K
KiwiBliss
Guest
I strongly dislike going to school. Yet here I am, a college senior with much debt, living with my overprotected parents who value possessions and following social norms more than quality time together & that seriously bothers me. Most of my older siblings did the same stuff: went to college, got a degree, got married, have a home, car, kids; everything that my parents have done to earn material and praiseworthy success (according to perhaps our consumeristic society), they too have done & expect the same for me. I have found that the only reason why I’m in college was to please my parents- win their approval of my life because they already didn’t approve of me wanting to be a missionary nor be a nun for the rest of my life by helping the poor and serving God entirely, so that too really bothers me. In fact, they have threatened to letting me live with them or borrow their car temporarily while working a job, if I don’t go to college- talk about loving parents! It’s no wonder why I have low self-esteem- it’s not welcome at home. I’m near the end of my college years (going on 6 or 7 years now) with no idea what to do with my major- this is because I never wanted to go to college because my true happiness was never to be found in furthering my education that I never wanted in the first place. God doesn’t expect us to please others, but instead to love one another as He loves us and to focus on pleasing God alone. He is what remains above all to me and the only One who is the most supportive of my possible decision idea to quit college to pursue what makes my soul soar deeply.
Last year, I started discerning religious life and have found what my soul has been yearning for. It is clear that all this time I have been called to religious life as a nun since age 10, but I tried erasing it from my thoughts because my family ignorantly doesn’t like religious nuns (because of my aunt who is a Franciscan sister- they don’t respect nor support her living a different life than them; but I see her goodness & beauty within the life she chose) and I’ve been afraid of confronting them for years about my interest in the matter. Well, the more schooling I’ve had, the more God has been moving my soul to dive deeper into religious life. I have experienced God providing for me when I continue this journey of pursuing religious life and that He loves me as who I am on the inside-out, rather than the other way around that my others expect me to be. My deep desires to live a simple life with less stuff and centering my life on God has become a routine now because to me living presently with quality experiences of authenticity and beauty are some key aspects that I value.
God certainly works in mysterious ways. At age 10, when I recognized the call to be a nun as a Vocation and at the time hated the idea because my family wouldn’t approve, it took me going to college to grow up into the person I’ve become spiritually. God used this heavy sacrifice which became a heavy cross for me of furthering my schooling that I already didn’t enjoy to help me explore religious life for what it truly and beautifully is that I will continue pursuing, not for myself but for His Will to be done. I wouldn’t have found my vocation to serve God thru interpreting in ASL the Catholic Mass to Deaf/deaf Catholics within the Church, if I didn’t change colleges and earned an AA in ASL to be of assistance. My point is that pleasing my parents by going to college wasn’t what helped me find my vocation and Vocation. God used those burdens that I chose to do selflessly to bring about what He had planned for me all along. So although I regret ever pleasing my parents by obeying them, instead of respecting my parents (the actual meaning of “Honoring your father & mother” from 1 of the 10 Commandments), I am thankful for Jesus and Our Lady for continuing to help me thru it all and showing me thru exploring this discernment journey (by visiting religious nuns & sisters, attending retreats, attending discernment evenings, talking to priests, etc) that it is God’s Will. It took me pleasing my parents for years and attending years of college to find my true purpose in life that still involves being a missionary, helping the poor, and someday becoming a religious nun. With God, anything is possible and there is nothing more important than pleasing Him alone because it is then that we truly find our worth and values that can be of use to helping others and loving one another as Christ loves us. We are all unique members of the Body & Blood of Christ meant to nurture our souls within rather than diminish our souls without.
