Reconciliation panic

[simmie]

Hi there

I am a practicing Catholic although I have had a few times in ny life when I have doubted certain aspects of my faith and not done as I possibly should have.
One of these areas is reconciliation. I have not been for a very long time. The reason is that I panic and am ashamed of myself. A friend once gave me a book about this to help me. It only, in my opinion, made it worse. I had probably, beforehand given a very bad confession. I suffer from depression and have had terrible thoughts and also have self harmed in the past. I won’t go to my parish priest at home or my priest at university as I am embarrassed (I don’t want them to know these or some other aspects of my life) and have deliberately not declared these sins in the past. I feel that I am a bad person who won’t get forgiveness, which I know probably sounds ridiculous. The only way I think I will ever go is if I see a priest who knows nothing about me, but then I do get very embarrased and nervous around strangers.
What can I do?

 

[George_C]

Hi there

I am a practicing Catholic although I have had a few times in ny life when I have doubted certain aspects of my faith and not done as I possibly should have.
One of these areas is reconciliation. I have not been for a very long time. The reason is that I panic and am ashamed of myself. A friend once gave me a book about this to help me. It only, in my opinion, made it worse. I had probably, beforehand given a very bad confession. I suffer from depression and have had terrible thoughts and also have self harmed in the past. I won’t go to my parish priest at home or my priest at university as I am embarrassed (I don’t want them to know these or some other aspects of my life) and have deliberately not declared these sins in the past. I feel that I am a bad person who won’t get forgiveness, which I know probably sounds ridiculous. The only way I think I will ever go is if I see a priest who knows nothing about me, but then I do get very embarrased and nervous around strangers.
What can I do?

Aw… :hug3:

Go to a priest and let him know. A good one will give you a gentle push in the right direction without being judgmental. I was TERRIFIED a week ago when I went for the first time.

Now I can’t wait to go again. I’m waiting a few weeks though.

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

Hi there

I am a practicing Catholic although I have had a few times in ny life when I have doubted certain aspects of my faith and not done as I possibly should have.
One of these areas is reconciliation. I have not been for a very long time. The reason is that I panic and am ashamed of myself. A friend once gave me a book about this to help me. It only, in my opinion, made it worse. I had probably, beforehand given a very bad confession. I suffer from depression and have had terrible thoughts and also have self harmed in the past. I won’t go to my parish priest at home or my priest at university as I am embarrassed (I don’t want them to know these or some other aspects of my life) and have deliberately not declared these sins in the past. I feel that I am a bad person who won’t get forgiveness, which I know probably sounds ridiculous. The only way I think I will ever go is if I see a priest who knows nothing about me, but then I do get very embarrased and nervous around strangers.
What can I do?

The priest who hears your confession is supposedly trained to forget what he hears once he is one out of the confessional. At least that’s what a Jesuit told me.

In addition, if you have a problem, just ask to confess behind a screen?

What you say in confession will not have an effect on the way the priest sees you.

Plus, he’s probably heard worse things.

 

[George_C]

The priest who hears your confession is supposedly trained to forget what he hears once he is one out of the confessional. At least that’s what a Jesuit told me.

A Franciscan told me roughly the same thing.

Simmie, you’ll feel better. Really.

 

[lwillo]

Simmie,
I am also a Catholic, as well as a mental health nurse. When I read your post, I felt complelled to respond. First, I feel you should get treatment for your depression. A few things you said led me to believe that you may have suffered from this for awhile. I would also suggest finding a good counselor that can help sort out some of the issues you may be struggling with, especially if you have thoughts about harming yourself. You may be supprised how many Christians work in mental health and respect the spiritual side of these issues. A large number of the patients I see, who struggle with thoughts of self harm have a history of abuse, and these are issues that can be very difficult to see your way through alone. Then I would encourage you to go to your priest and make a good confession. Don’t hold anything back! Unloading those burdens will be one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. You may also find that once you do, you will have a new strength to battle those thoughts and temptations with. You may think that your priest will not understand or be shocked by your confession, but probably not. But remember, when he goes into that room, he is no longer “father so and so,” but Persona Christi, “In the person of Christ.” It’s Jesus who forgives us. Remember it is by “His stripes that we are healed.” He doesn’t want you to bear those marks, he bore them for us. I will be praying for you.

