Regretting feeling better

[joshrp]

Hi,

Something very interesting just happened to me, and I wanted to know if anyone has had this same sort of experience.

Today, when I came home from school, I began to feel agonizingly lonely. I’ve been feeling lonely for a very long time, but tonight it was very acutely felt. The spiritual agony was so great that it began to cause physical pains in my stomach almost and tension throughout my body.

I know that God is present in my life always, and I thought that was enough. But I kind of want to FEEL His presence now. I want to feel His presence in my life because I want to be able to show to people by my own joy that He is always with them too. I want to give Jesus to other people so that they may know and feel His presence too.

Well, I told this all to Jesus, as I have a crucifix hanging on the wall above my bed, and I was sitting on the chair in my room facing the crucifix from the opposite wall. I was in real agony at this time. I’ve been reading Dante’s Divine Comedy, and I had been trying for an hour to get myself settled so that I could continue with part 3, or Paradise. I eventually got myself to start reading it, and the agony began to lift from me.

But then the weird thing that happened was that I regretted feeling better and being relieved of some of the agony. When I was in agony, I really knew what Jesus felt like when He was alone and suffering and dying on the Cross.

Have any of you ever had an experience like this before? Where you regretted being relieved of a deep pain because you realized that when you were in that pain, you were close to Jesus, even though you didn’t know it at the time?

Joshua

 

[Rahn]

Joshua,

Just my opinion, of course, but I think what you really missed was the closeness to Jesus, not so much the agony. I’ve been in that place as well, but not as the result of agony.

I can remember one night, I was taking the wheely-bin out to the curb. We lived in a rural area and it was a fair walk to the street. Because it was far from the city, you could look up and see so many stars. I remember looking up and seeing them and feeling this presence of Him as I looked at His creation. As I continued looking, I felt closer and closer, I began singing a song I’d heard years and years ago, “When I Look to the Mountains” by Randy Stonehill. It was as if I heard His voice saying to me “this is for you. I put this here because I knew you would see it and think of Me”.

After a while, proceeded to the curb and returned to the house. I’ve since printed out the lyrics to that song, and every time I look at it in my office, I remember, and I feel close again. I’ve looked up many times since then and seen the stars and I feel close, but it’s not quite like that night.

Well, that’s my story

Seeking His presence, wanting to be close, is what you were born for, so it’s only natural. Focus on that, not necessarily the agony aspect.

 

[Rahn]

Sorry, one more thought. We know that all healing is from God. For example, the fact that when you take an aspirin and your headache goes away, or you take an antibiotic and your infection goes away, is because God has designed it to do that. Science only discovers the workings of God, not creating cures.

Anyway, the fact that you feel better is from God, it is His gift to you. Don’t ever feel bad about that, praise God for it!

 

[Trishie]

Our feelings are less indication that we are close to God than are practical acts of kindness to others. If you read Matthew 25, verses 31-46, you will see that what Jesus takes note of when judging souls has nothing to do with feelings, but whether or not we have lived doing practical acts of kindness and assistance to others in need, and He insisted that if done for others, these acts are done for and to Him.
Feelings can lead you astray, and focusing on them can lead us away from consideration of the command to love others as ourselves in a real and actual way.
Just a thought.
God bless you.