Recognitions at Mass

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I’ve searched and cannot seem to find an answer. Specifically fathers and mothers day. I know most Churches have some sort of recognition to fathers and mothers. I believe before the final blessing, but not positive. I know I sound like an old “crud” for saying such a harmless thing, but personally it is bothersome to me. Clapping for recognitions birthdays and such should be done outside of Mass.

My wife and I were never able to have children and even tried the foster care route, but life got in the way and now in our mid 50’s, my wife was always made to be a mother. We have other options moving forward in life, but I must say mothers day is a very sad day for me and ironically going to Mass just adds to my pain. The priest asks all the mothers to stand and give an applause and then go stand in line for a rose. While this might just take a few minutes, it just makes my heart sink. I just hold her hand and literally want to cry.

So my question is: I assume this is acceptable? I’m sure this is common for most Churches across the US. Isn’t ironic that I love the Church, but its one day I actually dread going to Church. There is a Mission Church within 30 minutes of us and very orthodox and we may try that next year.
 
My Parish does recognize mothers & fathers on their respective days but no flowers or anything like that. We rarely clap in church and birthdays are not recognized. We have a very conservative priest who sticks to the liturgy.
 
Thank you for your response. This is encouraging to me for several reasons.
 
I was single until I was 38 and my husband 42. We never became pregnant and are now in our 50s. Obviously getting married so late, my fertility was on its way out, so we knew it was a slim chance.

For years as a single person I watched the special blessings for married couples. Now as a married, childless woman I watch the blessings for mothers and my DH the blessings for fathers.

All of those things have been painful and sad at various times for me.

However, I know that the family is under assault from every direction and so I offer up my sadness on those days because it is important for the Churh to witness to, support, and honor marriage and family.

And yes, blessings and acknowledgement before the final blessing are fine.
 
We are childless and in our early 60’s. Yes, it’s sad we never had children, but I am happy others have! I clap for them and say a prayer they are in fact good parents. They are doing the work God has assigned them, why not acknowledge that one day a year. God’s plans should always be acknowedged!

Maybe the priests should give a clap warning so those who find it innappropriate may leave early…I’m sure no one will notice! (Since they are all putting down their cell phones so they CAN clap!)
 
Some parishes also ask godparents and foster parents to join biological and adoptive parents. Just mentioning.
 
My husband and I also never had children, mostly for physical reasons involving our age and health issues. We ended up in a position where we would have had to take some extraordinary and possibly morally questionable methods to have a child and we decided it was not for us and are OK with that decision. However, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are difficult for me, not because we don’t have children, but because my parents passed away and I miss them both very much. I try to just say extra prayers to Mary and Joseph on that day and pray for my parents’ souls, with the understanding that if they don’t need prayers any more, it can help another soul who has no one to pray for them, perhaps even someone’s forgotten mother or father.

In recent years I have also tried to go visit a shrine or some special holy place on that day rather than the parish church, as there tend to be other devotions and things to focus on at those places besides just Mothers’ Day. You may wish to see if there is a similar shrine, convent etc. offering a Mass on that day which perhaps won’t focus so heavily on honoring moms as the parish churches tend to do.

I am not big on the applause at Mass for any reason, whether it’s Mothers’ Day, kids receiving some recognition for making honor roll at the parish school, or clapping for the Mass musicians or first communicants or priests having a birthday or whatever, but I have accepted it as it lasts all of 30 seconds tops and I have more important things to worry about. I just offer it up.
 
Christ gave us the Mass unselfishly.
At Mass, we pray with and FOR our brothers and sisters in Christ. Some of them have kids. Indeed, it’s someone’s “kid” who will be praying our funeral Mass, serving our Masses, leading our singing, and feeding our poor, bringing communion to the sick. As a DRE for years, I’m always amazed at the people who think the youth of our world are someone else’s problem, except when we want to say they are doing things incorrectly.
Even as a child, I “mothered” the neighbor boy, teaching him to read before he entered school. I think people who are childless or single have often positively influence young people and thereby, lighten the load for their real parents. I don’t begrudge anyone a special blessing. It’s not about me per se, it’s about the family of God. The family is indeed under attack. We’re all in this together. God love them.
 