 

[JMJ_coder]

Be not afraid!

The Priest has heard it all before, and probably worse!

The priest who hears your confession is supposedly trained to forget what he hears once he is one out of the confessional. At least that’s what a Jesuit told me.

The line from the story “Monsignor Quixote” which he tells to his friend Sancho when questioned about revealing such information:

“I never repeat what I hear in confession…even to myself if possible”

 

[acadian]

Go! It’s OK if you have to go somewhere else and/or go behind the screen, but it’s also fine to go to a priest that you know. Whatever enables you best to make a good confession.

The priest is not going to fuss because it’s been a long while. He will be glad that you are there. Similarly, he is not going to gasp in horror at your sins or scold you for them.

Christ died so that you could be healed. Don’t deny Him the opportunity. By the same token, none of us are worthy of the gift of forgiveness. But we have a kind and merciful God who loves us and welcomes us home time after time after time.

For whatever it’s worth, I can’t remember being met with anything other than kindness and mercy in the confessional. Odds are, your experience will be similar.

God bless. This coming Sunday is Divine Mercy Sunday. What an excellent time to receive this awesome gift!

 

[JMJ_coder]

This also reminds me of the lyrics of the popular (somewhat) hymn “Hosea”:

Come back to me with all your heart
don’t let fear keep us apart.

 

[Chellow]

I understand your position, I went years not going to confession or going to Communion because of the same fears you have. I found that since I didn’t go to confession I was unable to kick my sinful habits. True I still suffer from time to time, but it get easier to shy from sin when you go to confession. I recommend you add to the penance that the priest give you, something that will move you in a way that will prevent you from committing habitual sins. You can say the Rosary daily, take away something that may give pleasure or read a religious book as penance.

 

[Heath_Bar]

I have suffered with bouts of depression, also. I haven’t harmed myself in a long, long time but I still struggle with issues of self-worth. And, as a convert, I have always struggled with going to confession, until in recent years.

What finally helped me was something that was mentioned else where here by another poster. That was the fact that I was not confessing my sins to just a man, I was actually talking to Jesus, who was acting through a man. So, instead of saying things like, “Father, I have done this…and struggled with this…”, I started saying, “Oh, Jesus. I have done these things…I am sorry to have hurt you this way. I have also done…”

I was having a conversation with Jesus. When I kept that in mind, I did not have to hide my sins anymore because He knows them anyway.

I also agree with another poster. This Sunday is Divine Mercy Sunday. It is a day where Jesus especially calls sinners back to Him who have not gone to confession in a long time. Trust in His mercy. His mercy is greater than your sins. In fact, His mercy is greater than all of our world’s sins combined. It takes strength to come to Him as you are, but He came to us as He was, and He longs for you to do the same.

God bless you, and remember that you are never alone. The Saints in Heaven await your return!

 

[Carlion]

Hi there

I won’t go to my parish priest at home or my priest at university as I am embarrassed (I don’t want them to know these or some other aspects of my life) and have deliberately not declared these sins in the past. I feel that I am a bad person who won’t get forgiveness, which I know probably sounds ridiculous. The only way I think I will ever go is if I see a priest who knows nothing about me, but then I do get very embarrased and nervous around strangers.
What can I do?

I felt the same way before my first confession as an adult convert. Like you, I thought the only way I could do it was by going to a priest in another town who didn’t know me. As it turned out, though, I ended up going to one of our parish priests, specifically the same one who spent the better part of a year instructing me in RCIA. I thought it would be mortifying.

But what happened was that he guided me through it, asked only what he needed to know, and within a minute I found myself caught up in a feeling of great relief and anxious to confess the next thing and the next and so on. BTW, I had some really bad stuff to confess.

Point is, when you’re in there, grace takes over. Let it. Give into it. Let the Holy Spirit do His work and remember what the other people here have said – the priest has heard it all before :angel1:

 

[David1988]

Simmie, we’re giving each other advice!

Can you call and make an appointment at a parish that’s far away from you and you will never visit again? You should write down your sins, including your past of giving bad/incomplete confessions. Then, if you start feeling really scared once you’re in there, you can read off the paper or even give it to your priest. Tell him right when you begin how scared you are. You can do it! God is waiting for you!

You will be in my prayers.