Refuting someone who feels ENTITLED to be offensive

[KomradeGabriel]

Hiya everyone! I hope you’re doing well. I wrote a thread a few months ago about someone who isn’t very respectful and seems to view others’ gentleness or sensitivity as signs of weakness. I’ve tried talking to them about their attitude but they still claim that it’s okay to call people “weak” or whatever they want because “it’s the truth.” They’re just being honest and “correcting” people (he’s quite domineering). The sense of entitlement of this person is amazing.

This person isn’t Christian so I am looking for a way to refute his claims using logic rather than scripture. Chances are he won’t care about logic but I still want to try. So I was wondering if anyone has a good response for someone who thinks that “if someone is ‘stupid’ or ‘weak,’ the right thing is to point it out because it’s the truth.”

The first thing that comes to my mind, besides being extremely disrespectful, it’s futile. If someone has a low enough IQ to be considered ‘stupid’ berating them won’t change anything. The same applies to a person who is ‘weak’ (whatever that means to this fellow). In fact, it’s been proven that negative reinforcement has an opposite result from what’s desired (people tend to become what they are labeled as) while positive reinforcement actually promotes change.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

No, you’re not going to get anywhere with such a person. “The truth” is his judgment about that person. He sees only with his own biases. It’s hopeless. Just pray for him, and understand that he is a deeply flawed individual.

 

[ahs]

No, you’re not going to get anywhere with such a person. “The truth” is his judgment about that person. He sees only with his own biases. It’s hopeless. Just pray for him, and understand that he is a deeply flawed individual.

Sadly…this is pretty much it. OP, the only way you are going to have any influence on this person’s behavior is by not trying…and just pray, and pray, and pray…and be a good example. The more you try to argue/convince, the more this person will stick to his guns and argue back.

 

[Rainaldo]

Tell him, “Be merciful towards the weak. Because there’s always someone stronger than you.”

 

[Be_Kind]

I totally understand, maybe you’ve heard the retort to the “your kindness is weakness” insult by saying that (and I’ve heard this in a humorous situation before and hope this comes across in this text as you can’t hear it in my voice) “my kindness keeps me from hurting others who …” or you could adjust it to your own needs. “My kindness is strength to _________”.

I will keep your situation in my prayers (I am already praying for a few in your situation including myself, you are not alone).

Also found this “empowering in weakness” passage in another thread:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weakness, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

 

[EasterJoy]

No, you’re not going to get anywhere with such a person. “The truth” is his judgment about that person. He sees only with his own biases. It’s hopeless. Just pray for him, and understand that he is a deeply flawed individual.

This is pretty close to it. You can say, “That is a sad way to think, a sad way to treat other people, and a sad view of truth to take through life, and I say that that is the bigger truth, if the truth is actually what you’re looking for”, but after that and the other sensible rebuttals the OP made, it is time to draw your pearls back from the swine, lest they merely trample them underfoot.

 

[Luvz2travel]

You could answer we all have our weaknesses including you. Most likely if someone was that negative or rude I would just walk away saving such statement are rude or without commenting. As others stated before correcting someone like that is a waste of time.

 

[EasterJoy]

You could answer we all have our weaknesses including you. Most likely if someone was that negative or rude I would just walk away saving such statement are rude or without commenting. As others stated before correcting someone like that is a waste of time.

Yes. Most of the time, you’re talking to a wall. If someone like that has such things flying out of their mouths, it is better if you can avoid them and concentrate instead on seeing whether the persons being attacked could use moral support. The big mouth can figure it out (or not) on his own. Maybe when he sees that no one wants to be around him, it will get through his head. If not, well, at least he will be the only one around to hear his nasty comments.

Shake your head, say, “That’s really sad…Really sad,” and don’t listen to a word his has to say in his own defense. After all, it is the social offender who has to convince others that his behavior is acceptable to the group, and not the other way around!! He should not be given the power of being able to demand an explanation from the group for why their boundaries are not up for discussion.

 

[robwar]

Hiya everyone! I hope you’re doing well. I wrote a thread a few months ago about someone who isn’t very respectful and seems to view others’ gentleness or sensitivity as signs of weakness. I’ve tried talking to them about their attitude but they still claim that it’s okay to call people “weak” or whatever they want because “it’s the truth.” They’re just being honest and “correcting” people (he’s quite domineering). The sense of entitlement of this person is amazing.

This person isn’t Christian so I am looking for a way to refute his claims using logic rather than scripture. Chances are he won’t care about logic but I still want to try. So I was wondering if anyone has a good response for someone who thinks that “if someone is ‘stupid’ or ‘weak,’ the right thing is to point it out because it’s the truth.”

The first thing that comes to my mind, besides being extremely disrespectful, it’s futile. If someone has a low enough IQ to be considered ‘stupid’ berating them won’t change anything. The same applies to a person who is ‘weak’ (whatever that means to this fellow). In fact, it’s been proven that negative reinforcement has an opposite result from what’s desired (people tend to become what they are labeled as) while positive reinforcement actually promotes change.

