Reflections on International Womens' Day

[Kelfa28]

Staying home to care for kids is again loud and hectic. But you don’t have a boss, much less a supervisor. You don’t have a predetermined schedule that someone has set for you. You don’t really have deadlines, you don’t have backstabbing coworkers, you aren’t asked to do things you feel uncomfortable doing. Your software doesn’t change and require you to suddenly devote yourself to learning a new system while still carrying out your job. There’s never any sort of problem to negotiate, you never have to make a sale, or else. You get the idea.

BEL…for the most part…I agree with you.

Except with a few of the things you’ve put here.

You can make a serious argument that “the software changed” and you now need to learn and “new system” when you have a child who was suddenly diagnosed with a health problem.

Or you gave birth to a child diagnosed with Autism or ADHD when they hit preschool age.

Plus…I negotiate and “make sales” when trying to get my oldest to eat or when my oldest two kids want to play with the same toy that we only have one of and are wiling to fight to the death over it.



I’ve sat in on and conducted large meetings while in the military…with high-ranking individuals and sometimes…it really doesn’t seem like there isn’t much difference.

It’s eerie sometimes.

 

[Sarcelle]

“Technicalities” are what keep authorities honest. They’re also known as ‘civil rights’. I’m much more concerned when someone is convicted in spite of a “technicality”.

And if you can increase Coke consumption by 25%, I’m impressed. Is it useful to the world? Nope. But it’s impressive.

I’m not saying SAHMs aren’t useful, don’t provide something special to their families, or shouldn’t exist. I’m saying that I do not view it in the same way I view having a career and being a mom and I hate it when other people try to equate them. On a large scale, women have worked very hard to be recognized and respected for the things they do, not just their reproductive capacity. On an individual level, men and women work hard under pressure from and for outside sources at jobs and careers where they have had to learn skills, prove themselves to move up, and perform to someone else’s standards every day. Some people, but mostly men, increasingly women, take this burden entirely on themselves so their partner doesn’t have to. They deserve a special kind of respect for what they do and why they do it.

Staying home to care for kids is again loud and hectic. But you don’t have a boss, much less a supervisor. You don’t have a predetermined schedule that someone has set for you. You don’t really have deadlines, you don’t have backstabbing coworkers, you aren’t asked to do things you feel uncomfortable doing. Your software doesn’t change and require you to suddenly devote yourself to learning a new system while still carrying out your job. There’s never any sort of problem to negotiate, you never have to make a sale, or else. You get the idea.

It’s just not the same, and pretending that it is does a disservice to working people/parents of both genders.

Oh the whole, I agree with you and so does the Catholic Church.

A woman should not be solely defined by her reproductive capacity.

 

[Xantippe]

BEL…for the most part…I agree with you.

Except with a few of the things you’ve put here.

You can make a serious argument that “the software changed” and you now need to learn and “new system” when you have a child who was suddenly diagnosed with a health problem.

Or you gave birth to a child diagnosed with Autism or ADHD when they hit preschool age.

Plus…I negotiate and “make sales” when trying to get my oldest to eat or when my oldest two kids want to play with the same toy that we only have one of and are wiling to fight to the death over it.


**
I’ve sat in on and conducted large meetings while in the military…with high-ranking individuals and sometimes…it really doesn’t seem like there isn’t much difference.**

It’s eerie sometimes.

There’s a really hilarious chapter in P.J. O’Rourke’s CEO of the Sofa where he talks about how useful toddler management skills are in the workplace. (It’s an uneven book, but that section is brilliant.)

Seriously, I think I’ve learned 95% of my people skills from dealing with my children.

 

[Sarcelle]

BEL…for the most part…I agree with you.

Except with a few of the things you’ve put here.

You can make a serious argument that “the software changed” and you now need to learn and “new system” when you have a child who was suddenly diagnosed with a health problem.

Or you gave birth to a child diagnosed with Autism or ADHD when they hit preschool age.

Plus…I negotiate and “make sales” when trying to get my oldest to eat or when my oldest two kids want to play with the same toy that we only have one of and are wiling to fight to the death over it.



I’ve sat in on and conducted large meetings while in the military…with high-ranking individuals and sometimes…it really doesn’t seem like there isn’t much difference.

It’s eerie sometimes.

Well, the commonality is, you deal with people either way, whether it’s family or boss and coworkers.

