Reflection on global village and overpopulation

[chevalier]

In my CCD class when I have a student think they’ll just call me Stephen or Steve, I make it quickly apparent that isn’t going to fly.

Yup, I don’t like that either, although some of my students have been genuinely friendly and about a half have been older than I am, so I don’t have major complaints there. As a rule, if they are male and older or female and not much younger, they can offer to use names.

The interesting conflict is my girlfriend’s parents, who are from up north. “Call me Pat, call my Patty.”…I find it a challenge, but honor their request.

Sympathies. I can take being addressed by first name by older people, but talking to them like that is much harder. It’s a bit easier in Polish - there’s one word for mister, sir, lord and some meanings of master (e.g. slave master, but not chess master or Master of Arts; much like “dominus” in Latin), which goes with either name or surname, so if they give me their name and they’re much older, I can do it that way. When they answer, they can choose if they will use the mister or just the name.

 

[AHapka]

Unless the adults are SO close to us, blood-family or no, they end up with an “aunt” or “uncle” preceding their first name.

Are you saying that you have your children call other adults “aunt” or “uncle” that are not their actual relatives? Isn’t that confusing/deceiving to them?

I’ve never heard of that… What is the reasoning behind that if you could explain please?

Thanks,

Andy

 

[chevalier]

Are you saying that you have your children call other adults “aunt” or “uncle” that are not their actual relatives? Isn’t that confusing/deceiving to them?

I’ve never heard of that… What is the reasoning behind that if you could explain please?

Perhaps I can help. The custom was popular where I grew up. Friends of parents were uncles or aunts and there was nothing wrong with that. We knew it was a strong kind of friendship, not an actual blood relationship, that made it. Perhaps the only discomfort would come from calling the parents’ new husbands or wives uncles or aunts, which felt wrong. Mothers and uncles, aunts and fathers, don’t sleep with each other.

Note that it’s not only the children calling those friends of parents uncles or aunts; the relationship goes both ways. Those people do behave after the manner of real uncles and aunts. It creates some extended social network for the child and I think it’s beneficial.

 

[AHapka]

Perhaps I can help. The custom was popular where I grew up. Friends of parents were uncles or aunts and there was nothing wrong with that. We knew it was a strong kind of friendship, not an actual blood relationship, that made it. Perhaps the only discomfort would come from calling the parents’ new husbands or wives uncles or aunts, which felt wrong. Mothers and uncles, aunts and fathers, don’t sleep with each other.

Note that it’s not only the children calling those friends of parents uncles or aunts; the relationship goes both ways. Those people do behave after the manner of real uncles and aunts. It creates some extended social network for the child and I think it’s beneficial.

Ok, that explains it Thanks for the explanation. In mine and my wife’s family it was either the formal name or, if someone was really close you’d call them Mr. John (if their name was John Smith). I guess I was confused, but now i’m now

Thanks,

Andy

 

[deb1]

Here in the south you call all adults by their first names but with the title Miss or Mr. in front. So, I am Miss Debbie to my neighbor’s child. Yes, even married woman are Miss down here.

I remember when I was 14, I went to visit my stepgrandmother in Minnesota. She grew alarmed that I called everyone ma’am or sir. Apparently, there are some people who feel this makes them old.

 

[chevalier]

Ok, that explains it Thanks for the explanation. In mine and my wife’s family it was either the formal name or, if someone was really close you’d call them Mr. John (if their name was John Smith). I guess I was confused, but now i’m now

Thanks,

Andy

Ah, the South, yeah. We do that too, but our word is the same for Mister, Sir, Lord and some meanings of Master, plus a couple more things, so the use with first name is by no means an exception. Nowadays polite people often do that in order to be respectful and friendly at the same time. In fact, we rarely use that title with a surname in second person address, just third person. In formal person address, we use a title rather, like let’s say, Mr Director, Mr Chief, Mr Professor, Mr Captain etc and if it’s formal writing, something that translates as “honourable sir/madam”.

