Recurring problem

[Harmony1988]

Now I have been battling a pornography and masturbation problem a long long time. There was a point where I had managed to stop it for about 6 - 7 months altogether and that period was the most peaceful period of my teenage years.

It started again and I can’t seem to stop. I’ve been to confession over this several times, the priest said that there maybe an underlying psychological problem and that seeing a psychologist may help to bring out the underlying problem, according to him, I am only doing this because there is something that I’m missing in my life and this is how I ‘try’ to express myself.

I’ve never heard anything like that before, but the problem is, I don’t know what to tell a pscyhologist, I am not sure myself and I may end up with someone who will tell me there is nothing wrong with it or it’s ‘completely healthy’. What should I do?

 

[Joe_5859]

Now I have been battling a pornography and masturbation problem a long long time. There was a point where I had managed to stop it for about 6 - 7 months altogether and that period was the most peaceful period of my teenage years.

It started again and I can’t seem to stop. I’ve been to confession over this several times, the priest said that there maybe an underlying psychological problem and that seeing a psychologist may help to bring out the underlying problem, according to him, I am only doing this because there is something that I’m missing in my life and this is how I ‘try’ to express myself.

I’ve never heard anything like that before, but the problem is, I don’t know what to tell a pscyhologist, I am not sure myself and I may end up with someone who will tell me there is nothing wrong with it or it’s ‘completely healthy’. What should I do?

I feel for what you are going through. The teenage years are not easy!

If you are looking to find a therapist that shares your Catholic values, I have often seen this website recommended here at CAF (edit: I just noticed you’re in Australia, so this might not work for you. Sorry! ):

catholictherapists.com/

That you recognize that the period of your life when you were free from this sin was the period of the most peace shows that you recognize the harm this does to you. That is a very big step!

All I can recommend is that you, first and foremost, pray for God’s assistance, especially in those moments when temptation comes. If you feel the urge coming on, say a “Hail Mary” (or two or ten…it’s hard to think lustful thoughts when our attention is focused on our heavenly mother!). Call out to Jesus for help. There is great power in His name.

A more proactive measure you can take is to actively avoid the occassion to sin. When does temptation come? If it comes when you are online, make it a rule not to go on the internet when you are alone or after a certain time of day. Move the computer to a common room in the house instead of your bedroom. Do everything you can to avoid those situations where it seems most likely that you would fall and engage in this sin.

Physical activity is helpful, too. If you start to feel tempted, go for a run. At the very least, get up and go to a different room or step outside. Change your location. Call a friend. Write in a journal. Do something else that is constructive.

And keep going to Confession whenever it happens. Don’t despair!

 

[Harmony1988]

Won’t the priest think it’s rather strange that I’m in and out of the confessional ? Also, I don’t want to make a habit of the confession, I really want to stop it. I fear I would eventually be thinking it’s all good to just go to confession everytime I do it, when it should be a lot more than that.

Thanks for your help though, I think I’ll have to restrict my internet use.

 

[Joe_5859]

Won’t the priest think it’s rather strange that I’m in and out of the confessional?

He shouldn’t! It would do us all good to go to Confession frequently, even if we have only committed venial sins. If you feel like you’re confessing the same sins every time, join the club! It often takes time to overcome our sins. But the Sacrament of Confession is a great weapon at our disposal to help us overcome sin. When we confess, we receive special graces to overcome those sins. I’ve noticed this in my life. Eventually, I find it gets easier and easier to avoid those sins I habitually confess. Of course, as soon as that happens, God usually brings to light some other sins that I need to overcome that I never even noticed before. It’s all part of growing in holiness!

Remember, priests have heard it all. You won’t surprise them or scandalize them. Furthermore, they are bound by the seal of the the sacrament. They can never reveal or even act upon anything you tell them in Confession.

Also, I don’t want to make a habit of the confession, I really want to stop it. I fear I would eventually be thinking it’s all good to just go to confession everytime I do it, when it should be a lot more than that.

You are absolutely right in your desire not to use the sacrament as an excuse to keep sinning. You certainly don’t want to do that. However, you absolutely should make a habit of going to Confession, regardless of how frequently you commit this particular sin. Frequent Confession is essential in growing in holiness. If you want to stop, I believe that Confession will play an integral part in that.

Thanks for your help though, I think I’ll have to restrict my internet use.

You’re welcome :tiphat: There are lots of great things about the internet, but the ready acess to pornography is a severe problem for many men. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been for myself if I had such ready access to the internet when I was your age (which wasn’t that long ago ). I’ll keep you in my prayers!