 

[jlc2k2]

Also, a family that deposits children in daycare 8:30-5:30 is going to come home to a house that is much as they left it at 8. No toys will have been dumped out of bins and dragged through the house, fewer dishes will have been dirtied, there will be less Cheerio and Graham cracker dust, the diaper pail will be less full, there will be fewer potty misses in the bathrooms, etc.

Houses get much dirtier and more chaotic the more time is spent living in them and the more people live there.

Unless daycare comes to your house. Which has been my situation since the twins were born. When I get home, if the toys have been dumped out or messes have been left, my husband and I are the ones cleaning it up after the kids go to bed. Even when the sitter has left the house in pretty good shape, I’m sure you can imagine the havoc that 2 3 year olds can wreak while I make dinner and help my kindergartener with her homework.

And originally, daycare for our 3 was a hacked together set of my MIL watching the girls for free one day a week and family friends watching the girls at steeply discounted rates to make it all work. Lest anyone think we were rolling in the dough at the time.

 

[Sarcelle]

There’s a really hilarious chapter in P.J. O’Rourke’s CEO of the Sofa where he talks about how useful toddler management skills are in the workplace. (It’s an uneven book, but that section is brilliant.)

Seriously, I think I’ve learned 95% of my people skills from dealing with my children.

Speaking of toddler management, there have been instances in my work place where some coworkers have occasionally thrown tantrums, and I mean full blown tantrums any self-respecting toddler would be proud of, only to end up being reprimanded by HR.

Disturbingly the instances of tantrum throwing got so bad that upper management got so disturbed and a high level manager sent an e-mail denouncing the unprofessional behavior.

 

[Rose71]

I really hoped this would not just descend into a working vs SAHM thread. That debate has been done to the death already.

Judging by the lack of gentlemen commenting on this thread ( it’s okay - you can join in!) it seems women are their own harshest critics. Maybe the real problem is that we worry too much about what others might think and read too much into throwaway comments.

For example, when I was single, I still loved to cook and eat well. A married colleague once looked in my lunchbox and said, “I don’t know why you bother when it’s just you!” I let that observation really upset me, because I chose to read into it that Mrs. Worthy-Married was suggesting I didn’t deserve to eat well because I was single.

A few other comments I had as a singleton that I can now snigger at, but actually upset me at the time:

1. I took in a rescue-dog - “Well, I suppose he’s company for you!”
2. I made regular trips away as a volunteer with search and rescue - “Well, if you had a family, you couldn’t do that!”
3. I got engaged - “Well - I bet your mother is relieved!” I admit,I fell about laughing at that one right in front of the lady who said it!!

The thing is, whatever path we choose in life, whether we actually have much of a choice or not, mean-spirited and thoughtless individuals exist who find it impossible to say, “well done” or “good for you” if they can get some observation in about the way you choose to live first.

On the flip side, there are articles like the ones I originally described, where the women involved rolleyes:I feel like a broken record now) came accross as so self-congratulatory and smug when all they had done was take advantage of the company’s felxible working options. What is more, there was a real current of ‘it was right for me’. For the record, if a lady had written, “I went back to work when my child was 6 months old and I found that the time I spent with my little boy / girl became more precious and I think, more rewarding for both of us” then that shows some acknowledgement that the writer is part of a family unit and taking responsibility for the life she and her husband have chosen to bring into the world.

I don’t believe any scenario for the working / non-working mother demands more or less respect just because of the situation itself: in all cases, surely it’s about how the woman in question makes the best of it and does all she can to ensure her children’s welbeing is not compromised?

I do firmly believe that if you have children, they are your (and your husband’s) responsibility and I make no apology for holding the view that compromising one’s career plans or lifestyle aspirations should be a given if that is what is required to ensure you child receives the best care you can provide.

Of course, the nub of that is, “the best care you can provide” and this is a very personal concept. For some, it means SAHM and for others, it doesn’t! However, once we start playing at ‘worthier than thou’ it just makes everyone feel judged and miserable.

I still maintain - and always will - that the best way to celebrate IWD is not by presenting smug & selfish as the way forward for women because that is precisely how the women I am refering to came accross. They certainly do exist and there are a good number in the UK. If you don’t believe me - take a look at Mail Online sometime

 

[Sarcelle]

I really hoped this would not just descend into a working vs SAHM thread. That debate has been done to the death already.

Judging by the lack of gentlemen commenting on this thread ( it’s okay - you can join in!) it seems women are their own harshest critics. Maybe the real problem is that we worry too much about what others might think and read too much into throwaway comments.

