Red flag, alert, warning

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traillius said:
I just don’t know why my marriage always seems to be under attack in one way or another.
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Because the devil only tempts those who he doesn’t have…consider yourself blessed when you are under attack. Those whom he has, well, he doesn’t need to mess with them anymore. 😉
 
Catherine_S said:
Quit beating around the bush! If you have a wife who is ill** but** is still open to others and one of these others is suppose to be a friend but appears to be interested in you, as in man and women, throw cold water on any illusions she may be intertaining now!
Make it clear to this gal,** you are not interested.** Your courage will come from acknowleging just what type of women** you may be attracted to, and this will tell you more** about you than the women and this is where your** focus** should be. Who** are you** and what** value** do you place on your wife and your marriage. When this women moved in for the just friendly or double the meaning hug, you could have backed off right there. I think it’s called** giving someone the cold shoulder or keeping them at arm’s length.**
She* could*** be another Eve! But the real question is, are you another Adam?
Time to grow up before you wake up and find yourself repeating one of those** fashionable** phrases we all hear** so** often in our time…
***" we never planned this :nope: ***it just happened:manvspc:!"
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:D:thumbsup: agree!
 
traillius said:
I just don’t know why my marriage always seems to be under attack in one way or another.
Click to expand...
Quit beating around the bush! If you have a wife who is ill* but** is still open to others and one of these others is suppose to be a friend but appears to be interested in you, as in man and women, throw cold water on any illusions she may be intertaining now!
Make it clear to this gal,** you are not interested.** Your courage will come from acknowleging just what type of women** you may be attracted to, and this will tell you more** about you than the women and this is where your** focus** should be. Who** are you** and what** value** do you place on your wife and your marriage. When this women moved in for the just friendly or double the meaning hug, you could have backed off right there. I think it’s called** giving someone the cold shoulder or keeping them at arm’s length.***
She* could*** be another Eve! But the real question is, are you another Adam?
Time to grow up before you wake up and find yourself repeating one of those** fashionable** phrases we all hear** so** often in our time…
***" we never planned this :nope: ***it just happened:manvspc:!"
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I am not sleeping. I will not cross the line. Whatever it takes( avoidance, etc…) I will not fall.
 
Leave no door open…none whatsoever. If you must be direct with her, a very brief and rehearsed “Leave me alone, don’t talk to me. Goodbye” would be so much better than ending up where my husband is 2 years after the fact. You don’t need to be Mr. Nice Guy and stick around to hear what she has to say. Flee this temptation. Living as a godly husband is your salvation (in a sense). Good luck and prayers.
 
lerin said:
**scripture tells us to flee temptation. Not to ignore it, not to try to avoid it… But to flee! Your soul depends on it!!!**i second the idea to talk to your wife, if you feel you are getting signs from the other woman. Your wife will help protect your marriage. Don’t allow this to go on… Flirting with temptation is dangerous to your soul.
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what she said!!! Don’t be stupid and risk everything…pray and pray hard!
 
Traillius,

You don’t need more advice. You know the right thing to do. What I DO offer you is my fervent prayer to the Lord for your strength and steadfastness in this situation; and the wisdom to stay farther from “the line” in the future. The things you have avoided saying in this thread make it seem that you may have made a habit of occasionally playing with fire.

My heart goes out to you, and your wife.

In the love of Christ
 
Your marriage isn’t being ‘attacked’, you brought this on yourself.

In post #16 you mentioned being too close to the line with this woman previously.
I think she now thinks, b/c of this past behavior/incident, that if she ‘encourages’ you enough, you’ll cave. You’ve already sent her past signals (so far as I can see), so why shouldn’t she think you’ll do the same again, with enough time and pressure? Why should she stop, when your ‘no’ signals are so weak?

You need to make a hard stand with this woman, and stick to it. If nothing else, go to her husband. Get ugly about it if you have to, b/c protecting your marriage is your job.