I don’t think anyone is saying they think families and people with kids are “someone else’s problem”. Rather, the issue is that people are becoming emotional and sad at Mother’s Day recognitions because God did not bless them with children or (in my case) because my mother is no longer living and I miss her. People are hurting. Sure, we all try to be unselfish and glad for the intact families, but we still feel some pain of our own. There is no special day for people who couldn’t have kids or people who do not have a mother living or maybe even have some painful situation with their own mother. As one who has cried in the church on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I have some compassion for others who are feeling similarly sad.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
… There is no special day for people who couldn’t have kids …
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OH, but there is your Bearfulness… St Patricks Day! Drink up, any day it falls on, and use the money for a babysitter for another round! Take a cab home and sleep like a baby til noon the next day! You got all those personal days and sick days since you never have to stay home with a sick kid ! 😃

I am more than willing to be sad a few times a year to celebrate the family with others!

And I don’t drink, so I kinda exagerrated the St Patrick’s day thing…
 
🙂
I’ll take exhortations to imbibe in good grace from a fellow Catholic Bear. Though I’m only drinking every month or two these days. Actually St. Patrick’s is a wonderful time for families to all celebrate if you attend the right parish, some of them do a special Mass followed by brunch and all the generations and families go and socialize together. A happy time and I can always find some nice older person to chat with who reminds me of Mom or Dad.
 
My current parish has us pray for mothers and fathers on their respective days. This seems like the best idea to foster the family. Usually there is something in the homily as well. As a childless person who always wanted chlidren, this does not upset me–just because I can’t have one, doesn’t mean I don’t understand how important the family is, and doesn’t mean I don’t want to pray for the people who have them.

However, in my previous parish, Mother’s day was extremely painful for me. There, the priest had the mothers, stepmothers, and some others that I don’t remember, stand up until something like 95% of the women over 25 were standing. And they had us all (all of us who were seated, I mean) (IIRC) hold up our hands for a rather lengthy series of blessings for the standing women. It was painful because it was a lengthy reminder of how I am cut off from most of womankind, and made me feel as if somehow I didn’t belong in Mass. It was also extremely embarrassing because I was in the choir and in that parish the choir was in front of the church. I felt like people were staring and wondering why I was still seated. I’m not trying to be all hyper-sensitive and everything about it, but AFAICT, the standing women didn’t all like it particularly, either. Especially the older women who tended to have to sit down before it was over because they got tired. I mean, if women were really feeling extra-specially supported by it, I would have just sucked it up, but I never got any indication that that was happening for them.

It seems to me that the appropriate recognition in Mass is prayer.

–Jen
 
Gosh … we have become a people who are pretty much concerned with self and want nothing to disturb our personal sensitivities …

My boss and another co–worker were talking about why they had to bow out of an after work gathering - special dinner - in honor of some out of town award winners. It was not required but they wanted a good number of the HQTRs staff - to visit, interact and be welcoming … My boss said it was date night with his wife … I told him I totally understood how important that was * and my voice choked up … he looked at me and I said I still wish I had a spouse to share time with … Its true - I do wish that but I am so happy that others around me have that … my sadness does not mean he should feel bad

I have buried my parents and in-laws … the first in 1997 - the last my mother in 2014, and even one grandchild 2002 and a sibling in 2015 but I am happy for the birth of a child, baptisms and Mother’s Day and Father’s day …

In Mexico at a parish I attended one year during May for mothers day they had two boxes wrapped as presents in front of the altar - one in white and one red … we had stopped by the parish midweek to locate it, and pray … while we were there we saw two girls come into the Church - they knelt before the altar and prayed - then the girls each approached a box and put a folded piece of paper into a slit on the top … At Mass the priest prayed for all the mothers and messages placed into the box. After Mass I asked what the two colors meant - the White box was for Mothers who had passed away - the red was for Mother’s still living … That touched me - and my mother was still alive then - but I alwys remember that Mother’s day and the little girl putting a note for her deceased mom into a box at the church

We come to Mass as a family - we should celebrate together and also comfort each other when necessary …

FYI - a parish I once attended had a singles group that got together to go hiking, horseback riding, to concerts, skiing etc … It made wish I was single - because those things sounded like great fun to do with other like minded adults - single or married … I am glad they had the chance to experience that - sad I was not allowed to join … but - hey … that is life … its not you birthday every day ;)*
 
Our former pastor had all the mothers stand up on Mothers Day but our current pastor does not. We have a bucket of flowers available for any woman who wishes to take one after Mass.
 
