Regular Confessor

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PrayPsalm51

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My spiritual director has recommended I find a regular confessor. I have a priest in mind who I intend to speak to later this week but thought I’d toss this out here. The priest Im considering is from another parish so I don’t know him well but attend a weekday Mass there almost weekly and have been in his confessional (behind the screen) a handful of times. The thing is I dont think he does face to face confessions. There is no indication in the bulletin (e.g. call for an appointment). This is a parish with LOTS of confession times with traditional confessionals–two separate rooms with a grille. I get that the reason I would find a regular confessor is for this priest to get to know me and my weaknesses etc. How can this happen if it’s always behind the screen? Any thoughts?
 
I would just go into the confessional and let him hear my confession; perhaps the priest prefers hearing confessions this way. In time perhaps you’ll be recognized as a regular confessor.
 
Simply introduce yourself to the priest and ask if he can be your regular Confessor, then try to make an appointment. That’s what I do (I have a different priest as Spiritual Director who I used to meet once a month with a Confession option, but for the other three weeks I confess to one other priest, face to face or behind a grille. How would he know it’s me? For appointments off the regular parish Confession schedule, after he emerges from his office with a quick greeting, I would go into the Confessional box (screened) after him, or he knows my voice (by this time). Otherwise it’s in his office. God bless.
 
PrayPsalm51 said:
My spiritual director has recommended I find a regular confessor. I have a priest in mind who I intend to speak to later this week but thought I’d toss this out here. The priest Im considering is from another parish so I don’t know him well but attend a weekday Mass there almost weekly and have been in his confessional (behind the screen) a handful of times. The thing is I dont think he does face to face confessions. There is no indication in the bulletin (e.g. call for an appointment). This is a parish with LOTS of confession times with traditional confessionals–two separate rooms with a grille. I get that the reason I would find a regular confessor is for this priest to get to know me and my weaknesses etc. How can this happen if it’s always behind the screen? Any thoughts?
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There is absolutely no need for face to face confession for a regular confessor! Going behind the screen does not disguise your voice. You will recognize your confessor by his voice and so will he get to know and recognize your voice. That’s all that is needed.
 
No need to be “face to face” - one can identify oneself - and he will get to know your voice etc. But talk with him of course about being your regular confessor.
 
If your SD recommended him, he must know the priest or have recommended people to him before. I therefore doubt that the priest would be surprised to hear from you if you mention from the start that you were recommended to him by your SD.

Then let the priest take the lead on how he’d prefer to work with you as regular confessor. He may just ask that you identify yourself behind the screen, or he may actually do this type of thing outside the regular confession hours and outside the confessional.

I wouldn’t worry to much, just call him, or if you can’t reach him, simply tell him this in the confessional and let him take the lead. He may just need your first name and ask you to state it at the beginning of each confession.
 
If one is going to “recognize” each other, or possibly identify oneself, why be squeamish about face to face?
Makes no sense.
We’re there to be absolved and healed, with a regular confessor, some small bit of counseling as well. 🤷

I know what you all will say, I just think it’s unnecessary drama.
Go to confession. Any way you wish. Ask for an appointment.
There can be a benefit to having a confessor in another parish. My priest will not hear the confessions of his employees. He insists we go elsewhere. We need a break from each other. Especially with sensitive family or workplace issues.
:twocents:
 
pianistclare said:
If one is going to “recognize” each other, or possibly identify oneself, why be squeamish about face to face?
Makes no sense.
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Makes plenty of sense.

It is personal choice. One that the Church holds as a very important right of Christians.
 
Bookcat said:
That in itself means it “makes sense” to do. For one is doing something that the Church finds extremely reasonable to do.
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It makes more sense to me that if you have a regular confessor, that you know each other well, that you can feel like you can look into his eyes and confide in him, and that he can gauge your reactions, l & level of anxiety by looking at you.

On the one hand we don’t want people to feel a crippling shame, but on the other hand some people encourage them to hide from the one person who can truly help and absolve them.
THAT’S what I mean. I’m surprised you don’t know me well enough to know this.
I would never mislead anyone about the teachings (methods) of the Church.
 
pianistclare said:
It makes more sense to me that if you have a regular confessor, that you know each other well, that you can feel like you can look into his eyes and confide in him, and that he can gauge your reactions, l & level of anxiety by looking at you.
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Not necessary…as ages in the Church and Saints with their regular confessors has demonstrated.

I have known both. And both can certainly be good.

