B
BlueEyedLady
Guest
Hello all! I need some help navigating a tricky, but not life or death situation, with grace and tact.
About a year ago an elderly, disabled woman moved into my building. She’s the only person under 40 in my building, and it is a young, very active neighborhood with bad traffic and parking. I’ve always loved old people, so I gave her my apartment number and phone number and told her if she needed anything to just call. Since then, I’ve given her rides to doctors appointments and the grocery store a few times. She’s always been grateful.
Not long ago, she had an argument with the building manager, who happens to be an Indian man. Since then, she has taken every opportunity to corner me outside to loudly complain about “the damn foreigners”. I’ve always responded by looking uncomfortable and excusing myself. Then a few weeks ago, one of our neighbors had a break in, and this old woman called me and left a rambling and thinly veiled racist voice message. When I didn’t return her call, she knocked on my door and when I answered she stood outside in the hallway and loudly threw a fit about living in a neighborhood with so many " n******". (Yes, that n-word). At that point I told her I was busy, shut the door on her, and ignored her every time I saw her.
A few days ago she started calling me frantically. I didn’t want to deal with her so I ignored it. Then she knocked on my door. My husband and I were still in bed (and we live in a studio, so our door opens to our living room/bedroom), so we ignored her while our rottweiler went nuts. Then she started shouting for me to come outside. And then she went so far as to open my door, yell at my dog to get back, and demand I come outside! I stupidly left it unlocked after taking the dog out, but still
My husband went out and told her she would have to leave and talk to me later. She told him that she just wanted to let me know that she put me down as a reference for a volunteer job with the same organization that helped my husband out when he had cancer. No, no, no I’m not going to do it. I wouldn’t have done it before because she was insane and racist, but after shouting at me to come outside for (at least) 10 minutes and then trying to come in, I don’t ever want her near me again and I can’t in good conscience recommend that she work with sick, vulnerable people-and certainly not when the organization serves such a racially diverse area.
Now here’s the rub: I need to get rid of this lady. I’m done with her. I’ll probably see her after work tonight, and she’ll try to talk to me. I’m going to tell her that I don’t think I’m the right person to give her a recommendation and tell her that opening my door was so far beyond acceptable that I can’t have her in my life anymore.
Since this is a difficult conversation and I’m not good at confronting grandma, I wanted to run this by you guys and see if there was maybe another approach I could or should take.
Thanks!
About a year ago an elderly, disabled woman moved into my building. She’s the only person under 40 in my building, and it is a young, very active neighborhood with bad traffic and parking. I’ve always loved old people, so I gave her my apartment number and phone number and told her if she needed anything to just call. Since then, I’ve given her rides to doctors appointments and the grocery store a few times. She’s always been grateful.
Not long ago, she had an argument with the building manager, who happens to be an Indian man. Since then, she has taken every opportunity to corner me outside to loudly complain about “the damn foreigners”. I’ve always responded by looking uncomfortable and excusing myself. Then a few weeks ago, one of our neighbors had a break in, and this old woman called me and left a rambling and thinly veiled racist voice message. When I didn’t return her call, she knocked on my door and when I answered she stood outside in the hallway and loudly threw a fit about living in a neighborhood with so many " n******". (Yes, that n-word). At that point I told her I was busy, shut the door on her, and ignored her every time I saw her.
A few days ago she started calling me frantically. I didn’t want to deal with her so I ignored it. Then she knocked on my door. My husband and I were still in bed (and we live in a studio, so our door opens to our living room/bedroom), so we ignored her while our rottweiler went nuts. Then she started shouting for me to come outside. And then she went so far as to open my door, yell at my dog to get back, and demand I come outside! I stupidly left it unlocked after taking the dog out, but still
My husband went out and told her she would have to leave and talk to me later. She told him that she just wanted to let me know that she put me down as a reference for a volunteer job with the same organization that helped my husband out when he had cancer. No, no, no I’m not going to do it. I wouldn’t have done it before because she was insane and racist, but after shouting at me to come outside for (at least) 10 minutes and then trying to come in, I don’t ever want her near me again and I can’t in good conscience recommend that she work with sick, vulnerable people-and certainly not when the organization serves such a racially diverse area.
Now here’s the rub: I need to get rid of this lady. I’m done with her. I’ll probably see her after work tonight, and she’ll try to talk to me. I’m going to tell her that I don’t think I’m the right person to give her a recommendation and tell her that opening my door was so far beyond acceptable that I can’t have her in my life anymore.
Since this is a difficult conversation and I’m not good at confronting grandma, I wanted to run this by you guys and see if there was maybe another approach I could or should take.
Thanks!
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