 

[chevalier]

Here in the south you call all adults by their first names but with the title Miss or Mr. in front. So, I am Miss Debbie to my neighbor’s child. Yes, even married woman are Miss down here.

In some weird British usage, a Jane Smith, wife of an Alec Jones, could be Miss Jane Smith, Mrs Alec Jones, for instance. Yes, they’re weird with those titles and they’re the only nation I know to do that.

 

[ChristineML]

Here in the south you call all adults by their first names but with the title Miss or Mr. in front. So, I am Miss Debbie to my neighbor’s child. Yes, even married woman are Miss down here.

I remember when I was 14, I went to visit my stepgrandmother in Minnesota. She grew alarmed that I called everyone ma’am or sir. Apparently, there are some people who feel this makes them old.

I, too, insist that my children use titles for adults, Mr./Mrs./Miss (family name), or Aunt/Uncle (first name) for close friends of the family. (I’ve explained the difference between a literal aunt/uncle and an honorary one, and past a certain age, my children “get it.”) Even the teen-aged babysitter gets at least a “Miss (first name)” when she’s on duty. If an adult invites my child to call her by her first name, I simply tell her that I prefer that my children address adults respectfully. If she insists, I will allow “Miss (first name),” but that’s it.

I was once a resident assistant in a college dormitory, trying to calm an irate relative frustrated in her attempt to reach a student. I was using my best telephone manners to calm this emotional person, but she still managed to take offense: “And don’t call me ‘ma’am’”. Well, good grief, what else am I supposed to call a total stranger? “Hey, you?” Isn’t that the situation for which “sir” and “ma’am” are ideal? (Heh heh, notice the location of the preposition in that last sentence. No dangling prepositions for me, no, sir!)

 

[kristacecilia]

I also grew up calling all my parents’ friends Mr. X or Mrs. X except one extremely close couple whom we were allowed to call by their first names. My parents were both raised by southerners and taught to use ma’am, sir, and proper titles for adults and they passed that on to us.

When I met and married my husband, a Canadian, he thought I was crazy for wanting to call his parents Mr. and Mrs. B. Heck, they thought I was crazy and absolutely refused to allow it. It either had to be “Mom” and “Dad” or their first names. They both felt that it made them “old”, which I never really got since they were old enough to have a son in his late 20s who was considering marriage to me. I explained to them why I wanted to call them Mr. and Mrs. I asked if I could please call them Mr. and Mrs. They flat out refused. So with much internal confliction about the matter, I finally conceded and started calling them by their first names- “mom” and “dad” were not an option for me since I was not married to their son at the time and I am already very close to my own parents. There’s that whole “making a relationship where none exists” for you. Actually, for a long time I just avoided using any name for them because it felt so weird to me to use their first names when they were almost as old as my grandparents.

Now I have children and my husband, in-laws, and neighbors all feel that it is odd for me to have them call any adults by Mr. and Mrs. X. I do enforce it with my neighbors, grandparents to children the same age as mine. Heck, even *I *call them Mr and Mrs. My children’s friends’ parents do not wish to be called by any honorific, not to mention that some of the moms did not take their husband’s names in marriage so I am not sure what my children would call them. Miss X? Anyway, my children call my friends by their first names at their request. No one calls me Mrs. B or Miss Krista, even. Just Krista. No one even asks me what I want to be called. Just introduces me to their kids as Krista. It really makes me miss those good ol’ southern manners.

It would be weird at first to be introduced or called Mrs. B, but I am sure it was weird for every other new wife and it is just something we are supposed to get used to.

 

[chevalier]

Ha. I had something on the ends of my fingers but I decided not to post it. Mister/Madam is a good enough first name and if people don’t learn to show respect to elders, will they learn to show respect to anybody?

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Ha. I had something on the ends of my fingers but I decided not to post it. Mister/Madam is a good enough first name and if people don’t learn to show respect to elders, will they learn to show respect to anybody?

On his last broadcast, Red Skelton revealed something he called a “peculiarity” about himself. He never bothers to learn the names of the people he works with. Sure he learns a few, but he considers “friend” the best name a person can have.

Alan