I prefer currently to confess behind the screen and find it easier and better to “confide in him” and receive his counsel in that way.

It is very much a personal matter. And can not only vary according to person but also according to the particular “confessor-penitent” mixture.
 
Thanks everyone
Good points all. I hadn’t really thought about identifying myself “behind the screen”. It really makes no difference to me which way I confess. I just wondered how we’d work it out if his preference is behind the screen. I too am a church employee needing to confess elsewhere for the reasons pianistclare mentioned. I’ve always had a regular confessor who was easily accessible but recent shifts have changed that. I’ve bounced from priest to priest the last several months and I’d like to settle into a routine again and my SD can’t meet with me all that often.
I’ll call the parish secretary and go from there. Many thanks to all. Sometimes answers are so obvious I miss them! God Bless CAF!
 
pianistclare said:
It makes more sense to me that if you have a regular confessor, that you know each other well, that you can feel like you can look into his eyes and confide in him, and that he can gauge your reactions, l & level of anxiety by looking at you.

On the one hand we don’t want people to feel a crippling shame, but on the other hand some people encourage them to hide from the one person who can truly help and absolve them.
THAT’S what I mean. I’m surprised you don’t know me well enough to know this.
I would never mislead anyone about the teachings (methods) of the Church.
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My regular confessor doesn’t want to look into my eyes during confession. Priests hearing the confessions of women, unless grave necessity requires otherwise, has been done via a screen son confessionals came into use. Our priests just don’t do face-to-face and it’s their right to choose not to. Even if there is no confessional available, our priests will make a makeshift screen with their hand or breviary.
 
PrayPsalm51 said:
My spiritual director has recommended I find a regular confessor. I have a priest in mind who I intend to speak to later this week but thought I’d toss this out here. The priest Im considering is from another parish so I don’t know him well but attend a weekday Mass there almost weekly and have been in his confessional (behind the screen) a handful of times. The thing is I dont think he does face to face confessions. There is no indication in the bulletin (e.g. call for an appointment). This is a parish with LOTS of confession times with traditional confessionals–two separate rooms with a grille. I get that the reason I would find a regular confessor is for this priest to get to know me and my weaknesses etc. How can this happen if it’s always behind the screen? Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
This is basically the same thing I have with my normal confessor. Different parish, always hears confessions at the same time, etc. He does do face-to-face, but frankly I like the screen better, so I use it every time. Since I confess about once a week to him, he’s come to know my voice so well that he always knows when it’s me.

People might say, “But then he can’t acknowledge you directly from behind the screen!” Which is sort of true, I mean, he won’t use my name, but we both know he knows exactly who I am. His advice is still perfectly fitted to what he knows works for me.

Also, don’t feel bad about using the screen if you like it. I personally do; it feels awkward for me to sit and look (or avoid looking) my confessor in the eyes, even if I know him really well. But for some people it works better face-to-face; it feels more natural to them. Either way is fine; whatever works for you.
 
OneSmallFlower said:
This is basically the same thing I have with my normal confessor. Different parish, always hears confessions at the same time, etc. He does do face-to-face, but frankly I like the screen better, so I use it every time. Since I confess about once a week to him, he’s come to know my voice so well that he always knows when it’s me.

People might say, “But then he can’t acknowledge you directly from behind the screen!” Which is sort of true, I mean, he won’t use my name, but we both know he knows exactly who I am. His advice is still perfectly fitted to what he knows works for me.

Also, don’t feel bad about using the screen if you like it. I personally do; it feels awkward for me to sit and look (or avoid looking) my confessor in the eyes, even if I know him really well. But for some people it works better face-to-face; it feels more natural to them. Either way is fine; whatever works for you.
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This is very helpful. Thank you. So far, the reason I’ve “chosen” him is that his advice is spot on, even though he doesn’t know me at all. I do hope that in time he will help me and challenge me a bit.
 
I don’t personally see any reason to pressure anyone about whether to confess face to face or behind a veil. I have started making confessions in the Catholic Church in preparation for confirmation but also experienced it in the Episcopal Church. My first confessor in the Episcopal Church usually used a screen. Others were face to face. All of my confessions in the Catholic Church have been behind a veil or screen.

I like the veil because it reminds me that I am talking to Jesus, not the priest. It doesn’t feel any less intimate and helps me not be distracted and make a good confession. If presented with a choice I’d always go with the veil or screen. My priest has seen me before I enter the confessional and certainly recognizes my voice.
 
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