.

I also feel that all the bowing and genuflecting is very unnatural for me, I don’t recall being taught to do that. When I walk into the church I don’t bow and it feels awkward. Sometimes I feel out of place. What should I do?.

First of all. welcome back.

I can understand how awkward you must feel at times and though you might wish it weren’t so, it will take time and unfortunately some effort on your part for you to become acclimated. Imagine for a moment that person just came out of a coma after twenty-five years. Think of all the situations in which he or she would feel completely lost. Just as so much change has occurred in the world over the past twenty-five years, so much has changed in the externals of the Church. Realize too that because folks wouldn’t be aware of that person’s situation, some might think or speak unkindly, something you too may have to bear on occasion.

I hope that you might find some comfort that the God who loved you enough to bring you back to His fold after such a long absence surely must love you enough to provide you with the strength to overcome these issues.

 

[sirach2v4]

I recently came back to the Church after a 25 year detour into Evangelicalism as a young person. I was confirmed Catholic when I was 16 but became a “born again” Christian when I was 17. I think if the Priest who was teaching my confirmation class had done a better job teaching some Catholic Apologetics I may not have detoured, but that’s another topic.

Some observations and I would like some advice…When I went to my first confession after a long time (10 years) I had a lot to confess and I forgot how to properly confess…the Priest did a very fine job of leading me through the ten commandments and it took some time…but there was a long line and when I emerged about 15-20 minutes after going in the the confessional, I could not help but notice almost everyone staring at me…

I sometimes feel out of place going back to mass, a lot of the litergy has changed in the years I’ve been away…so I don’t always know the right thing to say…so I am quiet a lot. It makes me feel like a bad catholic.

I also feel that all the bowing and genuflecting is very unnatural for me, I don’t recall being taught to do that. When I walk into the church I don’t bow and it feels awkward. Sometimes I feel out of place. What should I do?

I am looking for thoughtful answers and advice. Please don’t tell me to pray about it, I spent a long time praying about coming back to the Church.

If you anticipate a lengthy confession, then maybe you should go to the end of the line, or perhaps do as others have suggested, request a special time with the priest.

As far as not being uptodate, well, there, too, why not watch from the side and then join in when you’re comfortable? I’m not sure about genuflecting, there isn’t much of that in the church I attend, but my advice would be the same, sit in the rear of the church and follow the crowd.

Don’t be surprised by variations from parish to parish – people have added things on their own, like excessive hand-shaking at the time of the “sign of peace” or extending their arms upward during the Lord’s prayer – neither of which I do or have ever been told about. Don’t feel that pressured, if that’s possible. There’s one lady in my parish who kneels with her head bowed, while people are shaking hands for the “sign of peace.” She just doesn’t do it. I don’t like this either, especially during cold and flu season – people don’t seem to have much sense about that. I try to hold them off with just sort of a wave of my hand, instead of shaking hands.

 

[HelenRose]

Feeling out of place and feeling self conscious are subtle forms of pride. The focus is on you and how you feel and whether everyone in the line is looking at you.

Forget about that. Forget about yourself. Find a need and fill it. Pick up a bulletin, look for a ministry in need and get busy. Get to work building the Kingdom of God. Help others and help the Church. That’s what’s needed, and you will feel good about yourself as a bonus.

-Tim-

True. I recognize this in myself. As another poster said, “Easier said than done.” But, that is what our journey is about - over coming our pride and giving all of who we are to Christ.

 

[graciew]

You will soon be ok.
I did not know the Mass in English for example and I could not say much but to myself in my mother tongue.
There are monthly booklets ,Magnificat ,to follow the Mass easily.
After some time even faces became familiar and serving and bible studies made me feel integrated and ready to join the catholic bunch of lovely people of my parrish then.
Patience !!
Welcome and peace !!

 

[Used2beSherryG]

Welcome Home, Anthony. Same story as mine…but I have found my way. I found that learning why we do the things we do made a huge difference for me. The truth and beauty of the Catholic Church is so rich, I spent years studying, reading and watching videos to learn so much more than my early 12 years of education in Catholic schools could ever teach me. For starters, I recommend that you find Dr. Edward Sri’s book The Mass, understanding what we say and do in the liturgy. He also had a DVD set, if you prefer. When I left the church, it was pre Vatican II, the Mass was in Latin, there were only 3 mysteries of the Rosary, we fasted every Friday, etc. when I returned, things were quite a bit different and I did not understand. I felt out of place, too. I went to lectures, seminars, watched EWTN, and read tons of books, delved into scripture and the catechism very deeply. it’s a process, my friend. Thank God for your faith and commit to studying it. Everything will become clear, I promise.