For example, when I was single, I still loved to cook and eat well. A married colleague once looked in my lunchbox and said, “I don’t know why you bother when it’s just you!” I let that observation really upset me, because I chose to read into it that Mrs. Worthy-Married was suggesting I didn’t deserve to eat well because I was single.

A few other comments I had as a singleton that I can now snigger at, but actually upset me at the time:

1. I took in a rescue-dog - “Well, I suppose he’s company for you!”
2. I made regular trips away as a volunteer with search and rescue - “Well, if you had a family, you couldn’t do that!”
3. I got engaged - “Well - I bet your mother is relieved!” I admit,I fell about laughing at that one right in front of the lady who said it!!

The thing is, whatever path we choose in life, whether we actually have much of a choice or not, mean-spirited and thoughtless individuals exist who find it impossible to say, “well done” or “good for you” if they can get some observation in about the way you choose to live first.

On the flip side, there are articles like the ones I originally described, where the women involved rolleyes:I feel like a broken record now) came accross as so self-congratulatory and smug when all they had done was take advantage of the company’s felxible working options. What is more, there was a real current of ‘it was right for me’. For the record, if a lady had written, “I went back to work when my child was 6 months old and I found that the time I spent with my little boy / girl became more precious and I think, more rewarding for both of us” then that shows some acknowledgement that the writer is part of a family unit and taking responsibility for the life she and her husband have chosen to bring into the world.

I don’t believe any scenario for the working / non-working mother demands more or less respect just because of the situation itself: in all cases, surely it’s about how the woman in question makes the best of it and does all she can to ensure her children’s welbeing is not compromised?

I do firmly believe that if you have children, they are your (and your husband’s) responsibility and I make no apology for holding the view that compromising one’s career plans or lifestyle aspirations should be a given if that is what is required to ensure you child receives the best care you can provide.

Of course, the nub of that is, “the best care you can provide” and this is a very personal concept. For some, it means SAHM and for others, it doesn’t! However, once we start playing at ‘worthier than thou’ it just makes everyone feel judged and miserable.

I still maintain - and always will - that the best way to celebrate IWD is not by presenting smug & selfish as the way forward for women because that is precisely how the women I am refering to came accross. They certainly do exist and there are a good number in the UK. If you don’t believe me - take a look at Mail Online sometime

I agree with you that you can always count on the presence of mean spirited people who will reliably give you mean spirited comments no matter your state in life.

 

[jlc2k2]

And regarding the original post, I actually had the opposite issue with what was presented at our work place. They allowed individuals to nominate inspiring women from the company and explain why. Many of the explanations leaned heavily on attributes that a working man is unlikely to be lauded for (positivity, never complaining, etc). I found it very interesting but a little disheartening as well.

 

[Xantippe]

Like I said, it can be stressful and lonely. I’m not sure I’m the type of person who could ever do it.

But that doesn’t change the fact that being a full time mom is unskilled labor, the result of biology, and requires no real work or training to achieve. It isn’t an accomplishment, and I resent it when people (usually women) claim that it’s “the hardest job in the world” and should be as respected as a career. No, in my mind, it shouldn’t. It’s insulting to look at a female doctor and a SAHM and say that their positions should be equally valued and respected. No, one worked, sacrificed, learned, and demonstrated enormous aptitude. The other was just born female and found a husband who worked, sacrificed, learned, and demonstrated enough aptitude at something that she doesn’t have to. That outlook cheapens the accomplishments of women and of the men who make it possible for SAHMs to exist.

1. I don’t have a cite for this right now, but there’s a subgroup of SAHMs who are low-income and SAHM largely because they can barely break even on childcare if the mother works. You’re thinking that SAHMs are entirely in the high income group, but that isn’t so. Think, for example, of all the CAF SAHMs cloth-diapering for economic reasons.
2. In the upper income levels, SAHMs help make the magic happen and help make the household more functional. Daddy needs to stay late. No problem! Daddy needs to do a weekend event. No problem! Daddy needs to spend a week out-of-state. OK! Daddy needs to deploy for a year. Can do! Kid 1 is home all week from school with a bug and then Kid 2 is home sick for a second week. No problem! Kid 2 needs to be picked up at school, taken to speech therapy, and then Kid 1 needs to be picked up from school in a tight time window. Can do! There’s a plumber coming–can somebody be home? No problem. There are a lot of things like that in a home with children, and the more children there are and the bigger job daddy has, the more moving parts there are.

In an upper income household, what the SAHM can bring to the table is smoothing out logistics and making the household as a whole more productive, efficient, and peaceful.