Not much you can do. I would not concern myself with it. the logic is that “what goes around comes around” but if the rudeness still bothers you, find a new friend and don’t waste any more time on them.

 

[Little_Mary]

How would he feel if everyone spoke to him in that way? Would he care? If he cared, that may be his “weakness” and your chance to show him what he’s doing to others. If he doesn’t care, there’s not much you can do.

 

[Iron_Donkey]

This person isn’t Christian so I am looking for a way to refute his claims using logic rather than scripture. Chances are he won’t care about logic but I still want to try. So I was wondering if anyone has a good response for someone who thinks that “if someone is ‘stupid’ or ‘weak,’ the right thing is to point it out because it’s the truth.”

If it’s always right to say anything that (we think) is true, then it would be right to go tell Iran and any other unstable nation or terrorist group exactly how to build nuclear weapons. After all, the fact that certain actions will result in nuclear weapons is true, and telling them this would just be pointing out the truth.

But that’s absurd. Therefore speaking the truth is not always right.

 

[KomradeGabriel]

Thanks everyone, I have a fear that it may be hopeless too since bringing this issue up just gets them riled up and they start accusing one of trying to pick a fight. But that’s not what I want at all, nor to offend them.

Hi Be Kind, thanks so much for your prayers I have trouble believing there actually exist people who see kindness and sensitivity as flaws. It really blows me away that this person considers himself to be more honest than I am due to the fact that I avoid calling people stupid or weak. That’s just preposterous. First off, as Juliane said, it isn’t “the truth” he’s expressing, it’s his personal (and as such, very subjective) opinion. I understand that sometimes we are morally obligated to express disapproval for someone’s behavior (as with bullying behavior, for example) but simply perceiving another person as “weak” or slow-witted is not one of those cases.

He even tried to make a case that I am the type of person who would tell a profoundly unintelligent person that they’re a genius I’ve never done such a thing, but telling them “you’re stupid” as he proposes would be even worse. It would not help that person achieve more as negative reinforcement has been proven to have the opposite effect.

Hi Easter Joy, yeah there shouldn’t really be a debate about whether one has a right to ask someone to be respectful but with this person, it’s impossible to have that conversation without getting accused of being the problematic one. And as a survivor of abuse, that’s very triggering for me because abusers are very adept at turning the tables on the people they wrong/hurt to make it look like it’s those people who are being problematic if they speak up at all That’s probably my biggest issue at the moment, how triggering the whole situation is for me.

Hi Little Mary, you have a good point. Unfortunately this person claims that he would have no problem being called whatever others feel like calling him (which I doubt he’d like it if I were to actually get vicious) but it still makes using that “golden rule” angle very difficult.

Hi Iron Donkey, that is so true. Sometimes the right thing to do is to avoid voicing our opinion, especially if that opinion is bound to cause a negative outcome.

Ironically, I have noticed many “weaknesses” in this individual. For one, many people have told me that his contempt for weakness/sensitivity is probably rooted on insecurity (the strong don’t tend to be annoyed by the weak). There’s also the fact that he “freaks out” when confronted about things he’s said no matter how civil one is being (all it took was for me to say “I feel a little awkward about what you’ve said” for him to become visibly agitated and claim I was “making it up”) also reveals that he can be quite emotional in his own way.

He also has an extremely low tolerance for frustration and is impatient to the point where people being slow to do things (drive, walk, get ready, make phone calls) can get him disproportionately riled up. I’ve wondered if he has anger management issues. In fact, I have no idea how this guy survived the military having such a low stress threshold/endurance. I would not want him as the security guy in my building, let alone doing anything that includes being armed. I don’t feel he has the type of personality that can endure stress/frustration. Don’t get me wrong, I never told him this was my opinion and I don’t think that would be right but maybe that would help him experience what others do when he goes on about them being too weak to handle disrespect? Don’t know if that would be okay though, I don’t want to turn into him either

 

[EasterJoy]

…yeah there shouldn’t really be a debate about whether one has a right to ask someone to be respectful but with this person, it’s impossible to have that conversation without getting accused of being the problematic one. And as a survivor of abuse, that’s very triggering for me because abusers are very adept at turning the tables on the people they wrong/hurt to make it look like it’s those people who are being problematic if they speak up at all That’s probably my biggest issue at the moment, how triggering the whole situation is for me…

I think you have him pegged…and actually, he sounds worse than I first thought he might be. He’s not just willfully misinformed about what “weakness” is. He’s someone to be wary of yourself.

Like most abusers, he uses the tactic in which it is everyone else’s job to convince him what the boundaries of others ought to be. He is the “customer” who is entitled to be “right” and to whom “the sale” must be made, while the whole rest of the world is the “sales staff” whose job it is to satisfy him. It never occurs to him that the whole rest of the world might simply say, “Who do you think you are, anyway?” For him, it is so obvious that the world revolves around him that to imply otherwise is tantamount to picking a fight with him.