 

[clem456]

Feeling out of place and feeling self conscious are subtle forms of pride. The focus is on you and how you feel and whether everyone in the line is looking at you.

Forget about that. Forget about yourself. Find a need and fill it. Pick up a bulletin, look for a ministry in need and get busy. Get to work building the Kingdom of God. Help others and help the Church. That’s what’s needed, and you will feel good about yourself as a bonus.

-Tim-

Yes.
You will find that as you get involved and practice the faith in all the various ways, the issues you are worrying about are only issues for you.

No one else cares how you bow, when you bow, etc etc,

Seriously, no one is concerned with it. You shouldn’t be either.
Just do your best.

 

[ProVobis]

No one else cares how you bow, when you bow, etc etc,

Seriously, no one is concerned with it.

From reading the CA forums, you know that’s not true. People do notice (and care) what you wear, how you bless yourself, how you receive, etc. Perhaps they shouldn’t but this isn’t a perfect world. But if you consider everyone being oblivious as to what’s going on to be the ideal, then you have made a good case for it.

 

[clem456]

From reading the CA forums, you know that’s not true. People do notice (and care) what you wear, how you bless yourself, how you receive, etc. Perhaps they shouldn’t but this isn’t a perfect world, unless you consider everyone being oblivious as to what’s going on to be perfect. .

'Tis a very small slice of Catholic life here. A vibrant and wonderful slice, but small. IN my experience on the ground, no one is concerned about any of that. If they are, it is not talked about.

If a person really sticks out in the clothing department, yea you’re going to notice a miniskirt or polyester bell bottoms. .

Did I bow fully at the waist or just halfway or did I genuflect instead of bow? No one really cares. Or if they do notice, it is not something talked about over coffee and donuts.

The point is, the OP should not focus on being noticed for this n that.

 

[HelenRose]

From reading the CA forums, you know that’s not true. People do notice (and care) what you wear, how you bless yourself, how you receive, etc. Perhaps they shouldn’t but this isn’t a perfect world. But if you consider everyone being oblivious as to what’s going on to be the ideal, then you have made a good case for it.

Most of the time not. People will notice out of the way things and they will especially notice a person who deliberately draws attention to themselves. But ordinary clothes. No. Will they notice if you are new? I hope so. Will they be curious about someone new? I hope so. And I hope that some will come over and try to make an acquaintance.

 

[ProVobis]

'Tis a very small slice of Catholic life here. A vibrant and wonderful slice, but small. IN my experience on the ground, no one is concerned about any of that. If they are, it is not talked about.

If a person really sticks out in the clothing department, yea you’re going to notice a miniskirt or polyester bell bottoms. .

Did I bow fully at the waist or just halfway or did I genuflect instead of bow? No one really cares. Or if they do notice, it is not something talked about over coffee and donuts.

The point is, the OP should not focus on being noticed for this n that.

Most of the time not. People will notice out of the way things and they will especially notice a person who deliberately draws attention to themselves. But ordinary clothes. No. Will they notice if you are new? I hope so. Will they be curious about someone new? I hope so. And I hope that some will come over and try to make an acquaintance.

I’m getting mixed signals here. Feeling out of place can point to a lot of things. I think we’ve all been there. I don’t think there is a single rule that can make the adjustment easier. Those who are regulars at the parish probably don’t think twice about being noticed while newcomers may have some apprehension. I call this normal, not sinful.

 

[Kevin12]

I recently came back to the Church after a 25 year detour into Evangelicalism as a young person. I was confirmed Catholic when I was 16 but became a “born again” Christian when I was 17. I think if the Priest who was teaching my confirmation class had done a better job teaching some Catholic Apologetics I may not have detoured, but that’s another topic.

Some observations and I would like some advice…When I went to my first confession after a long time (10 years) I had a lot to confess and I forgot how to properly confess…the Priest did a very fine job of leading me through the ten commandments and it took some time…but there was a long line and when I emerged about 15-20 minutes after going in the the confessional, I could not help but notice almost everyone staring at me…

I sometimes feel out of place going back to mass, a lot of the litergy has changed in the years I’ve been away…so I don’t always know the right thing to say…so I am quiet a lot. It makes me feel like a bad catholic.

I also feel that all the bowing and genuflecting is very unnatural for me, I don’t recall being taught to do that. When I walk into the church I don’t bow and it feels awkward. Sometimes I feel out of place. What should I do?

I am looking for thoughtful answers and advice. Please don’t tell me to pray about it, I spent a long time praying about coming back to the Church.