1. One thing you’re getting wrong here is that you’re assuming that human motherhood is a largely biological process. Aside from conception and gestation, it really isn’t. Even breastfeeding is (as many women can tell you) far from instinctual. Humans have very few natural instincts, and our mothering is much more culturally based than instinctual. Hence, it’s mostly learned.

A good mother has to be smart, tenacious, consistent, wily, flexible, knowledgeable, good at trouble-shooting, socially skilled, warm, organized and able to learn.

 

[misspriss]

Like I said, it can be stressful and lonely. I’m not sure I’m the type of person who could ever do it.

But that doesn’t change the fact that being a full time mom is unskilled labor, the result of biology, and requires no real work or training to achieve. It isn’t an accomplishment, and I resent it when people (usually women) claim that it’s “the hardest job in the world” and should be as respected as a career. No, in my mind, it shouldn’t. It’s insulting to look at a female doctor and a SAHM and say that their positions should be equally valued and respected. No, one worked, sacrificed, learned, and demonstrated enormous aptitude. The other was just born female and found a husband who worked, sacrificed, learned, and demonstrated enough aptitude at something that she doesn’t have to. That outlook cheapens the accomplishments of women and of the men who make it possible for SAHMs to exist.

No, getting pregnant and giving birth is an unskilled biological process. It ends there. There is research and hard work if you desire the best outcome for your children. It is hardest job in the world, I promise. I hold a graduate degree and professional certifications. This is far harder than managing millions of dollars of government grants (and all the reporting associated with that), which is what I did before. I worked after the birth of my first child, and then was a SAHM after my second. It is FAR HARDER than being a working mother.

Granted, SAHMs like you describe do exist. I know someone who did not graduate high school or get a GED, who married an alcoholic and had a baby. She feeds her baby sweet tea (I think, might even be soda) in his bottle at less than 1 year old. She sets him in front of the TV for hours. I see where you get the “unskilled labor” comment, but that does not include all SAHM for sure.

Staying home to care for kids is again loud and hectic. But you don’t have a boss, much less a supervisor. You don’t have a predetermined schedule that someone has set for you. You don’t really have deadlines, you don’t have backstabbing coworkers, you aren’t asked to do things you feel uncomfortable doing. Your software doesn’t change and require you to suddenly devote yourself to learning a new system while still carrying out your job. There’s never any sort of problem to negotiate, you never have to make a sale, or else. You get the idea.

I don’t have time to research, but do you have kids? Ever actually tried being a SAHM? It isn’t the cake walk you think it is. I am literally on call 24/7. My “bosses” are egocentric somewhat narcissistic bosses do not yet comprehend me having a being outside of an answer to their every need. They do not yet understand that I do not live and die to serve their every want need and whim. I am a food making, diaper changing, bum wiping, story telling, clothes washing machine. I don’t have wants or needs. One of them understands I have feelings (as in, hitting me or pulling my hair HURTS), the other one doesn’t even get that yet. I have to do things I feel uncomfortable doing all the time. Poop, puke…embarrassing trips to the store.

I negotiate problems all the time, like how I am supposed to wipe my toddlers bum while I am rocking my baby to sleep. Or how I am going to cook dinner for my family while my baby is napping on me and refuses to be put down (it’s a phase they tell me, one of those “software changes”) and my son is pulling frozen food out of the freezer because he is hungry. Or negotiating things with my working husband, working out our complex relationship issues. We still having worked out going from me being the breadwinner to SAHM and my husband taking on the financial responsibility for the family.

I have done them both, and It is enormously harder to be a SAHM to small children. School aged children might be totally different.

Oh yes and we are lower class, but not in poverty. So we are poor enough that it hurts, but not poor enough to get any kind of assistance (but we have food on the table too, just not much clothes).

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I have a college degree. I went to a pretty good private college. I had a double major a foreign literature and a secondary education degree. I did want to get an advanced degree. It didn’t work out for various personal reasons.

I’ve been home as a stay at home mom since my oldest was born. I couldn’t justify spending half my take home salary for child care.

Out of all my various jobs had nothing I really did was irreplaceable. Someone could have taken my place. Not so with my kids. They have given me more “job satisfaction” than any other job I’ve done.

At the end of my life, I think I’ll be glad I was able to stay home, even though at times it’s been a sacrifice and when it’s been viewed as not worthy of respect.

And on the other hand I would never criticize a working mother. My mom worked until she was almost 70. My daughter is 11. I would be equally proud if she chose to continue working after children or if she decided to stay home. I hope I’ll be around and healthy enough to help her.

