Reconciling with my Ex

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cajunrph

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First post here and I need some prayers.My name is John and I’m a cradle catholic. About 3 weeks ago I broke up with Lynette, my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years. I set a 5 year time frame to get married after my divorce in 2013. If not for that I may have married her already. She wanted to marry me as close as 2 months ago.I felt her pulling away for quite sometime and instead of reacting with love I reacted with anger. This triggered in her memories of her always being in trouble with her dad. It just got worse and worse till another confrontation about her avoiding spending time with me in which I told her she had to decide what if she wanted to be in the relationship or not. The next monday we met and she said since she can’t make me happy we should break up. I was shell shocked because I thought we were going to get married. I should have told her that’s not her job to make me happy. Happiness comes from within. But I didn’t. Throughout the talk she kept on saying she didn’t know and that she still loved me. At the end when we said our goodbyes I could tell it wasn’t something she wanted to do. She was all red in the face and neck area. She even asked me if I wanted to go with her somewhere that weekend. I turned her down. Saying if she wanted me then she needed to want me all the time.

I met her the following week. Because I didn’t understand her telling me she loved me and still wanting to break up. I thought maybe my pressure for her to make a decision caused it. We had a great dinner date, talked, laughed. It was great. I thought for sure she wanted to be back with me. Then we talked when we got in the vehicle. I told her I was confused by what she said and it didn’t seem like she wanted to break up. I asked her how she was. She said she was fine. Which shocked me. Because when she broke up with others before she was distraught. I thought for sure she was sad. But she seemed like everything was ok. She is busy at work and that kept her mind off of it and she kept busy at the home with her kids and family activities. She said she wanted to make herself happy now and not want to worry about anyone else. I asked her if she wanted to date again, she said “Maaayyybeeeeee”. Which is more or less a no. But she kept on saying I don’t know throughout the conversation when I asked why are we not together if we still love each other. Then I asked her if I asked her to marry her what would she say. I meant down the road, a year or more ahead. Her eyes got wide open and said “You’re asking me to marry you?” I said no and laughed it off. I couldn’t get her to date me at that point. From the way she answered those two questions I don’t think she is done with me. And from talking with some friends of her’s, they say if she was done with me she wouldn’t be talking to me.

I have been praying hard these past three weeks. Saying novenas to St Joseph, St Dwynwin, and started on to St Jude. I have examined my conscience and determined my errors. One was the way I responded to her when I felt like she was pulling away. Instead of responding to her with love, I responded to her with anger and arguing about it. There were some other instances that I didn’t take into account situations where she had strong feelings for wanting to do things.

Sunday in church I was hurting. My heart was breaking. There was a point that I was looking up at the cross and I was tearing up. I was begging God for mercy. Begging him to give her back to me. My heart hurt. It was an odd feeling. For those who workout you know the feeling when you work a muscle to failure. It hurts but it feels good at the same time. That’s what happened then at mass. I don’t know if anyone noticed me but I felt broken. I can’t remember if it was at mass or afterwards but I felt relief in my heart. I know God heard my prayers and felt my sorrow. I have faith that he is going to help me get her back. My love for her hasn’t died. In fact it seems stronger. I prayed for God to kill this love if I’m not meant to be with her. He hasn’t. I have to believe there’s a reason for that. That in fact I am supposed to be with her.

I’m meeting her tonight. I pray that God guides my words to her that I can convey love to her. I’m going to ask for forgiveness for ever hurting her. For ever treating her in anyway that didn’t make her feel fully loved. I never intended to hurt her and I did. That hurts just as much as losing her. And let her know just how much I love her. I know I’m taking a risk her. But I have to do this for me. For me to do all that I can to make this work.

Please pray for me as I pray for you.

John.
 
Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that any one who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help or sought thy intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired with this confidence,
I fly unto thee,
O Virgin of virgins my Mother;
to thee do I come,
before thee I stand,
sinful and sorrowful;
O Mother of thy Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy clemency hear and answer me.
Amen

Hail Mary, full of grace,
The Lord is with Thee;
Blessed art thou among women,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Our Father,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Prayer for a Miracle

God of all creation, you who spoke a simple command and brought forth light from
the darkness, I ask you now to send forth your miracle-working power to heal (Marsh J and her husband). You cleansed the lepers, opened the eyes of the blind and by
speaking a simple command, you empowered the crippled to rise up and walk.
You sent forth your life-giving power to all those in need, including those you raised from
the dead. I ask you to send forth your healing power into Marsh J and her husband’s body and give him the strength to fight his illness. I ask this through my Lord, Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (cajunrph), and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.

†

Dear Jesus,

I humbly implore you to grant your special graces to our family. May our home be the shrine of peace, purity, love, labor and faith. I beg you, dear Jesus, to protect and bless all of us, absent and present, living and dead.

O Mary,

Loving Mother of Jesus, and our Mother, pray to Jesus for our family, for all the families of the world, to guard the cradle of the newborn, the schools of the young and their vocations.

Blessed Saint Joseph,

holy guardian of Jesus and Mary, assist us by your prayers in all necessities of life. Ask of Jesus that special grace which he granted to you, to watch over our home at the pillow of the sick and the dying, so that with Mary and with you, Heaven may find our family unbroken in the sacred Heart of Jesus.

Amen.

†
To Our Lady of Surprises

O Mary, my mother and Our Lady of Surprises, what a happy joy you caused the wedding guests, when you asked your Divine Son to work the miracle of water into wine. What a happy surprise for them since they thought the wine had run dry. I, too, Mary, love surprises and as your child, may I ask you to favor me with one today? I ask this only because you are my ever caring mother.
 
Dear Lord, Please help John with his current relationship situation. If it is Your will that he reconcile with his ex, please help this couple to be together and be happy. If it is not Your will, please give John the strength to understand and cope and move on with his life. Please bless and guide both of them to understand and accept whatever the outcome is. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Dear Blessed Mother Mary, please pray for John and Lynette in this case and help them both to choose what is best. Amen.
 
Memorare
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother;
to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen*

You may find saying the 'Flying Novena" helpful during stressful events or emergencies. ncregister.com/blog/joseph-pronechen/mother-teresas-express-line-to-heaven-novena
You are new here and because I feel I could write a book on this topic, I’m going to keep this short.

My heart hurts for both of you.

Why were you so set on 5 Years? Did she understand this particular time frame you set? Have you talked about getting married before now with a date in mind? Was this so you could validly get married in the Church ?

One of the problems with being the ‘dumpee’ is the intense shock and awe. You may feel like you need to fix everything. Sorrowing and scrambling. Wasted energy. It’s good that you are putting some of that energy to good use, Prayer!! But, sometimes the answer is “No”. Sometimes ‘Not Now’.

Before I met my husband I had made a novena to St. Joseph for a career and a husband.
I met my H about six months later and right about then found an internship in the field I love. So St. Joseph really listens and he really moves mountains. But, not always the way we expect. Sometimes better.

Continue asking St. Joseph for his help. Also ask the Holy Spirit for help before you pick up the phone and call her. Ask Him for discernment and how to lead.

The very best thing you can do for your beloved Lynette is have a Mass said for her. At your parish or at the Seraphic Mass Association. seraphicmass.org/

I learned about this from the book “The Porter of St. Bonaventure’s” about Fr. Solanus Casey. He would often listen to people with problems, such as unemployment, or a sick child and suggest having a Mass said for them. You can learn more about him here:solanuscenter.org/about-us

You can send her the Mass card or have one sent from the place you request.
 
egretps said:
Why were you so set on 5 Years? Did she understand this particular time frame you set? Have you talked about getting married before now with a date in mind? Was this so you could validly get married in the Church ?
Click to expand...
The 5 year timeframe was because I read somewhere that you need 1 year recovery for each 4 years of marriage. She knew about it and although she didn’t like it she was accepting it. Also we had previous marriages to annul. I working on mine now. Her’s are on hold to say the least.