I would strongly advise you to ask this question in another sub-forum, like the Catholic Living one. The answers you are going to get on this particular sub-forum are probably going to tell you something to the effect that the current Mass, no matter where you go to it, is irreverent and probably full of “abuses” (that is, mistakes, things not done exactly according to the rules). The answers you get here are likely to lead you to a distorted picture of what the Mass is really like today and may even drive you back toward Protestantism. I’ve already seen one poster display a typical traditionalist response to when someone has anxieties about this sort of thing, “It’s not about you! The fact that you’re even feeling this proves how full of pride you are!” This is par for the course here.

At the very least, I would take whatever is said to you here with a grain of salt.

 

[TimothyH]

I’m getting mixed signals here. Feeling out of place can point to a lot of things. I think we’ve all been there. I don’t think there is a single rule that can make the adjustment easier. Those who are regulars at the parish probably don’t think twice about being noticed while newcomers may have some apprehension. I call this normal, not sinful.

This is a very good post. Thank you for this.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I recently came back to the Church after a 25 year detour into Evangelicalism as a young person. I was confirmed Catholic when I was 16 but became a “born again” Christian when I was 17. I think if the Priest who was teaching my confirmation class had done a better job teaching some Catholic Apologetics I may not have detoured, but that’s another topic.

Some observations and I would like some advice…When I went to my first confession after a long time (10 years) I had a lot to confess and I forgot how to properly confess…the Priest did a very fine job of leading me through the ten commandments and it took some time…but there was a long line and when I emerged about 15-20 minutes after going in the the confessional, I could not help but notice almost everyone staring at me…

I sometimes feel out of place going back to mass, a lot of the litergy has changed in the years I’ve been away…so I don’t always know the right thing to say…so I am quiet a lot. It makes me feel like a bad catholic.

I also feel that all the bowing and genuflecting is very unnatural for me, I don’t recall being taught to do that. When I walk into the church I don’t bow and it feels awkward. Sometimes I feel out of place. What should I do?

I am looking for thoughtful answers and advice. Please don’t tell me to pray about it, I spent a long time praying about coming back to the Church.

I’m a convert so some of your issues apply. I didn’t grow up praying the rosary like my kids do, I have been lost in the Mass more times than you can count. Then bam, they change it on you. I still awkwardly confess.

In one way though things should be not the norm. Bowing should be awkward, it is not done in the secular world so doing so is awkward and abnormal, that is kind of a good thing no? It sinifies that we are somewhere different and in the presence of something out of the ordinary. We should feel awkward when genuflecting, kneeling or bowing! Your post has made me think of that anew. We should not be so comfortable and automatic that it becomes natural or second nature!

 

[mlz]

Welcome back!! I am a convert and was Evangelical before coming into the Church. Since you were so young (and poorly catechized it seems) when you left it will take a bit of getting use to just as it was for most of us Protestants who convert so I understand. Give it time…I was totally lost for the longest time but slowly became more comfortable. I would NOT worry about other people at all (although I admit it is a tendency to do)…who you are there for it our Lord so just focus on Him as you slowly get accustom to the lituragy. Confession…you do as you know the Lord wants in making a good confession and don’t give a thought to others…HE is so very, very happy to have you back in His Church and the Sacraments that His pleasure should be your delight! If others seem upset with you I would pray for them and forgive them as Jesus would want you to do. (None of us are perfect) The Catholic faith is so deep and beautiful that I focus on IT and not my fellow sinners near me. I am sorry you are feeling bad about this…if you were in my parish I would be sooooo happy to welcome you back!!! Stand strong and be patient.

My love in Christ,
mlz

 

[petra22]

Welcome back!! I am a convert and was Evangelical before coming into the Church. Since you were so young (and poorly catechized it seems) when you left it will take a bit of getting use to just as it was for most of us Protestants who convert so I understand. Give it time…I was totally lost for the longest time but slowly became more comfortable. I would NOT worry about other people at all (although I admit it is a tendency to do)…who you are there for it our Lord so just focus on Him as you slowly get accustom to the lituragy. Confession…you do as you know the Lord wants in making a good confession and don’t give a thought to others…HE is so very, very happy to have you back in His Church and the Sacraments that His pleasure should be your delight! If others seem upset with you I would pray for them and forgive them as Jesus would want you to do. (None of us are perfect) The Catholic faith is so deep and beautiful that I focus on IT and not my fellow sinners near me. I am sorry you are feeling bad about this…if you were in my parish I would be sooooo happy to welcome you back!!! Stand strong and be patient.

My love in Christ,
mlz

beautiful!