As long as the decision is a moral one why should it be less respectable?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Where is the head bashing icon? There used to be a head bashing icon.

No one said anything about the intelligence, work ethic, or education of SAHMs. I said the job is not hard to get, keep, or do. It is in fact, many ways, a luxury to stay home. This should not be a controversial idea. I had one grandma who had to work, and another who didn’t. Both raised lots of children and were wonderful ladies, but who had the easier life? My mom worked, my aunt didn’t, who had the easier life? My boss works, my best friend doesn’t, who do you think has it easier?

Humans have been raising children to adulthood forever - literally. People have been doing it with two parents working since the beginning of modern societies. Yes, it’s hectic and stressful and after the end of a long day, a SAHM probably needs to get off her feet as much as a working dad does. And many stay at home moms go way above and beyond and apply lots of various skills to the job. But none of this is what I’m talking about.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I guess I see it this way: I worked very, very hard and put in a lot of time and hard work to go as far as I could, and I’m still working. I would find it upsetting to be told that I could just quit everything and be a “full time mom” and I would get just as much credit for it. Um…no, I worked hard to get here and did things not everyone can do. Given the right circumstances, almost anyone can be a SAHM. The same principle applies to men. Engineers, plumbers, doctors, nurses, everyone has to work hard to get there and then work to stay current and be competent enough to get and keep a job that will support a family. I think I would rather tell working spouses “Hey, that’s great that you’re able to do that for your family” and complement a SAHM on her kids/home/cooking/volunteer work than pretend that what she’s doing comparable.

 

[Sarcelle]

Where is the head bashing icon? There used to be a head bashing icon.

No one said anything about the intelligence, work ethic, or education of SAHMs. I said the job is not hard to get, keep, or do. It is in fact, many ways, a luxury to stay home. This should not be a controversial idea. I had one grandma who had to work, and another who didn’t. Both raised lots of children and were wonderful ladies, but who had the easier life? My mom worked, my aunt didn’t, who had the easier life? My boss works, my best friend doesn’t, who do you think has it easier?

Humans have been raising children to adulthood forever - literally. People have been doing it with two parents working since the beginning of modern societies. Yes, it’s hectic and stressful and after the end of a long day, a SAHM probably needs to get off her feet as much as a working dad does. And many stay at home moms go way above and beyond and apply lots of various skills to the job. But none of this is what I’m talking about.

 

[ThePCWife]

Where is the head bashing icon? There used to be a head bashing icon.

No one said anything about the intelligence, work ethic, or education of SAHMs. I said the job is not hard to get, keep, or do. It is in fact, many ways, a luxury to stay home. This should not be a controversial idea. I had one grandma who had to work, and another who didn’t. Both raised lots of children and were wonderful ladies, but who had the easier life? My mom worked, my aunt didn’t, who had the easier life? My boss works, my best friend doesn’t, who do you think has it easier?

Humans have been raising children to adulthood forever - literally. People have been doing it with two parents working since the beginning of modern societies. Yes, it’s hectic and stressful and after the end of a long day, a SAHM probably needs to get off her feet as much as a working dad does. And many stay at home moms go way above and beyond and apply lots of various skills to the job. But none of this is what I’m talking about.

The job is hard to get and keep, and do, actually. That’s one of the reasons people make up fantasies about how it’s a luxury. Being a current SAHM is challenging for both husband and wife.

I am a SAHM. I can assure you, working mothers have it way easier than I do. They have hot and cold running support networks to do on call and full time childcare and cleaning whenever they need it, usually at discount rates of a couple dollars per hour, if they even have to pay.

If I try to get those things due to health issues or logistics issues or whatever, I pay a lot more than a couple dollars an hour and mostly get turned down because it’s too shameful to work for a housewife, after all, isn’t she there to just be the daycare herself?

I seriously could just LIE about having a job and come home frequently and get access to those sweet sweet working mom support networks. It’s a real temptation to save a fortune and still mostly be at home to take care of all the things that aren’t cooking, cleaning and childcare. I could homeschool then and get even MORE support as a Supermom working! and! homeschooling!

But I flee temptation and just quietly weep with fatigue, knowing people like the poster I’m replying to don’t think I’m a full human being at all.

 

[jmjZelie]

The job is hard to get and keep, and do, actually. That’s one of the reasons people make up fantasies about how it’s a luxury. Being a current SAHM is challenging for both husband and wife.