Thanks for the replys.
 
]Sincerest Prayers:
Our Father who art in heaven…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Glory Be to the Father…
Amen…
 
cajunrph said:
. Also we had previous marriages to annul. I working on mine now. Her’s are on hold to say the least. .
Click to expand...
Question: What if you repair the breech, everything works out, and being faithful Catholic(s), the tribunals uphold the validity of your (or at least one of your) previous marriages? Then what would you do?

I might be tempted to suggest you try to put things “on hold” until the nullity questions are resolved. Might that be part of the tension on both your parts?

Just askin’
 
joeybaggz said:
Question: What if you repair the breech, everything works out, and being faithful Catholic(s), the tribunals uphold the validity of your (or at least one of your) previous marriages? Then what would you do?

I might be tempted to suggest you try to put things “on hold” until the nullity questions are resolved. Might that be part of the tension on both your parts?

Just askin’
Click to expand...
It’s on hold now. She wants to be single now. So I pray now for accepting God’s will and healing. She didn’t say she loved me this time. I pray for her as well.

I think part of her pulling away was the nullity process. She’s also a non believer. I’ve prayed the Devine Mercy for conversion prayer and I’m having a mass said in her honor at the Devine Mercy chapel. That causes her to pull away.
 
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
  • Psalms 73:26
Our Father,
Who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
Prayers for you today Cajunrph.

Memorare
*Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother;
to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen*
 
Sincerest Prayers:
Our Father who art in heaven…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Glory Be to the Father…
Amen…
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Prayer for a Miracle

God of all creation, you who spoke a simple command and brought forth light from
the darkness, I ask you now to send forth your miracle-working power to heal (Marsh J and her husband). You cleansed the lepers, opened the eyes of the blind and by
speaking a simple command, you empowered the crippled to rise up and walk.
You sent forth your life-giving power to all those in need, including those you raised from
the dead. I ask you to send forth your healing power into Marsh J and her husband’s body and give him the strength to fight his illness. I ask this through my Lord, Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (cajunrph), and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.

†

Dear Jesus,

I humbly implore you to grant your special graces to our family. May our home be the shrine of peace, purity, love, labor and faith. I beg you, dear Jesus, to protect and bless all of us, absent and present, living and dead.

O Mary,

Loving Mother of Jesus, and our Mother, pray to Jesus for our family, for all the families of the world, to guard the cradle of the newborn, the schools of the young and their vocations.

Blessed Saint Joseph,

holy guardian of Jesus and Mary, assist us by your prayers in all necessities of life. Ask of Jesus that special grace which he granted to you, to watch over our home at the pillow of the sick and the dying, so that with Mary and with you, Heaven may find our family unbroken in the sacred Heart of Jesus.

Amen.

†
To Our Lady of Surprises

O Mary, my mother and Our Lady of Surprises, what a happy joy you caused the wedding guests, when you asked your Divine Son to work the miracle of water into wine. What a happy surprise for them since they thought the wine had run dry. I, too, Mary, love surprises and as your child, may I ask you to favor me with one today? I ask this only because you are my ever caring mother.
 
Sincerest Prayers:
Our Father who art in heaven…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Glory Be to the Father…
Amen…
 
cajunrph said:
It’s on hold now. She wants to be single now. So I pray now for accepting God’s will and healing. She didn’t say she loved me this time. I pray for her as well.

I think part of her pulling away was the nullity process. She’s also a non believer. I’ve prayed the Devine Mercy for conversion prayer and I’m having a mass said in her honor at the Devine Mercy chapel. That causes her to pull away.
Click to expand...
Understood. Prayers offered and best wishes. Good luck

Shalom
 
Sincerest Prayers:
Our Father who art in heaven…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Glory Be to the Father…
Amen…
 
Prayers for your special intentions.

Memorare

*Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother;
to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen*
 
Sincerest Prayers:
Our Father who art in heaven…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Hail Mary, full of grace…
Glory Be to the Father…
Amen…
 
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