i think maybe im just over thinking it.
Bingo!
Christ did not make it impossible, or even all that difficult to believe in Him and to follow Him. As to your spiritual state, consider that the evil one introduces complexity > noise and confusion into all things. Look at what he did in Genesis 3, for but one example. The introductory chapters of Job indicate what the devil thrives on. Calamity. Loss. Terror. Confusion. Doubt… oh yes, doubt.
For this reason, Elijah did not hear God in the raging flames; nor in the hurricane-force wind, nor was He felt in the earthquake. Only when all was quiet was there heard a still, small voice. And God was heard more clearly and loudly than if He had shouted so as to make the earth tremble.
The God of Israel is a God of purity; of simplicity. He is found; He is heard, in the simplicity of silence. The evil one thrives on noise. If he cannot find it, he will incite it, for in noise is found confusion and lack of peace. And such “discoveries” as the tomb are just that: noise.
For this reason, I strongly urge you to go before Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. Gaze upon Him, realizing that what appears to be bread is
not bread, and we know this because Christ declared it to be so.
There, you will experience peace, tranquility, silence - and your heart will be spoken to. Nothing to lose… Everything to gain.