 

[Harmony1988]

Thanks Joe, that really helped. What I did not realize was that it takes time to overcome the sins, I just figured after confession I should have the strength not to do it again, not my own of course, but by the graces.

 

[GraceDK]

Hey harmony. yo brother.

I dont know how old you are but I assume you are about my age… probably a bit younger … I am 26.

After I became a serious Christian and while still being a virgin I experienced quite a serious fall in the sexual area… It has taken me a very long time to start getting back on my feet as a consequence… I am talking about the depression and dissapointment with my self that followed after the sin.
One of the reasons for my extreme sadness was the thought of loss of the person that I wanted to be… the person God created me to be… and that being too a person who had innocense and virginity to offer on the wedding night to my husband.

You know what I am getting at when I divide virginity and chastity, right? Both of them are great. both of them are squandered when you have sex, whether it be with a pornographic picture of a disproportionate woman infront of you or with a real human being… You may say there is a difference in degrees in these things… but ultimately you cannot call youself a virgin after this.
Besides… many would say that sex with some one you love and who is a real person is not as repulsive as having sex with strangers that you pay for and images that get stuck in your mind for a life time…
but whereas virginity cannot be recaptured, chastity/purity can.

However, and you know this… a good Christian woman will not turn away a man who struggled with pornography in the past. But she will, for her own survival, be forced to say no to a man who is still in the mess… You see, for many women its unfathomably destructive to witness or think of their beloved comitting this kind of sin. Its a sin against his purity and against the relationship and untimately against his future marriage and spouse.

That is why its so sad when the devil triumps over a man or woman in telling him/ her: You cant get out of this…

As for me… I count every day that passed since my sin (soon one year ago) and hope to bring the days of chastity and renewed purity as a sign of my repentance and my sincere love for my husband when I meet him. I know that if its the right man, that will matter to him… he will care that I fell but he will care even more that I am chaste and did not continue in my sin.

The same will count for you… I’d recommend that every time you feel the urge to sin think about your future bride… and ask your self: would I want her to do what I am about to do or would I hope she keeps her mind, heart and body pure for me?

When you commit the sin of watching porn you are not fulfilled in the area of selfgiving and total union in love which is your goal as a human being. You need the real deal. The other thing is an act of emptiness that robs a little more of your soul, dignity, and purity everytime you succomb.

This is a pep-talk… take what you can use and throw away the rest. I am not out to give you a hard time but give you food for thought in the midst of battle.

www.pureloveclub.com

 

[Harmony1988]

Hey Grace, your insight into the matter really helped me. I’m 20. I think the thoughts and feelings you addressed there are similar to something I have been going through. I have indeed seed the pure love club website, I must admit it helped me initially when I came back from the ‘lapsed catholic’ phase, not so sure it does much anymore, I read it a while back again. Definitely a good site, but yours and Joe’s posts really helped, I will have to reread them to get them in my mind =)

God Bless all

 

[Holly3278]

If you see a psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist just tell them that you have a pornography and masturbation addiction and you want it to stop. They’ll be able to help you. They’ll probably explore the issue with you to try and find out what is causing your addiction and then help you find aways to eliminate the addiction.

God bless and I will pray that you find help for your addiction soon.

 

[fbl9]

Now I have been battling a pornography and masturbation problem a long long time. There was a point where I had managed to stop it for about 6 - 7 months altogether and that period was the most peaceful period of my teenage years.

It started again and I can’t seem to stop. I’ve been to confession over this several times, the priest said that there maybe an underlying psychological problem and that seeing a psychologist may help to bring out the underlying problem, according to him, I am only doing this because there is something that I’m missing in my life and this is how I ‘try’ to express myself.

I’ve never heard anything like that before, but the problem is, I don’t know what to tell a pscyhologist, I am not sure myself and I may end up with someone who will tell me there is nothing wrong with it or it’s ‘completely healthy’. What should I do?

dear harmony 1988 this isn’t meant to discourage you but i tell you be prepared to do battle with this thing for a long time,when i came back to the faith i had two yrs of freedom.i was what would be called a “chronic”.i thought i had succeded this war but no i fell little by little,like Joe said it’s those near ocasions that i thought i could withstand but they eventually got me.now i am in back in this war again ,which i do not want to be in but i have let myself get into it.i am not mb but back to looking at the porn garbage,again i hate this stuff yet i feel powerless against it sometimes,which i am on my own but with faith i have hope to once again taste freedom from this blight on my soul and on my relationship with my loving wife.may the Lord have mercy on us amen.what Grace DK said about the effects on relationships is true,one may not see it now or how but it does negatively impact one’s futrure relations