I am a SAHM. I can assure you, working mothers have it way easier than I do. They have hot and cold running support networks to do on call and full time childcare and cleaning whenever they need it, usually at discount rates of a couple dollars per hour, if they even have to pay.

If I try to get those things due to health issues or logistics issues or whatever, I pay a lot more than a couple dollars an hour and mostly get turned down because it’s too shameful to work for a housewife, after all, isn’t she there to just be the daycare herself?

I seriously could just LIE about having a job and come home frequently and get access to those sweet sweet working mom support networks. It’s a real temptation to save a fortune and still mostly be at home to take care of all the things that aren’t cooking, cleaning and childcare. I could homeschool then and get even MORE support as a Supermom working! and! homeschooling!

But I flee temptation and just quietly weep with fatigue, knowing people like the poster I’m replying to don’t think I’m a full human being at all.

God sees the sacrifices and the exhaustion and the hard work and the depth of love involved in what you do, PCWife. We will never get the human respect we crave, especially in a world that rejects Christ. But human respect pales in comparison to those words that will be most sweet to the ears of faithful Christians at the end of our lives: “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Come and share your master’s happiness.”
I don’t want to get involved in a mommy war discussion which is why I have refrained from posting until now. But I wanted you to know that God sees and He created you and gave you your family. You are a full human being. You are more than that. You are a child of God, and seeing you serving your family in humility and love is most pleasing to Him.

 

[JimG]

I’ve never heard of International Women’s Day until now. Do the companies that celebrate it also celebrate Mothers Day?

 

[Sarcelle]

The job is hard to get and keep, and do, actually. That’s one of the reasons people make up fantasies about how it’s a luxury. Being a current SAHM is challenging for both husband and wife.

I am a SAHM. I can assure you, working mothers have it way easier than I do. They have hot and cold running support networks to do on call and full time childcare and cleaning whenever they need it, usually at discount rates of a couple dollars per hour, if they even have to pay.

If I try to get those things due to health issues or logistics issues or whatever, I pay a lot more than a couple dollars an hour and mostly get turned down because it’s too shameful to work for a housewife, after all, isn’t she there to just be the daycare herself?

I seriously could just LIE about having a job and come home frequently and get access to those sweet sweet working mom support networks. It’s a real temptation to save a fortune and still mostly be at home to take care of all the things that aren’t cooking, cleaning and childcare. I could homeschool then and get even MORE support as a Supermom working! and! homeschooling!

But I flee temptation and just quietly weep with fatigue, knowing people like the poster I’m replying to don’t think I’m a full human being at all.

I am looking at this from a different perspective. I grew up in a third world country where 80% are living below poverty level. The poor, both men and women, both break their backs, sometimes even literally to feed their families. Only the privileged upper class wives get to stay home with servants to supervise and the sliver of the existing middle class wives do get to stay at home but they do have a side business in order to keep their families from slipping below poverty level. Both the middle class and the working class women in this poor country would look with envy at both working moms and SAHM here.

 

[misspriss]

The job is hard to get and keep, and do, actually. That’s one of the reasons people make up fantasies about how it’s a luxury. Being a current SAHM is challenging for both husband and wife.

I am a SAHM. I can assure you, working mothers have it way easier than I do. They have hot and cold running support networks to do on call and full time childcare and cleaning whenever they need it, usually at discount rates of a couple dollars per hour, if they even have to pay.

If I try to get those things due to health issues or logistics issues or whatever, I pay a lot more than a couple dollars an hour and mostly get turned down because it’s too shameful to work for a housewife, after all, isn’t she there to just be the daycare herself?

I seriously could just LIE about having a job and come home frequently and get access to those sweet sweet working mom support networks. It’s a real temptation to save a fortune and still mostly be at home to take care of all the things that aren’t cooking, cleaning and childcare. I could homeschool then and get even MORE support as a Supermom working! and! homeschooling!

But I flee temptation and just quietly weep with fatigue, knowing people like the poster I’m replying to don’t think I’m a full human being at all.

I really just want to give you a big hug right now. It really is a hard job for both husband and wife. I sure wish I could afford to pay someone to help out every now and then. See if a woman is a daycare provider, she can spend all day just watching kids. Or a babysitter, that too. But a mom? She gets to do that, PLUS be a housekeeper and cook. And usually a personal assistant for their spouse. I mean, my husband has never worried about calling to make dental appointments. I’m the personal haircutter for everyone in the family too. Daycare providers, babysitters, etc - they JUST WATCH THE KIDS. That is it, no laundry, dishes, chores, they aren’t worrying about their spouse too.