I agree with the previous poster who said you seem to like to play with fire. Keep it up, and you will get burned.
 
traillius said:
In general spouses should be able to tell each other anything. however in my wife’s case, with her physical, mental, and emotional issues, discretion is the better part of valour. Of course I need to avoid any trouble with any woman, but I need to do so without telling my wife. Its not lying, its protecting.
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Give this woman the icey treatment. Speak to her only like you would speak to a nun. Remember, any woman that is into “husband stealing” has got some major issues!
…and probably more than a few notches on her purse strap on top of it all.

Acknowledge that it is indeed exciting to think about, but it is not worth it under any circumstances! I’ve been through this stuff myself. You’ll be fine if you don’t get to worried about it. Just always make sure your wife is there if she’s around.
😉
 
Tell your wife that this woman can’t be around the house anymore. Tell her why. Be honest. Your marriage with your wife is FAR MORE IMPORTANT that her friendship with this woman, even if they are best friends. This woman simply can’t come over anymore. Period.
 
TLM08 said:
Give this woman the icey treatment. Speak to her only like you would speak to a nun.
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Odd advice, why on earth would one not be loving and friendly toward a nun?

One can act in Christian charity toward even a person to whom they are attracted, being “icy” is not the sign of a Christian.
 
kage_ar said:
One can act in Christian charity toward even a person to whom they are attracted, being “icy” is not the sign of a Christian.
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In this instance, being “icy” is indeed probably the best part of Christian charity. This woman is attracted to him, too. She is also playing with fire, and some “ice” is probably what she needs.
 
HEY! I have an idea! The next time she comes over, announce with a big smile, “I’ll leave you ladies alone. I’m going to go down to the basement and pray the Liturgy of the Hours!”. and then give your wife a big ol’ kiss right in front of her and skip on down to the basement…
 
Sillara said:
In this instance, being “icy” is indeed probably the best part of Christian charity. This woman is attracted to him, too. She is also playing with fire, and some “ice” is probably what she needs.
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You are absolutely right… “Icy”… meaning that the conversation remains focused on topics that have no possibility of leading to sex… or any evel of emotional attachment.

👍
 
I am curious about something. It seems that the woman always gets the blame.
Are you having “thoughts” about her? I mean it really sounds like you are placing blame on the “other woman” when perhaps you need to look inward.

Kathy
 
Blame is irrelevant. The fact is the hug was too close for comfort. Temptation, whether inward or external, is equally dangerous, and needs to be dealt with the same way. Besides, If I thought it was no problem, would I be making such a big deal. I am not mad, I am sure you meant well.
 
Story seems long on drama…short on strategy.

If you have had extended conversations with this woman in the past–particularly concerning marital troubles–then you already have an enhanced level of intimacy with her…even if only as friends. There is not anything inappropriate per se in that, but it can become inappropriate if she is turning to you for comfort for her troubles.

Given that you are not just a couple of strangers bumping into each other, you have some level of relationship and she WILL continue to be a presence in your life, how about this for a crazy idea: have a conversation about what is troubling YOU now.

Tell her you are uncomfortable with the direction you feel your relationship with her is going. Admit you feel tempted and will NOT be going that direction because you love your wife and would never do anything to compromise your marriage. Then inform her that some reasonable boundaries will be set…ie, you’ll only be around her when your wife and/or her husband are present. By being direct, you may prompt her to the same realization…that you two may be moving in a direction neither *really *wants.

Don’t burden your wife with any of this. You have done nothing to violate your marriage vows. Keep your nose clean and yourself chaperoned at all times & this should be a situation you can manage.
 
kage_ar said:
Odd advice, why on earth would one not be loving and friendly toward a nun?

One can act in Christian charity toward even a person to whom they are attracted, being “icy” is not the sign of a Christian.
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I think what the poster meant is that we should give utmost respect to her dignity as a human being and eliminate any impure thoughts from out mind as we are talking to a sister of God.

When one sees a nun, one is reminded of their vow of chastity and will avoid any irreverent sexual conversation. I think that’s what the poster had in mind when he said to talk to her as you would a nun.
 
Sillara said:
Actually, I do find it uncomfortable to be hugged by my male friends.
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I have some protestant friends who are big into the “give your brother a hug philosophy.”

What I do (as a man) is hug the husband, but shake hands with the wife. They all seem to like that idea.
 
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