I am going to be a little bit pointed. This thread has turned into a pity party.

How about the mothers, on Mothers’ Day, and the fathers, on Fathers’ Day, who have had to bury their children? I think especially of the parents of my parents generation, who had the 56,000+ young men and young women returned in body bags from Vietnam; or the couple in my parish whose son, a pilot, went down when his helicopter was shot down in Iraq. Should we ignore Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day because of their pain?

And I think of the woman in my parish whose husband walked out in the yard and put a shotgun under his chin; she has had to raise her children without a father.

And what of all the mothers and fathers who have children living, but lost to drugs, or have abandoned the Church… the list goes on.

I don’t mean to minimize anyone’s pain. but perhaps instead of looking inward, perhaps we need to reach out to someone else in pain, even while we feel our own.

And I fully and completely support the mention of those on special days, including our parish’s monthly recognition of those married in that month.

And at each such moment, the pastor offers a prayer for them - mothers, fathers, couples… so it is not simply a “stand up and be recognized”.
 
Its interesting how a conversation can take many different directions. And yes, our society does seem to have become more interested in the “self” rather than the whole, but that was not my intent of the question. I guess if I could re phrase I would simply state that I prefer going to a parish of a very traditional sense of sacred silence upon entrance through departure and have conversations, fellowships, celebrations including birthdays, clapping, and special days recognized outside or in the halls and is it liturgically correct in doing it in the Church. Of course, this is hard to find these days and I sound like a prude for saying it. I just simply want to walk in with a quiet heart and give praise to the Lord for an hour and not water down what is truly HIS. Now I know this can be taken out of context and I don’t mean there is not a need for announcements and comments prior to the entrance, and of course kids will be kids and that is expected and not bothersome. I just prefer attending Mass much like going to the adoration chapel or Mass at the monasteries.

God Bless and thank you.
 
michaelk said:
Its interesting how a conversation can take many different directions. And yes, our society does seem to have become more interested in the “self” rather than the whole, but that was not my intent of the question. I guess if I could re phrase I would simply state that I prefer going to a parish of a very traditional sense of sacred silence upon entrance through departure and have conversations, fellowships, celebrations including birthdays, clapping, and special days recognized outside or in the halls and is it liturgically correct in doing it in the Church. Of course, this is hard to find these days and I sound like a prude for saying it. I just simply want to walk in with a quiet heart and give praise to the Lord for an hour and not water down what is truly HIS. Now I know this can be taken out of context and I don’t mean there is not a need for announcements and comments prior to the entrance, and of course kids will be kids and that is expected and not bothersome. I just prefer attending Mass much like going to the adoration chapel or Mass at the monasteries.

God Bless and thank you.
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I know what you are saying and I have tended to agree with you. But I will say that in my experience one thing lacking in my parish is a sense of community. We have six masses to fulfill the Sunday obligation. My parish is basically a mega church. The parish covers a huge geographic area. Catholics are a minority in my town. And many are transplants from other parts of the country. It is very hard to have sense of community.

As a Protestant convert I can say one thing I miss is that sense of community and fellowship. Again, I agree with your preference about Mass. But the Body of Christ should have some sense of community. Some of these things I don’t like may be the only thing really contributing to a sense of community. It isn’t ideal, but it might be OK given the reality of our current situation.
 
exnihilo said:
But I will say that in my experience one thing lacking in my parish is a sense of community. We have six masses to fulfill the Sunday obligation. My parish is basically a mega church. The parish covers a huge geographic area. Catholics are a minority in my town. And many are transplants from other parts of the country. It is very hard to have sense of community.

As a Protestant convert I can say one thing I miss is that sense of community and fellowship.
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I understand what you are saying and I know some Catholics who aren’t converts feel the same way. However, there are other Catholics who are less interested in the community-at-church angle and just want to come to church, pray, have devotions etc. without having to get too involved. Not saying it’s right or wrong, it’s just a difference in how some Catholics approach worship.

These types of areas are just showing that Catholicism is such a large church with so many different viewpoints and approaches, any approach chosen is probably not going to please everyone.
 
While my parish does recognize Mothers and Fathers on their respective days with a blessing, the pastor also includes step-arents, Godparents, foster parents, and anyone else who has had a special place in raising a child.
 
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