Red flag, alert, warning

[traillius]

A third party who happens to be female, is somehow becoming involved in my marriage. RUN AWAY!!! The complication is that she has become best friends with my wife. DANGER!!! God please guard my heart and mind in Jesus Christ.

 

[Sillara]

A third party who happens to be female, is somehow becoming involved in my marriage. RUN AWAY!!! The complication is that she has become best friends with my wife. DANGER!!! God please guard my heart and mind in Jesus Christ.

I hope you succeed, and I pray for you.

Is the attraction (I am assuming that is what is the issue here) on your side or the woman’s? If it is the woman’s, then telling your wife is probably the best idea. I know that if my husband had told me my new best friend had her eye on him, then she would no longer be my friend!

If it is on your part, then you are in a more complicated position. Do not be around her. That’s the best advice I can give. If your wife has her over, you should go to the gym, go out for coffee, go jogging, run errands, whatever. Don’t see her socially. Just . . . don’t.

 

[traillius]

its kinda both, I think. I prefer to avoid details. I don’t want to incite my imagination. I will simply PRAY HARD!!!

 

[traillius]

I just don’t know why my marriage always seems to be under attack in one way or another.

 

[Sillara]

I just don’t know why my marriage always seems to be under attack in one way or another.

Probably because it is important. Hang in there! Your marriage is more precious than anything else, barring only your relationship with Christ. And Christ wouldn’t want you to harm your marriage, either.

I think that it is the most precious and valuable things which get attacked most often.

 

[Lerin]

Scripture tells us to FLEE temptation. Not to ignore it, not to try to avoid it… but to FLEE! Your soul depends on it!!!

I second the idea to talk to your wife, if you feel you are getting signs from the other woman. Your wife will help protect your marriage. Don’t allow this to go on… flirting with temptation is dangerous to your soul.

 

[Sillara]

Scripture tells us to FLEE temptation. Not to ignore it, not to try to avoid it… but to FLEE! Your soul depends on it!!!

I second the idea to talk to your wife, if you feel you are getting signs from the other woman. Your wife will help protect your marriage. Don’t allow this to go on… flirting with temptation is dangerous to your soul.

Lerin is right. You don’t have to mention the stuff on your side necessarily, but absolutely mention that the woman is sending “signals”. That would have been more than enough for me! Your wife can help you. Nothing is worth risking your soul!

 

[kage_ar]

How you deal with this should consider your wife’s state of mind. You have mentioned that she is ill.

If your wife has a low self esteem because of her illness, feels unattractive because of it, the LAST thing you should do is say something to your wife, because no matter how you phrase it she will hear: “honey, I have the hots for your best friend”. It will devistate your wife. She will take it as all her fault because she is sick.

The best idea is for you to just be away from this woman. NEVER permit yourself to be alone with her.

OTOH, if your wife is self confident, knows that you love her and find her attractive in sickness and in health, then she would be able to take the “honey, your friend has been giving me the eye and I do not think I should be around her, it is causing me to have lustful thoughts”.

Overall, have you looked into www.e5men.com? Fasting for your wife and your marriage is a powerful thing.

 

[Sillara]

How you deal with this should consider your wife’s state of mind. You have mentioned that she is ill.

If your wife has a low self esteem because of her illness, feels unattractive because of it, the LAST thing you should do is say something to your wife, because no matter how you phrase it she will hear: “honey, I have the hots for your best friend”. It will devistate your wife. She will take it as all her fault because she is sick.

The best idea is for you to just be away from this woman. NEVER permit yourself to be alone with her.

OTOH, if your wife is self confident, knows that you love her and find her attractive in sickness and in health, then she would be able to take the “honey, your friend has been giving me the eye and I do not think I should be around her, it is causing me to have lustful thoughts”.

Overall, have you looked into www.e5men.com? Fasting for your wife and your marriage is a powerful thing.

Also, you could consider the “your friend has been giving me the eye, and I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be around her” line.

Even if I didn’t think my husband would be tempted, it is arrogant to assume that the temptation would never come, and it is uncharitable to put this woman into the way of temptation.

Besides, I would consider a woman who “made eyes” at my husband as not a friend AT ALL. I would consider that a betrayal of my friendship in the worst possible way. There would be no reason for my husband to see her because I would not see her.

