Reconciliation Concern

[jwparks4]

I recently found out about some infidelities of my wife. I am going to meet with our pastor tomorrow for counciling, but I’m afraid when I start telling him what happened it will be unfair to my wife. I want to go to another parish, but responses have been slow ( actually non-existent) and I hurt deeply. I need to talk to a pastor. My concern is when she goes into confession after me, I will have painted a grim picture of her.

I’m not looking to slander her, its just this incident weighs so heavy on me I need to offer it up to GOD, and I can’t talk to anyone else, because nobody else knows.

Should I go to another pastor in this instance. I don’t want to postpone this any longer than I have too (i’ve waited all weekend and Mass was almost heart wrenching to sit through), but I feel like I’m suffering all by myself. I have prayed alot, for me and for her.

I know this is a complicated matter and the details are private, but any (name removed by moderator)ut would be great.

 

[puzzleannie]

when you go to confession, confess only your own sins, not your wife’s or anyone else’s. ask for an appointment with a priest you trust to discuss your response to this terrible situation outside confession, and ask for his help. no betrayal on your part, but just be honest with him and give enough info so he can help you.

 

[jwparks4]

ask for an appointment with a priest you trust to discuss your response to this terrible situation outside confession, and ask for his help. no betrayal on your part, but just be honest with him and give enough info so he can help you.

Counciling is what I have with my priest, not confession. She has a Reconciliation appointment after me (two days later). This was the first time in her schedule she would be available.

Sorry I wasn’t more clear.

 

[LilyM]

Counciling is what I have with my priest, not confession. She has a Reconciliation appointment after me (two days later). This was the first time in her schedule she would be available.

Sorry I wasn’t more clear.

If she doesn’t go for confession face-to-face (goes behind a screen) your pastor probably won’t even know it’s her …

Even if he does I think he’s intelligent enough to realise he’s hearing both sides of the story I’m sure he’s dealt with this type of situation a lot more often than you’d think.

 

[pigtown]

Could you and your wife meet with the priest together? That way, she would know that you are simply trying to get the help that both of you need to heal. It may take a while but if you work together you can solve any problem. Good luck to both of you.

 

[otjm]

I understand your need to speak with someone, and I do not fault you for wanting to speak with your pastor.

If it is not too late, I would suggest that you find a licensed clinical psychologist to speak with, and plan on more than one session.

If you are in a fairly large city, you may be able to find a group that is Catholic; The groups are often called Catholic Family Services; and if you can’t find them, or a Catholic psychologist or licensed marriage counselor, try Lutheran Family Services if they are available.

The first thing you need to do is get some help for youirself. The second, after you have yourself somewhat stabalized, is to get some help for the two of you.

I cannot be emphatic enough that unless your pastor is a licensed clinical psychologist, you need to look elsewhere for help on this matter. There is nothing wrong with asking for his prayers, but you need one counselor, and for what you are going through, you need someone who knows what they are doing.

 

[puzzleannie]

Counciling is what I have with my priest, not confession. She has a Reconciliation appointment after me (two days later). This was the first time in her schedule she would be available.

Sorry I wasn’t more clear.

the priest will consider only what she says in the sacrament, and the content of her confession is between herself and the priest alone, and you cannot speculate or even worry about it. Focus on the counselling for your own needs at the time of your own appointment.