Reconciliation

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mwmroe

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Is the refusal to be reconciled to someone breaking God’s commandment? Which one? Would this be a venial sin or a mortal sin? Where can I go to read more about it?
 
a quick reference to the Bible:

Mathew 6:15
But if you will not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive you your offences.

Mark 12:30-31
30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God, with thy whole heart, and with thy whole soul, and with thy whole mind, and with thy whole strength. This is the first commandment. 31 And the second is like to it: Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is no other commandment greater than these.
 
Where can I go to read more about this, of course I turn to the Bible first, then to the Catechism of the Catholic Church. I found several good verses in the Bible. Matthew 7:12 Colossians 3:12-13 Matthew 6:14-15 John 15:9-12. Is failing to be reconciled to someone breaking the fifth commandment? And is this a venial sin or a mortal sin?
 
If I refuse to speak to someone or to be reconciled to them am I breaking the Fifth Commandment?
 
mwmroe said:
Where can I go to read more about this, of course I turn to the Bible first, then to the Catechism of the Catholic Church. I found several good verses in the Bible. Matthew 7:12 Colossians 3:12-13 Matthew 6:14-15 John 15:9-12. Is failing to be reconciled to someone breaking the fifth commandment? And is this a venial sin or a mortal sin?
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God explictly says to love your neighbor as yourself. But if there is someone who consistently mistreats you and you cannot find peace with this person then you do not have to like this person or allow yourself to continue to be bullied by this person. I spoke with a number of priests concerning this exact topic because my next door neighbor has been bullying me for years and I simply cannot make this man happy. I teach CCD and of course I would be a hypocrite if I taught the love of Christ and lived otherwise. So this bothered me tremendously.

I cannot reconcile with this man. I’ve tried on numerous occasions. The mere sight of me turns his stomach and there is nothing that I can do. ( I cannot think of another person that I don’t get along with, so this makes matters worse for me.)

So i am going to leave it that we cannot talk to one another and if he decides to seek forgiveness and knock off this infantile behavior I will comply. Every day is a new day and has new beginnings. But for now I love him as God’s creation and would welcome his friendship but at this point our relationship is unreconciled. To have someone treat you badly and accept it would be a sin against the charity you must uphold for yourself.

I don’t know your details but that is mine and many priests have told me that, as long as I am not deceiving myself, there is no sin…God Bless…teachccd 🙂
 
mwmroe said:
If I refuse to speak to someone or to be reconciled to them am I breaking the Fifth Commandment?
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Maybe a few details would aid in a proper understanding of the “why” you are refusing to speak with someone. Unless it is superficial nonesense then it may not be a sin at all. Jesus found it hard to converse with many of the Pharasees but His love for them never waned. If you’ve tried everyhting possible to be at peace with this person then there is no sin for not talking to them…The burden would rest on that person to reconcile with you. If you, on the other hand, initiated this opposition and refuse to reconcile due to stubborness then you must examine your conscience as sin is probably present…My prayers are with you…teachccd:)
 
Well, I had to discuss my feelings about my father, the past hurt and anger. And we did this in a very charitable way, but when we almost get to the point of reconciling our differences. He can’t seem to handle it. Now he’s not speaking to me again. He’s done this before. It’s almost as if he gets wounded and angry with me when I share my real feelings with him, and then he stops speaking to me. And that’s it. The last time this happen he stopped speaking to me for years. He just recently decided to come back into my life and after a certain time I felt we needed to discuss some things, but when we talked about it he reached a point were he just shut down and acted as if I didn’t exist. It hurts. I forgave him for doing this before and I allowed him back into my life and I would do it again. I want to create good memories with him, but for some reason he can’t seem to get beyond this point in our relationship. It’s almost as if he won’t accept responsibility for his part for the things that happened in the past. And we were doing so well. Please pray for us.
 
mwmroe said:
Well, I had to discuss my feelings about my father, the past hurt and anger. And we did this in a very charitable way, but when we almost get to the point of reconciling our differences. He can’t seem to handle it. Now he’s not speaking to me again. He’s done this before. It’s almost as if he gets wounded and angry with me when I share my real feelings with him, and then he stops speaking to me. And that’s it. The last time this happen he stopped speaking to me for years. He just recently decided to come back into my life and after a certain time I felt we needed to discuss some things, but when we talked about it he reached a point were he just shut down and acted as if I didn’t exist. It hurts. I forgave him for doing this before and I allowed him back into my life and I would do it again. I want to create good memories with him, but for some reason he can’t seem to get beyond this point in our relationship. It’s almost as if he won’t accept responsibility for his part for the things that happened in the past. And we were doing so well. Please pray for us.
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It seems you have forgiven your father and are not refusing to speak to him, in which case you are not sinning.

If your father comes back into your life again, you may have to accept that old hurtful situations cannot be talked about. This will be a cross for you to bear since you feel a need to discuss it. But, if you desire to establish a relationship with him, you will have to accept only what he is able to give and go forward from there. His coming back into your life may very well be his way of saying he’s sorry.

Nita
 
I have learned in the last few months that reconciliation is a gift God has given to us, as is the commandment to love thy neighbor. I’ve had a few hard knocks on my way down the road of life and there are some people that have hurt me deeply, several of which I was certain I could never forgive. But as I grew closer to Jesus, I realized how very important forgiveness is in Christianity. It wasn’t easy, but slowly I vented out all my hurt and anger to the Lord and then asked that He help me forgive them. And it wasn’t too long before I started to notice differences in my attitude and it greatly helped me with the nightmares I’ve been having for years as a result of sexual abuse. I hardly have them at all now, and when I think of that person and others who have hurt me, I pray for them now instead of allowing myself to be angry.

It’s funny, but it seems like if you can forgive the people who have mistreated you in the past, it’s so much easier to deal with the people in your present life, good and bad. Once I discovered forgiveness, it was like a veil had been lifted and I became a better daughter, family member and friend. (As Alanis Morissette sang in her wonderful song “This Grudge” - “Maybe if I cut this cord, veils will lift from my eyes. Maybe if I put this to rest dead weight off my shoulders will rise.”)

Just my experince. Forgiveness is a gift, not just an obligation. It’s something God knew we needed for our own spiritual health, as well as those of our brothers and sisters in Christ.
 
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