 

[traillius]

Well, anytime I see this lady, or she calls, I will have to find a way to get away. I won’t run screaming literally, because I would appear insane. I don’t feel comfortable telling my wife, due to her illnesses and other things. But I will have to always “be busy” upstairs, in the basement, to the store, etc… whenever this lady comes around, unless my wife and the lady’s husband are both in the room.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…The complication is that she has become best friends with my wife. DANGER!!! …

Danger is right. If this woman sends off signals that she’s interested in her “new best friend’s” husband, she is not a good friend of your wife’s. Tell your wife if this woman flirts/sends sexual signals, and stay away from this other woman. She sounds like serious trouble.

 

[traillius]

Well, for my wife, I gave this lady something to borrow, she came over and hugged me in front of my wife, and told me how wonderful I was. CREEPY!!!

 

[kage_ar]

Well, for my wife, I gave this lady something to borrow, she came over and hugged me in front of my wife, and told me how wonderful I was. CREEPY!!!

It is not creepy for friends to hug each other. Is there a chance that you are reading something into simple gestures of friendship?

 

[traillius]

It is not creepy for friends to hug each other. Is there a chance that you are reading something into simple gestures of friendship?

In general hugs are not creepy, but given the situation ( no details at this time ) it is not good.

 

[Sillara]

It is not creepy for friends to hug each other. Is there a chance that you are reading something into simple gestures of friendship?

Actually, I do find it uncomfortable to be hugged by my male friends. The only one I tolerate it from is a mutual friend of mine and my husband’s who is European. He is culturally conditioned to hug in greeting, and I grin and bear it. I was raised in a very non-touching culture, and I find hugs from men not my husband to be uncomfortable.

I would also give traillius the benefit of the doubt here. If a guy feels signals from a woman, in my experience there usually are signals.

Run, traillius! Do NOT give in to this.

(I do wonder about the telling your wife bit, at least the part that the woman is sending signals. I would, as a wife, appreciate that. However, I am not seriously ill at the moment, so that could make a difference.)

 

[traillius]

I know the difference between, thank you my friend hugs, and you are just so wonderful I want to hold you in my arms hugs. If either, but especially the latter, comes from a female not my wife, mother, sister in law, or niece, than its an invitation to extreme trouble. Besides, I and the “line” have been in close proximity several times, sadly including this woman. Unfortunately, being neighbors, and my wife’s close friend, makes avoidance harder, though not impossible. I guess its time to hit my knees more, and also get more creative in ‘not being there’ without offending or hurting my wife.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

How about if you just say “I don’t feel comfortable around your new friend and I don’t think she really has your best interests at heart.”

You say that woman has a husband. Has she been confiding in your wife about marital problems there?

Does your wife have other friends you could encourage to come over and spend more time with her?

 

[traillius]

How about if you just say “I don’t feel comfortable around your new friend and I don’t think she really has your best interests at heart.”
You say that woman has a husband. Has she been confiding in your wife about marital problems there?
Does your wife have other friends you could encourage to come over and spend more time with her?

1- a possibilty
2- Big time ( major red flag )
3- indeed, and they sometimes do.

 

[traillius]

In general spouses should be able to tell each other anything. however in my wife’s case, with her physical, mental, and emotional issues, discretion is the better part of valour. Of course I need to avoid any trouble with any woman, but I need to do so without telling my wife. Its not lying, its protecting.

 

[Catherine_S]

In general spouses should be able to tell each other anything. however in my wife’s case, with her physical, mental, and emotional issues, discretion is the better part of valour. Of course I need to avoid any trouble with any woman, but I need to do so without telling my wife. Its not lying, its protecting.

Quit beating around the bush! If you have a wife who is ill** but** is still open to others and one of these others is suppose to be a friend but appears to be interested in you, as in man and women, throw cold water on any illusions she may be intertaining now!
Make it clear to this gal,** you are not interested.** Your courage will come from acknowleging just what type of women** you may be attracted to, and this will tell you more** about you than the women and this is where your** focus** should be. Who** are you** and what** value** do you place on your wife and your marriage. When this women moved in for the just friendly or double the meaning hug, you could have backed off right there. I think it’s called** giving someone the cold shoulder or keeping them at arm’s length.**
She* could*** be another Eve! But the real question is, are you another Adam?
Time to grow up before you wake up and find yourself repeating one of those** fashionable** phrases we all hear** so** often in our time…
***" we never planned this :nope: ***it just happened:manvspc:!"