H
holly_potter
Guest
Well, to make a long story short, my boyfriend figured out that I have been emotionally abused–primarily by my dad, and my mom goes along with him. He pieced it together from when I’ve talked about my family, and from observing their actions. It took me a while to even consider accepting the possibility of emotional abuse–how can it really be abusive if they’re not hitting you?
So finally, I decided to look up the descriptions of it. And, my goodness, a lot of the symptoms of emotional abuse sounds familiar. But to be honest, I always thought it was normal, until my google search turned up information otherwise. It’s such a vague thing though. I always had a hard time putting the odd feeling I get about my family into words. I love them, and yet I schedule my days so I’m gone from home most of the time. I love my dad, but he’s convinced I don’t. I do my best not to “complain”, but whenever I do say something about something, he thinks I’m “whining every two minutes”.
(Once my sister’s new puppy bit my new skirt. I told her about it and asked her to pay attention to her dog–and then my dad really blew up. Apparently I was complaining. My mom sided with him and thought I was being manipulative by talking with my sister right out their door. The location was by pure chance–that’s where we happened to cross paths. Dad still talks poorly of that incident.)
I do my best not to disappoint them, and yet I still feel like I do. Like I chose not to vote yesterday–but he wouldn’t let me explain my reasoning, and just said he and Mom were very disappointed in me. He said I was just making excuses when I tried. And I wake up every morning wondering if Dad will be in a good mood or bad mood, or even just a really weird cross between the two. When it’s a weird mood, it’s almost like a form of mania (he has depression) and he teases us all. Not good naturedly-- we all know he is very disappointed in whatever he teases about. Like when I can’t hear him. I’m profoundly deaf, but I do quite well. But when Dad’s in a weird mood he talks quickly and loudly, and I can’t understand him when he’s like that. So I’ll ask him to repeat–but it’s such a ordeal whenever I do. He’s either hurt that I didn’t hear him. Or he’ll not talk to me at all. Or he’ll talk even louder, exaggerating his words. and that makes it even worse–I get so frustrated when he’s like that, my own dad!.
And anything I say to him I feel like will be used against me. The Miranda rights. If I say something like “oh, school was frustrating today.” he will sometimes say “just do the best you can.” But sometimes he feels the need to pontificate on that because I’m not behaving the way he thinks I should. Or sometimes he’ll ask about why it was frustrating, and then go on this angry rant at whoever was causing a problem at school, and several other people, too. (Once he was bashing my disabilities officer for not responding quickly enough to my emails. And then went on to bash my academic advisors and then the entire university. Not true–everybody is great at the university, but he always thinks poorly of them all.)
Or if I even talk about changing my major, then all of sudden both he and Mom think I’m changing my major too often, that I should stick with a plan. “If anything gets too hard for you, you just leave and try to find the path of least resistance. You should push a little harder.” That really cut me deep, them saying I was wimping out. But then my boyfriend pointed out it was the ONLY time I’ve changed majors. I went from English/Creative Writing to History. Within the same college!
I’ve always never had a friend I could tell everything to, either, and I realized why–anytime anybody gets too close I always back off. I’ve lost my friend of 5 years due to this. She was the person I was friends with the longest. I am so surprised I was able to talk with my boyfriend–and so freely too! I always thought relationships were fraught with secrets, and that people remained distant from their husbands/wives. (My dad had once asked me not to tell my mom that he has a credit card–from his start up business that never happened–when I accidentally found out. And my mom has always said not to tell my dad I know about his depression and his incredible debt. $140,000. At least!!!
(to be continued, since i just found out there’s a limit on how long to make the post. Sorry
)
So finally, I decided to look up the descriptions of it. And, my goodness, a lot of the symptoms of emotional abuse sounds familiar. But to be honest, I always thought it was normal, until my google search turned up information otherwise. It’s such a vague thing though. I always had a hard time putting the odd feeling I get about my family into words. I love them, and yet I schedule my days so I’m gone from home most of the time. I love my dad, but he’s convinced I don’t. I do my best not to “complain”, but whenever I do say something about something, he thinks I’m “whining every two minutes”.
(Once my sister’s new puppy bit my new skirt. I told her about it and asked her to pay attention to her dog–and then my dad really blew up. Apparently I was complaining. My mom sided with him and thought I was being manipulative by talking with my sister right out their door. The location was by pure chance–that’s where we happened to cross paths. Dad still talks poorly of that incident.)
I do my best not to disappoint them, and yet I still feel like I do. Like I chose not to vote yesterday–but he wouldn’t let me explain my reasoning, and just said he and Mom were very disappointed in me. He said I was just making excuses when I tried. And I wake up every morning wondering if Dad will be in a good mood or bad mood, or even just a really weird cross between the two. When it’s a weird mood, it’s almost like a form of mania (he has depression) and he teases us all. Not good naturedly-- we all know he is very disappointed in whatever he teases about. Like when I can’t hear him. I’m profoundly deaf, but I do quite well. But when Dad’s in a weird mood he talks quickly and loudly, and I can’t understand him when he’s like that. So I’ll ask him to repeat–but it’s such a ordeal whenever I do. He’s either hurt that I didn’t hear him. Or he’ll not talk to me at all. Or he’ll talk even louder, exaggerating his words. and that makes it even worse–I get so frustrated when he’s like that, my own dad!.
And anything I say to him I feel like will be used against me. The Miranda rights. If I say something like “oh, school was frustrating today.” he will sometimes say “just do the best you can.” But sometimes he feels the need to pontificate on that because I’m not behaving the way he thinks I should. Or sometimes he’ll ask about why it was frustrating, and then go on this angry rant at whoever was causing a problem at school, and several other people, too. (Once he was bashing my disabilities officer for not responding quickly enough to my emails. And then went on to bash my academic advisors and then the entire university. Not true–everybody is great at the university, but he always thinks poorly of them all.)
Or if I even talk about changing my major, then all of sudden both he and Mom think I’m changing my major too often, that I should stick with a plan. “If anything gets too hard for you, you just leave and try to find the path of least resistance. You should push a little harder.” That really cut me deep, them saying I was wimping out. But then my boyfriend pointed out it was the ONLY time I’ve changed majors. I went from English/Creative Writing to History. Within the same college!
I’ve always never had a friend I could tell everything to, either, and I realized why–anytime anybody gets too close I always back off. I’ve lost my friend of 5 years due to this. She was the person I was friends with the longest. I am so surprised I was able to talk with my boyfriend–and so freely too! I always thought relationships were fraught with secrets, and that people remained distant from their husbands/wives. (My dad had once asked me not to tell my mom that he has a credit card–from his start up business that never happened–when I accidentally found out. And my mom has always said not to tell my dad I know about his depression and his incredible debt. $140,000. At least!!!
(to be continued, since i just found out there’s a limit on how long to make the post. Sorry
)
The sooner you do that, the easier you will find it will be on you. Distance really helped me to heal.
So just remember to keep your head up and may GOD bless you!!!
:hug1:
I think I get 10 free sessions at my university…but will make an appointment (though i’m SCARED to death of what might happen if I kept on telling what’s going on in my family, but that’s what moving out is for!)
Best wishes and prayers. And don’t feel guilty just because someone else wants you to.