S
SuS33
Guest
I’ve been going to church, praying and fasting on Lent season on and off for many years. I’ve committed so many sins, which some I had no idea they were a sin. yes, I lost my sense of sin for along time. But two weeks ago I had a dream that changed my life. I’m not sure I should mention it. I prayed and asked God for guidance, and few days later I suddenly started to see EVERYTHING. All the sins that I’ve committed, my unfaithfulness to Jesus whom I love very much. I went the next day and confessed, and told the priest about my dream and sins, his words gave me hope that God has entered my heart and is helping me with this fight. After I finished I did my penance, I still didn’t feel the sense of peace I was supposed to. and for a week I continued to see more and more my past sins, and struggling with old doubts coming back to me, my sins are haunting me. I went and confessed again. This time it helped much more than the first, because mostly I confessed the sins I forgot to mention the first time and they were weighing on me. This was few days ago.
Now I feel better in general. My coming back to church two weeks ago has changed me, I can feel it in my soul. Not only am I staying away from my old sins, but I’m also appalled at them, the sins that used to bring me a false sense of happiness now disgust me literally. I know there is no way I’m going back to them. But now I have a new problem.
Satan has lost his hold on me completely, so now he’s been planting thoughts in my head that comes out of nowhere, some of them are memories of my old sins and some are curses against God and St. Mary. I try very hard to push these away, Hear them sometimes in my head like a song you hate stuck in your head, sometimes they are too short’ only passing. But the worst are the doubts he plants in my head, about the Saints and how they might be just humans and that I shouldn’t pray for them and ask them to pray for me. Like I’m not supposed to pray the rosary, this happens to me while praying the rosary or other prayers. Please know that St. Mary is my Saint and she has helped m before in my life in a very dark time, so I know she is real.
Sometimes I feel satan planting doubts when I read the Gospel, Like when I read how Jesus said beware of others coming in my name, it made me pause and think for a day or so, but then I read how Jesus said beware of fake prophets that come after him, he said we will know them by their fruits. That made me think, of course there are many fake prophets that came after him and I could see how their teachings go against Christ. But our saints follow Jesus’s teachings and help us continue on doing them and remembering them.
You see what is happening to me? There is a battle going inside me, my friend said the Holy Spirit is giving me the strength to fight, and I know the words from the Gospel are my weapon in this fight. I’am grateful for the grace God has given me, this second chance.
My fear is about these thoughts. Are the considered Mortal sins? I did not commit them willingly, they just pop in my head and I keep fighting them. Some of them are blasphemous thoughts, those I fight the hardest, I do not will them nor did I ever entertain them even before coming to church. I get so sacred sometimes, I pray and beg God to take them away, I will not give up but how can I get red of them?
Here is what I’ve been doing for the past two weeks, I’ve been adding new prayers gradually.
Morning Offering, though I haven’t been waking up at the same time every day. I offer myself to God and pray. then read the Gospel for 15 minutes or so.
Praying the rosary. 4 times so far.
examining my conscience every night before bed, then say the Act of contrition and pray.
I haven’t memorized all prayers yet, could this be the reason? I read the I should enter the Seven Daily Habits for Faithful Catholics gradually, not all at once. I don’t want God to be upset with me for these nasty thoughts, I’ve already confessed few days ago, do I need to do it again before I take Communion? Or are these considered venial sins? Please help.
Now I feel better in general. My coming back to church two weeks ago has changed me, I can feel it in my soul. Not only am I staying away from my old sins, but I’m also appalled at them, the sins that used to bring me a false sense of happiness now disgust me literally. I know there is no way I’m going back to them. But now I have a new problem.
Satan has lost his hold on me completely, so now he’s been planting thoughts in my head that comes out of nowhere, some of them are memories of my old sins and some are curses against God and St. Mary. I try very hard to push these away, Hear them sometimes in my head like a song you hate stuck in your head, sometimes they are too short’ only passing. But the worst are the doubts he plants in my head, about the Saints and how they might be just humans and that I shouldn’t pray for them and ask them to pray for me. Like I’m not supposed to pray the rosary, this happens to me while praying the rosary or other prayers. Please know that St. Mary is my Saint and she has helped m before in my life in a very dark time, so I know she is real.
Sometimes I feel satan planting doubts when I read the Gospel, Like when I read how Jesus said beware of others coming in my name, it made me pause and think for a day or so, but then I read how Jesus said beware of fake prophets that come after him, he said we will know them by their fruits. That made me think, of course there are many fake prophets that came after him and I could see how their teachings go against Christ. But our saints follow Jesus’s teachings and help us continue on doing them and remembering them.
You see what is happening to me? There is a battle going inside me, my friend said the Holy Spirit is giving me the strength to fight, and I know the words from the Gospel are my weapon in this fight. I’am grateful for the grace God has given me, this second chance.
My fear is about these thoughts. Are the considered Mortal sins? I did not commit them willingly, they just pop in my head and I keep fighting them. Some of them are blasphemous thoughts, those I fight the hardest, I do not will them nor did I ever entertain them even before coming to church. I get so sacred sometimes, I pray and beg God to take them away, I will not give up but how can I get red of them?
Here is what I’ve been doing for the past two weeks, I’ve been adding new prayers gradually.
Morning Offering, though I haven’t been waking up at the same time every day. I offer myself to God and pray. then read the Gospel for 15 minutes or so.
Praying the rosary. 4 times so far.
examining my conscience every night before bed, then say the Act of contrition and pray.
I haven’t memorized all prayers yet, could this be the reason? I read the I should enter the Seven Daily Habits for Faithful Catholics gradually, not all at once. I don’t want God to be upset with me for these nasty thoughts, I’ve already confessed few days ago, do I need to do it again before I take Communion? Or are these considered venial sins? Please help.
, but maybe it will help one of us!