Once you identify someone who does not have concern for others as any kind of guiding force in his life, the way to deal with him is to deal with him as little as possible. Do not trust him, do not interact with him, do not engage with him in debates, do not believe anything he has to say about you or anyone else, whether it is abuse or flattery, do not pity him, and most of all, once he has let you know that he cares nothing for your concept of “redemption”, do not try to redeem him. Not only is it not your job, redeeming him by use of reasoned argument is an impossible task. Shake his dust from your feet. As a formerly abused person, this is going to be an on-going project for you: That is, to identify those who abuse, and to remind yourself that no one who abuses deserves or will benefit from receiving your respect or a moment of your efforts to appease them or to educate them. If they can’t use you, if you are not content to revolve around them in their self-centered universe, they don’t want you. You are deserving of love, and when you are around someone who simply rejects the entire notion of love, you are deserving of better company. Do not feel bad…they will not profit from the benefit of your company, either.

Some abusers simply lack appreciation of the boundaries of others. The way to impress them is to simply draw the boundary and insist upon it. You don’t “sell” them on your boundary; you defend the boundary and do not allow anyone else to question it. Others lack self-control. Well, in that case, you stay out of any geography in which they are free to act. If you have to meet them at all, you only meet them on ground where others have the authority, capacity, and the will to control the uncontrolled when they lose it. Others, the sociopaths and the psychopaths, not only reject the idea that any boundaries whatsoever are appropriate for them, but see it as a throwing down of the gauntlet when anyone else tries to draw a boundary. Just stay off the radar of such a person. Stay out of their orbit as much as you can. They can be vindictive and covertly aggressive. Yes, they can be evil to the point that they’ll take a hit themselves if it means getting back at someone they want to “get”. Really, don’t take them on, it never helps anyone.

Some people come out of these categories when they quit their addiction or when they face up to their self-centeredness. A person like that will approach you with a purpose of amendment, and without making excuses for their prior behavior. In that case, you can consider whether you want to try a new relationship.

Keep in mind the story of the Prodigal Son. The father in the story didn’t go after the Prodigal like a lost sheep. Why? Because the Prodigal was not merely errant, but willfully errant. This is why the Prodigal’s father waited for his son to come home. The son had to present himself for a new relationship before a new one could be forged.

IOW: Failing to engage with him is not tacit approval. Rather, when he starts up with this stuff, just walk away or just let his rude comment lay there without any comment from you at all. Don’t engage him. Let it go. Don’t cross him. If anyone else things you ought to have a round at quarrelling with a concrete wall…you let them have at it. Be smarter than that yourself, because you’ve been there and done that.

Avoid this person, and use your efforts to tend to the people he hurts, if they are aware of his badmouthing. Otherwise, ignore him. He knows what you think, and you know how interested he is in correction. Anything further is throwing pearls before swine. Don’t do it.

BTW, you are never going to turn into him. It isn’t going to happen. If he says you are, it is another one of his self-serving lies. Repeat that to yourself as often as necessary. The devil is a liar, and lies are the foundation of the abusive life style…lies and cruelty. Avoid the person who deals in either one.

 

[Mayita30]

This person isn’t Christian so I am looking for a way to refute his claims using logic rather than scripture. Chances are he won’t care about logic but I still want to try. So I was wondering if anyone has a good response for someone who thinks that** “if someone is ‘stupid’ or ‘weak,’ the right thing is to point it out because it’s the truth.”**

That´s not being truthful. That’s being TACTLESS and downright rude.

 

[TimeEntrance]

Hiya everyone! I hope you’re doing well. I wrote a thread a few months ago about someone who isn’t very respectful and seems to view others’ gentleness or sensitivity as signs of weakness. I’ve tried talking to them about their attitude but they still claim that it’s okay to call people “weak” or whatever they want because “it’s the truth.” They’re just being honest and “correcting” people (he’s quite domineering). The sense of entitlement of this person is amazing.

This person isn’t Christian so I am looking for a way to refute his claims using logic rather than scripture. Chances are he won’t care about logic but I still want to try. So I was wondering if anyone has a good response for someone who thinks that “if someone is ‘stupid’ or ‘weak,’ the right thing is to point it out because it’s the truth.”

The first thing that comes to my mind, besides being extremely disrespectful, it’s futile. If someone has a low enough IQ to be considered ‘stupid’ berating them won’t change anything. The same applies to a person who is ‘weak’ (whatever that means to this fellow). In fact, it’s been proven that negative reinforcement has an opposite result from what’s desired (people tend to become what they are labeled as) while positive reinforcement actually promotes change.

@ bold: How about self preservation? He might run across someone one day that might take what he says so much to heart that they’ll show up the next day with a pistol tucked in their waistband and belt, draw the pistol a feet or two away from him, and fire off one or more rounds into his face.

Even if he survives he’ll have facial disfigurement and any brain damage may potentially negative impact his IQ.

Plus, “weak” people arguably return to places or former places of employment to do workplace violence. People with lower IQ’s might be over represented as perpetrators of violent crimes too.