I plan to quit college either by the end of this semester or this summer because the religious communities I care about possibly living at already don’t require a college degree, which means that I can work a full-time job, raise money, and do whatever it takes with God’s help to pay off that stupid debt and live the life I was and still am called to do (no matter what my parents & family think). In a dream that I experienced 3 years ago about what Vocation God is calling me to, Mary covered my hands as I was kneeling & praying in a chapel/church and said to me that, “Everything’s going to be okay” (Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal, Nov 2014). Jesus, I trust in you. Please pray for my parents & siblings that they learn to detach from anything that deters them from following God’s will for their lives, not their own. And for me as I decide to let go of living with my parents to provide for myself and make decisions according to God’s Will, not their will. Thankfully no matter what happens to me in this life, “everything’s going to be okay” (Our Lady, Nov 2014) and the same is true for anyone else. Any of you experiencing something similar to mine with college, expecting to please parents endlessly, etc. you’re not alone. His Will will remain.
Last year, I started discerning religious life and have found what my soul has been yearning for. It is clear that all this time I have been called to religious life as a nun since age 10, but I tried erasing it from my thoughts because my family ignorantly doesn’t like religious nuns (because of my aunt who is a Franciscan sister- they don’t respect nor support her living a different life than them; but I see her goodness & beauty within the life she chose) and I’ve been afraid of confronting them for years about my interest in the matter. Well, the more schooling I’ve had, the more God has been moving my soul to dive deeper into religious life. I have experienced God providing for me when I continue this journey of pursuing religious life and that He loves me as who I am on the inside-out, rather than the other way around that my others expect me to be. My deep desires to live a simple life with less stuff and centering my life on God has become a routine now because to me living presently with quality experiences of authenticity and beauty are some key aspects that I value.
God certainly works in mysterious ways. At age 10, when I recognized the call to be a nun as a Vocation and at the time hated the idea because my family wouldn’t approve, it took me going to college to grow up into the person I’ve become spiritually. God used this heavy sacrifice which became a heavy cross for me of furthering my schooling that I already didn’t enjoy to help me explore religious life for what it truly and beautifully is that I will continue pursuing, not for myself but for His Will to be done. I wouldn’t have found my vocation to serve God thru interpreting in ASL the Catholic Mass to Deaf/deaf Catholics within the Church, if I didn’t change colleges and earned an AA in ASL to be of assistance. My point is that pleasing my parents by going to college wasn’t what helped me find my vocation and Vocation. God used those burdens that I chose to do selflessly to bring about what He had planned for me all along. So although I regret ever pleasing my parents by obeying them, instead of respecting my parents (the actual meaning of “Honoring your father & mother” from 1 of the 10 Commandments), I am thankful for Jesus and Our Lady for continuing to help me thru it all and showing me thru exploring this discernment journey (by visiting religious nuns & sisters, attending retreats, attending discernment evenings, talking to priests, etc) that it is God’s Will. It took me pleasing my parents for years and attending years of college to find my true purpose in life that still involves being a missionary, helping the poor, and someday becoming a religious nun. With God, anything is possible and there is nothing more important than pleasing Him alone because it is then that we truly find our worth and values that can be of use to helping others and loving one another as Christ loves us. We are all unique members of the Body & Blood of Christ meant to nurture our souls within rather than diminish our souls without.
I plan to quit college either by the end of this semester or this summer because the religious communities I care about possibly living at already don’t require a college degree, which means that I can work a full-time job, raise money, and do whatever it takes with God’s help to pay off that stupid debt and live the life I was and still am called to do (no matter what my parents & family think). In a dream that I experienced 3 years ago about what Vocation God is calling me to, Mary covered my hands as I was kneeling & praying in a chapel/church and said to me that, “Everything’s going to be okay” (Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal, Nov 2014). Jesus, I trust in you. Please pray for my parents & siblings that they learn to detach from anything that deters them from following God’s will for their lives, not their own. And for me as I decide to let go of living with my parents to provide for myself and make decisions according to God’s Will, not their will. Thankfully no matter what happens to me in this life, “everything’s going to be okay” (Our Lady, Nov 2014) and the same is true for anyone else. Any of you experiencing something similar to mine with college, expecting to please parents endlessly, etc. you’re not alone. His Will will remain.